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Today
The sun had barely crested the horizon when they slowly made their way up the gentle slope. As guilty as it made them both feel, they hadn't been to this section of the estate in weeks. Life had a way of getting in the way.
Staring silently at the polished stone before them, they both began to weep once more. Today was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives. Five years ago, today, they began dating. Three years ago today, they has become engaged. Two years ago, today, they had become husband and wife.
However, one year ago, today, what should have been their next great celebration forever tainted today with pain. One year ago today, she announced that the baby was coming. They were both beyond excited. Everyone had told them not to expect the baby to come on their day, yet here she was, in full blown labor.
At first everything looked good. Everyone had excitedly gathered to wait for the birth of this child. Months of preparation and excitement had been worth the wait, everyone agreed.
Soon enough it was time to push. She did with all she had, never making more than a whimper. The baby passed out of her easily, with a blur of activity and excitement around them. Then the world froze. Everything became deathly silent in the aftermath of the worst form of silence any parent can hear.
The next sound those gathered in the hall heard were the anguished screams of a heartbroken mother. Never would they hear the sounds of this newborn's tears. Gone were the chances of who would hold their newest member first. Gone were dreams of tiny feet running through the ancient halls, the tinkling of childish laughter. Gone were the hopes of the future. All that remained was a deep resonating pain that filled each and every one of them waiting for word.
Silently, and with tear filled eyes, they all filed away, as the sounds of her screams began to grow hoarse. He stepped out of the room a few minutes later, as the doctor gave his wife a sedative. He looked around, and ensured he was all alone, before slowly sliding down the wall, his head buried in his arms.
How could this have happened? This was completely unexpected. Everything had been perfect. They had done everything right. Everything was normal, even through the delivery. How could this have happened?
He wanted so badly to scream, to break something, to just run away. But he couldn't. She was going to need him, and he was going to need her. But how could they recover from this? How could they go on, when the best part of them was gone?
Their sweet little angel was gone, and took the biggest piece of his heart too. Was it possible to still breathe with this much pain? The doctor came, and offered him a sedative as well, but he declined. He needed to be awake when she woke back up.
He went back into her otherwise empty room, and sat by her bed. He just sat there numb, waiting for her to need him. And need him she did, just as he needed her. Neither was sure how they would have gotten through it over the following days and weeks, and as weeks turned to months, and the pain faded, they needed each other still.
As everyone else moved on with their lives, the little baby on the hill, never forgotten, but somehow put away the bereaved parents felt stuck in a daze, in a permanent holding pattern. Everyone else moved on. The baby's things were packed away; they went back to their daily lives, pretending that everything was okay.
They endured with tight smiles, the well-meaning, yet cruel statements of sympathy: "Heaven gained another Angel; You're young, you'll have another; It's probably for the best; It just wasn't meant to be."
They knew their friends; their family meant no cruelty with these words. They were trying to offer support, and really, what does one say when someone loses a baby? There really is no right thing to say. The loss of a baby feels unnatural to everyone involved. They were, however, grateful when amongst they unintentionally hurtful statements, they were given, really the only thing that can be said 'I'm sorry.'
They continued on, hoping that everything would be okay one day. It would never be perfect, because, for them there would always be someone missing, but they were going to make it. They would hold on.
They learned to fake smiles that slowly became real. They learned to hide constantly swimming eyes that slowly began to sometimes dry. They pretended to be okay and slowly they were. But to each other, at night, or when they were alone, sometimes they would just sit and in silence mourn what could have been.
Then, before they knew it, it had become a year. So this morning they made their way slowly up the hill, to place flowers on the grave of their first born. They sat there for a while, in silence as they watched the sun rise higher into the sky. Eventually, as the rest of the world began to wake, they stood, and release the balloons they had brought with them. They watched as the balloons slowly faded away, before turning to return to their home. This was their new normal, but that was okay, because they had made it through it, together.
Behind them, the stone was simply inscribed, beneath the names and dates of their baby
"An Angel in the
Book of Life
Wrote down my baby's birth,
And whispered
As she closed the Book
'Too Beautiful for this Earth"
And
"A moment in our arms, forever in our Hearts"
was inscribed before the name and dates.
A/N:
October 15th, Is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. At exactly 7pm, all around the world, we light a candle in memory of these precious angels called home to soon, and allow it to burn at least an hour.
This story is dedicated to all of the Moms, Dads, Sisters, Brothers, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, and cousins who have had to say good-bye. Whether they were never born, they failed to take that first breath, or they lived a little while, they are remembered.