Author's Notes: This started as a one-shot. A silly little drabble. But it became something more. This first chapter is that one shot. Enjoy!

He was in a standoff with the woman he loved. A standoff. How did he end up in these sorts of situations?

"No!" Jane snarled.

"Jane," He sighed. "No isn't an option. Don't make me repeat last week."

"No, please?" She asked, sweetly.

Garrus gave her a blank stare, so glad she couldn't hear his subharmonics. If she could, she'd realize just how close he was to giving in to her.

"I hate it!" She whined. "It always makes me sad. You don't want to make me sad, do you?"

"Really, Jane, you're going to pout and whine? I thought you were better than that," Garrus goaded. "Are you the same woman I knew a year ago? Is this the woman who united the galaxy, destroyed the reapers, and lived to tell about it?"

"No! Of course I'm not the same woman! Now I'm fat!" Jane crossed her arms over her chest, resting them on her protruding stomach as her bottom lip popped out into an overly dramatic pout.

"I'm fat, and puffy, and tired, and grumpy. And that thing," She pointed to the scale on the floor for emphasis. "Makes me sad. It has one job, to depress me, and it does it wonderfully."

"It's only job is to tell me how much you weigh so I can relay the information to the doctor in London," Garrus reminded her. "You're the one who's letting it get you upset. It's just an object, love."

"A mean object. A horrible object."

Garrus took a step closer to Jane as she pouted.

"I already know what it's going to say," She whispered. "It's going to say F-A-T. It's at that point, beyond its limit, so it's going to stop giving you a number and just say fat."

Garrus snorted at that logic. The scale could measure a krogan's weight; there was no way it was topped out.

"C'mon Jane, if you don't want to know what it says, then get on it backwards. I'll read the number and send it off to the doctor and you won't ever have to know."

"Oh-ho-ho, but I already know. You seem to think this child has made me stupid, Garrus. I can see the changes; my pants don't fit—again! Last week, I could see the tips of my toes, this week, they're gone. My feet are gone, swallowed up by this…this…THIS." She dissolved into a fit of flailing hands as she motioned to her stomach.

Garrus reached out, wrapping his three fingered hands around her five fingered ones, slowly lowering their joined hands to her stomach. Gently, he caressed her stomach, feeling the child inside move and kick against his palm.

"Shh, shh," He hushed her as he pulled her close. She rested against him, reaching up to nuzzle his neck. "Okay, Jane, okay, no scale."

"Promise?" She whispered against his neck, her warm breath tickling the sensitive skin between his plates.

"You know I can't make that promise," He rubbed his mandible against the top of her head. "We have to do this eventually. But right now, I promise, no scale. Later, scale, but right now, no scale."

She huffed against him, nuzzling his neck again as she tried to move closer to him before she let out a snarl that would make any turian woman proud and shoved away.

"See! Fat! I can't even hug you! He's in the way," She poked her stomach.

"Hey!" Garrus grabbed her hand. "Gentle, woman!"

"Oh, he's fine. He kicks me all night and day; I'm allowed a little retaliation."

Garrus watched as Jane rubbed her hand against her stomach right where she'd poked, almost soothingly, as though she were apologizing for the abuse. She may talk tough, but she didn't mean a single word that came out of her mouth.

He watched as she turned and left the bathroom, walking into their bedroom and over to the dresser.

Damn, she was beautiful pregnant.

She paused in the process of pulling a tank top over her head and looked down at her stomach.

"Live it up, big guy," She whispered. "Because once you're evicted from there, you don't get to kick me."

Garrus bit his tongue to keep the chuckle that was burning his throat from escaping. He wasn't going to ruin a perfect moment between his wife and unborn son by letting her know he was eavesdropping—even if it wasn't fully intentional.

Smiling to himself, he walked into their bedroom and over to where Jane was digging in a dresser drawer. He waited until she stood up to wrap his arms around her from behind, cupping her stomach.

"Have I told you how absolutely gorgeous you are recently?" He asked, bending down to nip at her neck.

"Not in at least an hour," She leaned back against his chest, moaning softly as he licked her neck.