Author: Seerysly

Convalescence

She couldn't open her eyes. Her brain tried to focus, but it felt like there wasn't enough room in her skull for thought. Her ears were filling with water. Was she swimming? Where was she? With a jolt, she realized she couldn't remember. Images flashed behind her eyelids, full of bright explosions and strange, but beautiful faces. A bird, a mermaid, a robot. I must be an artist to have all these beautiful thoughts, she thought numbly. The words hurt her head. Sounds, muffled and garbled, floated in the air around her. She realized the pressure on her chest. The water was overcoming her. Her chest felt like it was collapsing. Panic built in her throat. She tried to reach out, to pull herself through the water, to reach the surface, but to her dismay, her arms wouldn't obey. Open your eyes, she commanded. She couldn't. The edges of her thoughts were going fuzzy, a sort of darkness was filling her skull. She tried to breathe, but it was getting more and more difficult. Slowly, she felt herself slipping, falling, landing.

"EDI! No, no please, EDI!"

"Joker, come on, we need to go. There are survivors out there!" Liara cried, pulling Joker off of the robotic body that was once EDI.

"I can bring her back, let me try!" Joker yelled, struggling to free himself from Liara's surprisingly strong grip.

"You're going to break a bone, Joker. Please, we need to go. Shepard's still out there!" she pleaded. She seemed barely aware of Joker's effort's despite his desperate attempt to reach EDI's body.

"We're not looking for Shepard?" a gruff voice from behind them. Still holding on to Joker, Liara turned her head to the newcomer. Her brow furrowed at the sight of Garrus Vakarian, his ribs tightly bound in bandages over a tunic. A quick battle field fix-up. Liara gave a slight shake of her head. "Why not?" Garrus demanded. Joker had ceased struggling and had gone limp, his body hanging from Liara's grip.

"EDI, no," he whimpered. Understanding the situation, Garrus strode toward Joker and in one stride had lifted the pilot by the front of his shirt. Liara gasped.

"Garrus!" she cried.

"You get into that cockpit. You find Shepard," he growled, his face inches from Joker's. Joker's eyes remained on EDI. He seemed to have frozen. Garrus gave him a rough shake.

"Garrus," Liara reprimanded. Garrus ignored her.

"EDI is gone, Moreau," he said in a low voice. "But your Commander isn't. Your friend isn't. But she will be if you snap out of it."

Still, Joker made no indication that he heard Garrus. His mind was gone, gone to a world of grief. Garrus stared at the pilot's face, his chest rising and falling heavily.

"Are you the best pilot in the galaxy or not?" Garrus said, louder this time. Finally, Joker blinked and flicked to Garrus'. A blank smile stretched across his face, not reaching his eyes.

"I am," he said robotically.

"Then get in that cockpit and find Shepard," the turian barked, dropping Joker to the floor. Quickly, Liara scrambled to help him up.

"Do this for EDI," she said softly as he regained his balance. "She'd want this."

"Yeah. Okay," Joker replied emotionlessly. He hobbled back to his seat and took a seat. He started fidgeting with the controls mechanically, not truly registering what he was doing. His mind was hundreds of thousands of miles away, on the other side of the universe. Liara turned to Garrus and opened her mouth to scold him for his treatment of the pilot, but immediately closed her mouth again. The turian was leaning against the wall, a hand caressing his ribs, his face set in a determined grimace. She stared, unsure of what to do, before turning and, reaching around Joker, brought up a communications channel.

"This is the SSV Normandy SR-2. Shepard is still ground side, condition unknown. Find Shepard," she said deliberately. Then, she switched the comm off. The Normandy shuddered as it reentered Earth's atmosphere. Liara spun around and took a step towards Garrus.

"There are other survivors, Liara," he muttered, his eyes closing.

"But they didn't save the galaxy," she replied cooly, fully aware of the guilt that bubbled in her gut as she spoke. "Suit up, Garrus, we're going down there. We'll find her."

She hurried off. Garrus remained still for a moment, his mind reeling. Suppose Shepard really had…?

Even in his head, he couldn't finish the sentence. He pushed himself off the wall and followed Liara.

Garrus met the asari by the shuttle. The Normandy crew stood around them as they climbed in. No one said a word. The air was tense, worried. Garrus, unable to sit, stood in the center of the shuttle, staring blankly out at his old shipmates. Suddenly, Tali stepped forward. "I'm coming," she said. With the help of Liara's outstretched hand, she stepped onto the shuttle.

"Me too." James stepped forward and climbed onto the shuttle.

"She's my commander too. I'm coming." This time it was Kaidan, but as he stepped onto the shuttle, Liara stopped him.

"Someone needs to watch Joker and help the refugees," she said. Kaidan looked taken aback, but didn't argue. He swallowed hard and turned to look at the remaining crowd of soldiers and crew members, all scratched and bruised and bloody from the battle. The shuttle door closed and the engine started. With a sudden jolt, it left the ground and exited the Normandy. It was quiet inside, save for the rattling of metal on metal as the shuttle jolted through the windy air. Garrus clutched the bar across the ceiling. How many times had Shepard held onto this bar like he was now? How many missions had she stood right where he was now? He felt as if his heart were about to collapse in on itself. With a jolt, the shuttle touched ground. Numbly, but before anyone else had the chance to move, Garrus was at the shuttle door, about to push it open. A crackle overhead forewarned the voice that followed through the comm.

"We've got Commander Shepard. Ground team to Normandy, do you copy. We've got Shepard," a gruff voice sounded. Garrus could feel his airways constricting. Don't get your hopes up, he ordered himself. Hand still on the shuttle door, he remained frozen like the rest of the team. He listened hard, waiting, his heart pounded, for an update on Shepard's condition. There was silence, before Cortez replied to the call.

"Normandy to ground team. We're ground side and sending a team. What's her condition?" he asked softly. Garrus felt his heartbeat speed up.

"Not good, Normandy. We're trying to extract her from a pile of rubble now."

"Is she alive?" Garrus said suddenly. The team eyed him nervously. Liara stretched out a nervous hand to place on his shoulder in the worst case scenario, but she didn't touch him. Her fingers trembled as she reached for him. The comm remained silent. Suddenly, a muffled voice replied.

"Can't tell. She's buried. Get your team down here!"

That was all he needed. Garrus flung open the door and leapt lithely from the shuttle. He began to run, his feet slipping over the debris. "Garrus!" Tali called from behind him. "Garrus, we have the NavPoint!" she called. He ignored her. He didn't need the NavPoint, he just knew. He didn't know how, but he just knew where Shepard was. It was instinct that kept his feet moving, over this hill of rock, around that corner that was once a building. His breath was shallow, not so much from the exertion, but from fear, from hope, from the thought of the only woman he'd ever loved suffocating under a pile of rubble with him miles away. He lowered his head and kept moving.

He didn't know how long it took; he didn't even know where he was. But she was there. He could see her hand still and bent at a wrong angle, but still hers. She was surrounded by a team of turians, all pulling rocks and rubble off of her. He broke into a sprint and as he neared her, he could see her legs. One looked almost crushed, the other was propped up on her assault rifle. A massive chunk of a wall had pinned down her chest and he couldn't see her face. He refused to think of anything as he approached the ground team. They nodded to him as he knelt down by Shepard's side. The ground team removed the last of the debris from her; only the heavy wall fragment remained. Not pausing to say a word, he began pushing the rock off of her.

"Vakarian, be careful!" one of the turians exclaimed. Garrus ignored him. He had to get it off of her; she would suffocate if he didn't. The crunch of footsteps on the wreckage approached as the rest of the Normandy crew appeared. Without hesitation, they rushed to Garrus' side. The turian team backed away as the four cremates rolled the rubble off of the commander. What lay beneath was not pretty. Her armor was bent and broken, her chest cavity sagging horribly underneath. Cuts tore up her face, blood trickled from a nostril, and a huge gash marred her forehead. Garrus was frozen, his eyes fixed on the broken body beside him. He felt someone knelt beside him, felt a soft hand on his shoulder, but it didn't register. James lowered himself onto the ground, his fingers pressing on the commander's neck. Garrus thought it was odd. He was the only one who Shepard ever let touch her neck, yet Vega was doing it now. He couldn't bring himself to move, though.

"No pulse," James muttered softly. The hand on his shoulder tightening and a sharp intake of breath marked his worst fears. The world fell around him. There was nothing, no sounds, no feelings, just a void. His heart fell, his windpipe closed. He was choking. Without really understanding what was going on, he leaned forward over the mangled body and pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes. There was a ragged sound, a pained horrible gasping. He wondered where it came from before realizing that it was coming from him. He didn't try to stop it.

"Please. Please, Shepard. Please come back," he heard himself plead. He knew it was useless. "Shepard, please. Jane, please. I love you."

It was almost instantaneous. A gasp, a sharp, painful gasp followed by a croaking cry. Garrus' eyes flew open and he sat back. "Shepard!" Liara exclaimed. The commander was staring at the sky, her eyes glazed over, her chest heaving, her breath coming in short bursts. Her unbroken hand groped at the ground around her. His fingers flew to her reaching hands. He placed his other hand gently on her forehead, pushing back the bloodied hair that clung to her face. Behind him, Tali was calling the shuttle for pickup, and Liara was fussing over Shepard's injuries, doing her best to stem blood flow and clean wounds. James was sitting back on his heels, staring disbelievingly at his commanders heaving body. Hope was flooding Garrus' system and he was becoming aware of his surroundings again. Shepard's breathing was so ragged, so pained. He leaned forward again, his hand still on her forehead, his face inches from hers.

"Relax," he muttered, "shh, it's okay. Relax, Shepard. You're okay, you're safe now."

Her breathing continued, but her eyes fluttered closed. Behind him, the shuttle landed. Liara was at his ear, telling him they had to get her to the med bay. He didn't really hear her, his brain was moving too fast, too full of hope to register what she was saying, but gently, so gently, he lifted Shepard's mauled body and, holding her close to his chest, carried her to the shuttle. Relief started to fill his veins. He tried to suppress it; the worst wasn't over yet, he wouldn't let himself believe it to be over. For him, the war was just beginning.

A/N: I was going to completely give up writing to focus on graphic arts, but I ended up playing Mass Effect and I, like many others, fell in love with Shakarian. I don't know how big the ME fandom really is on , but hopefully this will be read. I'm planning on several chapters.