Seiga: "It was so nice of Terry to give you permission to borrow his OC even though he'd never read the chapter said OC was in."

Yeeeeeeeeeeah... Right... Permission... He totally gave me that.

Seiga: "Meph! You can't go around ripping other people's stuff off! There will be consequences!"

This is the internet! I can do whatever I want!

Seiga: "Meph, don't do it..."

I can say that fanfic writing is underrated! I can say that the government needs to be abolished!

I can even say that Vampire Romance fans are a bunch of Mary Sue loving dumbasses full of bullshi-

Notice: Mephiles666 has been banned from the internet.

The morning air was cool despite clear skies.

Closing and locking the door to my domain, I started walking through Tengu City. While there was the occasional guard and metaphorical "early bird," the morning was virtually silent.

A part of me wasn't happy as I wouldn't be stopping to enjoy this serenity; my destination may have been on Youkai Mountain, but it wasn't within the city whose peace I've longed for often. My destination was the Moriya Shrine.

I believe it was during my time at this shrine that started my descent into sexual chaos, or at least the big part of it. I was attacked by Sanae and sent through the wall, found myself being mistaken for a pervert and beaten up when I landed in the hot springs, taken to the Buddhists' home as an apology, caught an STD and had to go to the House of Eternity where I was used to the point of near death. And that lead to the destruction of the Dark Rock which controls the minds of the opposite sex.

One would think it would be an intelligent thing to stay far away from a shrine that trigger such chains of events after the fiasco with the ancient goddess and her descendant. But I was asked to come here by said goddesses, and politeness would serve as a strong suit if I wanted to make a good impression on the third member of their trinity. And given the Tengu policy of keeping outsiders out as much as possible, I wasn't going to tell them to come to my house.

Upon arriving, I could see the familiar human god who struck me when I looked like I was raping her ancestor.

"Ah, you're here!" said the green haired human goddess upon seeing me. She had been finishing up sweeping if the broom is anything to go by. "Please forgive me, I haven't finished cleaning up, yet."

"Don't trouble yourself, I am early," I said. When she was done, she scurried to the shrine's main building and beckoned me to follow.

"Come in," Sanae said, welcoming me. When I stepped in, I could hear water boiling and the smell of food hit me like a wave.

"Sanae?" I heard Suwako call out from inside their kitchen. "Is that him?"

"Yes, Lady Suwako. He has arrived."

When she came into the room, the goddess didn't have her hat, but was dressed in her trademark purple and white skirt, shirt and vest with the matching thighhighs. She was also wearing a cooking apron.

"Ah, welcome. Given that it's the morning, you can assume the reason we've invited you over?" the frog loving goddess asked.

"You've invited me to breakfast?" I asked. I knew that it was a possibility, so it looks like I was right not to eat breakfast when I woke up.

"Indeed," she said with a smile. "I hope you like Bamboo stew."

I would say something about it being a stereotype that Tengu like bamboo stew, but given the combination of spices and meat which I could smell, these people must have somehow found out what my favorite dish was.

"But before we start..." Suwako turned to her descendant. "Is there something you'd like to say to the man, child?"

Sanae promptly got down on her hands and knees before bringing her forehead to the ground.

"I am sorry, sir!" the green haired girl said. "I was wrong in lashing out at you without first analyzing the situation at hand."

"Rise," I said. "I thank you for your remorse."

"Now that that is over, let's eat!" Suwako said cheerfully as Sanae stood from her position.

...

Given her divine portfolio, I would never have suspected that Suwako was this good of a cook. Perhaps gods can learn like mortal creatures.

"Oh yes, another reason I've asked for you to come here," Suwako said between bites. "I need to bring this up."

Sanae looked to her ancestor with interest, as if she didn't know Suwako was going to talk something else.

"A few days after that... incident, I noticed some changes. I've thrown up more than once, my urine is dark in color and I have nausea on occasion."

Wait, what would make a goddess sick? What sexually transmitted disease was I carrying before I did it with her? I thought I was clean at that time. No, I've researched several STDs, and I don't think any one of them give that combination of symptoms, meaning...

Simultaneously, the green haired goddess and I froze in the middle of chewing our food as if we came to the same conclusion as to what Suwako meant.

The rest of the conversation was awkward beyond words.

...

Later that day... somewhere in Tengu City...

"Excuse me?" I turned around to see if I was the one being called. I saw Momiji holding a letter in her hand. "You plan on seeing Aya today, correct? Would you mind giving her this?" She practically shoved the letter into my hands and turned to walk off before I could object.

"I'd deliver it myself, but I'm on patrol all day," she said as she walked off, waving.

The short flight to Aya's house was uneventful. Unfortunately, she wasn't at home. However, by using the wind by virtue of being one with it, I could detect where she was. It wouldn't take long to find her if I am properly prepared... Wait... The House of Eternity, why was she there? I could only hope I arrived before she left so that I could deliver the letter Momiji gave me.

Thankfully, I didn't smell blood and flames, so Aya didn't become jealous of me sleeping with Eirin... I think. Granted, her being against us dating would make her actions against me getting it on with other females hypocritical, I would suspect. Regardless, I needed to speak with her.

Arriving at the House of Eternity, I asked if I could see Aya Shameimaru. A rabbit kindly escorted me in. When I informed the rabbit I knew where to find her, I was left alone to go on so long as I didn't interrupt the doctor and her work. Perhaps it was my intuition saving me, because it would have been awkward if the rabbit saw me freeze when I heard a certain conversation.

"Wait, he's gotten you pregnant too!?" Without a doubt, that was Aya's voice.

"One and a half weeks of him filling your insides while both of you are fertile does that. Although I'm surprised that our species could interbreed. In all likelihood, the child will be sterile, but..."

"And you said he was using Ancient Magic to make us submit to him to his lusts? The lost arcane power which modern magic used by human and youkai magicians alike is but a counterfeit of? If the Dai Tengu found out about this, they'd send an entire squad of White Wolves to secure it!"

"Well too late for that, with the princess' help, I destroyed it. You'd have to find the youkai who originally created it and have him or her replicate it from scratch."

That explains why we couldn't analyze it in the Magic Research department. Although I think I already knew that it was a form of power besides magic, life force, spiritual energy, or divine power.

...

"And that's why you've decided to start coming here again for medical examinations?" the frog faced Tengu doctor asked.

"I'm paying you for advice, why are you complaining?"

"Because I've been a widower longer than you've been alive, boy. My penis has lost functionality and my kids already have kids. Hell, I'm not sure I'm mentally able to be a doctor anymore, I've forgotten what's it's like to be in a relationship."

"I got Suwako, Eirin and Aya pregnant. What would you do?"

"Marry them?"

"I know polygamy is legal, but if I marry all three of them, I need to be extremely careful not to favor any one of them over the others while not neglecting any of them. Otherwise, I'll end up just like Misaki Kaguro."

Not to mention that if I was successful, the costs to raise the children would be insanely steep.

"Didn't he get married to two different girls and then lose them both at the same time?" the doctor asked.

"I heard one of them hooked up with a human after the divorce."

"A peak conditioned human cannot match an average Tengu's strength and stamina," the doctor said as he flipped through several medical records. "The fact a human could take them away is just... pathetic."

Unless the two women were of a species not strong enough to endure such actions with a Tengu, in which case what's sad is Kaguro going after girls of human level strength and not standard youkai strength (although such a hypothesis conflicts with what I heard about Hatate being one of his wives).

Aya has never let me forget how bad it can be for her to be finished while I want to keep going.

"In that case, why don't you sever ties with them?" the frog faced Tengu asked.

"Most Tengu girls won't look twice at me, I've heard that celestial girls want commitment before I can get into bed with them, an Oni would kill me unintentionally, Devils eat your soul, and everyone else is physically incompatible with me due to size and/or strength differences."

Indeed, I wasn't bothered by the sudden decrease in variety my sex life offered, but I wasn't going to lose it entirely. It's been a long time since I last masturbated.

"Really? I've heard that one human survived being the boytoy of a Tengu woman that kidnapped him. If that's so, you with your body being in peak-Tengu condition should be able to survive an Oni woman." I could have sworn that he whispered something about not seeing evidence that it was so, though. The doctor looked to me. "But if that doesn't work either, why don't you just not propose to any of them and try to maintain your current relationships?"

"If I don't marry any of them, I'm at risk of turning into another Supido," I said. "I don't want to be a loser like Kaguro. But I loathe that Surudoi Me wannabe, something I've never felt so strongly."

"I thought you hated Surudoi Me himself the most," the doctor said. I turned to him and he seemed to register why he was wrong.

Me keeping secret about my amnesia was going to bite me in the ass one of these days.

"Oh, right... Memory," he said to himself. He looked back at me. "So you can't cut ties, you can't remain as just a booty call unless they say so, and you run the risk of balancing your time if you tie the metaphorical knot."

"Exactly," I said with a sigh. "For what reason am I cursed with such a fate?"

"Karma, you should never have kept that Rock of Darkness... Wait... Fate?" The doctor paused for a moment as if something donned on him. He looked back at me. "Can't you manipulate Fate?"

"Do I look like a 500 year old loli vampire to you?" I asked. "Since when could I manipulate fate?"

"No, seriously. A few centuries ago, your father said that you-"

Before the frog faced Tengu doctor could finish, a third man burst into the room. I jumped, not because I was startled by his entrance, but because of his appearance.

The lack of a facial scar and Tengu Racial features aside, he was the spitting image of me. Except he had yellow eyes with matching hair.

And his clothes looked needlessly purple.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Oh, no one in particular," the blond said. "I'm just a half-Tengu youkai from the future, I wanted to see what my father looked like before he died."

I don't know what the doctor was thinking when he heard this, but I could hardly process this news and its implications. I would have immediately dismissed the man as a liar or insane but his scent indicated that he was half me and half... something else. The only way this would make sense is if he was the son of Yuka-

Before I could finish that thought, a hole opened up in the wall, revealing a guy who looked just like my look-a-like, only with blue hair and eyes and his clothing was distinctively Chinese in style. He also had a full sack slung over his shoulders.

"Half-brother," the blue haired and eyed man in the room said, looking at his blond, purple-clad, counterpart. "Are you done meeting father, yet? I think the Tengu Police found out about me breaking and entering their national treasury."

My mind broke at that moment, and I fainted... But not until I screamed at the top of my lungs for as long as possible.

The End.

Hello everyone, Mephiles666 here. Its the end of this abomination of a fanfic. I hope you enjoyed it, because I did. My apologies for trolling you all with the misleading summary, unless you're the sort of person who thinks getting five women more powerful than you pregnant is a good thing in which case feel free to insert yourself into Sasu-Er... I mean Anon-Tengu's shoes. But given that this is me we're talking about, you'd know better... maybe... I also would like to apologize for the lack of sex in this chapter, I couldn't think of anything to write given the context. I would like to thank my four... five... six proof readers? Although I doubt that they'd want me to attach their names to this horrid creation of mine, so... yeah, thank you, you anonymous proofreaders. May Jesus and Buddha bless you.

Until next time, if I ever make another fanfic. And thank you for your support.

...

A possibility?

...

I stood on the edge of the city, looking over Gensokyo. A child of my likeness sat on my shoulders. Despite his age, he was intelligent, which I was thankful for.

But rearing offspring still was not easy. Not only did you have to be attentive, you needed to work extra to keep food in their bellies and give them a place to sleep.

However, I would succeed. Thanks to finally speaking with the goddess of technology, snakes, wind and war; me and the Kappa working on the Black Crystal project would be able to complete the next step of our plans.

There was a complication, though. As a result, we needed more support, so we contracted Tenma herself, who hired another Tengu to aid us in her stead.

When I noticed that the Tengu approaching me was none other than Supido, the Tengu I loathed, I groaned inside even if I made no visible reaction.

Honestly, I needed a Day Off.