|| Percy Jackson and the Olympians ||I Remember You Well || Percy Jackson and the Olympians ||

Title: I Remember You Well – Perseus' Insecurity.

Summary: In the wake of returning Zeus' Lightning Bolt, Percy remembers his fathers words, "wrongdoing," and wonders.

Warnings: Spoilers for the Lightning Thief. Implications of previous child abuse. Angst. Fluff. Nightmares. Self-worthlessness. Self-hatred/Self-loathing.. Daddy-Issues. Mentions of Tartarus.

Main Characters: Perseus 'Percy' Jackson. Poseidon.

Side Characters: Sally Jackson. Annabeth Chase. Gabriel 'Gabe' Ugliano. Chiron. Zeus.

Disclaimer: All rights reserved to Rick Riordan who created the Percy Jackson series and everything else related to Percy Jackson and the Olympians/ Heros of Olympus. No money is profited from this, though reviews are more than welcome.

|| Perseus' Insecurity || Percy Jackson and the Olympians ||I Remember You Well || Percy Jackson and the Olympians || Perseus' Insecurity ||

I Remember You Well

Perseus' Insecurity

Dreams woke him.

Terrible ones, dark and dreary and he couldn't tell up from down and it terrified him. He wanted the water, wanted to get away from this terrible place of darkness and death. The creatures spoke to him, towering creatures of disgusting malformations with crazed eyes and some missing limbs whilst another missed his face, skin pulled back indiscriminately.

It was how they spoke that frightened him.

They did not speak in tongues, nor rough, indescribable voices. They spoke like family.

A beautiful creature, with a destroyed face and lovely hair, flickered before she opened her bloodied, dislocated maw and spoke.

"Worthless," it was his mother.

She spoke callously, lips curling as her sneer wrecked her beauty and turned her ugly. "You are useless! Your father never wanted you! Look at you! Beaten and broken and wrong! He'd be ashamed of you,"

I never wanted you! All you did was cause me pain, made me live with Gabe! You deserve this,"

But before he got the chance to speak, she dissolved, like acid under a running tap of water. He did not get reprieve.

Annabeth, blond hair curled around her misshapen face, storm eyes a dissatisfied golden. She sneered. "Why are you even here?" She demanded of him. "You're no use to anyone, Sea Spawn,"

Her usual tone of fondness was icy.

Chiron, stood tall with his mane of hazel hair swaying. His forelegs stood beneath him broken and bent. He looked at him in disappointment. "I'm sorry, boy-" Percy flinched. "But you have no place here," his voice was calm, but his tone was dark. Cold.

Chiron faded, his face morphing into something horrible, jaw contorting in a horrid expression.

"Hey Brain Boy," his heart sank. Gabe. "Tell anyone and I'll do more than punch your lights out!" the monster, a shade of a fat man with a comb over and rank breath, leered and Percy tried to hold in his shiver.

Then, like a snow man melting, Gabe seemed to collapse, falling in ghostly pieces to the no existent floor. A face, as ghastly as it was ghostly, growled. Its eyes grew gold and Percy felt dread pool into his stomach.

He looked into the heart of Tartarus and screamed.

He awoke with a strangled scream, blood on his lips and Riptide in his hands, as his sweat damp chest heaved in the cool night air.

He was on the beach, moonlight staring upon him as the water lapped at his feet, cool and calm. He clicked Riptide absentmindedly, placing the pen behind his ear as he so often did when he had no pockets. Realising that he was not trapped, wrapped in darkness and smelling the bitter-sweet smell of decomposition and death, Percy let out a hollow sigh and flopped back gracelessly.

Letting a sweat-damp, bared arm lie across his face to block the sheer brightness of the moon, Percy pushed his head against the grainy sand, letting it run through his fingers on his opposite hand. He clenched it tightly, remembering the feel of a fist twisting his stomach and mangling his heart.

It didn't help that his mind, overactive and unable to keep still, kept remembering his fathers words after he had returned Zeus' beloved Lightning Bolt – "I have admitted my wrongdoing," – and he remembered how his eyes had burned, thinking that Poseidon, God of the Sea, had thought him to be a Gods be damned wrongdoing.

His lower lip trembled worryingly and he bit down, trying to stop it as his eyes stung angrily. Fury raged, like the waves lashing against his lower legs and he turned over, the moon shining of sweat-slick skin as he drive a balled up fist into the soft sand. Anger burned even more as it simply sunk into the sand, dashing the grains across the length of the beach.

He muffled a frustrated cry into the crook of his elbow as he let his fist sink into the sand.

He was better than this! Better than worrying whether his father loved him, better than worrying whether his mother wanted him, even though he had been such a pain in the arse kid, how he had gotten into so much trouble, and caused her to live with the likes of Gabriel Ugliano because he was a demi-god.

Eyes burning, he let out another cry, his voice breaking as he smashed both of his hands into the sand as his forehead rested against the strange textured grains.

He rested his fists and his forehead against the sand, eyes clenched shut as his shoulders shuddered painfully. His stomach seemed to drop from his abdomen, as endless misery made its home in its carved out cavern. He wondered, angrily, how pitiful he looked.

Letting out a heart-wrenched sob that he made no move to muffle, Percy wondered how anyone could think him a hero – he was nothing more than a waste of space, beaten and defeated by even the easiest of opponents. His fists clenched, feeling the urge to punch himself welling up inside of him once more. He was stupid, thick, and arrogant, useless. Gabe was right. He was nothing.

He turned his head from the moonlit sand, eyes clenched shut once more even as the silvery light caught the tear tracks against his gaunt, flushed cheeks. He let out a gasping breath, unable to breathe through his silent sobs. He wondered how long it would take for him to suffocate through lack of breathing.

He couldn't imagine it being long.

His back arched slightly, as his shoulders shuddered again, once, twice before a cry was wrenched from the back of his throat as he wondered how ashamed his parents would be of him.

He didn't want to be one of these teenagers, these children, who constantly wondered whether their father or mother was proud, whether they thought him worthless or useless or nothing. But his heart had apparently not got the memo, and his stomach physically ached at the thought of either his mother or even his father being ashamed of him, of thinking he was worthless, of thinking he was nothing.

He turned to the sea, waves loose upon the sandy floors and hesitated. Then, with barely a breath of conscious thought, flung himself into the salty depths and wondered whether Poseidon would answer.

"Percy!" Poseidon called, voice smooth and deep, echoing like the ocean might in a cavernous room. "Whatever are you doing here?"

Percy hesitated. A few minutes ago, this had seemed the perfect time to ask but now, standing in front of his Father in nothing but his night clothes and ruffled hair, Riptide tucked dispassionately behind his ear, he couldn't help but feel a little like a disappointment.

Biting his lip, Percy tried not to glimpse at Poseidon through the gap in his hair. He wrapped his arms around himself, insecure, as a shiver seemed to go right through him.

"Percy?" Poseidon questioned again, tone as curious as it was wary.

He shuffled, uncomfortable. He wasn't sure how to phrase this without seeming like he was complaining or that he was ungrateful. Really, he just wanted answers. His tightened around himself, then-

"Are you ashamed of me?"

It was blurted out. Percy's mouth closed as fast as it had opened as he continued to stare resolutely at his bare feet. A deep sigh ruffled his hair before movement sounded.

"Oh, Percy," it sounded tired, flat – disappointed. He experienced a sort of sinking in the deepest pit of his gut even as his eyes burned. He blinked furiously, trying not to back away from the magnificent throne his father sat upon. He bit his lip.

"I'-I'm sorry, Lord Pos-Poseidon," He stammered, not daring to lift his head lest his farther see the hot tears that laced his burningly flushed cheeks. He gave a half aborted bow, stopping mid-way as if unbelieving he had just done that.

"Oh Percy," Poseidon said again, and his voice had lightened, no longer echoing so menacingly. It held a tinge of affection, fondness if Percy dared to use such a word. "Dear lad," Sea coloured eyes peered up at the Sea King.

The corners of his mouth had curled, affectionate.

Percy scowls, unsure of the joke but certain he was the butt of it.

As if reading his thoughts, Poseidon chuckled and it warmed Percy like being dunk into a hot tub, warm and relaxing and Percy felt a little of the tension he had been carrying relax in the set of his stubborn shoulders.

"My dear lad," was spoken again and Percy tried to sniff inaudibly, eyes still burning. "Come here," It was not a question.

Percy, trembling legs bare of anything but short boxer-shorts, near enough wobbled up the stone dais, feeling the sheer power that was emitted from the solid watery throne Poseidon was sat so casually upon.

Poseidon met him half-way and Percy, with his face still down turned to stare at the stone strewn ground floor, gasped when a large callous hand touched his cheek. Shocked out of his uncharacteristic shyness, his head lifts without resistance when Poseidon strokes his cheek with a single, scar-ridden thumb.

Poseidon smiled fondly down at him.

Percy frowned, ocean-like eyes staring into deep fathoms under the same arching brow. The smile was affectionate, loving almost and it was most sincere, tilted up at the corners with a glimpse of whiteness against the distortion of the God of the Seas watery skin.

His eyes still burned.

Poseidon made an odd noise in the back of his throat, half-growl, half something indefinable though its angry tone made it unrecognisable for something Poseidon would make. His hand still touched against his flushing cheek, Poseidon stared once before doing something so unexpected, Percy nearly pulled out Riptide.

He hugged him.

Poseidon lurches forward, catching Percy around the slim waist with enough force to kill a Cyclops, never mind humans. He pulls the smaller demi-god to him and Percy can't help the relaxing of his muscles, how his hands uncurled and latched them onto Poseidon's plain, navy-coloured v-neck.

They stand there for a moment, Percy burying his face into his father's chest between his fists as if he were about to catch upon them

Poseidon was solid, all thick muscle and hardness as he gripped Percy tightly. Percy wondered if he looked as magnificent in his battle armour. Percy, on the other side, was all muscles but thinness, a sort of unhealthy slenderness that could cause a distraction.

Percy's legs, as feeble and shaking as they were, as they were could barely manage to hold him up. They collapsed to the floor and Percy and Poseidon followed, legs beneath themselves as Percy buried his face in his fathers' chest and tried not to sob.

Poseidon's eyes burned, like physical anger was trying to build up inside the backs of his eyes. He clutched Percy closer to him, cheeks flushing as he realised he could feel the coolness of Percy's chest, feel each dip and ridge of his sons slender torso as ribs spread light skin too far.

He felt anger in his heart, singing with the erratic waves that surrounded his kingdom. He saw the anger of the sharks, restless with fury. He felt the irritation of the fish, sparked with fury. His boy had been through so much, pushed time and time again. A hand ran to the back of Percy's head, resting as he stroked the ink black strands.

"My brave boy," Poseidon murmured, pressing a chaste kiss to the crown of his sons head. "My brave, brave lad,"

A choked cry was muffled into the silk surface of Poseidon's nightshirt. The head of his son shook furiously, denying the claim and Poseidon felt a song of fury rent his hearts of heart apart.

"Percy," Poseidon said, voice thick with an emotion he couldn't quite name. Percy shook harder than the waves they both controlled. "Listen to me, Percy,"

When Percy did nought but shake with the force of his cries and fist his hands tighter into the delicate material of Poseidon's shirt, the God clenched his eyes shut in pain before they softened. He lent back, holding Percy's tear-stained face in both of his hands even as Percy clenched his own tighter.

"Oh, Percy," A tired smile crossed Poseidon's lips before he bent Percy's head slightly, caressing the silky squid-ink strands as he placed a kiss to Percy's pale forehead. A scarred thumb stroked Percy's bone sharp cheekbones as the two stared up at each other.

Percy's hand tightened.

"All the good you've done," When Poseidon spoke, his voice waivered. "All the people you've saved, all the sacrifices you've made. You've saved the world, Percy. How many people can say that? How many people can say that they left this dying world a much better place? You're a hero, Percy-"

His voice trembled.

"You're a Hero, and I can never be ashamed of you," Percy nodded, fresh laces of tears staining his paling cheeks like rain drops. He grasped Percy's tearful face in his hands, callouses sharp against the soft skin and pressed his lips against Percy's forehead once more.

"You are my son," He spoke, solemn. "And you are not a wrongdoing,"

Percy's eyes stung.

The End.