Attention my loyal fans. This is the most massive crossover I have ever undertaken. There will be plot holes, vulgar language, and tasteless humor. This is a hallway crack fic. Naruto will be a God brought to Konoha and grossly overpowered. Enjoy. I don't own any of the 43 books, anime, manga, cartoons, or T.V shows I've thrown in here.

Two hooded figures stood on the top of a mountain, gazing intently at a raging battle roaring underneath them.

"It goes poorly" one turned to the other.

"He has not joined the battle yet. He alone will turn the tide in our favor against the vile Thalmor" the commander gripped his sword tightly.

A cry rang from the valley below,"Fus Ro Dah!" A wave of pure blue energy carved a path through the stunned elves.

"The Dragonborn arrives!" an Imperial officer shouted joyfully.

"Move forward!" commanded a Stormcloak general.

"CHARGE!" was the war-cry from the combined forces. Roars of bloodlust echoed off the mountainside as they trampled the earth beneath their feet in their final offensive.

At the lead was a tall Nord, arms bulging as he swung a two-handed Daedric sword. Its blade arced with electricity and he opened his mouth," Yol Toor Shul!"

Hellfire sprang from his parted lips and incinerated forty of the Thalmor's crack troops. His sword was a deadly extension of his body, beheading and carving through armor and other swords. Even the Moonstone of Elven armor and weaponry stood no chance against the black and red serrated blade.

The two hooded figures dropped their heavy cloaks to join the battle," Ready Tullius?"

"After you, Ulfric" the two slid down the mountainside. They laughed joyfully as they felt like the young soldiers they were at heart again.

"Move forwards my brothers and sisters! Free Skyrim from their vile hands!" The Dragonborn directed his troops. The Thalmor troops scattered in fear at the tide of humans, Dark Elves, and Khajiit. Thankfully for all of Skyrim, Ulfric Stormcloak had long since abandoned his racist views on the brave and valiant species he once held with such contempt.

The Dragonborn led his Dark Brotherhood allies alongside The Companions of Jorrvaskr. Thieves Guild archers picked off fleeing elves while Karliha's carefully laid traps wreaked havoc, dropping boulders and logs on the confused army. Wood Elves used Restoration magic to heal the wounded behind and on the front lines of battle. The Dawnguard put their crossbows to great use as the high-velocity bolts punched through armor and organs.

"We are Skyrim united! Let us show them Her power!" Tullius rallied his troops.

The Dragonborn cried out," Odahviing! Hear my Voice and come forth. I summon you in my time of need. A red and white dragon swooped from the clouds and allowed The Dragonborn to ride on his back, showering The Thalmor with a storm of ice spikes.

"They are routed! Push them over the cliffs like the trash they are!" Ulfric pointed his sword towards the end of the cliff.

It had only taken two hours for The Thalmor to be buried under a mountain of flesh and steel.

…

*The Next Day*

Cries of joy were echoed across the land as it was finally announced that The Thalmor had been defeated by a strike-force of combined Imperials and Stormcloaks. News arrived from Elsweyr and Morrowind that The Thalmor government had been decimated by a well-equipped and trained rebellion.

The Empire, after hundreds of years, was finally unified. Hammerfell had signed a treaty with The Empire proclaiming good intentions and plans for a trading boom.

Cyrodiil and The Emperor, Emperor Cassius II, named The Dragonborn a national hero, something all other lands copied.

Now The Dragonborn was at his home in Whiterun, Breezehome, with his strong and faithful wife Lydia. In his hands was the squirming bundle that was his son, Gallus, named in honor of the former Guildmaster of the Thieves' Guild that was robbed of a chance at a family.

Only a few select people knew of The Dragonborn's birth name. The Jarls, The Emperor, his wife and son, and his Housecarls. His true name was Namikaze, Auron Namikaze. The Namikaze had been a clan of brave warriors, hailing from a land that was long ago absorbed by Morrowind.

Pride ran through Auron's blood as he gazed at the blonde head of his son.

"Our family has been blessed, young one. We are the new carriers of The Dragon Blood. You will be legendary my son, just as I am now" he smoothed the child's wild hair. Gallus babbled happily and grasped his father's finger tightly.

"Already strong like his father" Lydia wrapped his arms around her husband's shoulders.

"We are all strong and our future generations will prove it" Auron kissed his wife's hand and led her over to a chest. He placed his armor and two-handed sword into it.

"These shall be passed to every worthy future Namikaze, let us pray to Talos that they will be useful."

"So, Almighty Dragonborn. How about we make another child?" Lydia breathed into his ear.

"Not a bad idea" he hefted his wife onto his shoulder and walked to their room after putting Gallus to bed.

…

*One Hundred Thousand Years Later*

"I'm sorry, Naruto. Sasuke is a more pressing concern for me to train right now" Kakashi Hatake stared at his book and tried to avoid looking at his blonde student.

Naruto fumed," And why's that? Because he's the last Uchiha? I'm so sick of hearing that fucking title!"

"Naruto, you should be more respectful of your teammate. He's lost everything" Kakashi tried to calm the blonde, to no avail.

"Oh, he's lost everything? He's lost his heritage? His legacy? The memory of his parents faces? I've had none of those! They were all robbed from me!" Naruto yelled.

The Copycat ninja tried to stop Naruto from leaving, try to give him an explanation but he hesitated. He had no excuse, no explanation. He could only watch as Naruto stormed away and out of the hostpital.

*Hokage Heads*

Naruto had never felt so alone, so unwanted. Tears fell silently down his face as he gazed at the setting sun on Konoha's horizon. He had come to his favorite spot in the entire village, the mountain dedicated to all the past Hokage, something he's always wanted to be.

The Fourth had always been his favorite, even after all he had done. After Mizuki had revealed what was inside of him, Naruto had spoken to The Third and thrown him off with his rare seriousness. Hiruzen Sarutobi had told him all about The Fourth's sacrifice. Naruto had taken it in stride, understanding that The Fourth did it out of necessity and not haste.

Clarity pulled at Naruto's mind as he now understood why the people hated him like they did. He felt like there were no new dawns, no escapes from the Hell he called a life.

Little did our little blonde know his story was about to begin a new chapter.

As he silently cried he didn't notice the spider web cracks forming under him and with a crunch, the rocks shattered.

He plummeted deep into the darkness, screaming obscenities and insults at the Gods who wouldn't just give him a break. His fingers tried to find purchase but instead only found open air as he fell deeper and deeper into the darkness.

His cries were silenced as his back connected with the floor of a cave.

"Fuck you, gravity" he hauled himself up. His hand was bleeding, just enough for a single drop to touch the floor. The cave shuttered and groaned before torches sprang to life.

All was illuminated and Naruto could see the blood seal on the floor. A cold wind pushed him forward and he obeyed without question.

Something was tugging at the back of his mind," Yes, you will find your power here, your legacy."

The tunnel ended into a large cavern with crystals on the walls and an underground spring bubbling next to him. Small animals drank from it and ate from bushes that survived by the glow of the crystals.

"So, you've finally come."

"Who the Hell said that?!" Naruto whipped his head back and forth.

"Try in front of you, dumbass" a hand slapped his forehead. The blonde yelped and glared at the blonde man in front of him.

"And just who the fuck are you? Another assassin? Pissed off villager? Take your insults, roll 'em up, and cram them up your ass!" Naruto shouted.

All was silent in the cave before the blonde burst out laughing," You must be Kushina's son! You have her temper!"

"Who's Kushina?" Naruto cocked his head to the side in confusion.

"Sarutobi never told you of your lineage? That bastard! If I could sustain myself outside this cave I would gut him!" the tall blonde roared.

"Just who are you? How do you know anything about me?" Naruto drew a kunai and took a defensive stance.

"Please, allow me to clarify. You are a Namikaze, a direc-"

"I'm not a Namikaze, I'm an Uzumaki" Naruto cut him off.

"They even deny you your name? They will soon taste my sword! Your mother was an Uzumaki, a former ANBU captain and the wife of Minato Namikaze…your father is a direct descendent of me."

"And for the last time! Who. Are. You?"

"My name is Auron Namikaze, also known as The Dragonborn of Skyrim. All Namikaze are important in history, even if they do not all know of their lineage. I am your ancestor from many, many generations before even the shinobi existed; I united the lands of Skyrim and brought freedom to the known world. My son, Gallus, revived our clan and kept the lands from starting another civil war. Long before the Armageddon of Earth, Gallus's grandson, Takeo Namikaze Otori, united your part of the country when it was still known as Japan. Over the years, continental drift locked all forms of land into one large mass, forming the Elemental Countries. Stop me if I'm going too fast."

Naruto shook his head," Keep going."

"In the year 2001, before the mushroom clouds bloomed, Ichigo Namikaze Kurosaki, defended the living and non-living worlds from attacks by rogue souls, called Hollows, led by Arrancars, and defeated their leader, Aizen. Your great-grandfather is the person known as the Sage of Six Paths, he wielded Old World powers. His name was John Namikaze, more commonly known as The Vault Dweller, he cleansed the irradiated waters of the Wasteland known as the Capital Wastes. His brother was Derrick Namikaze, The Courier, who aided an old army called The NCR in protecting a dam that provided vital energy to his own stretch of The Wastes. John and Derrick, together, created a modified version of the virus known as F.E.V, Forced Evolutionary Virus, which was used to create giant abominations known as Super Mutants. All modern shinobi owe their chakra paths to the brothers as their virus helped them to achieve the next level of human evolution."

"My family is a bunch if bad-asses" Naruto gaped but somehow managed to smile.

"Your grandfather was a master of space-time manipulation, like your father. His name was Lelouch Namikaze. He was long ago thought dead, pierced through the chest with a sword. It was all part of a cleverly constructed plan for him to live happily with his two wives, C.C and Kallen. Before he died, he sired your father who then sealed the Kyuubi into you" Auron squeezed the blonde's shoulder and hoped he hadn't overloaded the poor boy.

"I know it is a lot to take in but your ancestors and I will train you. All of the past Namikaze will be here to take you into your mindscape where time will slow to a crawl. For this month we will train you for two years in combat, tactics, justu, art, science, music, math, and seduction" Auron waved his hand.

People began to appear by ones and twos before over twenty people stood in front of him.

"These…these people are my family?" Naruto asked with a tremor in his voice. They all smiled warmly at him.

"Meet your ancestors, Naurto. They have been watching and praying for you for as log as you've lived. They have always been with you."

A blonde and a redhead stepped forward and hugged Naruto tightly.

"My son…my beautiful son. You've grown so much" Minato whispered.

"My baby boy, we're so sorry…so sorry. We wish we could've protected you" Kushina sobbed.

Naruto began to cry," B…but I thought you were absorbed by The Shinigami."

Minato laughed," Ichigo over here is a Shinigami himself; he let me out after he kicked my ass for what I did to you."

Minato then doubled over after Naruto him in the stomach before wrapping him in a hug," That's for trusting those idiot villagers."

"-Cough- I deserved that" Minato wheezed before being struck in the back of the head by Kushina.

"Damn right! DATTEBANE!" Kushina yelled.

"Come, young one. It is time to unlock the real you" Auron touched Naruto's forehead and all went black.

*One Month Later*

It was time.

The crowd cheered in anticipation when Genma stepped into the arena," Will Neji Hyuuga and Naruto Uzumaki please step into the arena?"

Neji appeared with a smirk but Naruto was nowhere to be seen.

"I guess he realized Fate was against him" Neji sneered.

"Methinks thou art a general offense, and every man should beat thee. I think thou wast created for men to breathe themselves upon you. To quote from Shakespeare" a voice rang throughout the arena.

"Naruto Uzumaki?" Genma looked around the arena.

The sound of footsteps slowly echoed from the Fighter's Tunnel. A blonde emerged, although nobody recognized him.

He was 6'3 and rippling with muscle. He wore ebony shinguards, gauntlets, and a breastplate over a black shirt with a red cross on the sleeve. One of his eyes was a milky white, the other blue. A scar in the shape of an 'X' was on his cheek and he readjusted the chainmail sleeve he wore on his left arm. He wore black shinobi pants with bandages on the left thigh with thick, black combat boots.

On his back was a wicked looking black and red two-handed sword. A tri-barrel pistol was strapped to his thigh and a bandolier of ammo was slung across his chest.

He touched his fist to his heart and bowed.

"Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze. Present and accounted for" Naruto then pulled out a dagger and cleaned his teeth with it.

Neji looked at Naruto with an arrogant sneer," About time you showed up. I figured you would have run for the hills."

"Oh, you know me, I never go back on a promise" Naruto responded and looked into the stands, winking at Hinata. Her face damn near exploded before she fainted into her sister's lap.

"The match between Naruto Uzumaki and Neji Hyuuga will now begin. Hajime!" Genma shouted and leaped away.

"Give up now, Uzumaki. I don't want to embarrass you in front of the entire village" Neji dropped into his Gentle Fist stance.

"I'm going to enjoy snapping open your chest and ripping that 'Fate rules all' bullshit straight from your body. Bala!" Naruto lifted a finger and fired a blast of pure black energy at Neji's feet.

The blast rocked the stadium and launched Neji into the air. In a flash of white, Naruto was above him," So slow. How disappointing."

"Disappointing? I'll show you disappointing!" Neji spun in a circle of energy that made Naruto skid back.

"The Rotation? A Main House move? Not bad, Neji. Unfortunately…It's useless against me."

Naruto rammed his fist into the Hyuuga prodigy's ribs, his bones cracking and groaning under the impact.

"This is for attacking your blood!" Naruto dropped his heel onto the back of Neji's neck and slammed him into the Earth.

"She took my father!" Neji roared.

"Konoha took your father, fool!" Naruto screamed back.

"You don't know anything!" Neji stood.

"I guess I'll have to beat it into you."

"You're within my field of divination." Neji said with a smirk and a hack of blood.

"Bring it."

Neji charged forward," 2 Palms, 4 Palms, 13 Palms, 32 Palms, Eight Trigrams 64 Palms!"

His fingers struck every last one of Naruto's chakra points hard enough to make them burst open. The blonde grunted and staggered back before disappearing in a plume of smoke.

"No…." Neji whipped his head around with his Byakugan activated.

From a jet of fire that sprang from the ground, Naruto stepped forward and clapped," You say I know nothing. I know everything, Neji. After all, I'm the one who stopped that Kumo asshole. It's Konoha's fault your father is dead, they trusted a village who had coveted and sought after the Byakugan for decades to not attempt something when they were let inside the village."

Neji fell to his knees, head bowed and lungs filling with blood," How?"

"While you went for my chakra points…I went for your vital organs. A friend of mine taught me this punch that collapsed the left chamber of the heart very slowly. This is a demonstration that Fate does not exist, we forge our own paths," Naruto formed a series of seals and his left eye glowed slightly yellow.

A series of pops and cracks could be heard as Neji felt his ribs realigning and straightening.

"You will live today, Neji Hyuuga, as a new man" Naruto hefted Neji up and placed him on an awaiting stretcher.

"The winner is Naruto Uzumaki!" Genma cried and lifted Naruto's arm in the air. People from visiting villages roared for Naruto and his display of sportsmanship. The ones from Konoha just looked on in disdain that Neji hadn't killed or maimed 'The Demon'.

Said blonde had just returned to the Fighter's Box, getting a number of looks.

"Holy shit. Naruto's hot now" Ino mentally drooled.

"I wonder if his other sword's a two-hander" Tenten allowed her mind to wander.

"Oh, hell yes he's mine after this is over" Temari licked her lips.

Naruto suddenly let out a perverted giggle, as if he sensed their thoughts

"Will Sasuke Uchiha and Gaara of the Sand please step into the arena?" Genma called. Gaara was down in a flash, Sasuke was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's the Uchiha?" one Kumo civilian yelled impatiently.

"Go ahead, postpone the match and prove that you favor The Uchiha, Hokage-sama" Naruto spit the word out.

Hiruzen flinched at the harshness but gave the call nonetheless. Sasuke Uchiha was disqualified.

Boo's and jeers erupted around the arena and Naruto scowled deeply.

"Will Temari of the Sand and Shikamaru Nara please step down into the arena?"

"Eh, troublesome. Maybe I should forfeit" Shikamaru began to raise his hand, only to be punted into the arena by a smiling Naruto.

"Ah, ah, ah, Shikamaru. If you don't fight, I'll tell your mom you read Icha Icha" Naruto wagged his fingers.

"But I don't!" Shikamaru exclaimed.

"Your mom won't believe that when I plant a copy of the newest book in your room next to a box of tissues and some hand lotion."

Shikamaru paled," You wouldn't."

Naruto reached into a pocket and pulled out a familiar orange book and waved it teasingly," Fight or lose your balls, Shika-hime. Your choice."

"Troublesome blondes with their troublesome ways and troublesome schemes" Shikamaru grumbled and turned to face Temari.

"Hajime!" Hayate hopped out of the way.

Temari began to chase Shikamaru around with her fan," What did you say about blondes you pineapple headed bastard?!"

Shikamaru shrieked and took evasive action, dodging swipe after swipe, before finally catching one straight in the baby maker.

"Well…we better start thinking up a new name for Shikamaru. A female one" Naruto cringed slightly.

The octave that Shikamaru's voice reached caused windows to shatter and dogs to howl violently.

"So much for him having kids" Kiba cringed harder.

"Winner by T.K.O, Testicular Knock-out, is Temari of the Sand!" Genma cried. Medics came to drag the now female Nara into the medical bay on a stretcher.

"Will Shino Aburame and Kankuro please step into the arena?"

"I-I forfeit" Kankuro smiled and raised his hand sheepishly.

"Oookay. Shino Aburame is the winner! Will he and Naruto Uzumaki please step into the arena?" Genma sighed.

"There's not a fucking chance that I'm fighting him" Shino said in a surprising display of emotion.

"O.K. He forfeits too…Will Naruto Uzumaki and Gaara of the Sand GET IN THIS GODDAMN ARENA RIGHT NOW!?" Genma yelled.

The two fighters appeared," You will prove my exis-"

Gaara was interrupted by a swirl of leaves as Kakashi and Sasuke appeared back to back," Are we late?"

"Late and disqualified, Hatake" Naruto faced the pair.

"What? How can they do that?! I'm an Uchiha! An Elite! Who's Gaara fighting now?" Sasuke fumed.

"Your teammate, Naruto Uzumaki" Genma wanted to start the match already.

"That loser? I'll take his place" Sasuke stepped forward but was halted by a cry of "Fus!" and a gust of blue energy knocking him back.

"You're late, I'm his opponent. Deal with it" Naruto's voice was deathly cold.

"Out of the way, dobe!" Sasuke began to charge lightning chakra into his hand, much to Kakashi's horror.

"How did you learn that!?" Kakashi rushed forward to stop The Uchiha.

"I watched while you trained and copied it," Sasuke smirked.

"It's people like you that make me sick you Uchiha piece of shit! You steal jutsu like a thief in the night and when you get your ass handed to you, you skulk away like a whipped dog with its tail between its legs!" Naruto shouted.

"Don't talk about Sasuke-kun that way, Naruto-baka!" Sakura howled from the stands.

"Shut up you wannabe Uchiha cock sleeve! You're the most useless kunoichi in the entirety of the Elemental Countries! If you trained half as hard as you follow this limp dicked fuck-up, then you'd be in this goddamn arena fighting right now! I'm so sick hearing you praise this runt. He's the weakest Uchiha in ten generations and his dream of killing Itachi is fucking laughable! He's a weak, arrogant, cock blowing, lazy, no dicked, balless, power seeking, ambitious piece of useless horse shit!" Naruto's rant caused eyes to widen.

All was silent.

Not a single word spoken.

Kakashi's jaw dropped.

"Now, we fight" Naruto looked to Genma.

"One moment" the proctor stood, grabbed Sasuke by the collar of his shirt, and punted him into the stands before starting the match.

The cork on Gaara's gourd popped open and sand flooded out towards Naruto. With a slight wave of his hand, flames sprang from Naruto's palm. It was a low-level Destruction spell but to the non-magic shinobi it was devastating.

'No hand signs? How?' Hiruzen gaped at Naruto's new found skills.

The flames leapt towards Gaara, white hot and roaring, and engulfed his sand. The chemical reaction that followed turned the sand into glass, which shattered on the arena floor.

"I expected more. How sad" Naruto pulled out the revolver on his thigh. "It'll be interesting to see how my Cerberus handles your sand armor.

Naruto leveled the revolver and pulled the trigger, sending a compact ball of orange chakra directly into Gaara's chest that hit him with enough force to slam him into the arena wall.

"Now Gaara, my friend, we're going to play a game. This dagger is called Mehrune's Razor, the same dagger wielded by the Daedric Lord of Ambition, Violence, and Revolution. It has quite the interesting power, something really special indeed. If I cut you, this blade has a 1 in 10 chance of killing you instantly. Only your luck will determine if you're fit to live another day" Naruto drew the black dagger and sliced Gaara's unarmored arm, much to his siblings horror.

One moment passed.

Then another.

The tense silence was broken by Naruto throwing back his head and roaring with laughter," Lady Mara is on your side, Gaara! No matter what you think, The Nine Divines have dubbed you worthy of life! You are not the monster your people have dubbed you as and I will be by your side to prove it. You can call me…your friend" Naruto picked up Gaara and carried him to the medics.

"Thank you, Naruto Uzumaki" Gaara laid his head back.

"One more thing. Shukaku, I know you can hear me. Kyuubi says if you don't leave Gaara alone she's going to show the other Tailed Beasts that picture of you at the Kami-mas Party last century."

*Inside Gaara's Seal*

"Shit! No one can know what I look like without my sand!" Shukaku looked at his sand-free form in a mirror. The powerful One-Tail was actually an Italian man in a brown Tanuki suit, tail included.

"They can never know that it's-a me! Mario!"

*Back in the Real World*

Gaara shivered for an unknown reason.

"Winner! Naruto Uzumaki!" Genma cried.

This time, more people from Konoha cheered but only for the fact that Konoha's 'demon' had beaten Suna's 'demon'.

"Will-"

An explosion rocked the arena as it was flooded by Sand and Sound shinobi.

"All according to plan" Naruto grinned and vanished towards the Hokage's box.

*With the Third Hokage*

This was bad. Orochimaru was on the offensive and pushing him back steadily with the Kusanagi.

"You've grown weak, Hiruzen. Time has finally caught up with you."

"Well then, let's hope that I'm more of a challenge."

Orochimaru wheeled around to find a man standing in black and red demonic armor.

"Who are you?!" Orochimaru pointed his sword at the newcomer.

"Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, bitch. Also known as…your executioner."

"Naruto? Where did you get that armor?" Hiruzen gasped.

"Seals, old man. Don't think I'm here to save you, Oath-Breaker, I'm here for the Snakefuck" Naruto drew his two-handed sword off of his back.

"How did you even get in here?" Orochimaru hissed.

"Well…I walked into the building and went UNDER THE FUCKING BARRIER YOU DIPSHIT!" the two eye holes on Naruto's helmet blazed red.

"You will both fall by my hands! Edo Tensei: Impure World Reincarnation!"

Two coffins began to rise from the roof. The Kanji for 'One' and 'Two' prominent on the front. Hiruzen attempted to stop them but was stopped by Naruto," They will know what you have done."

The ground shook as the lids fell off to reveal the Hokage of Konoha's past. They looked to Hiruzen with disgust but Tobirama was the first to speak.

"We've been watching you, Hiruzen. You've betrayed us, betrayed Konoha, and betrayed The Will of Fire itself. You are not a Kage, only a coward."

His brother nodded in agreement before turning to dust, revealing the corpses of a random Sound shinobi and Kabuto.

"HOW!?" Orochimaru screamed and swung his sword at Naruto's throat, who laughed as it bounced off.

"You really are pathetic. You attacks can't harm me, your subordinates already tried…and failed. And by the way, when I was raiding your forward launching base I fucked Tayuya" Naruto snapped his fingers and the 'Tayuya' behind them disappeared in a plume of smoke.

The purple barrier fell and the ANBU swarmed in, shackling and subduing a stunned Orochimaru.

"Captain, take him to Interrogation. I'll be there shortly" Naruto addressed the ANBU with captain bars.

"Hai, Naruto-sama" The Captain quickly departed with his squad.

"So, you know" Hiruzen looked to Naruto.

The blonde snapped his fingers again and the Sound Four were next to him," Get back to The Estates and check on Kimimaro. I'll be there in a little while."

"Hai" they bowed before departing.

"How?"

"To answer your first question, everyone knows and no one is happy about it. They may hate me but they loved The 4th more than you. I gave the elders an ultimatum, force you into retirement or face utter annihilation. They chose very poorly. You're going to be joining Orochimaru in the Interrogation Department in a few seconds while I go and get Tsunade Senju to take your place. I have 99% of the shinobi population on my side as they think as highly of oath breakers as I do."

"You don't know what you're doing, Naruto!" Hiruzen cried in shock.

"Oh, I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm removing a cancer from Konoha. You betrayed your morals, my mother and father. You lied to Jiraiya and Tsunade, my godparents, and robbed them of their chance to have a family and for that I'll make sure you burn in Hell. Jiraiya, Kakashi; take him away" Naruto turned and began to walk away.

"You won't get away with this, demon!" Hiruzen spat at Naruto's feet while struggling against the two shinobi restraining him.

"No, Hiruzen, I am not the demon. You and all those who did me harm are the demons. Only a demon betrays someone on the level you betrayed me. I hope you burn," Naruto leapt from the bulding.

*The Arena Battleground*

Naruto used his great sword with great efficiency as he destroyed Sound ninja left and right. Gaara's sensei, Baki, had convinced Suna to aid Konoha in the invasion and to turn on Sound. Long story short, Sound was being soundly beaten.

With their leader dead and their elites fighting for Konoha, they quickly collapsed.

"Bahamut! I call you to this battlefield! Aid me in destroying my enemies" Naruto called forth a dragon, the third most powerful in all recorded history and leapt onto his back with grace.

"Now, Jiraiya!"

A large toad with a robe and tanto poofed into existence," Oil!"

He sprayed thick black oil across the confused invading army after all Konoha and Suna ninja had evacuated the arena.

"With me, Bahamut! Dragonblood: Oil Spark Decimation!"

Purple flames shot from their maws and caught the oil. The arena erupted into a slowly roasting bonfire.

A cheer rang from the Sand and Leaf forces at seeing their enemy defeated.

"Now to deal with those two traitors" Naruto flashed away.

*I&T Department*

Orochimaru was strapped to a chair, chakra seals covering him and razor sharp barbed wire keeping him in firmly in place.

"How ironic, you're the one about to be tortured and experimented on" Naruto appeared in the room.

"Release me, boy!" Orochimaru roared.

"And what position are you in to demand anything from me?"

"You'll get nothing from me! Torture me all you wish!"

"Oh, I'm not the one who's going to be doing the torturing" Naruto stepped aside and allowed a beautiful, purple haired kunoichi into the room.

"Hello,'sensei'" Anko Mitarashi smirked.

"I'll leave you two alone to…catch up" Naruto relished the look of fear in Orochimaru's eyes.

He stepped out of the room and across the hall into a room holding the former Third Hokage. The former Kage was looking much worse for the wear with a seal across his mouth and the same barbed wire covering him as it did Orochimaru.

"My revenge is going to be…painful" Naruto grinned behind his helmet before it melted into a crimson headband with the Imperial Dragon on the metal to protect his forehead.

Hiruzen's muffled cries and curses were silenced by a backhand from Naruto,"Now, Hiruzen. It's time to pay your penance."

The Third's screams of torment drove three other prisoners to confess to their crimes.

*The Next Day*

Naruto smirked to himself as he held Konoha's 'Black Book', filled with all of Konoha's dirty little secrets. He sat in the council chambers next to Kakashi who had been made Hokage for the time being.

"Naruto Namikaze had been promoted to chunnin per his performance in the failed Sound Invasion" Kakashi pinned chunnin bars onto Naruto's shoulders.

"That beast isn't fit to be chunnin! We demand-"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you just demand something from me? The Hokage? Ruler of the Village? That guy who can make your life a living Hell if you fuck with me?" Kakashi glared at the man.

The man was about to shout again when a bolt of orange chakra sawed his head off.

All eyes turned to Naruto who had his feet on the table and his smoking revolver in hand.

"Now here's what's going to happen. I'm bringing Tsunade back to Konoha, she'll publicly execute most of you, and when I turn eighteen I'll rule over Konoha" Naruto shot another member of the council in the chest.

"I've already agreed to the terms" Kakashi eye smiled.

When Tsunade got back…heads were gonna roll…Oh, yes they were.

WHOOOOOOOO! FUCK YEAH TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! SEE YOU LATER BRO'S!