Rules/Conditions as follows:

1) SS is a secret writer of Mills and Boon type novels.

2) No-one knows this…for a while.

3) Hermione finds out.

4) HG can still be at Hogwarts as a student, or as a graduate.

5) There must be a reference to one of SS's novels. Title is up to the writer….

6) The following phrases must be incorporated:

"- alleviate the ennui which had overtaken him/her like
Communism through Eastern Europe."

"May I convey to how much I ardently admire and love you?"

"Your paper and your parts are pure crap."

"Abscess makes the heart grow fonder."

"You're off your chump!"

And some reference somewhere to a "heaving bosom".

Characters may be OOC if required. Silliness is not a prerequisite, but it helps…