Nico was gay for Percy, but Percy was straight for Annabeth and that had to be changed.

So Nico went into Annabeth's room this one night when it was like super dark and all and nobody seemed for notice for reasons unknown (cause they were doing stuff. Lori, and things. Isn't that enough weirdo?). Anyway, he was sneaking in like YOLO to the extreme because the Bros of BrOlympus were busy being distracted by knocking up mortal women (again. Heard a funny joke that ended in everyone's pregnant ((except not in this story cause they men)).

Annabeth was bitching on her bitchy bed doing uber bitchy things like generally ruining Nico's Super life. She had this ugly as ugly pink shirt on that Nico swore she stole from that girl that was his sister, and she was doing something girly. Like cannibalism.

Anyways, Nico crept up, quiet as a shadow (which was stupid because shadows don't make no noise. Oh wait...) and stabbed her through the spleen. She died a horribly painful death, screaming and yelling like Michele the banshee and crying in pain, but no one seemed to care because Annabitch was like megabitch and ruined Cronus and TreeTahlia's magical wedding (like the giant sea "fallopian tube", who made a dashing alter boy).

Then he took some blood from her (which was black and horrendously disgusting) and smeared it across his forehead. Then he gutted her like Daryl did to the walker and said some stupid chant that seems really poetic but is actually super corny. If Annabeth hadn't deleted him on Facebook, it would work out differently.

Anyway, he did his ritual thing and summoned Cupid.

"FIGHT ME, BITCH!" Cupid roared in anger and hatred 'cause he had the stupidest job in the world. Nico puffed his chest and said:

"1V1 ME, BRUH!"

Satisfied with the reply, Cupid suddenly became less threatening. Not like he looked threatening in the first place cause he was a little bitch.

"I want romancey stuff. Percy has been the only one who ever really accepted me for the gay that I have, and he's the only one I'm able to depend on. If not for him, I'd hate myself so much because everyone I love ends up dying."

"Cool story bro."

"Anyway go shoot him."

Cupid gave him a thumps up and vanished in an explosion of gay, which resonated deeply with Nico's repressed ho-muh-sexual feelings.

Nico ran out to where he knew Percy would be because in fanfiction they always end up finding each other. Anyway Percy was sitting with everyone else in the thingo where they do the thing ("eat", those weak minded fools) and he was just in time to see Cupid appear. He loitered at the edge of the mess, eyes intently observing the scene before him, breath caught for the subsequent actions of Cupid.

Before Cupid did the magic, he played that song that went "hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend cause you're secretly gay".

Percy was totes all WTF and Nico knew he was about to ask for Annabitch. Or his father for something but everyone's already established that Po the sea god was a deadbeat dad.

"Where Annabeth?" He make the ask.

But Cupid did not answer. Instead, he took out a gun and shot Percy. In the heart because it's fanfiction and that's what people like, right?

And Nico cried like a baby and ran towards Percy, who was still alive cause it takes 10 freakin' minutes to die.

"You can't die!" Nico roared, and Percy winced. They were touching and it was totally homo.

"I got shot."

"Cupid you dumbass what the heck you were supposed to use the arrow."

"You said do the shoot. I did the shoot."

Nico was crying again because that's what he likes to do.

"I'm dying," Percy brilliantly pointed out. Someone rolled their eyes because no freaking duh.

"You can't! It's... it's because I'm-"

"I know" Percy said looking into his eyes, "and me too. I love you!"

"No you freaking dumbass Jesus Christ listen to what I say omg you're a dumbass. I meant I'm PREGNANT!"

Everyone simultaneously had a WTF moment cause he was a bro, not a hoe.

"Call it Little Ass-Kicker."

"And if girl?"

"I HAVE MADE MY DECISION!" Percy said and died.