Now, the story is adult, so the little children like Harry, Ron and Hermione won't have their own story until much much later.

Jaderising

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Chapter 19: Return of the Ghosts

Year 1984

Accra, Ghana

Remus Lupin:

"You are Mr. Lupin?" A friendly voice called out to me, as I turned around to face the owner of that warm voice. She was pleasant looking large native woman in her early 40s with colorful Ghanaian clothing. She reminded me of Madame Pomfrey with her easy maternal smile.

"Y-yes, call me Remus. Mrs. Elizabeth Nansanuurr?" I tentatively asked, and before I could get a confirmation, she came up and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Welcome to Ghana, Remus. Call me Eliza. Elizabeth is just too mouthful. I will be your mother hen here. How was your trip to Africa? Have you been here before? Not since the visit of Queen Elizabeth years ago, was I so excited to see someone from England." She whipped out her wand and pulled my hand toward the exit with colorful signs. "You here is a life saver for us, Remus. Nobody wanted to take the position after Ndugu left us so suddenly. Your qualification was beyond our expectation. Come, everyone wants to meet you."

That was how my life in Ghana started. Eliza was very bright and a caring lady, who took me under her wing as one of her own. She cared for the orphaned wizards and squids, all ranging from a just a new born baby to 17 years of age. They didn't even flinch when I told them of my condition with the full moon. For them, the supernatural was just as natural as the sunrise and sunset.

My life in Ghana as a professor was the happiest and most unexpected gift I've received. But like everything, no cursed man could live happily forever.

Year 1993

Remus Lupin:

I haven't been a teacher in years, and it was amazing how everything came back to me. Little by little, I was able to remember how to teach, how to read signs of children and how to do magic all over again.

I wondered if I had done the right thing, coming back to Hogwarts, after all these years. Everything reminded me of my past here. I told myself over and over many times in the past that I was not running from my past, but I now believe I was, in fact, running. All those years in St. Mungo, being crazy or loony, as Peeves likes to remind me these days. Funny thing was it was not started out by Peeves or Malfoy, but Sirius.

Like I said, everything reminded me of my past.

I had escaped to Ghana, Africa for better part of the 80s. I had wanted to believe myself to be useful in teaching those children, but in deeper sense, I had been running away. I wonder when I could face my past, and this, now at Hogwarts, was my test.

Baby Harry was, all but, grown up, as I had expected, but my mind was surprised how actually he had grown over the years. In my mental picture, Harry had always been a baby I had seen him last, but now it was replaced by a thirteen year old boy. A young man almost.

He looked so much like James, and it pained me every time I saw him. He didn't know how wonderful his parents were, all because of my foolish wondering in the woods. I know that I shouldn't be guilty over the things I didn't have a control or couldn't change... I know that I didn't kill James and Lily. Vol- my father did, I know that. Sirius killed them, I know that too. But knowing it and believing is two totally different things.

I did know it. But it was me that had spurned everything in motion. I did it. And I couldn't tell Harry the truth. I couldn't tell him about James and Lily. I couldn't even tell him how his godfather had killed them for my father. How I had became insane instead of taking care of him for his parents. How I had been running instead of facing the truth.

I was a coward, a same meek beast who had no friends, was still being held against the cold dungeon wall, unable to do anything. All I could do was to teach Harry the Patronus Charm. It was only thing I could do to help Harry. Even then, I had a hard time controlling my feelings. I had to stop myself from hugging him. I am not worthy, you see. I am not. I was the uncle Remus, but I had abandoned him. It's funny, how I could shut away the son of my best friends from my mental state, but I did it. I never thought of Harry, not even once, until that day I heard of the rumors in Canada. It was already an old news back in the Britain by then.

Coming back to Hogwarts numbed me. Everywhere I went, the ghosts of the past followed me. Every room and every corner, I saw them. It was a heaven and a hell at the same time. My teachers became my colleagues, which made everything worst. I kept calling everyone Professors and I can't quite bring myself to think of them as my colleagues at all. So I kept putting on the pleasant mask and the light talks to stay out of everyone's way.

Professor McGonagall had the same strict manner, as I had remembered. Madame Pomfrey had gained bit of weight, but she was still the same motherly woman I had remembered. Filch still gave me the same growl but with more restrain, even his cat, Mrs. Norris was respectful and did not screech at the sight of me. The Whomping Willow, she was still standing with her temper in check. I never thought I would say this, but I had missed her angry presence. And somehow I think she missed me too, in a way. I get a funny feeling when I touched her trunk for the first time in years, as if she was saying hello to her old friend.

Hagrid was still old Hagrid. He showed me new wolf tracks in the forest, reminding me of San and her beautifully soft white coat. And then, eventually…and always of Sirius, for coming after me. I tried not to think so much. Not to remember too much either.

The constancy keeps me in line now. I have hard time accepting Professor Logan is really gone. He had been the warmth in the cold dungeon, but now he has retired and, according to McGonagall, living in Bahamas to heal his old war wounds. Severus was his replacement since the war, and he is still the same, I supposed.

Same brooding mood with dark piercing eyes that always stares back at my own. He doesn't come to collect my blood anymore, but he comes to bring me my wolfsbane potion every month. He doesn't talk much, and I don't expect him to. But I am glad to see him alive and well. Sometimes I dream about the white walls of St. Mungo's, and oddly, sometimes I dream of Severus in it.

Funny, out of all my friends, it is a Slytherin who stuck around. I had to smile at that, because I wouldn't have guessed it for the million years. Then again, it is not so laughable as I thought. I, being, the heir of Slytherin. Question was why did the Sorting Hat put me in the Gryffindors? I was not brave or noble. I was a coward at best, and a murderer at worst.

And a beast in between.

Severus Snape:

"Hello, Severus," Lupin said without looking back, sensing my smell or hearing my footsteps before I spoke. I stood beside him, watching his glowing eyes watching the dark sky. His glowing gold always interested me, even if they were the dead give-away sign of being a werewolf, one can't help but admire the beauty of the wild untamed nature of the curse.

"Lupin." My eyes followed his gaze and I was soon watching the waxing moon. "Rough night?" I asked a bit grumpily, feeling a bit ridiculous, acting like we were old friends. We weren't friends for a long time, if you would called our relationship during the first year a friendship. We might be associates at best, but not a friend. Never a friend.

Lupin ignored or didn't hear my question, and went on worshiping the moon. But I couldn't be acid toward him tonight, who stood beside me in some sort of dreamlike trance. Moon Calling, the book would describe such a trance. It's like why dogs or wolves howl against the full moon. It's worst for werewolves, who ache for her existence. They love her and hate her power over them all at the same time. It's a vicious circle of pain and joy all in one. That is why they run on the night of full moon, to escape her power as they relish it.

Lupin has changed. I had been surprised to tell you the truth. In my mind, I was expecting to see the younger Lupin, healthier and happyier, before the night of Halloween. However ridiculous my expectations had been, I didn't expect him to be so sickly looking man. The trace of his past was hard to find. His once clear golden eyes were clouded, dulled with age (or was it pain?) and lost its sharp brilliance since I saw him sane and with his friends. His once impeccable robe was patched, and it was practically graying with too much wash.

But most startling thing was how he hardly seemed to notice it. He seemed to exist in total absent-mindness. More than few times, I've seen McGonagall picking up Lupin's quills from the staff room and putting it back on the desk. The ever studious Gryffindor had never ever forgotten his quill in all his years in Hogwarts. It had been part of him as his arm, for he had carried it behind his ears, and his ink stained fingers were the norm in the days.

Pomfrey brings tea to his room every so often, and he even forgets to be subtle to our own dim witted Seer that he practically revealed his secret to her. So it was no surprised that I had to bring him the wolfsbane potion every month, to be on the safe side. I won't want the children in danger in any case. Although, I wouldn't mind if the wolf had a feast with Longbottom.

Maybe it was the wolf's way of protecting his mind, by becoming absent minded, or was it a long term effect of Imperius Curse?

That, I didn't know for sure. Nor did I want to find out. Most of my victims are dead, but I rather not think of those who lived, and how my curses had affected them.

After Lupin took his moment to drink his fill of the day, he began to hum slightly. It was beginning to get on my nerve as he watched the sky without noticing that I was still there, waiting for him to give me back the steaming goblet.

"What are you humming about, Lupin?" I asked grumpily, hiding my curiosity. A moment later, I was kicking open my dungeon room with a frustration, and throwing down the steaming empty goblet to the side. "Stupid wolf! Next time I shall hex his idiotic smile off his face!"

Lupin had smiled ever so politely and said, "Nothing worth singing about." And he went on humming the tune, that strangely reminded me of the days when I was in preschool. Oh Merlin! How I wanted to strangle that wolf. I wanted to shake him hard and yell at his face until my voice went.

The reality was, there was a former lover who happened to be a former death eater running around, trying to kill his best friend's son! Doesn't he know what kind of a man we are dealing with?!! Lupin's presence here could be more of harm than good. Even after Black had brutally assaulted Lupin, he called for Black. He thought I was BLOODY BLACK, and let me touch him and hold him.

How could the wolf response to such a way to his enemy! Obviously, the wolf didn't understand what kind of real monster Black truly was. There's high probability that Lupin might help Black in his quest of murdering the boy who lived. That's the chance I cannot possibly take. Even if I hated his father, I don't want to see the little Potter dead by the hands of bloody Black. No, sir, I won't have that.

Whenever I tried to bring up the subject with Dumbledore, he just goes right back to being the Gryffindors' fan, just like the old days. Just bloody great indeed! And the stupid tune got stuck in my head all night and to the morning. I was even singing the tune to myself, without noticing it, until Filch leaned over to comment, "Professor, thinking of the London Bridge, I see…"

"What?"

"The tune, professor."

It was the bloody preschool song that Lupin had been humming. Thankfully, Lupin wasn't present that morning to witness my mind slip. He probably forgot to eat breakfast again.

The Halloween Feast came like any other year, but this time, I was reminded of twelve years ago, as I watched Lupin converse quietly with polite smile on his face. His dead eyes were what I remembered the most. When I had opened his eyes and found it so dead, I feared the worst for a split second, until I remembered that he was still breathing. His eyes had been what had held me so captive. No other being had eyes like that as I told you before. A pure gold mixed with deep brown, highlighted by the lighter brown. If you were staring at his young eyes years ago, you would have felt your heart race like it's about to burst open as well.

Lupin was back at Hogwarts, but with lights gone from his eyes. That night, I wondered what he had been thinking behind his fake polite smile and pretence of the easy manner.

Until Black had broken into Hogwarts.

I was so sure it was Lupin who let Black in, I told Dumbledore so, later that night to no avail. I knew it in my heart Black can't have entered Hogwarts without inside help, and Lupin was conveniently here to let him in. And he was not seen during the night. The guilty as default.

Until I spied him sitting near the lake with the wand on his side. If I didn't have my Omnioculars, I would have missed him. Even during the dead of the night, I could make out his slumped form. Even without zooming in, I could make out his hands clasped in a prayer. For the longest time, he didn't raise his head. When he finally did, I could make out the tiny sparkles of the moonbeam on his tears.

I watched Lupin, his clenched hands and glowing eyes. I watched his tears, falling down against his hands. My anger and doubts fading away like his river of tears.

Yes, I watched him …

I had a sudden urge to run and grasp his shoulder and hold him tight against my body. I wanted to hold him and hold him until his tears stopped flowing, until his cries faded away, until he stopped thinking of Black and his murderous touches.

But I did none of that. Like I said before, we were never friends.

"And especially not more than that," I whispered to myself.

The thought of returning to my empty quarters in the dungeon had never felt so cold and lonely before. I went to my potions class instead. Boiling over a complex potion warm me right up, and the thought of Black slashing at the painting played over and over again, and as the night became lighter as the day came, a face of the painting changed to that of young Lupin of seventeen years old with his bright eyes.

I put the bitterest tasting ingredient in the next wolfsbane potion that had nothing to do with the effect of the potion but with my own satisfaction.

Double, double boil and bitter.

Madame Pomfrey:

I was organizing the white bandages from the colored ones, when I heard all these commotions outside.

"—Professor, I am not-"

"Oh yes, you are, Professor Lupin. Now go on." Minerva came in with her wand ready to shoot on one hand and the other hand dragging the person in question, "Unless you want me to start taking points off, you will do what I say, Professor."

"What's wrong, Professors?" I asked, a bit humored and worried at the sight of them.

Having Remus back brought back many fond memories of the past. I could remember how Remus had grown over the years from an awkward young boy into a fine man that drew attentions of the many girls and even boys by the time he was a seventh year. Oh, things I could tell from the looks. It's between you and me, but I can swear on my father's grave that I saw Mr. Malfoy casting an eye at Remus, when Mr. Black wasn't looking.

Sirius Black… I tutted at the thought. What a loss. I would never have believed it back then, but of course, looking back, he was the son of those Blacks. One can't hide one's nature for long. Blood is thicker than water, I suppose. What a loss.

"Poppy, I believe our professor needs a medical treatment before it gets infected." Minerva's voice brought me back from my thought to the two professors in front of me. "If I haven't looked when I did, he would be walking around with hands like that." Minerva pointed her wand accusingly at Remus.

"Profe-Minerva, it's nothing. I've already taken care of it."

"Give me your hands, young man," I said with those authoritative tones I used on trouble makers like the twin Weasleys. His hands were marked with reminisce of bad healing spells.

I tutted as I looked at the wounds, but soon he was out the door in a flash like he used to as a student. He never liked the smell of infirmary, and that didn't change even as he has grown up.

"Self inflicted….they are the marks of praying," I said.

"What?" Minerva asked, curiously.

"Like this," I showed her the clenched hands. "You see, they're the marks left by the fingernails, from praying. The nails have dug into his skins from too much pressure."

"My Merlin, Poppy," Minerva said slowly as she sat down on the nearest bed. "My Merlin."

I hugged her slumped form, comforting her as I have done to many of our students, "I know, Minerva, I know."

"Do you supposed he…." She stopped, unable to get her words out. But I knew what she was asking. Was he sane? Was he safe to himself and to the students? Was he helping Black?

I didn't know the answers to them, but I did know that the boy we knew as our student had gone.

Remus Lupin:

Wolf was growing stronger now. He was angry that I was suppressing him away, even on the night of full moon. I am afraid he will come out and take over me like he did during my weakest moments. I believe he can feel my anger. As if my anger was feeding him to be stronger, I can feel his presence deep in my heart. He was thriving on my misery, and I am afraid he knows Sirius is close by. His whispers are getting louder as I stay longer at Hogwarts. He wants Sirius, and I don't know how to convince him that I have to kill his mate as I have to kill his presence with Wolfsbane potion.

The bitterness of potion burned my throat raw as I drank every last drop of it. Sometimes, I think Severus wants to poison me. But I believe it's the wolf's dubious whispers, trying to turn me away from the source of danger as he would see Severus. He would not go without a fight tonight. I already felt a little light headed. As soon as I sat down on my wooden chair in my office, my head swims. And it reminds me of the days of my narcolepsy.

My father had placed a curse on my body, ceasing my narcoleptic attacks from that day forward. And it affectively blocked me from the visions I had seen or dreamed. I can still see the snowed rooftop with the smoke coming out. I could still hear the laughter inside. But I've already forgotten the face of the woman who had called me so lovingly. Her face has faded away from my memory as the memory of her voice. However, I remember other things, when I am alone, when I am not teaching, when I am not on the move.

"Reh-mus," a small boy stood in front of my bed, shaking his small head. "Get up, you are always sleeping." He pulled my hand lightly, "Sadia found this baby animal, and she wants to show it to you."

"Benjamin, I-"

"No, Reh-mus, you promised big mama you won't stay inside all the time," he looked at me with those ghostly eyes, and I nodded. Getting up from my bed, following his little determine figure outside. My Hogwarts room melted away as I stepped outside of the little clay and straw walls. The warmth of sunlight chased away my colds. Even my fingers weren't ridged.

I looked around and I saw the laughing faces of my children. They were abandoned by local muggles who didn't understand the strange powers of their wizard children. Benjamin had been born in this place, and his biological mother had left him with disdain. Cursing the place, as many have done. But there were other children here with their parents' blessing as well. Sadia was the oldest of the bunch with age of sixteen. She would soon leave us to study to become a healer. She was hailed as a witch in her small village, when she was born with striking green eyes.

"Professor!" Sadia smiled brightly as she saw us approaching, her hands cradled surprisingly a little white pooka, which was a sort of rabbits, who can turn invisible by one's will and highly intelligent. "Here, hold him." She saw my apprehensive face and added, "he's smart. He knows you are his friend."

Surprisingly, the little fellow stayed calm as my finger brushed over his fluffy hairs behind his little ears. Seeing my surprised, Sadia said, "Professor, meet Harvey."

"Where did you find him? I thought Pookas aren't native to Ghana."

"They weren't originally, but they are smuggled into the country. I supposed the dealers couldn't find him and left him. He turned visible when I was studying the aqua plants near the water hole." Harvey stretched his body, and snuggled against my hands, surprising me even further. Most animals wouldn't dare to even look at my eyes, but this little fellow were practically using my hands as his bed.

"Do you suppose I could keep him, Professor? I know we aren't supposed to keep magical creatures, but I will be leaving soon, and he won't be a problem. I can take care of him…please? Big mama will say no, but if you say it's okay…."

I looked at her pleading green eyes, which were a dead giveaway of her magical power, just like my own. I looked down at the little pooka and I knew I was in trouble. "Please, professor~?"

Then another little voice joined in, "Please Reh-mus?"

I had forgotten Benjamin was there at all. There was far away sound. After a short consideration, I smiled and gave in as they knew I would. As both of them cheered and danced around me I said, "teach Harvey to be invisible around Eliza."

They nodded most enthusiastically as this persistent sound was continued. "Harvey is smart, Reh-mus. He will soon learn to master his invisibility," Benjamin said eagerly.

Remembering Eliza's way with me I whispered, "She has already taken away my smokes, and she was eyeing my robe the other day. Don't give her any excuses. It's my favorite."

"You've smoked? Hmpt, that's an interesting habbit."

Suddenly the yellow and orange scene of Ghana faded away along with the smiling faces of my children, melting into the cold and bare gray wall of Hogwarts. I blinked found myself kneeling on the floor, my palms frozen in front of me with my forehead wet with cold sweats. I turned around to face the door. Snape stood imposingly tall in his darkest black robe, his arms crossed his chest with his eyes glinting at me.

"Severus."

He came in further and stood in front of me, "I knocked knowing you were here. Nobody came so I took the liberty of opening. I've come to collect my goblet, Lupin."

I looked around and before I could get to it, Snape was picking the smoking goblet from the floor not far from me. I felt cold wave wash over me, and I let myself down onto the floor. The moon was not far away, and I could feel her power, pulling me, hurting me, and comforting me.

I felt nauseous as I always did. I wanted to throw up, but I didn't want to ruin the clean carpet that house elf had diligently cleaned the day before. I could smell Ghana almost. I remembered the smell well. It was earth and nature and beauty mixed into the pureness of African air. I didn't even notice I was heaving, until Snape's hands held me up from falling onto my own vomits and blood.

I was closed to transforming, and I pushed his hands away and retreated to a corner. Putting my aching head against the wall, I told him to go. I could feel he was waiting for something. I didn't know what he was waiting for. I opened my eyes and found the goblet in my hand.

"Here," I let the goblet rolled away from my gasp, "take it." Wordlessly, Snape swept up the goblet and let the door shut behind him with a small magical lock charm. My hands were shaking. I took off my robe with difficulty and laid it down where I could reach it after I transformed. The smell of my human self was always comforting to the human mind inside the wolf.

Sirius Black:

Being the Padfoot was easy. I was simpler minded and less stalk mad, I supposed. Crouching under the old dusty bed in the corner of the Shrieking Shack, I nibbled on a bone, brought to me by that orange cat. Strange, I never had any lucks with cats when I was in human form. I remember Filch's cat nearly scratching my eyes out, the old pub's Persian cat had gave me a good scar, the black cat in my seventh year( or was it my sixth year? I couldn't keep the dates straight….) who had nearly cost me my relationship with… Remus.

Tonight was the full moon, and Remus will once again be Moony once more. I wondered where he was, whether he was even alive after what I had done to him. My Azkaban clouded mind whispered my fears in my ears that he was dead, that he had died because of me, that I had killed him, that I had left him to die slowly, that I had hurt him when he was trying to… tell me something. Maybe Moony had known Wormtail was the traitor. I shook my head, trying to dull the pain and chase away the demons.

Maybe he was alive, the simple mind of Padfoot whispered. Maybe he was even in the same area, watching the same moon like me. I crawled out of the dusty floor under the dusty and broken bed to watch the rising full moon with guilty heart. I wasn't the traitor and murderer everyone thought I was, but I was indeed the traitor and murderer of Remus. That I could not deny. I had been going over and over that night in every single moments of my life at Azkaban.

I shook my head to clear it once again. I should not think of the past and what I had lost. I should focus on getting Peter, on killing him with my own bare hands. I am coming, Peter. You can't hide forever.

I howled against the moon as loud as I dared.

Severus Snape:

I stood against his door, listening to his panting and labored breaths. I looked at my pocket watch, it was nearly time. I had to make sure no students will come near his door and hear him. I listened to his muffled moans, as his body cruelly stretched and shaped into a form of the wolf. I heard his bones snapping and bending with the silent horror. I remember the wolf coming after me. It was the most terrifying moment of my life, although I knew it was coming. I thought I was prepared for it, but in that moment of terror I lost all my mobility.

Long after his uneasy breath and unsteady pacing had died down, I stayed with my back against his door. I put a charm around the door to make sure he won't smell my presence through the crack under the door. Just a little wooden door was what's separating us. I had the small bottle with a potion I had perfected since I had stumbled upon it in our sixth year. I drank it, and in a blink of an eye, my body and robe transformed into that of a black cat.

I meowed against the door, seeking the lost boy who had once been my keeper.

Remus Lupin:

Blood…everywhere. The smell of death lingered in the air, made me vomit with sickness. The hollow eyes of Benjamin stared back at me. Flies were already on him. I waved my hands, trying to force the flies to move, show the respect for the dead! I wanted to yell at those pests! All around Benjamin, there were more. Their eyes open, some of them with their mouths frozen in their agony and fear.

All children. Dead. At the gun points.

The hunters didn't show mercy, and now all my children were gone. I heard Eliza's wails far away. She must have checked the girls' dormitory. I listened for any survivors, straining my sensitive ears to ear any sign, any breath of life.

There was none. Only the white of their eyes and teeth in the darkness, into nothingness. Into death and hell. From far away I heard a strange sound, it was getting louder and louder by the second, and until I saw the horrified face of Eliza in front of me, I didn't realize it was me that was screaming. Even after I realized what I was doing, I could not stop. Eliza held me tightly against her bosom, trying to console me, trying to bring me back from my shock, but the wolf was taking over, and I was retreating.

I heard Eliza gasped and moved away from me, and I saw, with my own eyes, the white light radiating. From where, I did not know nor did I care. The whole hut was shaking and shaking. I did not hear Eliza's scream. I only heard the screams of my children along with the fires of gun shots. Only thing the wolf was thinking was revenge.

The next morning the remains of the rebels of Montungu were found. None looked human, and of few that did were found with their hearts cut out from their chests. They said it was a family of lions who had attacked them. They said they found the traces of their paw prints, although it was smaller than normal size. They said they never knew the lion still roamed the plains of Ghana. They said it was the will of the God that had punished those rebels.

But the wolf knows the truth as savagely as I did, reminding me every single full moon night from then on. I spitted out another droplet of blood. It was almost over. I could feel my bones remanding back to my human self. My front paw had difficult time turning back, and I was afraid it's broken. As another wave of memory and nauseas came, I no longer cared about my broken bones.

Tbc…..

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lilvoir: I love cute and girly Remus too. I think it's one of the requirement for slashy remus. I like strong and manly Remus and girly Remus all the same though. Severus will definitely have his chance with our wolf boy. ^____^

Newcomer: Thank you for liking the story. I am afraid Voldemort is one of the most underrated fan fic character. I want to give him a voice. Heh~

No name: I want a beta, but I haven't found a good beta! Anyone up for a job?

Metamorphism: O_o you printed out my story? That's the best compliment ever! THANKS! Yeah, I don't believe in pure evil and good character. Eveyone's gray. Even Remus, whom I worship and torture insanely, is gray.

Mandy: Sorry~ I will update often if I have more time, I promise! Thanks for waiting!

Akira: Thank you for your warm word of encouragement. I shall do my best!