DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto. Herp Derp

"Ah…haaah…ahh…hmmm…oh yes! Faster! Koibito-sama!"

"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT!" groaned Hidan standing up quickly. "THIS SHIT HAS GOT TO STOP!"

"Ow…" Lee groaned from under the kitchen table.

"Uh…after Lee finishes my blow job." Hidan sighed and sat down, making Zetsu roll his eyes. The two had been in the kitchen talking when they heard loud moans coming from one of the members' rooms. The two suspected Deidara at first, but then the bomber had come out, complaining and that he was going to go get something to eat…Pain and Konan weren't even in the hideout and Hidan was right in the kitchen, so who could it be?

"If we don't find out who that is…we'll go crazy…" Zetsu was just as tense as the albino about this.

"Same here…LEE, STOP BITING DAMN IT!" growled Hidan.

"We're going to have a look and get back to you." said Zetsu. "And as for your little fuck toy, our plants had fun with your ass."

"Damn it, Lee-kun! I told you to stop sneaking into that creep's fucking room without me!" Hidan bitched.

Zetsu left the two lovers and headed into the hall with the members' rooms, with each step allowing him to hear the moaning a bit clearer. It sounded like a woman, but groaned like a man. From his spying missions, he figured it could be either but a man or a woman, but he wanted to be sure. The sounds seemed to be coming from every which way, so Zetsu had to carefully peek into each room. Normally he never entered the member's room, so this was going to be interesting.

The first was his and Tobi's room. His side was covered with plants, dirt, a little blood, and vines which covered a little bit of Tobi's side. Tobi's side just consisted of candy wrappers, his bed, and said ninja himself napping in his black boxers that smiley faces on them. Zetsu sighed with relief. At least Tobi was too stupid to get a decent woman and Tobi knew from personal experience not to bother his plants.

Closing the door, he moved on to Sasori and Deidara's room. Sure enough, both the artists were gone. The only thing in the room was a bunch of marks from when Deidara would get irritated and throw bombs everywhere and a couple of Sasori's puppets. 'Nothing interesting here…what's that? It looks like a porn magazine…'

Upon picking it up, he was surprised to see that it was a magazine called "Flirt Catalog" which had circles around a bunch of sexy costumes, bondage gear, and…strapons? 'Why would he even…let's no question it. Agreed!"

The next room was Kisame and Itachi's room. The room was pretty simple and contained nothing more than a bookshelf. The cannibal was relieved that Samedaha was nowhere to be found as the thing growled and tried to bite him more than once after he kicked the thing for trying to hump him.

That left Kakuzu and Hidan's room. Taking a deep breath, Zetsu opened the door and the truth was revealed…right on Hidan's blood covered bed, Kakuzu was banging the hell out of Itachi's tiny ass. The planted man was surprised. Itachi never really showed any interested in anyone and Kakuzu was consisted too old by the rest of the members to even have sex or even have the ability to love, but here he was banging the Uchiha, the least likely out of anyone to actually want to have sex or mewl and moan like he was right now.

"Ahhhh…Koibito-kun…fu…ugh…hm…faster! Oh yes! Hmmm…ah…ah…" Itachi moaned as the older male continued to take the smaller male. The plant man never knew Itachi had the ability to look or sound like a needy whore, but here he was riding his lover and crying out his name. A few seconds later, the Uchiha cried out and came, followed by Kakuzu who came a huge amount of semen into his lover's body. After caught his breath, Itachi then laid in a 69 position and pressed his tiny pale ass over Kakuzu's unmasked face. "Koibito-sempai, please taste us."

The cannibal watched in disgust as Kakuzu happily stuck his tongue into the ninja's sticky, cum filled asshole. That was unusually gross. Did semen mixed with asshole taste good?! Even though he was a cannibal, this completely grossed him out. Why would anyone want to do that? Ew! Grossed out, the cannibal left, closed the door and walked back to the kitchen only to find Hidan fucking his sex slave on the counter.

After clearing his throat 5 times, the priest looked up, annoying that someone was interrupting his fucking. "WHAT?!"

"It was Kakuzu and Itachi…" Zetsu said quickly.

"W-what?" Hidan raised a brow. "Fucking seriously?"

He nodded, shuddering. "It was disturbing."

"Hm…I never would have thought…" Hidan just shrugged it off and continued to fuck Lee. "Damn it, Lee! I told you can touch yourself in a minute!"

"How does he keep going? I have no clue…"

~MEANWHILE~

Kabuto winced as he watched Sasori purr as he licked the chocolate off of his lover's cock. Kisame moaned and thrust into the red head's mouth at a fast pace, careful not to hurt the ninja. The puppet master moaned around the shark's cock and massaged his balls, while the cord that was inside of his chest thrust into his ass. The medic blushed and cursed Orochimaru for making him do this. They were just having sex and not doing anything else, but no…Orochimaru wanted him to video tape every moment of what Sasori did and said…even if it was disturbing.

The young man sighed with relief as both ninjas came with a groan. Finally…maybe Sasori would do something productive. However, said ninja did not. Instead, he started making out with who he presumed was his lover. Sighing, the ninja rolled his eyes and videotaped this too. He was going to have a surprise for the snake when he got back.

~Kakuzu and Hidan's Room~

"That was fantastic, Koibito-kun…" Itachi purred as he lay on his lover's chest. "We must do this more often."

"Hm." Kakuzu muttered as he spooned his lover's back. "Maybe…"

"Do you think we should clean up Hidan's bed?" Itachi asked, sleepily. "His bed has a lot of cum on it from when we were on it."

"Don't worry about it, love. His bed already looks like shit and he won't know the difference."

"Oh…okay, Koibito…um…Koibito?

"Hm…" Kakuzu had his eyes closed and was drifting off to sleep.

"I'm having a baby." Itachi blushed.

"WHAT?"

"T-that's good right?" the younger man whimpered.

"N-no! That's fantastic! I-I'm happy for us."

"Oh…that's good…I-I thought you didn't love me anymore for a minute." Itachi kissed his lover's cheek. "Good night, Koibito-kun."

"Good night Itachi-san." As Itachi snuggled close to his lover, the miser smiled to himself. So he was going to be a father in a few months. The thought of fatherhood made him proud and a little curious about what the baby would look like or even how it would be born, but overall this was great. Smiling, the miser drifted off to sleep.

~~~POP~~~

"Hidan-kun, can I stop wiping this stuff all over your chest?" Lee whined as he rubbed chocolate batter all over his lover/master's chest. "I think someone's using it."

"So? Keep going, slut…you know you want to lick the chocolate off of my sexy body…" Hidan purred as he sat in a sexy pose on the kitchen counter. "Come on, Lee-san…you're almost done."

"But I've covered everything!"

"Hm…true…" Hidan smirked. "Well not everything…"

Before the ninja could react, the priest jumped on his lover and playfully covered him with the sweet sauce, while dirtying up the floor. Giggling, the Jashinist licked the young male's cheek and rubbed his lover's crotch in his boxers. Before an extremely hot yaoi sex scene could happen, the two heard a loud scream, making them look up.

"H-HIDAN! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!? I JUST CLEANED THAT DAMN FLOOR! AND MY CAKE! MY PRECIOUS CAKE BATTER! YOU ASSHOLE! HOW DARE YOU!"

"Oh shut up! You can't cook worth a fuck anyway!"

"GRRR…THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU AND YOUR AIR HEAD ATTITUDE!" Konan growled before sending millions of tiny pieces of paper striking Hidan.

"Ow! OW! DAMN IT! SHIT! OW! DAMN IT!" Hidan tried running away only for the papers to follow him as well as Konan.

"COME BACK HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!" the purple haired woman yelled.

"I knew we shouldn't have used that stuff…" sighed Lee.

"SHUT UP, DUMBASS!"