100 Things AnE Characters Are Not Allowed To Do

In other words a list. What? List? I didn't say list! It's not a list if you add scenes...right?

Rated T because Satan rolls like that. Sorry, if you can't stomach his language. Um, all humor accepted. No Demons were hurt in the making of this list. Anything and everything is game. Even cheap shots at the author. Katou and me. Spoilers for latest manga chapters!

Credit goes to the first list maker ever in Fanfiction. And no, I don't know who that is. But~ These ideas are all mine!

Ao no Exorcist characters are not allowed to:

1. Use Rin as a Human Sacrifice.

Lucifer barged into the dimly lit room and sneered imperially at the crowd gathered there, "What exactly do you think you are all doing?"

The brown-hooded figures surrounding a stone alter amongst candles and incense burners paused their ominous Latin chanting and looked at each other in confusion.

One of the braver souls spoke up with an uncertain tone, "Um, well we were trying to create the Anti-Christ…"

A tick mark sprouted on the masked forehead of the Demon King of Light. "And who gave you permission to attempt such a ritual? I mean," The white-haired Demon gestured to their surroundings and then snubbed them all by raising his nose into the air, "Just look at this place!" The haughty attitude was somewhat marred by the sudden hacking up of blood he engaged in but he was on a roll and no one dared interrupt. "It's filthy! I won't stand for this- This disgrace! This degradation of such an important event! Give me back my sacrifice! I'll show you how to properly sacrifice someone's soul in order to take their bod-I mean bring ruin upon the world by summoning Father."

Chilling on his back, chained to the alter, one Okumura Rin interrupted, "Hey, I do get a say in this right? I mean, no one said anything about human sacrifice—not that I am even remotely human, son of Satan hello?—I don't think it's in my contract with Kazue Katou either…"

The eldest son of Satan looked skeptical putting his hands on his hips. "Then what are you doing right now?"

The navy-haired teen blinked and then gestured to himself with the clink of chains following the action while he replied quizzically, "What? This? This isn't human sacrifice. Mephisto or Angel are going to bust in any moment now and save me. These idiots," Here he jerked his chin to the robed figures milling about. "Won't even get close to the whole Satan-possessing-world-ending-apocalypses-creating sacrifice they were aiming for."

At this the hooded figures exclaimed, "What!"

"That's not fair!"

"Yeah, we kidnapped you fair and square!"

Rin actually took the time to roll his eyes and look annoyed. "Well, life's not fair! If it bothers you all that much take it up with my lawyer!"

Grumbling, the crowd of Satanic worshipers dispersed leaving the two Demons alone in the dank room.

"Hmm, that went quicker than expected." Lucifer grinned past his mask and walked toward the still chained teen. "Here I thought I was going to have to bring up in court the illegality of this whole operation and the fact that they didn't have a human sacrifice permit."

Having no one else to talk to the blue-eyed male blinked and queried, "You can get a permit for that?"

Looking surprised, the older Demon nodded and explained, "Hai, but only in certain parts of Europe…and in Central America. The Aztec's are willing to pay exorbitant amounts of money for them."

"Hn, you learn something new every day…"

Nodding sagely, the taller Demon asked, "That as it may be…you look a little uncomfortable."

Rolling his eyes a second time, he rattled the chains pinning his arms to the stone and quipped, "Well, what do you expect? This entire plot reeked of B-list movie wannabes. I swear several of them were just muttering gibberish where they had forgotten the Latin chant!"

Shaking his head in disdain the Light King snorted. "In my day that sort of thing got your throat slit. Jeeze, standards these days, they've just gone to hell."

The young exorcist-in-training nodded in agreement and spoke sympathetically, "True dat. Now…you mind getting me down from here?" He jerked the chains for emphasis and rustled the white ceremonial smock with floppy sleeves they had forced him to wear that only came to his thighs. "It's a bit chilly in here."

Rubbing his chin thoughtfully he asked, "Will you let me sacrifice you?"

Rin took a few seconds to think about that, weighing the pros and cons. "I'll talk to my lawyer. But I can't guarantee anything."

The Nazi-imitating Demon smiled, shark-teeth showing and lilted, "That's better than nothing! ~" And then his grin stretched until it nearly split his face menacingly. "Now hold still. Or you might lose a limb."

Rin squeaked.

2. Dress Yukio to look like his deceased Mother.

"Da fuck? She's too tall."

Yukio grit his teeth and resisted the urge to pull the itchy wig on top of his head off. The whole thing was ridiculous!

"It's been fifteen years. Of course, she is taller. She's not an immortal Demon you know."

The white wolf that sat ablaze on his haunches in the middle of the courtroom rose one of his nonexistent eyebrows. "Why the hell is she wearing fucking glasses?"

Lewin Light aka Lightning, Arc Knight extraordinaire tried not to snicker at the baleful glare of his fellow Exorcist. "Well, not everyone can have perfect vision you know? I have reading glasses at home actually."

Satan just deadpanned, "Yuri has more moles then this bitch does."

Needless to say, the Vatican didn't have to dispose of a dead canine corpse because after it was riddled with enough bullet holes to imitate Swiss cheese it combusted into ashes and disappeared. They only had to sweep up the spent bullet casings.

Yukio disposed of his wig in a similar manner growling that the whole thing was a waste of his time and that it had been a stupid plan to begin with. If the Vatican really wanted to make a peace treaty with Gehenna, they should have never tried to kill his Kaa-san in the first place.

Mephisto sulked in the corner. "I thought it was a good plan…"

3. Let Mephisto talk for more than fifteen minutes per meeting.

"-And this is why the Chinese have no originality! I mean, Shinatty-chan?! What kind of name is that! At the very least, they could have come up with a better plagiarized marketing name then Shinatty-chan! While I admire the play on words and understand that they are still quite mad about the Rape of Nanking that is no excuse to use linguistic rape on the hard-earned fruits of Japanese ingenuity!"

Lightning raised his hand hesitantly, that laid-back smile on his face actually looking strained.

The Grigori were quick—like a panther breaking the neck of its prey—to call on him. "Yes, Lightning?!"

"I move to break for lunch." Seeing the irate look on the Japanese Head Branch's face he added, "Please?"

4. Hint at the fact that Once Upon A Time in Talmudic lore Mephisto might have been the Angel of Death.

"When in Rome."

5. Ask Rin if he is the Anti-Christ and then try to get him to autograph their Bible.

"Hey, your name is Okumura Rin right?" Lightning was intrigued and he circled the unsuspecting teen with a critical look in his eyes.

Not realizing the danger of speaking to a man that could run circles around everyone he met, Rin nodded his head and looked for Shura's face among the many Exorcist seated at the long table in front of him. She was too busy glaring daggers at Angel to notice his predicament. He wasn't shy but… This guy looked kinda creepy.

"Really?" His eyebrows rose—not that you could tell thanks to the Safari hat on his head—and he smiled. "You're just a little kid."

Face flushing at the others comment he snarled, "Not a kid!" His tail lashed the air and he stopped himself before he could flare up. That wouldn't have been such a grand idea when surrounded by people even Shura was wary of. Alternatively, ones that had threaten to execute him once upon a time. "I'm fifteen!"

Chuckling at the strange yet almost innocent reaction from the Demon he had heard to be a bloodthirsty monster—via Angel's ranting of course—he smiled thankful he had chosen to see with his own eyes what type of person the boy was. And it certainly wasn't whom he had thought.

Grumbling about not being a kid the navy-haired male looked straight at the stranger that had waltz up to him while everyone else was busy fighting about how to properly deal with a gigantic Gehenna gate that was ripping the very fabric of realty apart in Germany.

Rubbing his chin in analyses, the dark-haired man surveyed the child before him. "Hmm, but you are the son of Satan are you not?"

Rin glared at the man and huffed, "Yeah. You got a problem with that?" He already been asked that multiple times by now and was quite casual about throwing it out.

Of course, casual for the man questioning him meant uncomfortable for everyone else around him. And it just so happened that the Grigori turned to him in that moment to ask his opinion on something and all everyone heard was, "So does that make you the Anti-Christ?"

A silence descended on the room and even Mephisto didn't say a word.

"…" They could have heard a Maken drop.

"I'm Catholic dammit!" Rin broke it and then bagged it before throwing it off a bridge onto oncoming traffic.

"So?" He pulled out a leather-bound book and held it up to the kid's face. "But just in case, can I have your autograph?"

"What?"

"Autograph. Can you sign my Bible?"

"What?"

1. Because we all know that that is the only way Satan is going to be able to stay in Assiah long enough to take over the world. And Lucifer wants his body because he is sick as a dog and really who actually wants Satan to take over Assiah? (Yuri's opinion is not valid.)

2. He looks like a male version. Simple as that.

3. I wanted a rant on Shinatty-chan. Mephisto was the only one who qualified.

4. Hebrew lore. Wouldn't that be a horrifying thought? Grim Reaper Samael extraordinaire?

5. Come on, don't tell me you weren't thinking that?

Any suggestions? I won't drown myself in coffee if you don't review though.

Tarry a while. Thou art so fair. ~ Wild-Tama

Update my other stories? What? What stories? There is nothing to see here... Whistles guiltily...