A/N: First of all, let me apologize for the extreme late update. I don't know if I'm supposed to give excuses here, but let's just say I had trouble typing updates, not only in Fairy Tail fandom, but all other fandoms as well. To put it bluntly, I just can't type. Secondly, like I said before, I can't exactly change the story plot now. Coz I have reasons as to why I made Erza pregnant. But if you need to know, I'll just say that things will get better and it's not exactly like what you think. Why? Well, if you wanna know then you can keep reading. But if you cannot cope with this heart ache, I don't mind if you stop reading. I understand some people cannot accept certain genres in fanfics, I don't hold grudges against that. I admit, I'm a fan of angst. But honestly, this isn't as angsty as you think it is. You'll know why in later chapters... I'm taking the loop to the real plot here. Enjoy.

Chapter 11

Erza woke up another morning rather comfortably. It was probably because of the vitamins she had been taking, or maybe because she had enough rest since Mirajane kind of held some of her tasks. But for once, she felt better. The guild was rowdy as usual, except she didn't exactly feel irritated with the noise. She strode her steps towards the bar, wearing her confident smile as always.

"The knight seems to be good today," Mirajane greeted before she could. "Think your morning sickness is over?"

"It's not exactly morning sickness. It's full day sickness," Erza retorted, rolling her eyes in faked annoyance. "Where's the mission I requested?"

"Gray didn't allow you to—"

"I know," Erza interrupted rather gruffly, even though part of her was trying to deny the flutter inside when the bar maid mentioned the name. "It's not that kind of mission."

Mirajane took a while to think, for she remembered clearly she did not assign any mission to the scarlet haired lady. But when the knight squinted at her, she remembered the council meeting she was supposed to attend. "That wasn't a mission," she frowned in protest, hands pulling out a file from the cupboard. "And you missed the meeting anyway. You can submit our proposal though."

"I'm trying to imagine myself going on a mission," Erza snatched the file before walking towards the main door.

"As peculiar as always," Mirajane chuckled.

She took the long route to the council. It wasn't because she wanted to see the view, not because she felt like walking more either. It was simply because she knew somewhere around the outskirt, a certain so-called criminal could possibly be there. She shouldn't be meeting him. But their last meeting didn't seem to sit right for her. She felt better now—both physically and emotionally. Maybe they can finally have a decent talk.

Erza slowed down her steps as she reached the familiar terrain, eyes wandering around wildly as if she was searching for something. But her steps never exactly halted either.

She didn't see him that day.

Erza had always wondered what Jellal thought about her pregnancy. She didn't get enough chance to explain before. But she's feeling better emotionally now. She had more confidence to explain the whole misunderstandings. If only she could see him today, they might still have a chance.

If only...

Gray was staring intently at the mission board. He was thinking of taking a small solo mission, but none of the available mission was easy enough for one. Those easy one day missions must have been taken earlier. Gray had given up on it a few minutes ago. Yet he still couldn't take off his eyes on a particular mission hung gracefully on top of most other missions. Any other missions would have gone unnoticed by Gray. But one particular word attracted his whole fiber of being—tracing a necromancer.

Necromancer...

Obviously, he had a bad experience with necromancer—a pure nightmare involving everything about Deliora and Ur. Part of him wanted to believe it was purely coincidence, but he couldn't deny the tug in his heart.

"You might as well just eat up the mission if you're going to bore a hole through it."

Gray simply glanced back at the blonde. "Hey, Lucy."

"You want to take that mission?" Lucy asked, stopping just right beside him. "We can go without Erza. I know you wouldn't want her to do such thing for the next nine months."

"I just wish she would listen to me for once," Gray sighed, throwing his sight to nowhere.

Lucy didn't answer for a while. She was looking at him, eyes mixed with amusement and disbelief.

"What?" Gray frowned at her, slightly uncomfortable with her stare.

"You've changed," Lucy said, lips curving into a sly smirk.

"No, I don't," Gray huffed, shaking his head as if the celestial mage had been so ridiculous with her remark.

There was a moment when Lucy opened her mouth and Gray thought she probably wanted to insist that he did changed, but none came. She smiled slightly, then took a deep breath of courage before snapping her fingers.

"So? Call?" she snatched the mission.

Gray smirked with a nod. "Call."

Lucy marched towards the bar, handing the mission to Mirajane for approval. Gray followed suit, sitting on a stool as they wait for Mirajane while the bartender disappeared in Makarov's office.

"Is Natsu available?" Gray asked.

"Oh, don't worry about him. Tell him we have a badass mission and he'll jump in without a doubt," Lucy laughed melodiously.

Gray never doubted that.

Erza climbed up the stairs to Fairy Hill. Sighing, she practically dragged herself up. Maybe Jellal had a mission elsewhere, which is why he didn't scout around the outskirt of Magnolia for the time being. But she had been feeling better, and she wished to meet him. It was probably because of the vitamins Gray had given her. But the headache she had been feeling somehow subsided that day, and her fatigue had improved, even though she still felt a little tired.

There was a huge mirror hanging on the wall at the side of the stairs. Erza halted for a few seconds, taking a good look at herself. She was troubled for the past few days. She didn't actually take notice of how pale she was. Her lips were concealed by makeup, but her eyes gave her away.

How far can she ever abandon herself?

She rested her hand on her tummy. "I'm sorry," she whispered to no one.

It was probably because she finally able to think clearly, or maybe just because she felt sorry for herself. But tonight, she wanted to do something—eat or snack on something to feel better.

She pivoted her heels, half jumping up the stairs excitedly at the thought of having her strawberry cake in the refrigerator. Now that she thought about it, she hadn't got a bite during her depressed moments. Why didn't she take some? Her mood would have gotten far better if she had.

Silly Erza.

She was too consumed in her thoughts to notice how she was skipping way too carelessly. She was too busy with her mood to watch her steps.

She slipped at the last step, stumbling down a bit as her hands reached out to grip something—anything. In that split second, she felt the world is spinning. Way to pick the time, headache.

She scraped her knees as she fell a few steps, but she gripped the railing just before she fell all the way down. Heaving a long sigh, she tried to calm herself. What the—she fell a fucking stairs? She blinked a bit to ease her headache. Her heart was beating rapidly at the sudden incident.

"I'll be fine," Erza chanted to herself, picking herself up as she headed to her room. "I'll be fine."

She wanted to believe so.

She directly went to her bathroom to clean herself.

And she was bleeding—massively.

"I'm sorry, Gray, Lucy. There seems to be a problem with this mission," Mirajane came back to where Lucy and Gray sat.

"What problem?" Gray frowned.

"Master Makarov tried to answer the mission, but it seems the mission is currently being taken by someone else," Mirajane explained. "Though the case is not yet done, but yeah."

"Is it someone from other guilds?" Lucy tried to guess.

"The requester said they only sent request to Fairy Tail. Something is weird here but I'll check and clear it later. At the mean time, would you to take on another request?" Mirajane offered politely.

"In that case—"

"Mira!"

Mirajane looked up when someone called her name.

"We have a trouble."

Wendy opened her door when she heard the continuous knock. Erza was panting in front of her, as if she had run a hundred miles.

"Erza-san, what's wrong?"

"Can you—can you check me?" there was worry evident all over her face. "I kinda fell just now and bled. Can you check me?"

She fell and bled.

It took Wendy quite a while to grasp what was going on. But the she gasped audibly. She took Erza in to sit on the couch, served her some warm tea and tried to calm her down. But Erza seemed to be too worried to even consider her words.

"Just check me. Am I—am I okay?" Is my baby okay? She kept that unsaid.

Wendy understood anyway. The sky dragon slayer sighed slightly, succumbing to the Titania's request. Her palm exuded a blue light as she ran it along the knight's head down to her tummy, then extended to her legs. Wendy did it for three times. She was furrowing, and she took her hand up for the fourth time when Erza caught her hand.

"What happened? What happened to me?" Erza demanded, eyes boring into the other girl's in curiosity.

"Ano—" Wendy stuttered, but it wasn't something unusual for her. Erza wanted to convince herself that she was okay—by any means.

"I—I cannot detect the fetus."

She cannot detect the fetus.

What does that mean?

Erza was silent for a little while. Part of her refused to believe what she heard. Another part was telling her to rejoice.

"Does that mean—" she almost choked on air. "Are you telling me that I—" she couldn't bring herself to say the word.

Why? She had been saying it thousands of times before. She had been threatening Gray with it. She wanted it for weeks since she knew she was pregnant. Why does it hurt so much when it unintentionally happened? Isn't it supposed to be at her convenience?

Why?

"I—I didn't mean that it's really an abortion, but I really cannot detect the fetus now," Wendy's hand flailed as she tried to explain. "I tried three times already, but maybe I was wrong. We can try again—"

"Three times," Erza repeated. "You're not that bad to have to repeat it three times and still make a mistake, Wendy."

Her voice was shaking. And she wondered when she might break.

Why? Why did this happen? Was it because of her? Maybe she was thinking of abortion way too much before that the fetus itself started to feel not wanted—and this happened? If that was the case, didn't that mean she killed the fetus?

She killed her baby.

Gray's baby.

She broke down in wails. That day, Erza wished to turn back time.

Erza woke up an hour after midnight. The familiar spacious room with a set of armor collection at a corner made her realize that she was at her own room. She frowned slightly in the dark. Oh yeah. Wendy put her to bed to calm down. She kinda made a huge commotion at Fairy Hill a few hours before.

She slowly got up and went to the bathroom. She was still bleeding slightly. She must have passed the fetus in the process. It was all her fault. She shouldn't have hoped for it. Why does this ever happen to her?

Just when she was finally feeling better—just when she was finally able to think clearly—this just had to happen.

"How am I supposed to tell Gray?" the words slipped out without her noticing. "And more importantly, why does it hurt so much?"

Why does it hurt, when she was the one who wanted it in the first place?

Why does it hurt, when she knew she was going to do it anyway?

Why does it hurt, when she never wanted the pregnancy?

A/N: Btw, I think I did written a little too off balance on the previous chapter. And I know why. Not gonna give excuses. LOL. As usual, tell me what you think. And thank you to the previous reviewers for letting me know what they think; amnaK96, sassywriterchick, thundergodlaxus, Gordon Hail, Fanfictions4ever, VK, Liz, Arazawa, fairytailfangirl, Grayza Lover and the unnamed Guest.