Authors Note: I own nothing Once Upon A Time related. This was supposed to be a little one-shot but it turned into a little more. Oh well.

Chapter One: All Work and No Play Makes Emma...Regina's Bitch

Emma had just gotten out of the shower and finished applying her make-up while dancing haphazardly around her small room in Mary Margaret's flat when her phone buzzed on the night stand. Striding over the device with a smile on her face as she sang along to some catchy pop tune, Emma picked up the phone and unlocked the screen. Her face immediately froze as she stared at the most recent text on her phone.

"In light of your complete ignorance to modern day criminal law, I have procured some material that may be of assistance to you. I'm expecting you to be here within the hour to begin your studies – R"

"Fucking Regina…" Emma exhaled and began furiously tapping her reply. She had typed out a beautifully crafted paragraph in response to the infuriating Mayor and then decided to delete it all and send something a little simpler.

"Rain check." Emma sent the message and dropped the phone back onto the nightstand as she trotted over to the closet in search of something appropriate to dress herself in.

Ruby had the brilliant idea to get the girls together for a night out on the town. Mary Margaret had reluctantly agreed after Emma begged and pleaded the entire afternoon. Although Mary Margaret made sure that she'd be receiving something out of the deal. Much to Emma's dismay, she had been conned into some heavy duty cleaning for the rest of the weekend. She tried – and failed miserably – to convince Mary Margaret that their flat wasn't really that dirty but this led to the petite brunette woman swarming around the main floor pointing out that the floors needed to be scrubbed, the furniture dusted and polished, the windows needed washing, and the entire place was littered with dirty dishes and cobwebs.

Okay, maybe it was that bad.

Regina sat behind her desk, moving the files on her computer desktop to the appropriate folders for optimal organization when her phone came to life on her lap. She opened the message from the Sheriff without hesitation and scoffed out loud when she read the two words of Emma's response. That…was definitely not the response she had been expecting. How dare the insolent blonde blow her off with a rain check? Regina's lips were pressed into a thin line as she responded to the Sheriff and placed her phone back on her lap.

Emma had just slipped into a deep purple cocktail dress when her phone buzzed again. She rolled her eyes knowing that the response was from Regina. Part of her was little terrified to read the message as she knew her previous text was just the kind of thing to get Regina riled up. Maybe she should just turn her phone off and tell Regina that it had died and she couldn't find her charger in the messy flat. There. That would be perfect, especially since Mary Margaret would back that story up without even knowing she was backing a story up. Even though it was the perfect excuse, Emma found herself opening the text anyway, reasoning that she just wanted to know what it said, and then she'd turn off her phone.

"That wasn't a suggestion, Sheriff. That was an order – R"

Emma smirked and rolled her eyes. Typical Regina. She began typing her response before even thinking about it.

"I'm pretty sure this can wait until tomorrow."

The response came so quickly, Emma had only gotten one strappy heel secured by the time her phone vibrated once more.

"Given the limits of your intellectual abilities, I think it's safe to say that you'll need every waking second to study before your test – R"

"Did you know that you can make limestone from gunpowder?"

Regina snarled at the baiting text from the blonde.

"Did you know that funding to the Sheriff's department is based solely upon the employees collective knowledge of criminology as well as their understanding of town laws and regulations?"

Emma laughed.

"I take it your answer is no."

"I take it that you wish to relinquish your duties as town Sheriff."

"Come on, Regina. You can't fire me because of this. Random tests aren't in my job description."

Regina huffed in irritation. Leave it to Emma Swan to make everything so difficult. But she had a point. Nowhere in the outlined duties of the Sheriff did it detail that she was required to take random intellectual aptitude tests. An amused smile crept across the Mayors lips as she opened the document on her computer detailing the responsibilities and duties of the Storybrooke Sheriff.

When a response didn't come right away, Emma assumed the Mayor had simply given up. She couldn't help but grin, knowing she had engaged in combat win Regina Mills and finally came out victorious. Ten minutes later and still no text back from the Mayor, and Emma would know, she had – much to her dismay – checked her phone numerous times. There was something about the sudden silence that caused Emma to chew on the inside of her lip. Bouts of rage and anger she could deal with. But silence, that was something else entirely. It was possible that the Mayor was seething with anger and was already in her flashy Mercedes on her way over here to drag Emma away like a runaway dog. But it was also possible that Regina simply no longer wished to deal with her childish antics. Either way, there would always be hell to pay, in one form or another.

Just as Emma dropped her phone into her clutch, the damned thing vibrated against some loose coins, left forgotten at the bottom of the clutch. She couldn't help but laugh at the Mayors impeccable timing. It was an email this time.

"Please see the recently amended files detailing the duties and responsibilities of the individual occupying the position of Sheriff. I have attached these files for your convenience. In addition, I feel it is my responsibility as Mayor to inform you that your first, of many, random tests will be conducted tomorrow morning at 8:00am sharp in the Storybrooke Town Hall.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Regina Mills"

Emma stood there, slack-jawed, and frozen with anger.

"That…BITCH!" Emma shrieked and slammed her fist against the already damaged door. Emma paced back and forth across the room, attempting to rationalize the Mayor's desire to make her life miserable. Was one night out, away from all the shit, too much to ask?

Obviously it was.

Regina waited patiently for the blonde's reply, passing time by playing a game of chess on her computer. Her wicked smile remained stitched to her face and only grew wider when an alert came from her phone. Grabbing the device all too quickly, Regina clicked on the text from Emma.

"Seriously?"

"I am quite serious regarding the performance of my law enforcement officials."

"I hate you"

"I'll see you in 15 minutes?"

"…Yeah."

Resentfully, Emma changed out of her cocktail dress and slipped back into her usual skinny jeans and tank top, complete with a black leather bomber style jacket and knee high boots. She descended the stairs from her room to be met by the confused stares of Mary Margaret and Ruby.

"What the hell Emma? Why aren't you dressed?" Ruby asked after taking a generous gulp of her beer.

"Sorry, there's been a uhh last minute change of plans," Emma shrugged her shoulders and opened the door to the freezer. "Have you seen my vodka?"

"Is everything okay Em?" Mary Margaret asked, standing beside the blonde and moving bags of frozen vegetables to the side to uncover an almost-full bottle of vodka. Emma reached for it and unscrewed the cap, taking a swig of the virulent liquid and shuddering as the cold produced a painful burning sensation in her throat.

"Is everything ever okay?" Emma retorted, rolling her eyes and taking another sip of vodka. When neither of her brunette counterparts spoke, Emma sighed and told them of Regina's recent successful attempts to make her life miserable.

"You're kidding!" Mary Margaret cried out, sounding much angrier than Emma had ever heard her before.

"Nope. So instead of having a fun night out, I'm stuck with Regina 'Master Manipulator' Mills."

"Maybe you should take it easy on the vodka then?" Mary Margaret suggested as Emma took her fifth or sixth hearty swallow straight from the bottle.

"Yeah, right. If I had to spend my entire Friday night with Regina I'd be hitting the bottle just as hard. Drink up Emma!" Ruby chimed in, holding her beer bottle in the air.

Emma matched the younger brunette's gesture and raised her fifth of vodka before draining more of the potent liquid from it. After a few more minutes, Emma whisked out the front door a half of a fifth heavier than she had been previously. The night air was cold against her pale skin but Emma knew better than to drive in her current condition. The vodka had done a number on her, causing her normal purposed stride to transform into a sloppy, faltering gait.

Twenty minutes later and Emma was making her way up the sidewalk to the front door of the Mayor's pristine house. Before she could even knock, the door swung inwards revealing one very pleased looking Regina Mills.

"You're late."

Emma mumbled something under her breath and pushed passed the Mayor without invitation. Regina simply rolled her eyes and shut the door behind the blonde and led them to her in-home office. Emma trailed slowly behind, noticing for the first time, how barren the walls of the Mayor's home were. No pictures of family and no portraits of the Mayor herself. Emma snorted as she imagined Regina was just the type of person to have a domineering portrait hanging above her fireplace. Attempting not to lose her patience with Emma's slow place, Regina resigned herself to an annoyed click of her tongue and crossed her arms in front of her chest, watching the blonde woman as she seemed lost in thought.

"Anytime now Miss Swan. You've got an awful lot of material to cover in such a short time." Regina's familiar drawl broke Emma from her reverie.

"Easy there, Madame Mayor, I think I can handle reading a book." Emma retorted.

"A book?" Regina questioned amusedly. Her brown eyes flickered with delight when the Sheriff's clouded green eyes found hers. "Who said anything about a book, dear?"

Thoroughly confused, Emma passed by the woman standing in the doorway of the study, giving her the best dagger look she could muster. When she came to the center of the room, Emma noticed that there was not just one book laid out on the coffee table in front of the sofa, but an entire fucking library reference section. Over a dozen books sat there, patiently waiting to be read, along with a pad of paper and a simple ballpoint pen. Emma spun around on her heel to find Regina smiling with delight.

"You can't be fucking serious!?" Emma yelled, one arm gesturing towards the stacks of books on the table while the other busied itself in her blonde hair.

"As I've stated previously, I take the performance of law enforcement officials in my town very seriously." Regina taunted as she walked across the hardwood floor, the clicking of her heels echoing obscenely loudly off of the barren walls, to her seat behind the simple yet elegant desk. Her seat just so happened to provide her with a direct line of sight to where Emma would be tackling the impossible task set before her.

"This is absolutely ridiculous!" Emma yelled once more. "No one - not even you - could read this amount of information in a single night!"

Regina lowered herself casually into her seat and regarded the frantic Sheriff with little interest.

"No perhaps not," she began. "Although, if you had spent more of your time reading up on all of this and less time perfecting your three-pointer in trashcan basketball and running off with my son, you wouldn't be in this situation."

Emma opened and closed her mouth multiple times in an effort to find something to say to the woman who looked all too smug sitting at her meticulously organized desk. Unfortunately, the alcohol coursing through her veins fogged her mind and thus left her with nothing sensible to say. Emma threw her hands up in the air, turned away from Regina, and practically stomped her way over to the couch, hoping she left at least one good scuff on the damned floors.

"I am not drunk enough for this," Emma muttered to herself as she flopped onto the couch and pulled one of the heavy books onto her lap. She propped her feet up on the coffee table without a thought. It was secondhand nature after.

"You're drunk?" Regina questioned from behind her desk, peering at Emma from behind her laptop.

"Not drunk enough." Emma spat back at her as she opened the cover to 'A Comprehensive Guide to the Criminology and Penology'.

Three hours later and the only sounds filling the room were those of the Mayor's french-manicured fingernails tapping away in a steady, staccato rhythm at her keyboard, Emma's own pen scrawling jagged, lopsided notes on her pad of paper accompanied by huffs of irritation or exasperation, and the chronic ticking of the old mahogany grandfather clock in the far corner of the room.