Music Choice: Theme of Love by Nobuo Uematsu (Final Fantasy IV-Orchestra version)

Chapter 13 - The Empty Seat

"This isn't working out too well," Merlin thinks to himself. He has planned to give Morgana some space, but he is finding it difficult. He could tell from last night that Morgana didn't want to have anything to do with him. He understands that he may have stood her off yesterday and hurt her, which in his mind is the reason why she acted cold to him. But worry and doubt has been bothering him all day. He worries that he might lose her, and whatever it is that they have together. He still has to resolve what his feelings are with Morgana. No doubt he is attracted to her, but he still has to answer whether she is someone he could see spending the rest of his days with.

He hasn't seen her yet today, and it is already midday. He has skillfully avoided crossing paths with her, but it is also fortunate that he is able to get a day off from Arthur so he can completely avoid being in the castle.

Merlin scrapes off a huge chunk of dirt that stains his neckerchief before entering Gaius' chambers.

"I got it!" He holds up a flower in his hand.

"Grown in boggy and marshy terrain?" Gaius asks.

"In the middle of boggy, marshy terrain. Right in the middle."

"You did a good job. This'll sort things out. Hopefully before tomorrow's wedding."

"Will it hurt her when the fairy leaves?"

"She'll feel like a new person. She probably doesn't realize how much trouble it's been causing her."

"Oh, that's good," Merlin sighs deeply, his breathe is heavy and his countenance shows his weariness. He walks to a tub of water to scrub off some of the mud on his arms.

Gaius notices Merlin's current state. "Is everything fine with you Merlin?"

"Uhh . . . yes."

"You don't sound convinced," Gaius begins to work on the potion.

"Well, it's just . . .," Merlin hesitates whether to ask Gaius about matters of love. Whether he should just throw away all his worries to have what he's been wanting ever since he's arrived to Camelot. Ever since he's laid his eyes on her. "I don't think you'll understand."

Gaius stops working and faces Merlin, "Merlin, why don't you just tell me? Two heads are better than one."

"Umm . . . well. Have you ever wanted something so badly that you couldn't have? That getting it could mean more trouble than happiness?"

Gaius' eyebrows rise at his question; he is reminded of an old love that he used to have, Alice. He has never loved anyone like her, and he never did love anyone else after she left. He knows that his destiny has been to be next to Uther's side, but if he had a choice, he would've chosen a destiny with Alice instead, no matter the consequences. "Merlin, all I could say about the matter is to know which decision you will regret the most by not choosing it."

Merlin squints at his adopted father. He has always given him good advice, but this one is probably one of the most important ones that he will ever get from him.

So far, most of his decisions with Morgana have led to hurt and sadness. Looking back, there is a lot of regret in his heart for the decisions that he never chose earlier. But ever since he's been open to Morgana, trusting towards her, and becoming her friend has he had less regret in his life.

Soaking in the seconds of silence between his mentor and himself, he ponders the decision in front of him. Certainty and security, or love? It doesn't take long for him to know which one he will regret the most.

Merlin jumps up from his seat to head to the door, Gaius halts him momentarily, "Oh by the way Merlin, Morgana was in here looking for you earlier."

The mention of her name prohibits him from containing a smile on his face, "Oh was she now?"

"Yes, actually, she's been bothering me all day looking for you."

Merlin beams a smile at his mentor, and disappears behind the door.

Gaius simply turns to his work and shakes his head, "The mind of children these days, I could never understand them."

###

Merlin hurries himself around the castle to look for Morgana. He turns a corner and bumps into Gwen.

"I'm so sorry Gwen," he looks at his friend, who hurriedly tries to cover her face. It looks like she's been crying. "Gwen . . . what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Oh nothing Merlin, I just have something in my eye."

His eyebrows rise at her statement. He knows what she's been crying about, this morning Arthur just got engaged to Elena. "Oh really? How could the biggest pratface in this kingdom fit in your eye?"

Gwen blushes and begins to shake at Merlin's words, "Merlin!"

"I'm sorry Gwen, but that's it isn't it? Don't worry Gwen, I'm your best friend, you can tell me anything," he uses his hands to rub her arms.

"Merlin, who am I to get in the way of that? I know this is for the best of the kingdom, and I know that he will grow into the King that Camelot deserves. But is it selfish to dream that he could grow into that King with me?"

"Of course not Gwen, it is not selfish."

Gwen smiles at her friend, "Thank you Merlin. But in this time, I have to be strong for him. This is all for the good of the kingdom. This is what's right."

Merlin's countenance changes and Gwen notices it. "Merlin, what is it now?"

"Do you really believe this is right?"

"I do believe it . . . Why, what do you think of it?"

"Honestly, I think they're all mad. All these rules are mad."

His words are eerily familiar to her ears. She smiles to him a genuine smile for happiness. "You know Merlin . . . you're the second person to say that to me."

It is true though, in his heart he believes that it's not right that a person's status should get in the way of love. "It shouldn't matter anyone's rank. . ."

Gwen sighs as she reaches for Merlin's cheek, "Merlin, you should go see Morgana. She's been looking for you all day."

"Oh . . . okay," his eyebrows rise. "Do you know where she is?"

"I believe she's in the library at the moment. Look for her in there."

"Thank you Gwen. And don't worry; I'll see if I can talk some sense into our little prince."

"Please don't. I don't want him to be forced to a decision. If he wants to seek your opinion, then tell him what you think. I just don't want him to make a decision because of what others think. I want him to arrive to his own conclusions on his own. Please promise me this Merlin."

He looks at her deeply, "Of course Gwen. I promise I will only speak my mind to him if he really asks."

"Okay then, go Merlin. Morgana has been looking for you all day."

"Thank you Gwen. Just look for me if you need to talk."

"Thank you Merlin, I will hold you up to that offer."

###

It is already way past midday and Morgana still hasn't seen Merlin. She came by Gaius' chambers several times looking for him, only to be told that Merlin is out doing errands for him all day. It's not every day that Merlin gets a free day from working for Arthur, but it seems that he's day off from Arthur means a work day for Gaius. Suspiciously though, Merlin has been quite invisible today, as if he has been hiding himself from her on purpose.

Morgana dismissed Gwen earlier today and decided to go to the library. After the big announcement this morning, Arthur's engagement to Elena and Merlin's mysterious hiding, all she wants right now is a quiet time of reading.

She walked past Geoffrey earlier, whose heavy snores muted her footsteps, even in the quiet of the room. The library is usually empty this time of day, actually, any time of day it is usually empty. The part of the library that Morgana comes to is a wide open space, several chairs are scattered around the room, and bookshelves are placed to make a circle, acting as a wall to the room.

She has been sitting in her favorite seat, just enough sunlight to read but not so much that it could be blinding on a bright day. She's oriented it to face away from the room, and it still is oriented the same way she left it a week prior. Far behind her is another chair, a chair facing her that Merlin usually occupies whenever she would see him in the library before.

She looks behind her at the empty seat; her mind fills with memories and thoughts of the man that usually situates himself there.

She's had a very eventful week; a lot of things have changed. Her feelings for a man that she's considered her friend for the longest time have advanced drastically. Of course she's always been drawn to him, his demure smile, caring attitude, honest words . . . "strong will, pure heart, the way his cheekbones rises when he smiles, the blue of his eyes, the way he scratches his head when he thinks . . ."

She sighs longingly as she continues to imagine him. The servant, the friend, the warlock. She remembers the strength of his arms when he held her that night, at her weakest. She remembers his words that he will protect her, and she believes him. She remembers that night at the feast, when he told her everything; everything he's felt about her, everything that happens at the sight of her, at the sound of her voice, at the smell of her scent, at the touch of her skin. She remembers the kiss that almost was, but looking at the current situation, a kiss that probably could never be.

She doesn't know it as fact, but she strongly believes that Merlin is indeed avoiding her. She thinks that she's probably pushed him too far, being friendly and being cold towards him, "he's probably thinking that I am merely toying with his emotions."

She looks back again at the empty seat that is a ways behind her and only takes a few moments before she takes her eyes away from it. "If he and I are meant to be, then it will happen. I will no longer lose sleep over this!"

She looks back at the empty seat again, but only for a moment, "But if don't act, if I don't fight for it, it will never be."

She looks again at the empty seat, and then faces forward again. "No! He needs to decide on what he wants. I will no longer push him."

This time, she stays seated firmly in her seat, facing away from Merlin's empty seat. She doesn't look back.

Morgana still is unsure what to do as her mind goes back and forth on the issue. "That's it, I will decide now. I will look behind me at the empty seat, if all of a sudden I see him there, I will not give up . . . if he isn't, then I will have to let go."

The possibility of Merlin all of a sudden showing up in the library, and sitting on his chair is so improbable to Morgana that she decided on using this method to choose, as if flipping a coin, but in this case, the probability is not fair odds. At this point, she wants to focus on other things.

She takes a deep breathe, not really expecting a sudden miracle, as she counts down.

"3 . . ."

His face flashes in her memory.

"2 . . ."

His blue eyes flashes in her mind.

"1 . . ."

His lips flash into her vision.

She turns slowly, and looks behind her.

The seat . . . is still empty.

"Of course, so I guess that's that. I really didn't expect anything. . ." she exhales as she takes in the severity of the moment. She's just made a drastic decision on a whim, basing her conclusion on chance.

The seat is still empty, it's been empty since she got in the room, and it's probably going to be empty when she leaves the room. She questions herself why she's been thinking this way recently. She asks herself when she has become a slave to wishful thinking. Thinking that destiny will all of a sudden place the man in the seat right before she turns to look, to appease her heart, to give her justification for her feelings.

"The seat is still empty," she thinks to herself. The voices in her head scream at her, however, another voice comes to her mind, interrupting her thoughts. A very welcome surprise.

"~Hmmm . . . why are you looking at my seat?~"

Morgana nearly jumps as she hears words whispered to her mind. She knows who is speaking to her; a smile breaks into her face.

She speaks back to him, "~Merlin . . . you're here . . .~"

Merlin emerges from behind a bookshelf and he walks to stand in front of his favorite seat. "~Yes I am. You know, I've been looking for you.~"

Morgana stands up and faces him from the opposite side of the room, "~really? I've been looking for you too. If you were looking for me, and I was looking for you, then how did we not see each other? . . . unless . . . you didn't want to be found?~"

"~I'm sorry Morgana, that is true . . . I hid myself from you to give you space, to give you time to think.~"

Morgana begins to walk towards Merlin, "~Oh is that true? To think about what?~"

"~To think about us. . . Morgana I was wrong. This short time apart that we've had, I learned of things and came to a conclusion.~"

Her steps are short and true, slowly she is making her way to him, "~and what conclusion is that?~"

"~I learned what I will regret the most. That I would regret . . . regret pushing you away. Regret not choosing . . . us.~"

"~But you gave me this time to think. What makes you believe that I would not change my mind?~"

"~I can see that you haven't.~"

She pauses for a second in the middle of the room, "~How do you make that assumption?~"

"~Morgana, I have come to know you very well. Just by looking at you, I can tell what's on your mind.~"

"~And how did you manage to do that?~" She continues forward slowly.

"~Morgana, do you know why this is my favorite chair?~"

"~No, but do tell me.~" She smirks evilly at him, dried up tears still stain her cheeks.

"~This is my favorite chair not because of the lighting, or it's next to this bookcase, or it's the quietest area of the room. This is my favorite chair because of its orientation.~"

Morgana raises her eyebrow in question, "~The chair's orientation?~"

He smiles at her, "~Yes! It's orientation. It is facing your chair. So whenever I sit down, and whenever you are here as well, I get to steal glances at you. I get to look at you, even if only it is the back of your head. You see, I've learned more about you by watching you. How your shoulders rise and fall, how you play with your hair, and how your body reacts to speaking words. From this, I know what you feel.~"

"~You learned all of that just from looking at the back of my head, did you?~"

"~Well, I study you too whenever I see you. . . We actually spend a lot of time staring at each other in public. Gwen has noticed.~"

Morgana smiles, "~I thought we hid it pretty well. But no matter, how about you ask me a question? Ask me why I like to sit in that seat over there~" She points back at her seat from across the room.

"~Okay, why is that your favorite seat?~"

"~It is my favorite seat because of the lighting, it is next to that bookcase with my favorite books, and it is the quietest area. All of those are the reasons.~"

"Oh," Merlin says out loud, a hint of disappointment in his tone.

"~ . . .but, there is a bigger reason why. It's because whenever I'm here, and that I know you're in your seat. I know that you're watching me. Protecting me.~" She smiles at him as she is only a few feet away from him now.

Merlin smiles in return, "~So, I guess . . . we're in agreement then?~" He steps forward to meet her, as she moves forward to him. He opens his arm to accept her, she nudges herself into him, squeezing out any open space between them. Her scent intoxicates him, strawberries and jasmines, as he looks into her eyes.

She looks deeply into his eyes, "~Yes, we are in agreement.~"

Moments, turn into seconds as they drown in each other's eyes. This is it. Prophecies aside, destinies aside, and tradition aside, they have chosen each other.

Morgana smiles as she sends him the same first telepathic words she's said into Merlin's mind days ago.

"~ . . . give . . . ~"

"~ . . . me . . .~"

"~ . . .kiss . . .~"

This time, Merlin knows exactly what she means.

And in that moment, he obliges. His lips dive into hers as his embrace tightens to hold her closer.

The lady Morgana kisses him in return, pushing into him, as they both fall back into his chair. Occupying the once empty seat.

So I lied! I didn't have an update last week. Sorry, I thought I'd finish this one sooner. But here is one now. :D

I'm sorry it took so long for this. But they are finally here! Now we will see in the next chapters how long they can hold on. MUWAHAHAHAH. Evil smirk.

So, I did a reference to an earlier chapter when Merlin was teaching Morgana how to talk telepathically for the first time. Since they were talking telepathically the whole time, I thought it would be beautiful for her to say it to him. It's something that I thought she would do. Demand the kiss! haha :D

Hopefully you all like this chapter. Let me know.

January 17, 2014