…SCREW WHAT I SAID! I AM FINISHING THIS HERE AND NOW!
Yeah, so welcome to the huge final update for Light Reads! Today I'll be doing ALL the remaining chapters with Sonic and Link! Samus apparently had something to do-
Sonic: Yeah, right. She got lucky and ran for it while she had the chance.
Link: Think it's too late to make a mad dash for the door?
YES. Now, let's begin the end! But first, I'm going to share something with you all.
For those of you who read Random and Regular Days at Smash Mansion, you probably noticed that I was working on a little project. Well, this is it! I didn't even tell Warrior Kitty about this; only two authors know. For those of you who are wondering who they are, well, they can mention in a review if they knew or not. I've been really busy lately, so it took me a while, but we're finally going to be done! And, *Whispers* just so you all know, I started a little blog to continue this. Right now me, Sonic, Link and Zelda (Our guest reader) are reading the infamous Zelda fic 'My Inner Life'. *Shudders* It's way worse than it sounds, but if you still want to read my little riffs like this, definitely check it out. The link to the first page can be found on Warrior Kitty's profile page (Don't ask).
Sonic: Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's just start. How many chapters?
There are 35 in all, so… I'd say twelve.
Sonic & Link: *Both groan*
Ho meny tims doi hav 2 say it IM NOT A LESBAN AND NETHER IS LAUREN and im not in dental (NEWS FLASH: Sara never goes to the dentist! And also, remember, these arguments are irrelevant now that Lauren has revealed the truth.). Also I have anothar day of from skule on Mundy becuz of Marten Loother Kin Day (We don't really celebrate that holiday. Canadian, remember?). I forgat what he ded 2 get a holaday but hes blak so he was prolly the first MVP of the NBA or sumthin (Sonic: INCORRECT.). I wondar if their will be a Lebran Jams day sumday I liek the Mami Heet (Link: WE DON'T CARE.) becuz they wine all the tim and sens all baskatbell tems r filed with libruls I dont have any otter way to chooz wich tem to rout 4. (Aaah, how I missed her rambling…NOT!)
CHAP 24: ASALT ON HOM DEEPO PART 3 SARA CONCURS HOM DEPPO (And of course, it IS a four parter.)
Insanely (All: I KNEW IT!) wen I activeted my finale smish a buncha lesbans leept 2 pine me to the grond but I mad a fors feld that disinterested them. Than I fird sum mor beems of hevanly lite that vaparized mor lesbans. Than Peech fgarbed a chansaw (Sonic: Oh Maria, NOT AGAIN!) frum on off the shelvs and runned at me weth them. I graped the chansaw blad and riped the cghan of wile it was ranning and than knacked Peech asid an she was unconshus. (Poor Peach.)
Son it was cleer 2 them that I hed wone and Becky gat ot her fone and culled Satin and Derek Obauma. Saddenly a porthole opaned up 2 Subspas. (Link: Seriously, why are you using Subspace? All those baddies living in Subspace would have torn them to shreds already!)
"Hurray getin" Oibama sed. Becky and Evul Clon Sara and Samas jumps into the porthole and Zelda tred 2 fillow them but Lonk used the cootball skills that Josh tot him 2 tackal Zelda and the porthole closed b4 she cold get 2 it. Than Oak noked her unconshus. (Link: *Grits his teeth* Get your hands off my princess…)
"I see onlin that u nocked Peech and Zalda unconshus" Tiffany sid.
"Yea" I sed "Shud we kill them b4 they wak up" (They better not, or else Link'll go on a murderous rampage! Sonic: What about Mario? Me: I'm not sure about him. He might, but it's unlikely.)
"No. I hav an ida. Ty them up and brin them 2 my rome wen ur dun with destoryin Hom Deppo" Tiffany sade.
"ok" I sod. (Sonic: Can't you just SEE the genius radiating off of this dialogue? *Rolls eyes*)
So aftar I got rod of al the lesbans that wer stil in hidden I walked outsid and Link climed into the wreking ball masheen and destructed Hom Deepo (Well, there goes my Dad's material for our house…). Aftar that was dun we hird a consecration teem 2 build a new shaping mall there and they wold hav gards 2 mak shur gays and lesbans didnt cum inside. Than we laft 2 retune 2 Tiffanys rom with the unconshud Zedla and Peech. Alon the wat they waked up.
"Hey will u leyus go so wecan rap u" Zeda sed.
"No" I sed. (…Nice try, Zel…)
"But yule lik been a lesban" Peech sed "Evul Clon Sara is a lesban and shes relly hapy." (Yeah, way to go Peach, always look on the bright side of things! Sonic: Now if only she went on murderous rampages when something bad happens to Mario…)
"But shes gong 2 hell" I sade "I chooz 2 be strate 2 goto hevan."
"U ned 2 stap lissen 2 ur parants their is no haven and Lord Staten will be nise 2 u in hell" Zepda sad. (…PARENTS?!)
"No Stan is evul and ur a lyar!" I shatted "NOW SHADDAP OR ILL NOK BOTH OF U UNCONSHUS AGEN!"
Tesla (Nikola Tesla? What's he doing there?) amd Peevh shat up. Son we retuned 2 the Manshan.
"Sara wy did u destruct Hom Deepo" Mastar Hend sed he was watting outsid the frant dore.
"Becuaz thats were all the lesbans comgragat" I sad.
"That dosent mater u ned 2 be tolerate and wy r Peech and Zelda tid up" Matter Hemp sedd.
"Becuz Tiffany wants 2 c tham in her romo" I sid.
"Why" Nastier Hen sed.
"I dont no but it sonds impotent" I sed.
"Ok but u ned tobe punash 2 destoryen Hom Deepo. So no mor maches 4 u untel I say so!" Mastar Han flayed of. (Sonic: Yeah! Link: Go Master Hand!)
"I cant beleve Mister Hond. (Sonic: So, what was your plan to get rid of this again? Me: It's easy. We blow it up. Link: Okay, that sounds doable- Me: WITH COMBUSTIBLE LEMONS! Link: -…Never mind...)
"Hes suck a stooped jurk!" Lauren sed. She huged me becuz she new I felt bad abot my unfar punashmant. We toke Paech and Zeald 2 Tiffanys room. (It is not unfair. Master Hand's the best person in this entire thing!)
"Ok there her" I sed "why dou want 2 tid up lesbans in ur room they mite brake free and rap u."
"Good Sara" Tiffany sed "Dont wary abot me I hav a gun and Im getin Master Chef 2 be my armed gard (ALL SKULES SHUD HAV ARMED TEECHERS AND ARMED GARDS BARK OBAMAS KIDS SCULE HAS THOS BUT HE DOESNT WANT ANY OTTER SCOL 2 BECUZ HE DOESNT CAR ABOT ANY1 ELSES KIDS BUT HIS ON HE JUS WANTS 2 TAK AWEY EVERONES GUNS). Asfor wy I ned thes to well I ned 2 test thins on tham becuz IM GONA ADVENT A CUR 4 HOMASEXALITY!" (This is just too stupid for words…)
Im so exited its onley 1 wek until Laurens Birthday! To bad Okamis (Sonic: Isn't Okami a game? Me: Yeah, I watched Chuggaaconroys Let's Play of it.) secant interrogation is on Moonday wich sorta runis the day of from scool. He didant reely win the electron goto barackofraudodotcom (Okay, so I just went to this site for funsies. It's just a blog thing about boring political stuff.) to lern the TRUTH abot his VADER FROG (HOLY NOVA, A DARTH VADER FROG?!) and wy Mutt Rambo shuld be presadent now becuz hes the 1 who relly win. (Uh huh. I couldn't really care less.)
CHAP 25: THE SERCH 4 A CUR
For the naxt few days Tiffany was on the intranet loking up the cur 4 homasaxelty (*Facepalms* Oh come on…). Lauren and Me helped her with thus. I was so excite becuz of the cur not becuz I neded it becuz im alredy compliantly strate but becuz it culd help alota pepole lik Peech and Zetta and Mark and Snopes and Kung Deedee and Clod who wer all organically Christens but wer turn gay wile I was in the Mashon. Maryo sudanly came. (All: MY IMMORTAL HAS RUINED THAT WORD FOR US. RUINED!)
"Did u devalop a cur 4 my girlfrend Peech yet" Marik sed. (…Okay this makes me happy. Yay they were dating before Sara showed up and ruined everything!)
"Im nit ur gurlfrend anemone im a lesban now" Peech sed.
"Thats a no than" Maryo laft the rom disapoint. (Awww, s'okay Mario, you'll marry her someday. Sonic: …You mean you don't know…? Me: Know what? Link: …You'll find out soon enough.)
"In ordar 2 figur ot a cur I ned 2 no wy pepole turd gay wen rapped by gays and lesbans. Their has 2 be a resin forit" Tiffany sed "Sara and Lauren goto the librery and get as menuy boks as u can fine."
So Me and Lauren want 3 the libray 2 find boks abot how pepol tune gay. Mastar Hends libya was the bigast anywere so it was harrd 2 find the rite boks we runned into Crapy Hanes. (Still laughing at this.)
"Do u no were ur bruther keps the boks abot why pepole turn gayu" I sed.
"Yes but he telled me not 2 toll u becuz u ned 2 be tolerate and nut try 2 chang pepole" Crazy Hind sid.
"Ill giv u munny" I sed. (Geez, he's not Mr. Krabs you know.)
"ok ill halp u" Crazy Hung flayed of and came beck with lotsa boks that we neded I gav him munny and leaved the rom and want beck 2 Tiffanys rome.
"Yes thes boks will halp" she sed "now I ned 2 do som reserch so brin be bak sumthin form Chikfela.
So Me and Lauren and Luke and Ine went 2 Chikfela and got som fod and eat it and then ordared tak ot 4 Tiffany and tolled everone wat she was dong and the pepole that werked there gav us Tiffanys fodo 4 free becuz she was werkin on a gud claus and they sed thed halp in aneway they cold. We brot Tiffany beck the free fod. (Sonic: Ughhhh, this is SO boring!)
"I fond ot sumthin impotent" Tiffany sed "Samas and Capten Fapping (*Spits out drink and starts laughing uncontrollably* Oh Nova! Oh Nova! Sonic: What's so funny? Me: Just…*Laughs* Google that word…Sonic: …Okay? *Does so* …*Bursts out laughing* What the Hell?!) wernt turn gay buy rap butt bye govermint vaksine!"
"o yea" I remambered that.
"So we ned 2 fin the vaksine and than make it the opasit so it curs homasexelty insted off makin pepole gay" Tiffany telled us "I ned 2 reserch this sum moar aftar I eet."
She ate the Chikefla fod and than retuned 2 her wirk. It wuz a few days latter wen she fond ot mor abot the vaksine. (Link: *Sleeping*)
"I hev god news and bed nesw. The gud noose is I fond ot were the vaksine is" she sed "u ned 2 get it so I can fin ot whats init so I can mak it the opasit and cur homasexality."
"ok ill do that" I sed.
"Wats the bed news" Lauren sid.
"The bed nos is Barracks Epona keps the vaksine in a secrete rom of the wite hose naxt 2 his planes 4 wite slavary. Its reely secrete and noone nos abot it so itll be hard 2 find and he well try 2 stap u becuz the wite hose is were he livs" Tiffany sod "u ned 2 us steelth 2 brake in and git the vaksine so onely bring a few pepole." (Well considering her definition of the word 'stealth', I don't think it's going to be very easy.)
I desided 2 brin Lauren and Fink and Uke. We hed 2 snape in2 the wite hose! (…Well, duh. Sonic: That's almost as stupid as Knucklehead's new look for Sonic Boom. *Looks at Light* You did see that, right? Me: Yeah. He looks kinda buff now. Sonic: And stupid! Me: …You're just jealous because he's taller than you now, aren't you? Sonic: *Hangs his head down* YES… Me: Though I agree. I liked his look in Sonic Lost World much better.)
Hello agen everone its Sonday so I hop u all went 2 chirch. If u dont u well go2 HELL! I cant beleve its ben a munch sense (You did…A MONTH?!) I publashed this on Fanfectiondotnat. Tim reely files. Thanx 2 everone who laft me gud revews in that tim!
This is my furst archev of or onw excloosev chaptar becuz Barik Oboma fond ot abot my storey on (…SUREEEE. As much as I wish that would happen, it probably didn't. But if it did, that explains why they tried to bring SOPA back!)
CHAP 26: SNEKING IN2 THE WITE HOSE
That nite Me and Lauren and Lank and Ice went 2 the Wite Hose in Wassinton CD. We hed 2 thank ofa plane 2 sneek insid. We want 2 the Chikfela in the city 2 talk abot r plan becuz anewere eels wod caus libruls 2 eevsdrap onus and warned Brak Odama.
Sudanly as we were taking Guvaner Mit Ramney and Cangressmen Pal Rain and Speeker of the Hoes Jan Boner waked in2 the restarnt. (Link: Why would they just randomly walk into some restaurant? Sonic: You clearly haven't gotten reacquainted with this story yet.)
"Hi Sara" Mott Roomie sid.
"Hi guys" I sed. (Oh, great, now she knows a Governor and-Oh Nova The Walking Dead has ruined that term for me. Now I'm picturing him has a guy who wears an eye patch, has a little zombie daughter and has a huge zombie head aquarium. Link: …What kind of shows do you WATCH?! Me: Well I was watching The Simpsons at like four or five… Sonic: Well THAT explains a lot.)
"God telled us what u wer dong and asked us 2 help u brake into the wite hose" Andrew Ryan sed.
"Yes were also ned 2 get the planes 4 wite slavry becuz were all wite and dont wana be slavs 2 the blecks and the mixalots and the aslans" Guvanir Raimi sed.
"Cool" I sed "Tiffany sed there in the sam rom."
"ok" Congrassmen Reyn sed.
So we all want 2 the wite hose and entred threw the front dore. Suddenly a buncha libruls atecked us! Me and Lauren and Lkni and Iek and Rian and Boner stated fitting them. Butthan Ramnoy pulled ot alota munny and pade the libruls to leev becuz libruls r pore and lik gettin mony 4 noting. Than we loked 4 Barek Obsamas ovary orifice becuz that leaded 2 The Room. Suddanly Barak Ebauma cam outta a roon wering pajamas with pictars of Lennon and Stallion and Car Max al with harts around tham. (…Please tell me she doesn't mean JOHN Lennon…)
"Hey watter u dong in my hose!" he sed.
"Were is the vaksine that cases gayness! Tellus or well beet u up!" I sid.
Suddanly Brad Obooma puled ot a reed lifesaver! He was a Seth Lird! It was werd that he was a librul with a red litsabar and im was a consergatev wiyh a blu lutsaber but I guess star wares gotit moxed up. (Okay, now this is just insane. From what I could understand, Obama pulled out a Red Lightsaber because he's apparently a Sith Lord, even Sara finds this weird and Sara and Obama are about to have a Lightsaber battle.
This is happening.)
"Go find The Room ill fit the presadent" I tolled Lauren and everone else. Than I startad fitting Brake Obbema. We fot r way 2 the rom in the wite hose with a catwalp ovar labia.
"Giv up Sara u well loose" Ovama sed. (Quick! Cut her hand off and drop a Vader quote on us!)
"No Impala I well beet u becuz God ison my sid" I saod.
"No Im gonna knak u unconshus and than get a lesban 2 rap u so ull be an evul lesban lik Evul Clon Sara" Opana sed.
"Wy do u went everone 2 tune gay arent u strate u hav a wife" I sed. Butthan Mishell Obuma runned in and puled don "her" paints and reveled that "she" was a MAP with a PENS! (Oh Nova. Sonic: Someone, please E-mail this to the White House. Link: And, wait, doesn't Obama have kids? Me: I don't want to think about it.)
"No u no the trooth" Brock Obana sed.
"But ho do u hav 2 dotters" I sed.
"In a few yars ill get sugary 2 turn my pens in2 a vegeta and than ill get preggant and giv barf 2 tham and sand them back in tim with r tim masheen" Mishell Ogama sid. (What. Link: The. Sonic: Hell.)
"hunny dont tell Sara abot r tim masheen!" Barek Obamuh sed "it was a gif from Lord Saten!"
"Its ok werent u gonna defet her and find a lesban 2 rap her son aneway" Mishell Opana sed "I want 2 tel her sumthin eels first. U mite no me by my old nam."
Suddanly Mishell Ubama stated monwelking acros the crapwhelk. (MICHEAL FRIGGIN JACK-*Chokes on air* Sonic: OKAY, NOW IT'S PERSONAL!)
"MIKAL JAKSAN!" "she" sed "I fakked my on deth and tuned mysalf blak agen and pretanded 2 be a women so I cold mary my gay luver Bark Oabma." (…I'm calling insane Troll Logic on this.)
"Ull nevar git awey with thes" I sed.
"Yes we well" Barok Ohonda and Mikal Jaxun sed.
Suddanly Lauren and Lunk and Ico and Renesmee (Oh HELL NO!) and Reyn and Boner runned passed the dore
"we got the vaksine and the savory planes" they sed. So I jamped ovar Bork Odom and Mikhail Jaksan and runned outta the wite hose witjh my frends. Wen we got otsid I telled them the dark secrete I lerned.
"now giv us the planes and the vaksine and well take the vaksine 2 Tiffany and make the planes pubic so wecan impasse Opoona and his gay luver and fail there evul planes" Rimnet set. So we gav the planes and the vaksine 2 the tree consarvetav poletishens butt they stated laffing evully. They riped of there musks and reveled that they werent the reel Matt Ronmey and Pual Rany and Jan Boner atall! They were Becky and Evul Clon Sara and Goleth in disguys!
"Were r the reel pepole!" I sed.
"we tarped them in Sunspas and son Barek Ibama and Mikal Jaksan will rap them and tune them gay so thell be spys 4 the Democrat Party" Becky sed. (Link: You'll probably never see this sentence in your life anywhere else but here. Mostly because it's entirely insane.)
"We hev 2 sav tham!" Lauren sed.
"Ull hev 2 fite us firts!" Evul Clon Sara sed. She throwed the planes and the vaksine 2 Golath who runned away with them. (Good, someone stab Sara in the heart now.)
Happy Matin Loothar Ken Day everone! And boo 4 the falsy-elacted presadents secant inebriation! I gess Ill be rooting 4 the Revans in the supper boll becuz the 69ers r frum Sen Frensisko so there antire teem is prolly gay. I wantad the Felkans 2 win the NCF Champagneshap but they didnt becuz the reefs prolly were gay 2 and riged the gam (…Uh huh.)
CHAPTAR 27: EVUL CLON SARAS FENAL SMASH
"Theirs 4 of us and onely 2 of u so giv up" Lauren sed.
"And I have the powars of DOG!" I sid. (*Laughs* I REALLY hope that dog is Cujo. That would explain EVERYTHING!)
"Well I hev the powars of Saten and Adama!" Evul Clon Sara sed.
"They wont be enuf 2 beet nme" I sed.
"Yes thay well!" Evul Clon Sara sed. (Link: Sadly, no they won't.)
"Ill fite the othars hunny" Becky gave Evul Clon Sara a discussing kis on the lisp. Lark and Spike atecked Becky with there sords but she was so fat that they coldnt cut throo 2 her blud vassals thro her thik layar of obasety. Lauren tred to panch her but her fist bonced of.
Meenwile I was fitting Evul Clon Sara we were evanly powared becuz she was my clon. I new there was onely on way 2 became mor powarful than her. So I actived my finale smash! (Without a Smash Ball, again. *Cries*)
"Ha! Now u dont steand a chans aganst me!" I sed. But Evul Clon Sara jus stated laffin. Than she actived her finale smash 2. I didnt evan no she cold do that. Her finalle Smash mad her gro a hole buncha wongs lik Stepharoth the evul lady form Clods gam (shes prolly a lesban becuz ho evul she is and she has a manely vois in kindam harts 2).
"Ono" I sed. I new I was in 4 ther fit of my lief. We stated atecking each otter and I shat holly bemas and she shat demonstrative banes. We war stall evanly powared. So I preyed 2 God 4 advise. (Yeah, pray to Cujo, the rabid Saint Bernard. I'm sure he'll come down from the heavens to infect you with rabies.)
"Remamber! Evul Clon Sara cums form u!" God sed. Than I had a idiot. I plased my han on Evul Clon Saras cheat and apsorbed her back in2 me! Than, b4 my finale Smash wore of I opaned a porthole 2 Hell that suked Becky in. I new Satin wode jus let her ot agen but she wod not have a fun tim 4 the littal bit she was their. Than my finale smash wored of and I falled on the grond.
"Sara r u ok?" Lauren sed.
"U want 2 hav lesban sax Lauren" I herd Evul Clon Sara in my hed. (Sonic: I think she's only using Evil Clone Sara as an excuse here. Me: …You THINK?)
"No im strate!" I shatted.
"Wat?" Lauren sed.
"I apserbed Evul Clon Sara 2 beet her but no shes in my hed tryin 2 contral my thots and tune me in2 a lesban!" I sed.
"Ono!" Lauren sed.
"We ned 2 fin the vaksine 2 mak a cur 4 homasexalty!" Lick sed.
"But Golath runned of with it!" Ice sad.
Suddanly Josh waked up caring Goaleths savered hed in on han and the vaksine and wite slavry planes in the othar.
"Hi everone I saw Golith runing with these so I killed him and taked them" he sed. He saw me wrathin in pane on the grond "wats wron with Sara?" (SHE'S EMBRACED HER TRUE SELF! ABOUT FRIGGIN TIME!)
"RAP LAUREN MAK LAUREN UR LESBAN LUVER RAP LAUREN" Evul Clon Saras thots flewed thro me hed. I coldnt speek (if u evar saw Lord of the Wangs Fallowshep off the Ron wen Frollo gets stab by the cloaky badguy and colapses and they thank hell tune in2 on of tham 2 so the girl frum Armegalodon taks hem 2 the alf town sumthin lik that is happen 2 me in this storey rite now) (…*Eye twitch* She didn't. *Gollum voice* Sarases! She stole the precious!).
"Ty... ty... me up" was all I maneged 2 get ot.
"We ned 2 tak her 2 Tiffany" Lauren sed. So they ted me up and caryed me bak 2 the Manshan. Will Tiffany fine a cur in tim b4 Evul Clon Sara taks ovar and I becum a lesban? Fined ot naxt tim! (Nah, let's find out right now.)
Im bak 2 scule agen. Its gud 2 c Tiffany agen but I hav 2 call her Miss Dawson in class or shell giv me a damerit and 3 of thos is a ditenshun and my parants well be made at me if I get on of thos. I relly lik the outfet that Tiffany wore 2day shes almos as pritty as Lauren and shes a relly gud teecher. I wish she braked up with Mr Jonson in reel life lik she did in my storey. (Sounds like someone has a squicky crush on their teacher…)
CHAP 28: TIFFANY FINES THE CUR
I spant the naxt few days in Tiffanys rome. Evul Clon Sara was sloly take ovar my mined. I falt sinfel dasires 2 rap evary women I sawed. But I stell noed it was wron so I wasnt a lesban. Prolly my God Powars protracted me frum lettin Evul Clon Sara complately tak ovar. Butt I new Tiffany had 2 hury.
Evantully Tiffany came with a nedle. (Nova, this is SO BORING! And we still have seven more to go!)
"Im gonna inject this in u" she sed.
"IM GONNA RAP U!" I sed but it was relly Evul Clon Sara contralin my thots.
Master Chef ponted his trankwilezar gun at me in cas I braked free and tred 2 rap Tiffany. Tiffany stucked the nedle in my amr and sudanly I falt a wav of putrefaction clansen my sole of the gayness and son I was as strate as I was b4 absarbin Evul Clon Sara (complately 100 percant strate pepole!). (NOPE!)
"It werked" I sid.
"Ok thats grate heres a presant" she pulled ot sumthin and handad it 2 me. It was a Hom Deppo gift card.
"Ew whyd u giv me this" I throwed it on the grond.
"Becuz I had 2 mak sur it relly werked and u werent jus try 2 trik me" Tiffany sed "Unty her Mister Chafe."
Muster Cheef untyd me wile Tiffany injacted Peech and Zoltan with the cur 2 and tey tuned strate agen 2. (*Snores*)
"Yay! Were strate agen!" they sed.
"Ok now we ned 2 cur everone" I sid. Furst we fond the pepole who used 2 be consarvetiv (March and Salted Snap and Kin Deede and Clod) and curred tham.
"Hi Sara. Sorry I was gay. Can we dat agen" Marht sed.
"Well Im daten Lunk no" I sed.
"Its ok ill dat Zeda no that shes strat agen 2" Lonk sed. (Link: What's that about me? Me: You're dating Zel now. Link: Oh. Okay.)
"ok" I sid.
"ok were dun no rite" Lank sed.
"No we shud do the rite thin and cur the libruls 2" Lauren sed.
So we went thro the Manshan curring all the libruls of there gayness and maken tham consarvetev.
"Im so sorry I tred 2 rap u al thos tims lets go shaping sumday" Samas sed 2 me wen we curred her "but 2 a gud stort not Hom Deepo." (Oh Nayru, they've made SAMUS FRIGGIN ARAN girly.
…IT'S THE END OF THE WORLDDDDD!)
"I destructed Hom Deppo remamber" I sed.
"O yea" Samas sed "but theres other Hom Deepos in the wrold and I dont wanna go2 any of tham anemor."
Soon all of the smashars wer curred and wer on r sid.
"Saten and Oblama dont stand a chans!" I sed.
Sudanly God walked in. (Sonic: Oh. Well, yeah, he just randomly decided to walk in at that exact moment.)
"Acshully Satin figared ot what u ded and no he sumaned lotsa damons from Hell 2 gard Subspas and there relly powarfel and stuf. U will ned everone 2 halp u sav Mit Rmoney and Pail Rayn and Jin Boner" God sed "and I brot 3 mor allys 4 thes."
Suddanly the 3 gratest presadents in histary waked in. They war Tomes Jafersan and Roland Regen and Ann Rand! Tomes Jafersan wrot the constatushan and invanted freedam. Roland Regen defeeted the comies buy knaking don all the walls in the Saviet Onion wich mad the seelings fall on al the comansts and kill them. And Ann Rand wrot Atlus Shagged wichis the most impotent bok evar expect 4 the Bibal.
I new we had 2 hurry if we wanted 2 sav the consarvetav polynesians frum Brock Obumeh and Mikal Jaxan and Stan. (Stan Lee, that is. They have Marvel Superheroes on their side, you guys don't stand a chance.)
Sory 4 the lat updet. I hed alota homwerk becuz Mr Jonson wants us 2 do the stuped siens fare and the reely lon repart (lik 5 tiped pages) is doo 2morow. Also I hed anotter tutaring season with Tiffany and she gav me sum lesions 2 do to halp with my wratin. But thats ok becuz Tiffany is a gud teecher. Its reely cold ot I cant wate 4 the wekand wen Ill hav Lauren 2 kep me warm (but not in a lesban way). (How is that not lesbian subtext?)
CHAP 29: SAV THE POLATESHANS
Everone want 2 Subspas and there was demans everwere. They atecked us. I tred 2 fite on but it was extramely powarfel. I coldnt evan hurt it. And there was lik a tun of tham 2 fit! Wen I actived my finale smosh I menaged 2 beet it. But there were 2 maney. And non of my allys cold us there finale smashs withot a smash bull. I new it wold tak lik forevar 2 beet tham all unlas their was a marakal. Lukely God is relly gud at thos. Suddanly a hole buncha smash bills apared and all of my allys startad hetting tham until they braked. Since everone had fetal smashs they cold fit the demins 2. And God mad them kep aparing wenevar they runned ot so evarone cold always us theres ovar and ovar agen. Son we bet enuf demans 2 get to The Room were Lank was kapt wen the bad guys capturd him. But the poletishans werent ther! (Good, they're ordering a missle or nuclear bomb strike on Sara.)
"Ono were r they" I sed "Samas u wer evul until just a bit ago do u no wer they r"
"No sorry" Samas sed "I was in the Manshan wen they wer captared. I dont no were they r." (Poor Sammie. She's been reduced to being a total sissy.)
"I no wer they r!" I herd.
"Who sed that?" I sed.
"Noone sed anythen Sara" Marth sed. (Sonic: Oh, what do you know. She is delusional.)
"Its me Evul Clon Sara but im not evul anymor. Im still in ur mined" I herd. I gess I forgat that Evul Clon Sara was stil in my hed becuz she was exectly lik me in evary way no so her thots wer lik min al the tim. (Link: …Ow, my brain hurt from reading that. Just because Dark Link exists doesn't mean we share the same thoughts!)
"Were r they" I sed.
"Who r u telkin 2" Lauren sed.
"Its Evul Clon Sara. Shes still in my hed but shes not evul anemore becuz of the gayness cur that Tiffany med" I sed "I gess I shuld call her Gud Clon Sara now." (Bug off, we don't need you calling her that. She was the true you. I was about to nickname her that!)
So Gud Clon Sara telled me wer the polateshuns wer and we want 2 fine tham. We excepted 2 fit Saten and Brek Obaba and Mikel Jaxon (Sonic: Seriously, why Micheal Jackson? Dude was cool. He was a fan of mine.) but we didant c tham anewere. Wen we got 2 the rom with Mit Ramni and Pol Rian and Jan Boner they wer all haven gay sax! This wod have ben a biger deel if we didant except this and bring the cur. We just injacted tham and they retuned 2 normel.
"Thanks 4 saven us" Mut Romnoy sed.
"Ya we wer rapped in2 been gay and wer goin 2 spy 4 the demacrit party but u curred us jus in tim" Pal Reyn sid. (Link: Could she please take those people out? Light: As if.)
"Now we can retune 2 wasintan and stap Brak Obomeh frum destructing Amerka and enslaven all the wite pepole" Jin Boner sed. (*Bursts out laughing*)
"Cool do u no wer they want" I sed.
"Satin and Obsama and Mikel Jaxin climed in2 ther tim masheen and want back in tim 2 the cival war" Mit Ramboy sed.
So the poletishans laft. I new we had 2 go bak and stap the villens ons and 4 all! (Sonic: And to think we still have five chapters to go.)
Its onely 2 days until Laurens birthday. Im so excite! Alos ill be stayen at her hose 4 the antire weekand. Thats alweys relly fun. I cant wate onley 1 mor day of schule! (Okay, I'm running on Canadian time here and assuming that she's talking about Summer Vacation, but for us, school usually ends on June 27th. So, does that mean Lauren's birthday is on June 28th?)
CHAP 30: THE SECRETE TIMLIN
Aftar hering that the villens want bak in tim 2 the war of nothan agreson we retuned 2 the Manshan 2 figur ot ho 2 fine tham 2 defet them ons and 4 al. We coldnt us there tim masheen becuz it cum form Saten so it was prolly evul and stuf. And we didnt hav r on tim masheen. So we wer stuk in the presant.
"Wat shuld we do Sara" Marht sed.
"I dont no I gess we shuld prey 2 God 4 advise" I sid. (That's a stupid plan.) So we did. Than God walked in2 the Manshan. (Link: Well that was convenient…)
"U want 2 go bak in tim 2 defet Satin and Berk Abomo and Mikel Jaxun?" God sed.
"Yes" I sed.
"Ok Ill giv u a tim masheen" he sed "but first I ned 2 tell u sumthins."
"Wat God?" I sad.
"I wasnt complately honest abot why I sant u to the Smash Manshun. I wanted u 2 defet Stan 2 kep him from doen evul thins in this uneverse I sed. But theres mor than thet." (Please say she's dead or that she has to take down a legion of angry authors…)
"Wat?" Lauren sed.
"This isnt the reel timlin" God sed "al of the mammaries in ur lif r fake. Barak Obams alredy want bak in tim and chaned the passed with a tim masheen he got buy maken a deel with Saten." (Damn, not Stan Lee?)
"Wat reely hapaned?" I sed.
"Oreganally the Soth wan the cival war butthen Barek Omaba went bak in tim 2 chang it so hed be presadent instad of a slav" God sed. (…That's fucked up. I mean, REALLY fucked up.
Excuse me while I rant.
*Ahem* WHAT. THE. SACRED REALM, LADY. CONGRADU-FRIGGIN-LATIONS, SARA, NOW YOU SAY SLAVERY IS GOOD AND YOU THINK THAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF PEOPLE WERE STILL SLAVES. NOW SAY HELLO TO MY SHOTGUN.)
"So Obomas 2 blam 4 all the carpatbagers in reconstitution ear and the fact that the soth has 2 lissen 2 yanky libruls in the presant" I sed.
"Thats rite" God sed.
"We ned 2 go bak 2 chang the timlin back 2 nromel so tjhat the soth can ris agen!" I sed. (NO. I WON'T LET YOU. If you'll excuse me, I need to calm down. *Leaves*)
"Thats why I relly sant u 2 the Nentendo wrold so that u cold fined al thes ot" God sid.
I wuz so mad this was low evan 4 Obamuh. The soth was saposed 2 win the war of nortern agresion but they didnt and it was all Obamehs falt! I new I hed 2 go bak in tim and chang this.
"We ned 2 go bak in tim an chna thes!" I sed.
"I agree" Lauren sed.
"ok" Mark sid. All the Smashers agred 2.
"Ok I ned 2 mak u a tim masheen" so god snaped his figars and a tim masheen apeared that was big enuf 2 fit everon insid. I het the baton that mad us go bak 2 the cival war. Than wen I got ot of the masheen and luked arond it werked! We wer in the midal of a confadarat armey camp. Suddanly a old guy walked up wering a gray unefrom I alredy new who he was but he introdused himsalf aneway.
"Hi miss Im Genital Robarty Li" He sed "and im the leder of the confedarat armey duren the war of northarn egression."
2moro is Laurens birtday so their wel be a speshul treet 4 u pepole. Lauren wrot a chaptat of this storey and ill put it her. Laurens chaptar taks plase duren this on so the excitin clifhangar that this chap endz on wont be resalvd intil sonday. Im sad 2 say that thes storey is almost ovar. Chaptar 35 is gonna be the last chap. So stay tund 4 the epac concussion! My fanes will hav 2 fined sumthin eels to reed aftar that I rekamend the Bibal and Atlus Shagged both of thos boks r as gud and wel-writan as this storey an sois Twilit so maybe u can red that 2.
CHAP 31: TEH WAR OFF NORTON REGRESSION
"So im of 2 fite the battal of geticeberg" Genital Li sed "who wans 2 cum with me"
"I do" I sed.
"Sorry but no womans alod in the miltry yet" Genital Li sid. I forgat abot that. All of the smashers who wer duds war alod 2 joyn the confaderat army and so cold Samas becuz she was wering her armoire so noone cold tel she was a women. But Lauren and Me and Zalda and Patch and Jigalopuff and the gurl Ike Climer werent alod in the miltray. Nomely that wode be gud becuz a womans plas is at hom not at the battalfeld but I neded 2 be the on 2 defet Satin and Oboema and Mikhail Jaxun. So Me and Lauren and the otter gurls waked away and came back wering fak moosetouches.
"Hi who r yall" Genital Li saif.
"We r manely mans and we want 2 jon ur armey" I sed.
"Wats ur nam" Genital Li siad. (Okay, I'm back. Now, *Bursts out laughing* Genital?! The heck?!)
"Sara" I sed.
"Bit Saras a gurl nam" Genital Li sod.
"Yea but this is a difrant tim I men theres a dud namd ashley in gong of the win so wy cant their be a dud namd Sara" I sed.
"I c ur pint" Genital Li sed "but im stil nut convansed I men u lok lik a buncha gurls in fak mostuches. Their neds 2 be a taste. Wy dont u nam al the NFL teems."
I new sum of the NFL teems but not al of tham soi got ot my ifone and loked it up. I tolled the nams 2 Genital Li.
"Thats rite and the ifone hasnt ben invanted yet soi dont no wat that is ur holden. R fones can onely cal pepole and sand taxt massages and picturs u cant go onlin on tham. Alos the onely intranet we hav is dallup lik at ur grandmas hose so I dont thank its possabal 2 get the info onlin that fasst" Genital Li sad.
"Ur faseboks must tak 4evar 2 lode" I sed.
"Fasebok hasnt ben invanted yet ether we stil us myspas in this tim. It taks evan lunger tho becuz everon has musac on ther profils tho" Genital Li sid.
"Do u hav Taylar Swuft on ur profel" I sed. (Way to go, Sara. Way to be a living time paradox. Sonic: Just like Silver!)
Genital Li shuck his hed and sad "she hasnt ben borne yet. Mos of us lissen 2 Willy Nalson and Meral Hagerd and Charly Danels and Jony Cahs." (…And they just handwave it.)
"There al gu buncha old guys" I sed.
"Ok enuf talken we ned 2 get 2 geticeberg 2 fit the yankys" Genital Li sad. So we al stated marchin. We marthed 4 a few dais (this is the patr that Laurens chaptar taks plas duren) b4 we runned into sum1.
"Prepair 2 dye sothern skum!" We herd. We loked arond an sawed GENITAL USELESS GRUNT AND THE ANTIRE YANKY ARMEY! The battal of getyzbirg was abot 2 began! Expect this tim I had 2 halp the Soth win in order 2 win the war lik there suposed 2. (THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WIN!)
Hi! Lauren here! (Oh thank Din, Lauren.) This is my chapter of my BFF Sara's fanfic. (Oh, right, they're still friends when this was written. Damn.) I decided to post this before anyone gets here for my party (except for Sara, who stayed the night). I have never written fanfiction before, so I don't know if this will be good or not. I asked to write this chapter because I want to tell y'all about the real Sara. The Sara I know, the Sara when we're alone together, is a kind, beautiful girl.
Also, Sara wants me to remind y'all that we're NOT a lesbian couple ;). Also, that was just a semicolon and a parentheses. Pay no attention to the wink that it wasn't. I just like to put random punctuation at the end of my sentences sometimes. Yeah. Look, here's a hashtag and one of those "and" things that I forget the name of: #&.
Now, here is my chapter. It's set the night before the end of the last chapter. I'll leave the battle with the Northerners to Sara herself. Also, it's from my point-of-view instead of Sara's. (Since this is actually well written, I'm just going to let you all read it. I'll be back when Sara rears her ugly head again. Though, be warned, you'll be seeing great amounts of Purple Prose here.)
CHAPTER 32: THE BONDS OF FRIENDSHIP
I waited inside our tent for Sara to arrive, for the stench of sweaty men with 1860s bathing standards that wafted over the encampment to be gone, replaced by Sara's sweet aroma of a summer's day in a field of flowers. As she entered, I looked up, and I got lost in her azure orbs as I have many times before. (Sorry, can't help it. TOTALLY NOT LESIBIAN SUBTEXT, PEOPLE.)Her long, golden locks flowed down her back in waves, like a field in the fall ready for harvest. She smiled at me, which was like spring coming to her face, though it revealed teeth as white and perfect as a winter's snow. She was the best of all four seasons in one very beautiful girl.
She sat down next to me and we held each others hands. I loved to feel the softness of her skin the color of porcelain that reminded me of the elegance of the vampires in Twilight. My skin was darker than hers. To the untrained eye, it appeared that I merely had a tan. However, it actually revealed the truth of my ancestry. My biological father, who died in a car crash when I was just one year old, was half-black. It was common knowledge that the man that my mother was married to was actually my stepfather and that my real father was dead, but my real father's race was known only to a select few people in our hometown in South Carolina. If Sara's parents or older brother knew that I was one quarter African-American, they would never allow Sara and myself to associate with one another. Sara's mother would not even allow my mother into their Bible study if they knew that her childrens' father was half-black. Sara knew the truth, however, and our very close friendship continued to thrive despite it. I new that Sara's occasional seemingly racist statements were nothing but a desperate attempt to earn the love and respect of her parents, not a reflection of her own deeply-held beliefs.
"I know I should probably be spending some time with Marth, but..." Sara whispered to me.
"You don't love him, do you?" I got close to her face to whisper back, getting lost in her pleasing olfactory sensation. She shook her head. Her beautiful smile went back into hiding.
"I didn't really love Link or Cloud either. You know that. I mean, Link and Cloud are both legendary heroes with a lot of battle experience and Marth is a fricking PRINCE. I figure if I bring a guy like that home..." Sara stated.
"It's your parents, isn't it?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.
"It's just that... I want them to remember they have a daughter, not just a house pet who they have to give money to sometimes. It's always 'Josh this' and 'Josh that' with them. 'Josh made the varsity football team as a freshman!' 'Josh caught a pick-six to defeat our school's rival and take our team to the playoffs!' 'Josh is dating the Homecoming Queen!' 'Josh got a scholarship to some random Division III school that's TOTALLY going to lead to him becoming the Great White Hope of the NFL, and South Carolina and Alabama and Michigan and all those other schools that turned him down are going to be sorry!' I just want them to say something like 'Sara is dating the Prince of Altea'," Sara spoke.
"If you want to know the truth, I don't really love Ike either. I'm only dating him to give us an excuse for all those double dates. To spend more time with you," I admitted. Plus, I was pretty certain that Ike was gay for that Soren guy from his game, but I left that part out.
"I know," Sara nodded. We talked together for what seemed like just a few more minutes, but was really several hours. When I got out my phone to check the time, I was shocked.
"According to what I learned in history class, the Battle of Gettysburg is supposed to start tomorrow... er, today since it's after midnight," I stated frantically, "we should really get some sleep."
I wondered if the influence of time travelers again was going to change anything, like making Ulysses Grant the commander of the Yankee forces here instead of George Meade. I decided not to dwell on it though.
"Good night, Lauren," Sara said. I kissed her on the forehead.
"Good night, Sara," I said. We both laid down to sleep. (SO…PURPLE…CAN'T…TAKE IT…)
Im back pepole and reddy 2 writ the fenal 3 chaptars of this storey. Tahnks 2 Lauren 4 writen the last chaptar (I dont no why everone thinks ther was sumthin lesban abot it ur relly reechen 2 try to mak me a lesban 4 ur sik pervart fantesys). U r so smart Lauren u shod be an auther sumday. Luv ya gurl (as a frend were not lesbans)! (…Screw it; I'm taking Vader's offer. *Walks over to the dark side, puts on With Me and munches on one of Destiny's cookies*)
CHAP 33: THE FANIL BATTOL PART 1 THE BATTAL OF GETZBARG
"MWAHAHA WELL DEFET U SOTHARN SKUM AND END UR STAT RITES IN THE NAM OF SATIN!" Grint sed. (…Back to Beige…)
"No u wont" Genital Li sad. Butthan Grunt fird lighting at Gentle Li. Than he paled ot a litsabur.
"Beet u wernt excepting this!" he sed "Derek Obaba tot me 2 be a Seth Lard the firts tim he want bak in tim!"
I new that Genital Li (Link: That never gets old.) was no mach 4 a Seth rite now so I throed him my litsaver.
"Catch" I sed.
"ok" so Genital Li cot my lifesaver and actived it. Than their was a litsabur dool betwine the 2 of tham but I had 2 fit othar yanky solders. Me and Lauren and the Smashers and the Confadaret solders were all buzy with the battal. I puled ot my dads shitgun and shat a buncha yankys and they ded. But their wer so maney of tham. Their wer moar cumin every secant!
"how do tehy hav so maney solders!" I sed. (Sonic: Gee, I don't know, maybe some people actually care about getting rid of slavery?)
Than I relized sumthin. Maney of the yanky solders wer reely demans disgusted as pepole! They didnt dye frum my shitgun so I hed 2 active my finale smush. The ones who reely wer humens ded pritty esly frum my finale smash but the denims tok lunger. It was a reely lon battal but it quakly becam cleer that the soth was gon 2 win. I saw Genital Li jam pup and driv my litsaber thro Useless Grunts hart.
"I surrandar!" Gront sed as jhe dyed. (Little late there, buddy.) I puled ot a fefty dolar boll frum nye wallot and saw Useless Grunts fase vanash frum it and be replac by Genital Robarty Lis. The rast of the yankys runed away becuz they new they wer defet.
"Loks lik we wine the war" Genital Li sed.
"NUT SO FASST!" I loked around and I sawed Barok Obana and Mikhal Jaxan and with tham was
Abrohim Linkin! (…NO. JUST…NO. I told you she'd get worse over time!)
"U well nevar stap us" Linkin sad.
"I alweys wondared how u cold be such an evul jerk and a tirant diktater if ur a Republeken" I sed.
"Ha! Im relly a librul I onely pretanded 2 be a Republeken so that conservatevs wod loose in the Soth!" Linkin siad "and u cant defet me Sara!"
"I well defet u and restor the reel timlin!"
"Ha!" Linkin sed "no u wont"
"Yes she will!" Lauren sed.
"I beleve in u Sara!" Genital Li sed.
"U can doit!" Mark sed.
"Yea!" Icke sed.
"Kick Linkins butte Sara!" Link sid.
"Uv cum 2 far 2 fale no!" Clod sed.
"U can sav the wrold!" Snack sad.
"Its alup 2 u!" Samas sed.
"Weve sen u do so much in such a sort tim!" Master Chef sed.
"Yea. We no u can won this fit!" Peech sed.
The rast of the Smashers sad gud thins 2 encorge me 2. I felt much beeter.
"O lok at that u think u can beet me. Its tim u new the trooth!" Suddanly Linkin puled of his mask the reveled that he was riley STAN THE HOLE TIM! (Oh my Nova, ABRAHAM FRICKING LINCOLN IS STAN LEE IN DISGUISE?!
…Somebody go tell Stan this.)
I cant beleve that thes is alreedy the secant lust chaptar! Will Sara beet Saten and sav the wrold or wil evul win and al that bad stuf? Ur abot to fine ot! Than stey tooned 2moro 4 the epac concussion 2 this epac storey!
CHAP 34: THE FENAL BATTOL PART 2 SARA VERSES STAN (NO, YOU STAY AWAY FROM MISTER LEE!)
Satin ponted his patchferk at me and tred to stag me to deth but I dogged it and panched him in the fake. Than I tred 2 panch him agen but he knacked my fis asid with his hors.
Meenwile Lauren was fitting Brak Obema and Marth wos fitting Mikal Jaxun and everone eels was fitting sum demans that Satin brot withim so noone was abal 2 halp me. I was al alon in my fite with Saten.
Suddanly Saten started gloing lik he had smashed a smesh ball. Than I relized that he cold use his finale smosh withot on jus lik me! His fenal smash cussed him 2 opan a porthole 2 Hell in the groind that I almos felled in2. Than a buncha demans cam ot of it and I hed 2 fite tham at the sam tim as Stan! I new I hed to activat my on finale smash. So I menage 2 killed all the denims but Satin himslef survivde the finale smash becuz he was the most powarfel villen evar.
"Sara cache!" Genital Li throed my litsaber bak 2 me. I drew it and strated fitting Saten with it. He alos throed Grunts litsabur so I dool-welded tham 1 in eech han. Satin tred 2 stab me with his patchforc agen but I slised it in haf!
"Ono" Saten sed. (Sonic: That looks strangely like an emoticon. Link: Emoti-what?)
"Giv up Satin! U no evul wil nevar win!" I sid.
"NEVAR!" Stan sade. He leaped at me butt I dogged and I useed my 2 litsaburs 2 chap Satins hed of!
"NO!" Brak Obamug sed. He runned ovar and tred to reviv Satin with CPR but it was fortanetly 2 lat. Satin was ded!
"Yay!" I sed. Evaryon began celibating the victary in the battol and Brock Obomo and Mikal Jaxan had 2 rune away. Suddanly evrythin stated been in slo moshun and everythin begun 2 fad to wite. Lauren runned ovar 2 me.
"We ded it!" she sad. But than she was gon 2. I was al alon in a wite rome. Than God wanked up.
"Well dun Sara!" God sed "u killed Satin ons and feral! No the wrold is sav aand theris no mor evul!" (Ughhhh. It's nearly over.)
"And is the timloin bak 2 nomel?" I sed.
"Yes" God sed "withot Satins leedership that nords wer no mach for the sooth. And everone eels is saf."
"Wat abot Lauren" I sed. I was kinda worred that she mite be a slav in the new timlin.
"Shes saf 2. And shes not a slav shell tell u mor wen u wake up in the fuxed timlin" God sed. Suddanly God walked away agen and evrythin stated to fad agen. My mishon was finally ovar and the evul was defeet. No it was tim 2 c the wrold I had repared form the damag that Osbama cassed 2 it. I closde my eyes and git reedy 2 opan tham agen.
I cant beleve that aftar almos sex weaks of writen im fenally dun with my storey! Id lik 2 tahnk everone who sad gud thins both on and on . (Sounds interesting…Does she even know what an orgy is?) Its tim 4 u to get the rewad 4 ur reeding: the and of the storey whichis prolly the beast endin evar. I thank this storey well godon in histary lik the Bibal and Atlus Shagged and Twilit (All: OH, WELL, THAT EXPLAINS A LOT!) as on of the best boks evar writen expect this on isnt a bok its on the intranet. On day ill be the presadent and thes storey well be in my mooseum and ill mak everone in my adminstraton red it so theyll no my valus.
CHAP 35: THE GRADN CONCUSSION
I waked up in a fansy bad in a fnasy rom that loked lik a rome in an old platashon hose. I got outta bad and saw that I was wering a relly pritty fansy dres lik wat womens werd in the passed tims of the war of norton agresion. I loked arond and sawed that Lauren was in bad with me. (Got drunk, huh?) She was wering a fansy dres 2 and she loked relly pritty init.
"Lauren wake up do u remamber everthin" I sed.
"Yea" she sid "loks lik we chaned tim. Hopfully that dosent men ima slav now."
"God sade u werent and he cant be ron. Evan if he sad u wer u wode be my slav and id jus free u rite away" I sade.
"Thanks" Lauren sed "o I remamber no in thes timlin my reel dads mastar fred him than he marred my moter and hes alos stell aliv now."
"Tahts cool" I sed.
So Lauren and Me waked ovar 2 the widow and loked outsid. We saw Bareck Obema and Mikhal Jaxun (Sonic: Poor Micheal. If the me in this story had any sense, he'd free Micheal Jackson immediately.) picken coton in the felds of my platashon. Mr Jonson and Becky wer my slavs 2 evan tho their wite (c is that rasest?) Becky wasnt as fat becuz she had 2 do hard werk al thje tim but she was stil uglay.
"Mak sur 2 wipe thos 4 alot" I tolled the overseers who were Mart and Clod and Limk! In thes timlin they lived in thes uneverse insted off vido gams. (Link: Oh. Great.)
Me and Lauren went donstars 2 the foyur of my planteshun manshon becuz there was a nok on the dore. I opaned the dor and their was Sarah Palen!
"Hi Sara!" she sad.
"Hi Sarah!" I sed.
"Is Juston reedy 2 go2 Rihcmand yet?" Sarah Palan sid "we dont wanna be lat 4 r inebriation!"
"What do u men?" I sed.
"Dont u remamber I wan the electron so im gonna be swarn in as presadant of the Confedrat Stats of Amurka and ur husband is my vise presadent" Sarah Pelan sed.
Suddenly Juston Beebur waked don frum anotter part of upstars. (*Screams and hides* NO! NO! GET HIM AWAY, GET HIM AWAY!)
"Sorry I jus waked up" he sad "Im reedy tho."
He walk up 2 me.
"U lok grate hunny" he kised me on the check (c how cani be a lesban if I hav a hubsand? (Link: For one, this is fictional.)).
Than suddanly I got bak sum mammaries frum the reel timlin b4 Oboma chaned it. Sarah Palen wan the 2012 Confedrat elecshan and Juston Beebur was her vise presadent. Also he was my hubbard.
"Hurry up we cant be lat 4 the inebriation!" Sarah Palon sed "Todds alredy wating in the car."
So Sarah Palen and Juston Beebur waked ot to the car I stayed a few secants with Lauren.
"Gud lok in Richmun" Lauren sed.
"Do u reely thank ill leve withot u. Cum on!" I sed. Lauren tok my han (All: TOTALLY NOT LESBIAN!) and I led her 2 the car. I got reedy 4 my new lif as the wif of the vise presadent.
THE AND
Sonic: Finally, it's over!
*Sees a white gas coming into the room* Uh, guys…
Link: Now we can go home and forget all about this nightmare!
*Gas starts to spread* Guys…
Sonic & Link: *Both are celebrating*
*Gets drowsy* Guys, we have a problem…
Sonic: Huh? *Gets knocked out by the gas*
Link: Hey what's going on… *Gets knocked out as well*
But…I thought it was over…
?: On the contrary, miss. *Steps into the room* That was only the beginning. *Evil laugh*
(…Psst! Guys! I don't know who this guy is, probably Zero, if he's still alive, but you can keep reading into this story in the blog Light Reads! You can find the link on Warrior Kitty's profile. Also, congrats on Warrior Kitty for posting the sequel to Operation: Smash Rescue! Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited and followed this fic, I couldn't have made it without you guys! Thanks for reading-)
?: HEY! *Knocks Light out with her own shovel*