Things Sirius Black Says

Some of these are based on 'Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts.'

"Prongs, I swear, if your mother wasn't a million years old, I'd go her."

"You know what your problem is? You need to get laid."

"If Remus was a girl, I'd go her. Heck, I'd go him as he is."

"How much do you think a lock of my hair is worth?"

"Why don't we have pizza deliveries here?"

"If Ravenclaws are so clever, then why don't they have Moony?"

"What's your problem? House fall on your sister?"

"Let's get the girls to become a cheer squad."

"I'd kill to see Remus in a tiny skirt.

""I'd go her."

"I'd go him."

"I'd go that."

"Ow, Remus, don't hit me! I didn't mean it!"

"Look at the way she handles that wand."

"Whoops, you caught me. Strip search, then?"

"I'm getting all hot and bothered over here."

"I think his height is compensating for something."

"It's almost Moony's time of the month- Ouch! Moony! Stop hitting me, I was joking!"

"Don't you think that Hufflepuffs would make fantastic squid food?"

"I think his scars are a beautiful reminder of how strong he is."

"I feel really sexy today."

"Tell me I'm sexy."

"I am the illegitimate love child of Sid Vicious."

"Moony, bend me over a table and fuck me- STOP HITTING ME IT WAS THE VERITASERUM!"

"We should try and stake Snivelly."

"Right. So. Anyone for sex?"

"I'm not gay. I think."

"I snapped a picture of Lily snogging that Ravenclaw bloke, do you wanna see it- Ow! James stop it, that hurts!"

"I'm going to tie him up, do you think that'll work?"

"Let's charm the Slytherin robes pink!"

"You know what'll make me feel better? Violent sex."

"I could be carrying something dangerous. Might I suggest a cavity search?"

"Chuck us another bottle of Firewhiskey, would ya?"

"I'm going to get Moony so drunk he'll have to fuck me!"

"I reckon James will be the first of us to die. He is a bit of a twat."

"Oh, sweetie, keep behaving like that and you'll get punished. How about detention with Professor Sirius?"

"Let's toss someones clothes into the Whomping Willow."

"We should replace Moony's chocolate with chocolate flavoured laxatives."

"Scratch that, let's charm it to be an aphrodisiac!"

"One way or another, Moony will be mine."

"I'm hungry like the woooolf- Don't hit me, Moony! I didn't mean it like that!"

"I don't care if it's funny, I'm not fetching that."

"Hey Moony, can I borrow your Prefect badge?"

"I'm not a pervert. I just happen to see beauty in everyone."