A/N: Hey everyone! It's little ol' me! Anyway, I told you I'd have the first chapter up soon! I decided I'm gonna do two chapters per act though since this felt like it was getting long. Before you read this and go like 'WHAT?!' This is and AU to the actual Phineas and Ferb, so characters that seem out of place are there for a reason. I also added a few of my own little twists. Also I tried to make it as similar to Dr. Horrible with a couple little tweaks. Anyway, enjoy!
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz has always been picked on by his brother, Roger Doofenshmirtz. Roger was also the favorite among the family. His mother loved him more. Heinz could see it clearly. He was better at kickball, he was more polite, better looking, a goody-two-shoes, but Heinz had seem him for what he truly was. He was an arrogant, butt kissing brat. Heinz remembered when he gave the teddy bear he worked so hard for to his mother who only gave it to Roger. Who writes their name on a teddy bear and mother?! However, the rest of the Doofenshmirtz family didn't see Roger for what he was. They saw him as a saint, an angel, a gift from above, whereas Heinz was seen as a burden, a devil, a curse…Ironically when the brothers grew up, Heinz became an evil scientist wanting to rule the world. The name Doofenshmirtz was just too much for him to handle. Hearing that name just sent a mad rage into him. he decided to be known as Dr. Horrible. Ironically Roger became the hero thwarting his heists and crimes, Captain Hammer. Just as they were kids, Roger would beat him up all the time, and he would beat him unconscious. Of course, Dr. Horrible was trying to rule the world, but still...did he really have to be that cruel? Roger seemed to think so. Heinz was also trying to get into the Evil League of Evil where he'd be accepted for his evilness and horribleness unlike his family who shunned him. But Heinz Horrible (we talked about this. He changed his last name to Horrible...it just sounds...cooler…) doesn't only commit crimes. He does laundry, is in love and writes a blog. And that...is where our story begins...CUE THE MUSIC!
DR. HORRIBLE (DOOFENSHMIRTZ)'S SING-ALONG BLOG!
Heinz Horrible loved doing his blog. He gets a lot of emails in response, and that's a sign that people watch and respond. He liked reading them out loud to the public. He himself didn't read them until he would do his blog. The camera was set, and to start off with today's blog, he started with his evil laugh.
"AAAAH HAHAHAHAH...HAHAHAHA…" he did, and then he stopped so he could talk, "So...that's, you know, coming along. I'm working with a vocal coach...the Drusselsteinian accent is...ya know...not making it easy for the evil laugh. And by the way, people, a lot of people ignore the evil laugh, and that's about standards! If you're going to get into the Evil League of Evil, I mean...you have to have a memorable laugh. Do you think Bad Horse didn't have to work on his whinny? His TERRIBLE death whinny? Speaking of which...no response BTW from the League yet, but my application is strong this year; a letter of condemnation from the deputy mayor...I mean that's gotta count for something...so...fingers crossed."
An awkward silence fills the room as Dr. Horrible thinks to himself. He knows he deserves to be a part of that league...there's nothing else for him in this messed up world. Then again...there is...no! That's later. He then realized the silence, and he knew he had to get back to his blog.
"EMAILS!" he announced, and he pulled one up, and he read it out loud, "From 2sly4you, 'Hey, genius."
He turned to the cameras again knowing he needed to be funny on his blog. I mean that's why he did the blog! he admitted he was a funny guy! He wasn't ashamed.
"Wow, sarcasm, that's original," he exclaimed in sarcasm, and he continued reading it, "Where are the gold bars you were supposed to pull out of that bank vault with your trans-matter ray-inator? Obviously, it failed or it would have been in the papers.'"
Heinz rolled his eyes. Clearly this guy didn't get the goals of evil or the concepts of evil. Why would anyone go to the press over a gold bar going missing from the bank? Only thing 'newsworthy' to these filthy people (HE SAID IT NOT ME!) is Captain Hammer. Captain Hammer saves a kitten from a tree. Captain Hammer turns in a lost wallet. Captain Hammer is in a relationship. Blah blah blah. He then eyes the camera as if that's the person.
"Well, no, they're not gonna say anything in the press," and Heinz grabbed a bag with a weird liquid, "BUT BEHOLD! Transported from there to here." He then realized a lot of people were probably confused on why it's all liquidy, "The molecules tend to shift during the trans-matter...um...event. But were transported IN BAR FORM...and…"
Heinz realized he was going nowhere with this, and he needed to change subject before he lost viewers. Luckily he had his plan B picked already.
"And by the way, it's not about MAKING money. It's about taking money...destroying the status quo...because the status...is not...quo. The world's a mess...and I just...need to rule it. I'm gonna…" he then smells the bag, "That smells like cumin. SO, Trans-matter-inator is 75%, and more importantly the Freeze-Ray-inator is almost up."
He then holds up the Freeze-Ray, fairly proud of his work. He'd worked hard on that thing for days. He remembers he'd talked about the Freeze-Ray for like three blogs before this one. He could feel it...this would be his ticket into the Evil League of Evil. This would be it. This would be the one...he just knew it.
"This is the one. Freeze-Ray, stops time. Tell your friends," he said, and he put it down as he scrolled to his next email, "We have...OH! Here's one from our good friend Johnny Snow. 'Dr. Horrible, I see you are once again afraid to battle your nemesis. I waited for you at Danville Park for forty five minutes.' Okay, DUDE, you're NOT, my nemesis. My nemesis is Rog-I mean Captain Hammer. Owch...he dislocated my shoulder...again. LOOK! I'm just trying to change the world! Okay?! I don't have time to have a grudge match with every poser in a parka! Besides...there's kids in the park, so…"
Realizing he, AGAIN, needed to change the subject, he scrolled to the next email.
"Here's one from DeadNotSleeping. 'Long time watcher, first time writing' blah blah blah, 'You always say on your blog that you will show her the way, show her that you're a true villain. Who is HER, and does she even know that you're…"
Heinz trailed off...thinking about her...and her son. They go to the laundromat the same days he does. Of course he plans this, so that he may see her every day. He was quite curious about the son's backstory...such as his father, but he ignored it. He was too entranced by Linda's beauty. As he trailed off, he started to sing a montage.
(Bold italics is Heinz singing and regular italics is Linda/Heinz talking)
Laundry day
see you there
under things
tumbling
wanna say
love your hair
here I go
mumbling
with my freeze ray I will STOP
the world
with my freeze ray I will find the time
to find the words to
tell you how
how you make
make me feel
what's the phrase
like a fool
kinda sick
special needs
anyways
with my freeze ray I will STOP
the pain
it's not a death ray or and ice beam
that's all Johnny Snow
I just think you need time to know
that I'm the guy to make it real
the feelings you dare to feel
I'll bend the world to our will
and we'll make time stand…
still…
that's the plan
rule the world
you and me
any day
love your hair
Linda: What?
Heinz: No, I, I, I love the, uh, air. Heh heh
anyway
with my freeze ray I will STOP-
Heinz was interrupted in his montage, not realizing he still managed to finish his blog on the outside while his mind was distracted, by his colleague, Bloodpudding entering the room. It snapped him out of the montage. Bloodpudding and Heinz had been good friends. Whenever Heinz got hurt, he managed to come by to see how he was doing. Whenever Captain Hammer beat him unconscious. He was always the one to bring Heinz back to his apartment. Even when Heinz just needed someone to talk to, Bloodpudding was there for him. This particular day, Bloodpudding was just stopping by for a chat to see how his friend is doing.
"Hey, Doc," Bloodpudding said.
"Bloodpudding! My evil bloody pudding buddy! What's going on?"
"Eh, life of crime. Oh! I got your mail."
"Ah, thank you," he said, and he went to sit on the couch, looking through his mail, "Hey, didn't you, uh, go on a date last night? Esmeralda Poofenplotz told me you were doubling with Dishon'N'Stars."
"Yeah."
"Yeah?"
"It was alright. I thought I was supposed to end up with Dishon."
"I hear ya," Heinz said, and he looked at him again, "I saw Linda today."
"Her son too?"
"Yep."
"Did you talk to her?"
"No," Heinz said, and he wanted to kick himself so hard. He just couldn't do it yet! Why was it so hard for him to talk to her?! Maybe it'd be easier if he talked to her son first...yeah...he'd have to try that, but for now… "So close. I'm just a few weeks from a real, audible connection. I'm gonna try with the son first though. Maybe I'll feel a little less uncomfortable around him. Who knows, maybe if I become friends with the son, maybe that'll score some brownie points with Linda. I'm gonna ask...Oh my God!"
"Is that from the League?"
"It's from HIM! That's his seal isn't it?!" Heinz was excited as he showed Bloodpudding seal on the back of a letter.
"The leader! Oh my God!"
"I got a letter from Bad Horse!"
"That's so hardcore. Bad Horse is legend, he rules the League with an iron hoof. Are you sure you wanna-"
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
He rides across the nation
the thoroughbred of sin
he got the application that you just sent in
it needs evaluation
so let the games begin
a heinous crime
a show of force
a murder would be nice of course
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
he's bad
the Evil League of Evil
is watching so beware
the grade that you receive will be the last we swear
so make the Bad Horse gleeful
or he'll make you his mare
you're saddled up
there's no recourse
it's Hi Ho Silver
signed Bad Horse
"Well..it's not a no," Bloodpudding said encouragingly, but Heinz didn't need it. He felt great!
"Are you kidding?! This is great! I'm about to pull a major heist. You know the Pizzazium Infinionite I need for the Freeze-Ray-inator? It's being transported tomorrow."
"Armored car?"
"Courier Car. Candy from a baby."
"You need anything?"
"Nah, thanks, but the League is watching. I gotta go this one alone."
A/N: well that's the first chapter. I tried to keep it as much of Dr. Horrible as possible with a couple twists such as Phineas. Note: THIS IS AN AU TO THE ACTUAL SHOW! There is no Ferb, no Lawrence! Candace will be in this, but she is not related to Linda and Phineas in this!
Anyway R & R
Carpe Diem!