Limit of Ability

A/N: This is an idea I've had for a while now. I've always wondered why Kakashi isn't a sage. He's very powerful and very talented, he's the son of the White Fang and he's one of Konoha's greatest ninjas. And I remember that to be a sage, a ninja must have high chakra reserves, which Kakashi doesn't have. Here's my interpretation of why.

It's pouring and pouring and the lightning is just all over the place, splitting the sky open and breaking it apart, tearing it down and shredding it like paper. Then there's the thunder, just to add to the melodrama of the situation. Frankly, Jiraiya's had enough melodrama to last him a lifetime, thank you very much, and it really doesn't help that he has no clue what the hell is going on. He simply has some vague, frantic recollection of the Uchiha police banging down his door and telling him to get his ass to the Hatake estate right NOW, goddammit! Jiraiya's so startled and confused that he does exactly what he's told, whilst panicked queries as to what exactly happened.

Is it Kakashi? Jiraiya asks. Did something happen to Kakashi? Because the boy is so young, far too young to be a ninja fighting a war, and if he were injured, Sakumo isn't in the right mental state to handle the situation. But then logic kicks in and he remembers that with Minato around, Kakashi would be taken care of. Well, if it isn't Kakashi then the only other rational option is his father. The prospect of something happening to Sakumo scares the Toad Sage just as much as the prospect of something happening to Kakashi does. Sakumo is his best friend, after all. So when he asks the question, when he asks, Is Sakumo alright? he is met with silence. The Uchiha police are a secretive bunch at the best of times, and right now, Jiraiya finds it hard to deal with.

As he approaches the Hatake estate, soaked to the bone, shivering and cold, he is met with more police officers and of course Jiraiya asks them what the hell is going on, but naturally they don't breath a word, telling them instead that he better get inside the house because the Sandaime Hokage wants to speak with him. "Well," Jiraiya says to no-one in particular, "Where is he then?" and he enters Sakumo's home to find it smelling like a battlefield, the air rank with the stench of blood. This adds to his state of general panic until he meets his old sensei, blinking stupidly while opening and closing his mouth like a guppy. The old man is standing right outside a closed room that stinks like a mortuary and with a heavy voice, the Sarutobi says, "Jiraiya, Sakumo is dead."

Well, that seemed obvious the very second Jiraiya had stepped into the house. But the words still shake him like the thunder and the lightning outside, and for some strange reason, the first thought that comes to his head is, it's fitting that there's a storm outside on the day the White Fang dies. Because Sakumo has always been like a bolt of lightning, a living personification of a tempest itself. It's no wonder the heavens bawling at his death. The second thought that Jiraiya has is, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. And then he needs to sit down before his knees buckle under his weight.

The Sandaime sighs sadly, and kneels down to Jiraiya's level. (For there were no chairs in the room and Jiraiya had to sit on the floor). The Toad Sage is shivering, but not just because he's cold and wet. He says, "Saru-sensei…how?" and it comes out like a broken croak, like he has a throat infection.

"He took his own life," the Third replies gravely.

Jiraiya takes a moment to absorb this. Sakumo? Committing suicide? Twelve months ago, Jiraiya would have laughed at the very thought. Because, well, it's the White Fang! One of Konoha's most feared warriors. What would possibly drive him to kill himself? It was an act of weakness, and Sakumo Hatake was anything but weak. But the last year had shown the Toad Sage a side of Sakumo that he wouldn't have believed existed. An angry, bitter, lonely side, a side where it was perfectly plausible for the White Fang to want to take his own life.

"He's in there," the Hokage adds finally, pointing to the closed room door. "Tsunade is with him, along with the forensic team."

Jiraiya looks at the room door like it's an absolution. And it is. Why, the second he opens that, the second he comes face to face with the corpse of his best friend, everything changes. His whole life changes. Everything is turned on its head, and Jiraiya won't be the same again. He can't do it. He just can't. So to bide time, just to buy himself pure seconds, he asks, "Who found him?" and despite knowing the answer, he just needs to hear Saru-sensei say it.

"Kakashi found him," is the Third's heavy response. He sounds so very sad when he says it. "He was returning from training with Minato. Kakashi entered the house, smelled the blood and discovered Sakumo. Minato informed the police and myself. He's with Kakashi now."

It's just sick. Jiraiya can't think of anything worse than finding a precious person in that condition, even though Kakashi has been getting colder and colder towards Sakumo of late. And really, the Toad Sage can't blame him. Kakashi had been targeted as an object of ridicule and had been ostracized since Sakumo had returned from that fateful mission. Jiraiya looks at the door again, weary. He takes a deep breath, makes the decision, and enters the room.

The stench is unbearable. It's Sakumo's old study, and there's caution tape around the scene. Tsunade is examining the body, shaking her head while barking orders at people. She had been Sakumo's friend too. It must be hard on her as well. The corpse itself is impossible to look at, and yet Jiraiya forces himself to do it. Face it, face it, face it, he tells himself, but it's so very difficult. Sakumo's face is too pale, his eyes too clouded. The White Fang, in his last moments, has curled into himself, like a ball. There is a tantou jutting out of his stomach with blood pooling all over him and soaking into the floorboards. Even for a hardened warrior like Jiraiya, it takes all his strength of will to not vomit at the sight.

Tsunade turns to look at him, her blonde hair messy and coming out of its two customary ponytails. She looks like she's been crying, the whites of her amber eyes are tinted with red. Jiraiya does not mention this lacklustre appearance of hers, not because she won't appreciate it—Jiraiya knows she won't—but because it would simply reinforce the entire situation. She comes up to the Toad Sage and very seriously tells him that Kakashi and Minato are in the former's bedroom, and that she is going to go check on the young Hatake in a bit, just as soon as she's wrapped up over here. The Uchiha police were to take the body away for a proper autopsy, as per protocol. Once they do that, she was going to give Kakashi something for the shock.

Jiraiya really is certain that if he stays in this room a second longer, he is going to throw up. He quickly escapes, exiting the study with the caution tape and the dead Sakumo to where the Third Hokage is speaking with the chief of the Uchiha police. Jiraiya's feeling enormously useless in this whole scene. He can't believe this. Not at all. Sakumo Hatake and suicide? It just doesn't add up. (But deep down, Jiraiya knows this day had been coming. Through Sakumo's depression, when Jiraiya looked into his friend's eyes, he knew instinctively that something bad was going to happen, but he had dismissed those fears as paranoia. Now, Jiraiya regrets it.)

Kakashi's room is small for Jiraiya and big for Kakashi, with a bookshelf with several volumes of Advanced Chakra Theory and A Guide to Ninja Weapons and Politics and History in the Shinobi World, and other books that Jiraiya had never even looked at when he was eight years old, which is the same age that Kakashi is now. The young boy is curled up in a ball on his bed and for a moment Jiraiya is reminded of the corpse of the White Fang, which had been in the exact same position when the Toad Sage had seen him only moment ago. Kakashi's face is tearless, barren of emotion and numb. Minato is sitting beside the boy, running his fingers through the child's wild silver hair (so much like Sakumo, Jiraiya thinks, so much like Sakumo.)

Kakashi has taken to wearing a mask, because he is ashamed of being the son of the White Fang. It really breaks Jiraiya to even think that a child who had admired his father so much would be too disgusted to even look like him. Though Jiraiya will never consciously admit it, not even in his own mind, he thinks that this is really what broke Sakumo in the end. Kakashi's betrayal. Still, Jiraiya finds it hard to blame the boy. It's not fair for anyone, lot less a child, to undergo something so traumatic. He knows that Sakumo's decision on that fateful mission had also changed Kakashi's life forever, subjecting him to untold mental stress. Especially on those days when Sakumo wasn't entirely…lucid, it was Kakashi who had to deal with it. Anyone would have resented the White Fang, and everyone truly did.

Minato looks up as Jiraiya enters and mutely says, "Ah, sensei, there you are." There is a tray of food (eggplant and miso soup, Kakashi's favourite) lying on the bedside table, and this tells Jiraiya that Minato had tried and failed to get Kakashi to eat something. "Kashi-kun?" the blonde man says gently, "Look who's come."

Kakashi is silent, very silent, staring straight ahead. He gives no indication that he even heard his sensei. This frightens Jiraiya just a little bit, because his nerves are on edge and likely to react violently to the smallest triggers. Kakashi not responding being one of them. So the Toad Sage sits on the bed next to Minato and places a hand on Kakashi's ankle. The young Hatake doesn't react the slightest, so Jiraiya starts to talk. He says the first stupid thing that comes to his mind and doesn't stop rambling once he's started. "Now, now, Kashi-kun, are you really going to waste all that eggplant and miso? Don't you want to eat some? Isn't it your favourite?" He thinks that Minato might protest or tell him to be kinder towards the child, but instead the Yellow Flash nods, wordlessly telling his sensei to please convince Kakashi to eat something. (After all, Kakashi had just returned from training. It was important to replenish his energy, and what with the trauma he's just been through…)

So Jiraiya thinks he's going to do this properly and motions for the miso-soup and eggplant. Minato gives it to him before Jiraiya tells Kakashi in a firm voice to sit up. The child stubbornly refuses. The Toad Sage places the tray down on the bed and repeats his previous instruction. "Kakashi, come on, sit up. It's time to eat."

After a full minute, Jiraiya loses his patience and gingerly picks the boy up and sets him into a sitting position. Kakashi doesn't struggle or resist. He merely blinks at the white-haired Sannin. It's a most irritatingly mild reaction and Jiraiya just can't seem to get his head around it. Still, it's better than nothing, so Jiraiya takes the chopsticks collects a morsel noodles and eggplant from the meal before him and says to Kakashi, "Eat this, there's a good boy."

But Kakashi was never one to be spoon-fed (or chopstick-fed) by someone else so he stubbornly refuses, shaking his head and looking away. Despite everything, he still has the gall to be a brat. Finally, he speaks. Three little words, but it comes as sudden reassurance to actually hear the boy's voice. "I'm not hungry." He sounds dull, morbidly so, and tired. Jiraiya can't discern any sorrow in his tone, but Kakashi's anguish is apparent on his face. "Can I…" he starts and then stops. He's thinking, trying to phrase the sentence. It's so very obviously difficult for him to make sense of everything, to make sense of what's happened to him, of what's happened to Sakumo. "I want to go to the bathroom."

"Oh," says Minato, surprised at the request. Jiraiya finds it interesting that despite everything that's happened, people can actually do normal things like go to the bathroom. It's the whole 'life goes on' cliché with an amusing twist. The Yellow Flash says, "I'll take you, Kakashi." And the two of them get off the bed.

That's when everything goes to hell.

Kakashi's feet hit the floor and he stands. He looks perfectly normal for about three seconds before his face crumples into a silent scream. He clutches his chest, buckles and collapses to the floor, writhing in pain.

"Kashi-kun!" Jiraiya cries. Both men franticly drop to his level while Minato his deliberately making a lot of noise, trying to get the attention of Tsunade.

"HOKAGE-SAMA!" Minato yells now, jumping away from Kakashi and running out of the room, "TSUNADE-SAMA, SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH KAKASHI!" Jiraiya can hear a chorus of shouting from downstairs and the trampling of feet as the party makes it up to Kakashi's room. All the Toad Sage can do is try to calm Kakashi down, which doesn't work because the eight year old boy is having a heart attack.

Tsunade marches into the room and pushes Jiraiya aside, the professional medic in her taking charge instantly. It takes her literally a moment to diagnose what's happening to the boy before her hands glow green and she fans her palms, slamming them into Kakashi's chest. The silver-haired prodigy lets out a ragged, shuddering gasp before becoming still.

An unnatural quiet fills the room. Jiraiya can't breathe. Is Kakashi okay? Is he? He doesn't know, but the masked boy certainly doesn't look okay at all. There is sweat on his forehead and Jiraiya can hear uneven, fevered breathing. Tsunade says, "He's had a chakra attack. I've stopped it before it could kill him, because trust me, it otherwise would have, but he's in a dire condition and unless we get him into a hospital right now, he's going to suffer another one." And Tsunade's barking orders again, telling them to move him, carefully please, and that she would accompany Kakashi to the hospital.

Jiraiya doesn't understand it. If there's a god up there, why is he or she letting this happen? If there isn't a god up there, why is it happening at all? First Akiko, Sakumo's wife, dies at childbirth; she gives her life for her son's. Next the man himself, the White Fang taking his own life because he didn't think that his son was worth living for. And finally Kakashi, who just can't seem to handle it any more. Why was tragedy always hitting the Hatakes?

At the Hospital

A chakra attack, Tsunade explains, is when the chakra network of the body suddenly seizes up and shuts down. She's just performed an hour long surgery on Kakashi, and she's more emotionally drained than she deserves to be. "The thing is," she says, "Kakashi has incredible chakra reserves. That's the problem here. With that sort of chakra pumping through your system, you're vulnerable to it anyway, even though the probability of actually getting a chakra attack is quite rare. Plus, he's under so much mental stress that his system just reacts to it. It's like cardiac arrest, but for the chakra network, and with far graver connotations." She pauses, eyeing her audience that consists of Jiraiya, Minato and the Sandaime Hokage.

"What are you trying to say, Tsunade?" Jiraiya asks, tired. The tempest outside has finally ceased, so that's one thing to be thankful for.

"I'm saying," and she frowns, "I'm saying that Kakashi's chakra reserves have been permanently affected."

"In what way?" Minato asks now, naturally worried for his only student. "You're saying he won't be able to use chakra?"

"I'm saying that his chakra reserves have depleted. Permanently. And if he tries to increase it, he may just suffer another chakra attack. Perhaps he'll be able to improve his chakra levels as he grows older, but only marginally." Tsunade pinches the bridge of her nose to avoid making eye-contact with the three men in the room.

Minato has his jaw slackened, the Third looks mournful and Jiraiya is just aghast. The Sannin distinctly remembers a conversation with Sakumo and Kakashi where the latter is saying that he wants to be the Wolf Sage. Sakumo Hatake had once wanted to be a Wolf Sage, but didn't have the minimum chakra requirements, even if he did have superhuman stamina. So Kakashi, who had initially had more chakra than his father, had also declared the exact same ambition. And Jiraiya had really believed that Kakashi would be able to do it. He was a prodigy, just like his father had been, but unlike the White Fang, Kakashi was better. Sakumo had known this and had nurtured the boy's talent.

Kakashi had trained for it. He had trained hard, no-one could deny that. He had become a genin at only the age of five, and a chunin a year later. He had really wanted to become the Wolf Sage. And now…? It's only common knowledge that you can't become a sage if you have poor chakra levels. And if what Tsunade was saying was true, then…

"Kakashi won't be able to become a sage," Minato cries, looking at the blonde medic.

"I know," Tsunade replies sombrely. "But compared to other shinobi, his chakra levels are still quite decent. And anyway, he doesn't need to be a Sage to become a great ninja."

Finally, the Sandaime speaks. "Tsunade's right. Great shinobi come in many forms. Chakra levels are irrelevant. What matters is your Will of Fire. And I know that Kakashi would do anything to protect this village. This in itself makes him a great and powerful ninja."

All that is nice and everything, but Kakashi was not going to appreciate this limit of ability. In fact, Jiraiya is certain that he is going to HATE it and hate his father for killing himself and putting him through it. Had Sakumo known what seppuku would do to Kakashi? Jiraiya can't help but feel rage mixed with his grief. He looks at the pale, small, sleeping form of the youngest and only Hatake, hooked to all sorts of machines, breathing laboured breaths.

He decides to be the one to tell Kakashi about the attack to his chakra network and what it means for him. And he decides to make sure that Kakashi understands that this doesn't mean he's weak or lesser than the average shinobi. In fact, he was smarter, stronger, more hard-working than most of them. And that despite everything he's been through, Kakashi would be a great ninja.

A/N: Wow, to complete all of that in one sitting! I am proud of myself. Thank you for reading. Please tell me your thoughts on this, especially all you Kakashi fans out there! :) Please review!