So, this is my first Gintama and english fanfic. I really hope you'll like it. Also, don't freak out, it's not all about math, so please calm down and give it a shot.

Ah, and no, I don't like math but I respect those who does.

Also – another also – this is (or is supposed to be) for Okikagu month… I'm so late, sumimasen deshita!

And yes, I'm a very strange person who lets herself to be took by the wave when she writes, sorry about that too.

I forgot the disclaimer… I'm so sleepy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama, it belongs to the Gori- err, I mean Sorachi Hideaki, yes!

Temee! You can blame math, but you can't calculate your life!

It was a cold morning, a typical autumn morning. A little figure was running to a typical school. A typical normal and perhaps pathetical beginning. The little figure - who was a girl, by the way, - entered the school's doors and changed her shoes in a run.

Please be there! Please, I beg of you, be there! she prayed while taking her indoors shoes. Then she sprinted right to her classroom. The so-noisy hall was now so silent, but after all it was 7 o'clock. As she arrived in front of the classroom the only sounds she could hear were her footsteps and, to her irritation, her heartbeats.

She couldn't stand the idea of some dork finding that thing and using it to blackmail her. And those stupid heartbeats made her feel discovered. She tried her best to calm her poor heart and fearfully opened that damned door. And what she saw let her breathless.

"Heh."

"What's with this beginning, huh?! That idea is so overused! The thing the girl forgot is probably a diary. Can't you see how obvious the plot iiis?" Gintoki made a exasperated face.

"Yeah, and probably the person who found it is a perverted jerk or her crush, or both, yes."

"Most likely both." Gintoki nodded.

"Well, at least we're sure that he's not Hijikata-san. "

"OOI!"

"There's no way there are fics about Mayora anyway, yes. "

"THERE ARE! There are fics about me! "

"Most of them are about you and Danna hooking up. I really pity you, Danna." Sougo said deadpanned.

"Oi, Sougo! "

"Gin-san- "

"I'm really happy you understand, Souchiro-kun."

"It's Sougo, Danna. "

"That's not the matter here! " Shinpachi yelled. "Gin-san, why did the Shinsengumi pop out of nowhere?! "

"Because it seems that the gorilla suddenly want to do something with them." said Gintoki.

"This isn't the gorilla. " Hijikata lighted his cigarette. "The gorilla is drawing his ideas and he is a man, he has roughly hands. This person writes her ideas and has soft hands. This person is a woman." he puffed the smoke.

"So, you're not only a Mayora freak, you're also a perverted, uh-huh. " Kagura hides behind Gintoki. "Gin-chan, protect me! There's a filthy pervert here and he's even more filthy that Shinpachi's underwear! "

"OI! Why did you add me there?!" came the obvious complain.

"I am not a pervert."

"Then how do you want to explain why you can feel her hands, Hijikata-san? "

"Yeah, after all you're a fictional character. " Gintoki crossed his arms.

"Obviously I can't. Like you already said, I'm a fictional character. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that this time is not gorilla's fault. "

"And how do you know she's a girl, Oogushi-kun? "

"It will hurt you to get our names right? And no, I don't know, I'm only predicting. But only a girl will start a story so cheesy."

"I got it, I got it! I will change the beginning, will you all stop complaining? " the author puffed her cheeks.

"See, I told you she was a girl." Gintoki said to the rest.

"NO, YOU DIDN'TTT! I'm the one who should be saying thaaat!"

"You already said too much, damned Mayora."

"Yeah, you should just go and die, Hijikata-san." Sougo deadpanned.

"Ano, can we please jump to the storyline?" asked the author.

"Sure, it will be about me and Ketsuno Ana, right?"

"I'm afraid not. It will be about Sougo and..."

"Huh, about Souchirou-kun? Why about him?"

"Yeah, and why would someone be paired with him. You really need to be a big masochist to like him, yes."

"China, before talking you should check the month." Sougo said bored.

"It's September; so what?"

"Well, September is the Okikagu month. Does that ring a bell?" he asked.

Kagura blushed.

"That girl is mee?!"

"Mou, I'm fed up. Enough omake." the author yawned.

"Gin-san."

"?"

"I'm scared, her personality just changed drastically."

"Hm, she may one of that person whose personality changes in a second." Gintoki replied.

They looked at each other.

"Shinpachi?"

"?"

"We're screwed."

"Oi, didn't I said enough omake?"

"We really are, aren't we." Shinpachi said.

"Not really." Hijikata puffed the smoke. "We should be happy that she's not a fuyoshi and just let Sougo and China girl deal with her."

"Agree." Gintoki and Shinpachi nodded.

"Maybe I should head back, shouldn't I?" Kagura put her chopsticks in her bento box. It was lunch break and she was on the rooftop. And she wasn't hungry. She usually eats 8 or 10 bowls of rice and some other dishes as side dish. Which means she eats a lot. Which means not being hungry wasn't something normal.

She sighed.

"Love." She will never understand that thing. It made her all fuzzy inside and blush. It made her jump every time she heard his coarse voice saying her name or dead-panning something to some random student. It made her dream of him patting her head or caressing her cheek. It even made her replace the characters from Romeo&Juliet (or some cheesy shougo mangas) with themselves. Hell, she would even replace - to her horror and disgust - the characters from some of Shinpachi's ero-books she stole a peek at.

"Just why did I fell for Gin-chan?"

She took a big gulp of her soda and sighed for the second time that noon. She took her beloved obento box. She would have to throw it (or give it to some poor animal who would eat rice) otherwise Shinpachi would smell that something was wrong.

The bell rang. She gulped down her soda and sprinted to her class. She has to get there early so she would have time to erase the evidence.

And so the last set of classes started. Just the usual: Ginpachi-sensei made the presence in his lazy way. Gorilla got beat to a pulp by her Anego. The sadist was sleeping in middle of the class. Mayora was scolding Gorilla and Sadist. Shinpachi was asking himself why he didn't transferred yet. Kyuubei was beating her personal stalker. And talking about stalkers, Sacchan was, just as always, trying to get in Gin-chan's pants.

That. Bitch.

If she really wanted to be tortured so bad, the Prince of Sadists's Planet was their classmate after all. And he seems pretty available, not to say ready to abuse anyone. They would be the ultimate couple of Gintama High. They will probably play S&M games as the first date. Then they'll realize that their mean to be together and get married.

They will have two kids and she'll go to goodnight-kiss them. He will hide somewhere near the kids room and surprise her hugging her from the back. After getting that is just her husband, she'll laugh and scold him for being noisy. Then they'll kiss, with him deepening it. She'll flinch at his touch and try to stop him knowing what would be coming next. He'll break the kiss, press her on the nearest wall and ask "what's wrong" in a husky voice. She'll say that the kids will hear them, begging him from the eyes to stop. He'll back off a little, making her to sigh gladly, only to press himself even harder on her, catching her between himself and the kids' door. He'll smirk at her protests then he will bent down and whisper in her ear that it's alright if she keep quiet. Then he will bite her ear lightly, making her blush.

"See? They'll be a perfect couple, so that bitch should let my Gin-chan alone and jump in Sadist arms." Kagura murmured to herself as she climbed the school's stairs. She opened the classroom door and entered. She forgot her keys inside her desk. Well, off course she forgot them if she was daydreaming about the sadist and ninja stalker's married life.

I have to clean my mind, with detergent if is needed. she thought and head right to her desk. Next to her was the so said future-husband, sleeping with his eye mask on. She tried to resist the urge to write on his face and started to dig in the desk after her keys. She found them in the darkest corner.

"Now, let's decorate that bastard's face." She grinned and took a marker from her bag. She took off the lid with her teeth and aimed the tip to his face.

"Just why should I like Gin-chan?"

Kagura froze.

Just what did that sleeping-freak said?

He rose his head and took off his eye mask, looking at her with his expressionless eyes.

"My, my, China, it's not good to have illicit relationships with your teacher." he deadpanned.

"What?" she whispered, mostly to herself.

He then took out a recorder, switched the cassette and pressed play. Her eyes went wide open when she heard her voice, her very own voice, saying the words he said a moment ago.

"Whaaat?!" she looked at him with wide eyes. He didn't answer, but keep on pressing replay on and on.

Then it hit her. And she felt empty. Like she just woke up and realize it was the end of the world and she was the only person left. End-of-the-world empty. Or, in her case, end of her unconfessed love. It was all over. Because he found out. And he'll destroy her. He'll tell everyone about her feelings for Gin-chan. And he'll make sure the principal will find out and forbid her to live with him. Then her papi will come and take her back.

She'll never see her Gin-chan, Megane, Anego, Soyo-chan, Otose, Tsukki, Kyuubei, Gorilla, Mayora or even anpan-freak-guy ever again. But at least she'll never see Sadist ever again. She was sure Nobu-nee will cut off his ***** and let him die in his own, dirty, blood.

"Oi, China! Earth to China. Answer, China. " he deadpanned.

"What do you want? Go away, Sadist." she said coldly, still in her own world.

He looked at her and a slightly glint of surprise sparkled in his brown eyes but it disappeared just as fast as it appeared. "Wow, giving up so easily? That's so much unlike you, China."

She glared at him.

"Too bad you're giving up. I actually had a compromise for you." he said, catching her attention.

"What? What compromise?"

"Nothing much, just be my girlfriend."

"W-whaaat?" Her jaw dropped. Maybe she didn't hear right. Did she had hearing problems?

Was she drunk? Or worse, drugged?

"All I have to do is to hurry up and graduate so that I can live happily with Gin-chan, yes." she reminded to herself as she was climbing the cafeteria stairs.

"Don't give me that look. I'm not asking you out. I just need someone to cheat on so I can get in a certain girl's pants."

"Huh?"

"Are you deaf, China? Or maybe dump?" he blocked the kick she sent immediately the words left his mouth. "So, are you in? Cause obviously, you're not deaf." he deadpanned, holding her foot on place.

"And if I play along you're keeping your mouth shut?" she grimaced.

"Exactly." he smirked.

"Fi-fine, I guess."

The little yesterday scene keep on playing in her mind.

"So all I have to do is to play a lovey-dovey couple with you so that you can get laid, yes?" she asked warily.

"Yeah."

"By who?"

He looked at her confused.

"In who's pants do you want to get?" Kagura clarified.

"Are you jealous, China?" he smirked.

"Jealous, no. Curious, yes." She said bluntly.

"Imai Nobume."

"Eh? Then why do you need me? She'll sleep with you if you give her enough donuts."

He looked at her and saw pure curiosity sparkling in her sky blue eyes.

"Yeah, I know. It's just that I heard she likes unfaithful boyfriends, so I want to double my chances."

"Wasn't that Zura?" She tried to recall something. "I think Zura was the one that liked unfaithful wives."

He scratched his neck, confused. "Anyway, did you brought your bento?"

She nodded.

"Alright, we'll start from holding hands and exchanging food. I think you like the last more." he said sarcastically.

She nodded again. For some strange and odd reasons she felt hungry. He took his chopsticks and opened his bento. She put her bento on the bench they were sitting and followed his actions. She decided to start with his, 'cause she knew her bento was err... a little too simple and his looked more complex. She took a piece of meat from his lunch box and put it in her mouth a little circumspect.

She was expecting to get food poisoned or to feel her mouth burning, but the only thing she felt was amazement. His lunch was friggin' awesome! She could feel a few condiments but at the same time she could taste the beef meat. Not too salty, not too sour. Just fucking perfect!

"Woah... it's... deli... sious, yes!" She mumbled stuffing the food in her mouth mercilessly. He looked at her bento and started to regret his idea. Her bento was only rice and freaking big! He took a look at her devouring his lunch.

"Oi, China, didn't you said you wasn't hungry because of Danna?" he asked monotonically

"Blut... ish... rooo gluuud!" She answered with her mouth full, a grain of rice sticking to her cheek.

He chuckled.

"Gross, China, don't talk with your mouth full. Are you a pig?" He blocked the kick she throw at him.

"Shut up, yes! You're the pig for calling a lady a pig, yes!"

"I'm not the pig, I'm the wolf who eats the pig. And you're not a lady, you're a mon- " he spotted some girls from a random class passing by. If he would call her a monster, the lovey-dovey mask will fell off. Damn! he thought. "- a mon-honey." he said defeated. Is that even a word?

"Huh?" Then she saw the girls and his kill-me-now face, a smile crossed her lips. "Aww, really, I'm so happy you love me soo muuuch." he glared at her. "But, say, dear, what does MON-HONEY means?" she shouted.

He gritted his teeth. That sadistic little monster! Sadistic? He grinned. He was the sadist here, he'll show her what sadism really means. Buut, in a lovey-dovey way.

He turned to face her, smiling ear to ear. Kagura eyed him confused. And really, he was supposed to be embarrassed, with red ears and face in differents shapes of red. He wasn't supposed to be smiling. At least not in that creepy way.

"Should I show you what it means?" He leaned closer to her.

"Woa-what are you d-doing, you sa-" she stood there, stoned, eyes wide open. The sadist silenced her with a kiss. His warm lips brushing past her skin, making her head to spin, losing herself in their body warmness. The way his lips moved against her skin made her hold her breath. She could feel her lunch twisting in her tummy, making her feel sick but not in the I-need-to-throw-up way.

"If you try to break free, I'm gonna tell anyone about your dirty little secret." he whispered, his breath tickling her.

She closed her eyes, trying to control herself. Think of Gin-chan. Yeah, Gin-chan is stealing her first neck-kiss, not that sadist bastard!

He slid his hand under her thighs and placed her on his lap, so he could have more access at her throat. And they stood in that position a lot. Maybe too much for their good sane.

"Pwoah, their gone." he took a deep breath of blessed air. "What the hell, China!" She looked at him confused. "Just why did you put so much perfume?! I think you bathed in that thing."

She blushed.

"N-no, off course not!" she cried. Actually, the little perfume thingy was her ultimate move to seduce Gin-chan. But... it seems she exaggerated, only a little...

"Sadist, you too, did you bathed in hair balsam? Your hair softness would tickle my ear every time you would move your head, yes!" she pointed her finger accusatory at him.

"Did you just admitted that my hair is soft?"

"No! Ah, now that I think about, I kind of did it, uh-huh." she murmured thoughtfully.

He sighed and got up, making her fall back on the bench in process.

"S-sadist?" she was looking at her shoes when he turned around. "A-about this... compromise..."

"Most likely blackmail" he deadpanned, but she kept on going. "Let's not k-ki-kiss... I want to... keep it for G-Gin-chan."

"Hmm, seems like I won that bet with Hijikata-san." he mumbled not-so-to himself.

"Whaaat?" she panicked. "T-th-the M-Mayora found out?!"

"Joking, China, joking." he said smirking.

"MOOU, go and die saaadist! Wait, you bastaaard!" she yelled at his now out-of-sight silhouette.

They spend the rest of the day faking some normal talks. Which means they couldn't have their normal sparring sessions. Which was hard enough without their classmates looking at them as they would look at some new species of animals. But, somehow, they knew their classmates were right to freak out. After all, they had been rivals from the very beginning.

So they tried to look more normal ... but their normal selves were exactly the opposite of lovey-dovey. Heck, any dove would die of heart attack if someone called their normal relationship "lovey-dovey".

So, they tried to not freak them out more.

They were behaving like a normal, shy and new couple, doing things like holding hands, walking, helping each other in classes... No, wait, rewrite that: they tried to hold hands without throwing each other over shoulders, but ended up agreeing that holding hands is too mainstream. They tried to walk around without playing "the tread game" and, definitely, they gave their all to not submit to the delicious thought of giving to the other the wrong answers.

They even tried to say thanks to each other; ended up spitting. As for the let's-walk-home-together-cause-we-are-such-a-lovey-dovey-couple thing, it took Okita a bloody tongue to ask, while watching the Chinese monster trying to hold her laugh and failing, apparently.

And, fortunately (or unfortunately, it depends how many times he reminds her about his knowledge) their home rout was crossing with Nobume's one, obliging them to talk affectionately to each other. Which mean no insults, no ugly faces and definitely, no kicks.

That's how their days looked. In their classmate (and schoolmates) 's eyes. The after school class duty was their God. Why? Because they were finally free... to throw pieces of chalk and sponges at each other. Free to insult each other, free to break each other's ribs. And surely, free to use their normal nicknames and to throw away the cheesy "darling".

And it was the time he said it:

"China, you're coming at my place tonight. "

"So, why are we here?"

She kicked off the shoes he gave her and threw herself on his bed. She asked only for the sake of it, the only thing that was in her mind being I'M IN A GUY'S HOUSE! AND A GUY'S ROOM! WITH A SADIST'S THINGS! Yep, she was screwed indeed.

"Faking a lovey-dovey relationship." he deadpanned and opened his laptop.

"Be more precise, yes."

He ignored her completely and started to type something.

"Oi, listen to me!" Kagura demanded.

And got ignored. She sent a kick to his bishounen face. He dodged it.

And keep on typing.

Really, that guy really like to get on my nerves. She let out a sigh.

"Sign in."

"Huh?" He turned the laptop towards her and pointed at the screen.

"Face-wall ." She spelled, her eyebrows frowned. She had a bad feeling about it. "What's with it? I don't have an account."

"Don't lie, China, I have you at friends." he said, looking at her bored.

"Eeh, really?!"

"I knew you're not very clever, but just how dense are you, China?"

"KORAAA!" She throw a punch at him. He caught her fist with his hand.

"Anyway, just sign it." He deadpanned.

She hummed and dragged the laptop closer. "And now?" She asked when the welcome message appeared. Ah, wait, that too.

His phone vibrated. He took it out and rises an eyebrow. "Really, China, really? You set yourself in a relationship with me? How childish, you think we'll be a couple for a long." He smirked.

"Dream on, Sadist. When we'll break up, you'll cry after the amazing Kagura. You'll beg for me to come back!" She said confidently.

"That's a cute fantasy, China. Too bad it's not gonna happen." he chuckled.

A cling sound came from the computer.

"Eeeeh, you accepted? " she looked at him confused. Didn't he say it was childish?

"Yeah, it fits with what I have in mind." he leaned towards his laptop and typed something in Doodle. She narrowed her eyes to read it. She couldn't have read that right.

"C-c-condoms?" she didn't read it right, right?

"Yeah. Choose one."

"W-w-whaat?" she literally cried.

"A picture, China. Choose a picture." he deadpanned, with a hint of smirk.

She flushed at the sight of so many... protections. So many and so colorful. So much many types and models and they were soo colorful. Maybe from this came the expression "colorful language..."

In the end, she choose a red one. Red was her favorite color, so...

"Now download it and post it on Facewall."

"Whaat?"

First her view, now her hearing!?

"Oh." he made a I-got-it-now face. She sigh relieved. "Nope, no misunderstanding this time." he smirked.

"I'm not posting that thing in my "building" "

"Ah, and don't forget to write: (falsetto) OMG! That was soooo amazing, uh-huh. He ****** me three times, yes. He pulled in and out. I was an S but now I'm definitely an M! He's so awesome! XOXO "

"I'M NOT WRITING THAAAT! No, no, no and, definitely nooo, yes!" she panicked, her face all flushed different types of red.

"And don't forget to add some hearts..."

"I already said NO. I'm NOT doing th-"

"Or no food for you." he deadpanned.

"What?" She exclaimed. "I'm not hung- " Growl. Her stomach was against her. He chuckled.

"Fine! I'm gonna steal it from your fridge!" And she stormed to the kitchen.

She came back a minute after.

"It's... empty." she said with dark eyes. "That the most terrible thing I've seen. Sadist! Go and cook something!"

"How about no."

"I'm not taking "no" as an answer."

"Then write that."

"N- "

"I'm not taking no." he grinned. She eyed him. "Why is your fridge empty?" she asked in a attempt to change the subject.

"Because I cook daily." he said casually. She smiled to herself. Sweet escape!

"Nice try, China. But if you want to eat, you have to write that."

"Tsk. Fine! Can you tell me what to write again?" she made another attempt at escape, hoping he forgot.

He grinned. "Sure. (Falsetto) He's so awesome! He made me scream while he ****** and ******. That was so amazing, he used a ******** and then he took a candle and ******! I was a S no- "

"THAT'S EVEN WORSEEE! Kamonanba kamonanba kamonanbaaa! (1) TMI! TMIII!" she cried, forgetting her accent. "I'll write, I'll write, yes! Just let me choose the wooords!" she blocked her ears, face all flushed.

He laughed. Now that's interesting. "Be careful to write something lustful and that you want to do it again." he said and opened the door. "Ah, and China, post the picture too." and he left.

He came back drinking an apple juice.

"What are you doing, Sadist? Go and cook, uh-huh!"

"Don't wanna." he answered bluntly. "What did you write?"

"This." She showed him the paper.

"What the fuck, China!" He choked in his juice. " "I want to punch your face again." What's that?!"

"What? It's lustful and it shows that I want to do it again, uh-huh."

"Well played, China, but not well enough. He smirked. "But it seems like I have to dictate it to you."

She jumped and blushed. "N-n-no no no! I'll write! I'm serious, yes! Go and cook!"

He took a chair. "Nope. After you post."

She made a sour face and started to beat her brains. Lustful, lustful and desireful! Is that even a word?

"Argh! That's all I can, Sadist. And if you're not pleased, I'll break your *****!"

"Hm? "I can't wait to do it with you again, darling." ? So boring, China. You really lack imagination." she glared at him. "But I guess this one it's alright." he liked his ***** a lot.

She started to type. "Put the photo too." he bent down and breathed on her nape. She eyed him. "I'll give you a candy." he tried. She post the picture first, then the text. He smirked. She's so easy to please.

He stared at the screen. "Tsk, no matter how I look at it, it's so boring." He grimaced.

"Shut up, Sadist! You just stole a lady's virtual virginity, yes!"

"Virtual virginity, China?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Now cook. " she demanded. "Come" he said and walked to the kitchen.

"Huh?" she followed. "Eh?!"

"Lyu sheid dlat lyu clook gaily!" she tried to stop from eating. Damn him and his amazing cooking skills.

"China you're disgusting. Don't talk with your mouth full, your confusing the readers. And I did indeed said I cook daily, it's just that I have my own tricks. For example I woul- "

Munch, crunch... slurp, champ... gulp, chom- suru-suru, munch, champ...

He got ignored. Well, what was he expecting? She was starving! And God "blessed" him with a dangerous gift. Indeed, cooking skills can be dangerous gift... if you know a Yato.

Then the phone rang.

"Hello."

"Sou-chan?" Asked a clear and lovely voice.

Gasp! "Ane-ue! Hi! How are you? Are you alright? You're taking you medicine regularly, right? And you're checking the door twice before going to bed, righ- "

She laughed. "Yes, yes, and definitely yes, maybe even three times, but I can check it fourth times if that calms you down." She giggled softly. He blushed. "Sorry, my mouth took over me."

"It's alright, Sou-chan. Now it's my turn. How are you?"

Champ, gulp, crunch.

"I'm fine, thank you."

"You're taking good care of yourself? Sorry if I sound like a mother."

"No, it's alright. Yes, I'm eating " Munch, gulp, slurp, slurp, crunch."and showering properly…. Excuse me a little." he took the phone from his ear. "Oi, China! Stop chewing so noisily..." he suddenly remembered that his sister was at phone "…please."

"I'm sorry. She's so noisy."

"Oh, don't worry. Umm, sorry that I ask, but she?"

Oops!

"Ah, yes, she's... a friend of mine..." he answered awkwardly.

"Oh. I thought she was your girlfriend. Too bad." she said a little disappointed.

Say what?!

"Ane-ue, excuse my impoliteness, but... from where do you know about me having a girlfriend?" He had a bad feeling about it. He took the apple juice from the table.

"Ah, from Facewall."

And spitted it right away.

"R-r-really?" He mumbled. Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, die Hijikata, oh, fuck, oh, fuck, choke yourself with mayonnaise and die, you bastard! he chanted to calm himself down.

"Yeah, I saw that you are in relationship with a cute girl, but I couldn't see her photos because I don't have her at friends."

Thanks Goddess! I promise I reduce my attempts at Hijikata-san's life at only six days per week.

"Should I ask for her friendship? I'm not really sure what to do..."

"Ah, no!" At this she made a huh? sound. "I mean, I'll tell her to ask for yours, so don't worry."

Kagura got out from kitchen and headed towards him, still chewing. Please shut up, please God, shut her!

"Oi, Sadi- " Fast, he took a chicken drumstick and shoved it up her throat.

"Shupthefuckup, you China-clandestine-monster!" He said through grintted teeth, pulling the meat deep down in her mouth.

"Huh?" came the voice from the phone, bringing him back from his sadistic thoughts, and saving the poor girl from a terrible death (and from breaking someone's *****).

"Ah, sorry... I was taking with the TV... yeah, the TV." He added more meat in her mouth and she made a coughing sound. "It's a horror movie at TV, but the heroine is so annoying." he pulled the meat even deeper through her throat.

"Ah, I see. And she's in a dead situation right now?"

"Yeah, kind of. She don't know when to shut up and she pissed off the most sadistic character. Poor her."

"Oh, poor her, indeed." she sounded really sorry for the girl. "Anyway, I'm happy that I heard your voice and that you're healthy. Toshirou told me that you're falling asleep in class, so if you don't sleep enough, please try to relax and sleep at night. You can go to sleep at a friend or your girlfriend if you're afraid."

"Sure, Ane-ue, I'll try to sleep normally." Die Hijikata, jump off from a cliff and die!

"Alright, I have to close now. And to put my camera to charge." she chuckled. "You know I always forget."

"Yeah, I know." he smiled. "I can't wait to see your photos, Ane-ue."

"And I can't wait to see you. Say hi for me to your girlfriend." She chuckled. "Bye, Sou-chan."

"Bye, Ane-ue."

Then the end-call sound. He put the phone back in his place. "My sister is too kind, she says hi to slaves." he said and took his hand away from her mouth.

She gulped the meat down and wiped her mouth with her palm's back. "You! What the fuck are you doing, you bastard!?"

"Killing you slowly?"

"I can see that!" She throw a foot in his direction. He caught it. "And don't call me a slave! I'm the queen, yes!"

"You're not a queen, you're a monster." he deadpanned.

"Kooora!" She send a punch to his face. He dodged. "Anyway, China. Let's go. We have to wait till eight o'clock for the rest." He headed to his room.

She stood there, at lose of words. He was really strange. He almost tried to kill her a moment ago just because of what? Well, killing each other was their ultimate goal, but still! And now he's behaving normal. Just what's his problem?!

"And China?" he turned towards her.

"Huh?"

"If you accept one of my relative's friendship on Facewall, I'll kill you. Slooowly." he said smiling. A Kamui-style smile. She gulped down. If she wouldn't been strong enough, she would be a cold corpse by now. She gulped down again.

"And now what are we doing?" She hugged the pillow tightly to her chest.

"Waiting."

"For?"

"Nobume to pass by."

Silence. He took a seat at the desk.

"Say, Sadist, who was at phone?" She could swear she heard a crystal clear voice. And didn't he said that his sister said hi to her? – she really has to punish him for calling her a slave, but later.

"None of your business." he said and took out his books

"It was your sister, right?"

"If you know, then don't ask." his eyebrows frowned at a math problem.

"How is she?" she asked. He lifted his head and looked at her. She was looking in his direction, but not at him. Her eyes showed that she was spacing out.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "Sweet. She's a sweet and caring big sister."

"Then why isn't she with you right now?" Why is not Baka-Nii-chan by her side to kick this bastard face right now?

"She's a photographer, China. She was ill, but now she's fin- "

"What illnesses?"

"She's not contagious… at least not anymore." he sounded hurt.

"I'm only curious." she muttered.

"Tuberculosis. Wanna run the hell out of here now, right?" he used a sarcastically question, but he's tone was bitter.

"No." her voice was like a whisper. The story reminded her of her mother, only that she didn't survived. "So, why photographer?"

"Long story. And it involves Hijikata-san, as always." he murmured.

"Mayora?" Damn her high hearing! "Yeah, he's her... boyfriend." he made a sour face.

Titter, titter. He rose his head. She was trying her best to suppress her laughter. And failed miserably. "Bwahahahah! Your killing target is your sister's boyfriend! EPIC! You're an even bigger siscon that Shinpachi, it's too epic!"

A vein popped on his forehead. "And you felt for your father figure. But that's just lame."

"Oi! Every girl was in love with their father. It's natural, uh-huh!"

"Maybe, but they move on after a while." he deadpanned.

"So, make it short."

"What?"

"Your sister's story."

"Well, on her birthday Hijibaka-san bought her a performance camera, because she kept on trying to immortalize beings and things through art."

"That's to shooort! Ooi, give me back my feelings! I thought that you're gonna summon a tearful flashback, yes!" she jumped, making a Gintoki-like face.

"Too bad, China." he deadpanned.

"Mooou, go to hell, Sadist!" she grabbed the blanket and put it over her head.

"Oi, China, don't infest my bed with your bacteria."

"Ahaha, how funny, you're on topic for the first time!" she arranged the pillow and throw her head on it. It sure was soft. "If you wake me up, I'll kill you." And it smelled nice. She should be horrified by only the thought of touching his bed. I mean, heck, he was probably doing dirty things in it. And she was fully exposed to his sadist germs.

Millions of bacteria with Sougo's troll face were climbing on her body. They were all over her. He was all over her. She closed her eyes. It felt damn good to be in his bed. I mean, it has soft and good smelling sheets and – even though it shouldn't – it felt right to be there. Which, even without the sexual reference, was strange enough.

I mean, when she slept in Gin-chan's futon it didn't felt right. Maybe because his pillow smells like an Ossan's. Yeah, that's why. And the Sadist is young and he smells nice anyway...

Say what?!

Think of something else! Let's see, let's see. Kamui popped in head. Baka-Nii? She felt sadness taking over her. No, no, no! Think of... of food! A little table popped in her head. There was two kids and two adults. A family. Her family. She blinked. No, no, no, no that one eitheeeeer! she tried to sent away the picture. Ah, I know. Think of Sadist's sister. But how does she looks? She tried to imagine her. Long, wavy, dirty-blond hair, calm brown eyes with a red glint in the sun light. A camera at her neck, as an amulet. And a kind smile. She's beautiful. she thought.

Wrong move. Her mind removed the camera, dyed the hair in an orange-red color and give her cerulean eyes. Mami... She felt how her eyes teared up. Damn sadistic germs... she though as quiet tears rolled on her cheeks, wetting the pillow.

"Oi, China, wake up." he poked her cheek. She was soundly asleep. Really, China was really something, to fall asleep so easily. He blinked.

Sure she was a little too confident on her beauty and cuteness for her own good, but sleeping so defenseless in a sadist's room, with a sadist in there, was pure insanity. And really now, she's not only defenseless, she's too defenseless.

Her head slightly tilted in his direction, chest going up and down slowly, vermilion locks scattered all over his pillow, body almost fully covered by his blanket, only an arm stretched out for comfort. Peaceful sleeping face, finally-closed potty mouth... no, rewrite that, a little opened potty mouth, lips slightly parted so she could breath easily. Yep, definitely defenseless.

He sighed. He could swear her sleeping figure would be disgusting but she was kinda appealing. If her mouth was shut closed and her hands cuffed with chains so he can do anything to her. Only then...

He blinked. Be damned, math! Too much math was damaging his head.

"So, calculate: 9√xy³ + √xy – 23x = 346. Hmm, so I have to find three x..." Three x or, for short, xxx…"

He shock his head. Math and umm... censored things have nothing in common. Maybe just some x-es…

Don't crack, don't crack! You're a deadpanned sadist characteeeer!

"Now I sound like Danna..." he sighed. "Guess I will take another exercise." Yeah, that's what a sadist and deadpanned character would do. Good job, Souchirou-kun! Now I really sound like Danna. And did I just call myself Souchirou-kun?!

"Hmm, let's see..." he turned the page... "Exercise 2, point c..." 2c... 2 China... XXX China...

…. and shut close the book.

He stole a glace at the girl who seems to be hunting his mind. Still peacefully asleep. Was she a shaman? Could she project her soul out of her body? Was she capable to read his mind? And more important, did math damage his brain so bad?

He blinked a few times. Stupid thoughts indeed.

He pulled himself closer to her. He smirked. Well, math already corrupted his mind with x's and xxx's so why don't he keep on going? He will only stare at her and see just how spoiled his mind got. But he will have fun. He took out a copybook. He'll write her a description.

"So China has... well first she has a head, a head full of sukonbu, Danna and fighting thoughts, but in rest is pretty empty." Ah, and food, how could he forget about food. "And she has a face, a normal face, for a monster... And a mouth, a very potty and sukonbu smelling mouth. She has eyes, inhuman-blue eyes..."

He leaned closer to her face. What's that, under her eyes? Are they dark circles? No, China loved to sleep just as much as him, so no. Are they freckles? No, that are minuscule peach colored spots and these looks like lines, so, nope, not freckles either…

Then what?

"Wait." He mumbled as his hair covered his eyes. The kids from my street always looked like that when they parents scolded them. After they cried. Tears...

SADIST MODE: CHANGE.

"No, no, no, no, no, NO! Not China, damn it! She's a gluttonous, ugly, violent, disgusting bitch! But wait, if she's a bitch, then there wouldn't be a problem if I took advantage of her." he murmured. THAT'S NOT THE POINT! his almost-forgot common sense screamed.

He sighed. "I really need a tsukkomi. Why's not Megane here to do his job? Or Hijibastard-san." Yeah, where's Hijibaka-san when he can be useful?

Well, knowing China, she'll screw any good image she'll make so, I'm gonna take her a photo when that will happen. Maybe she will start to snort. He thought, deciding that taking advantage of her wouldn't be good for his lugs... or legs. He crossed his legs and took back the copybook.

"... a little nose full of boogers. Usually she wears spiral glasses which makes her look ugly... not that she isn't anyway. She has very, very pale skin. Flame-orange hair, like someone set fire to it. Maybe I'll do that someday. She wears it in two comical telephone buns, but right now there's only one in her hair, the other one..."

He took a closer look. Where was the other one? He looked around her. Nowhere, it seems. And why is she wearing only one? It looked even funnier than usual. His eyes set on her head.

"Vermilion locks scattered all over his pillow"... well almost all over. Not even bothering to think, he extended his hand toward her sleeping figure and released the hair from the other bun. It fell off on his pillow in a hypnotic way. And it must be hypnosis at fault (or math) cause his hand let the bun fell somewhere and started to stroke her hair.

"Yeah, math is at fault." He mumbled as his hand moved on its own. He wanted to pull her hair and wake her up, but before he knew it, his finger were digging their way through her hair, caressing it and stroking it gently.

It was soft, soft and silky. It made him want to do a lot of unsadistic things. Is that even a word?

He blinked. Damn her and the a-poor-little-kid-I-need-to-protect feeling she gave him! And damn her soft, hypnotic and mathematical (yeah, it's always math at fault) vermilion hair! He thought while stroking the locks. It seems like his hand got comfortable there cause he couldn't command it to pull out. And it was comfortable indeed, especially the warm her skin emitted.

He stole a glace at the clock. Ten minutes and he'll have to wake her up. Now, where did he put that camera?

"Huuuuah!" She yawned. "So, all these stupidities were because you wanted her to think you did me?" she bent down to put her shoes.

"Yeah."

"How low."

"Not as low as your crush on Danna." he deadpanned.

"Hey, you can't control with who you fall in love." she puffed her cheeks.

"Nor your hormones."

"Why you-"

"Which reminds me..." he said and closed the distance between their bodies. "W-wha-what are you doing?!" she tried to get out but he trapped her between himself and the wall.

"… there's no pleasure without pain. At least not with a sadist."

He pinned her hands and put his knee between her thighs. "What are you doing, you bastard-"

She froze. She knew the sensations. Something warm on her skin, she knew it, damn it! But, just like the other time, she couldn't do anything to stop him. All she could do was to stay there, stoned because of these strange, electrical waves her body got through. She closed shut her eyes. His breath and hair was tickling her every time he breathed or moved. And she tried her best not to laugh cause he may misunderstand it...

Her eyes wide opened.

He licked it. He licked her neck. His tongue's tip dancing on her skin, tracing small lines after her collarbone. Her knees went weak. She bit her lower lip.

Just. Don't. Moan.

And it was already hard enough to not giggle when his hair and breath tickled the hell out of her, which she was pretty sure he was it doing in propose. She was about to beat the shit out of him when her knees gave in.

"Huh…?"

She fell flatly on her bottom, dragging him after her in process. As she arranged her legs under her for comfort, the wind their movements made whiffed and she felt the wet parts of her neck chilling.

A shiver ran down her spine.

Then she blushed when realization hit her. He took the opportunity, set himself between her parted legs and continued his attacks on her neck, nipping and biting on it, this time. And his movements made his hair to brush past her neck.

Her lips parted and, before she could stop, she gave in, just like her knees. Moaning, giggles and harsh breaths escaping her mouth like fairytale monsters. He was nipping, biting and licking the scratches only to deepen them, his teeth digging their way without mercy.

Sougo lifted his head to look at his work. He smirked at the sigh of her all flushed and heavy breathing. "Payback time." for sexual frustration. But he kept the last part for himself. He tried to catch her eyes, but she averted them even thought her blush deepened.

He grinned satisfied, but he didn't finished. Not at all. He dug his teeth again in her neck, receiving others moaning and giggling sounds from China. He moved to her collarbone, leaving red and, sometimes, bloody marks all over her neck zone.

"If you ever do that again, I'm gonna castrate you, you dog in heat!" She threathed as she tried to cover the marks with her sport jacket and failed miserably.

She's gonna castrate him? Wasn't she the one who was almost asking for it sleeping so defenseless in a sadist's room? He put his hand on his red cheek. After her body got it's power back, she slapped him and started to beat the shit out of him.

Good thing he had impeccable reflexes and dodged most of them, thought he couldn't dodge the first bitch-slap and that's why his cheek stings right now. But it worth it. After all, seeing China's flushed face and hearing her moans was a only-once-in-lifetime chance. I mean, China and moans wasn't something you'll hear in a sentence.

Sweet, revenge was sweet indeed.

"So, all you have to do is to get out of my house when she cross by." he deadpanned.

"Yeah. I know." She grabbed her bag and opened the door. She looked at him. Hands in his pants's pockets, a poker-face. Yep, definitely Sadist. She got out of the house then turned to face him. She already spotted Nobu-nee, who was a few meters away.

"Bye, Sadist!" She hugged him, then stormed out of their sight.

And so, he got frustrated again.

"Ane-go, can I stay with you?" Kagura almost pleaded to Otae as they climbed in the school trip bus.

Even thought a week had passed and she stayed with him everyday, she was still embarrassed by the thought of being alone with him. After all, every time they were together there were a lot of people around and first of all, they were acting sweetly to each other.

"Aree, Kagura-chan? Aren't you staying with Okita-kun?" It seems like her beloved Ane-go can't read the mood.

She sighed.

"O-of course I'd stay with him. It's just that I miss to stay with you, yes." she tried again...

"Aww, that's sweet, Kagura-chan, but I'm staying with Kyuu-chan." ...and failed again.

"Otae-saaan, come here, I kept your seat war-" The next second Otae jumped at the Gorilla and made him fly through the nearest window.

"Kyuu-chan! Here, here! I found some empty seats!" the boss lady waved at Kyuubei, who just got in the bus. The last one blushed and hurried to the brunette's side. Behind her Hijikata sweat dropped and mumbled "Kondou-san..." under his breath.

"Oi, Ch- Dear." A deadpanned voice; she already knew to who it belongs.

She put her luggage down and sat next to him. He's mask was already on his forehead. She looked at him with dead-fish eyes. He put his mask back.

"Night." he said lazily. His arm snaked around her neck and pulled her closer, forcing her to lean on him. A subtle way of saying If you act so shift, I'll look bad. but without a deadpanned voice.

She relaxed and put her head on his shoulder. It felt good, she could hear his slow heartbeat and peaceful breathing. She took off his mask and put it on her eyes. And of course he took it off from her head and put it back. And of course she took it back and put it again.

"Oi, China." he hissed lowly, taking the eye mask from her. "That's my eye mask."

"Why are you complaining, Sadist? Don't you know that boyfriends love it when their girlfriends wear their things, yes?" she asked and took back the mask.

"Never heard of it. I think you wanted to say fans love it when their OTP girl wears their OTP boy t-shirt or something. Like this author." he took his trademark back, placed it on it's right place and crossed his arms over his chest.

"You're right, but it has to come from reality, yes. Plus I'm sure there's no boy who didn't drool at the thought of their crush/girl dressed in their clothes, uh-huh." she took it off his face and put it on hers. "So, I'll borrow this, yes."

"Whatever you say. And, no, you wouldn't." he took it back.

She tried to take it again, but this time he kept it in place.

"Aww, come on, Sadist." she tried to take it but his grip was thing. He took it off and put it in his pocket. She jumped over him to get to the pocket.

"Come on! Come on! Give it to me, yes!" she said trying to get closer but his hand blocked her. Anger marks appeared all over her head.

"No. My eye mask, I wear it." he deadpanned as he tried to keep her away.

"Then give me your jacket, yes!" she said angrily.

He calculated. How much would it take her to start to throw punches and kick. The answer: not much.

He took off his uniform jacket and throw it on her head. "Here. Now sleep." he took out his eye mask and put it on.

She put the jacket on. The sleeves crossed her finger and his scent was all over it and so, all over her. For some really odd reasons, Gin-chan's sugar must be at fault, she felt really relaxed around him. She draw herself closer to him, mumbling an "I won." before closing her eyes. At which he answered with a mumbled "Dream on, China."

Yep, her rival was her rival after all. And a big sleeper.

"Kagura-chan, we're going to take walk. Want to come with us?" Otae asked as Kyuubei took her jacket. "No, thank you, Anego." Came the answer. "But can you please buy me some takoyaki, uh-huh?"

"Sure. If you're hungry I made some tamagoyaki so serve yourself." Otae said as she was about to close the door.

"T-thanks, Anego." Kagura sweat dropped but when she saw the closing door, sadness took over.

"You alright, Kagura-chan?" Otae asked and the girl flinched. She tried her to fake a smile. "Uh-huh!" She nodded. Otae looked at her. She was sure her Anego will try to sound her out about it, but she didn't. The door closet with a click and the room went still.

Then she heard a knock at the door.

"Coming!" She opened the door.

"You're in the same room with Otae and Kyuubei, right?"

"And Nobu-nee and Soyo-chan." It was only Gin-chan.

"Ah, Doughnuts Girl and Soyo-hime. I see." he looked at the list with dead-fish, then he drew a donut and a crown near their names.

"Well, I hope I wouldn't forget to write their full names or Tsukki'll do dinner from me. At least I hope she'll cook me with strawberry-milk..." Ginpachi mumbled as he drag himself to the other door. Kagura chucked. "Take care Gin-chan! Tell Tsukki that I want you sukonbu flavored!" she laughed.

"Oi! Dare to-"

"AAAAAAH! Then I want Gin-san natto flavoreeeed! Aaaaah! NattoGin-san or Gin-sanNatto? I know, BOTH!" a purple haired girl screamed as her fantasies over took her. "Gin-san, you came at me for our normal S&M games? You know I'll let you do anything, you beast."

"No, I only came to ask you who are your roommates." Gin-chan deadpanned.

"Sure you can come in, Sensei! Aaah, Gin-san your so shy!" She got an iron grip on his arm and was dragging him in.

"N-no, no, no, no need. I-I-m going n-now!" he tried to pull her away but he failed. "Kagura-chan, Kagura-chan, help!" he pleaded.

Kagura smirked and started to pick her nose, deadpanned.

"Oh, oh, Gin-sensei, don't worry, you can tie me, **** me and put a ***** on me. And of course candles! Aaaah! Your dirty language turn me ooon!" she hugged his arm tinghtly, toward her chest. A big one.

"No, thank you, for that level of cruelty I need Souchirou-kun's advice. And you're the one who's talking dirty. YOU TURNED ON YOURSELF!" Gin-chan's tsukkomi took over. "And Kaguuura-chan, help!" he yelped. "Just because you date a sadist doesn't mean you have to be ooone!"

Kagura stared at him with dead-fish eyes.

And he disappeared in the room.

Then the natto stalker flew through the door screaming "Aaah, Gin-san! Be more violeeeeent!"

Kagura closed the door and leaned on it. She wasn't a sadist. Fake-dating one didn't damage her brain. She sighed and dragged her feet to her bed where she throw herself.

Then another knock.

"What to you want no-" she asked as she opened the door. "Eh? Sad-Dea-" she stopped and checked the surroundings. No one.

"Sadist! What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Nee-san told me you were down so I had to check." he deadpanned. So, apparently, she didn't fooled Anego.

"I'm alright!" she cheered. His eyes locked with hers. She tried to keep his glare. And failed.

"Liar." Then he was gone.

"After the first night of the school trip, we'll be done." Sadist said as he dodged a piece of chalk with the broom.

"Eh? What do you mean?"

It was the day when they got class duties, or, their own little sparring session time.

"I mean that I'll get Nobume after the first day. Means I'll finish with this shit." He throw a punch at her but she blocked and hit his waist hard with her foot. Her kick was so powerful that it sent him flying in a desk.

"You China monster! We're not supposed to break the school proprieties!" he shouted, but he got up and tried to trip her. She jumped and smirked. "You're not the one to talk, Sadist!"

The next day the principal showed up in their class.

She shook her head and got up for a glass of water. It was strange, I mean why was she feeling so down. She should be happy, after all they were in a school trip, she should be more enthusiastic. But she didn't took water. Her feels took her out of their room, on the hallway.

She looked around and her mood became more gloomy. Mostly all of the hotel's residents were out right now, having fun, laughing at some old jokes, beating their stalkers, eating happily Dark Matter or ******* the girl they wanted. She was alone, all alone. But that wasn't the thing that bothered her the most. Actually, she wouldn't be all alone if she went with Anego and Kyuubei. But she couldn't, she was too down to enjoy a night-out. The problem was that she didn't know why she was down.

What should I do? She had no clue what was wrong with her. She started to walk on the empty hallway, her footsteps being the only sound. Her walk had no destination, just like her thoughts.

"Huh? Kagura-chan?" she turned her head. Ginpachi-sensei came closer to her. "What are doing here? Weren't you with Otae and Kyuubei? "

"Gin-chan…" she looked up at him, her lower lip trembling. She didn't get it. She didn't get this feeling at all. It felt like something was about to break in her and she couldn't take it anymore.

"Eh?"

"I'll… tell… you… yes… " she sniffed as tears start to roll on her cheeks.

"Eh? Eh! Kagura-chan!? Why are you crying?" his question only increased the flow of tears.

"Oi, Kagura-chan! Kagura-chan, hang it there!" He grabbed her shoulder and gave her a good shake. "If that Souchirou-kun is at fault for these tears, I swear I'll break his fingers, so don't cry!"

She looked up in his warm, red eyes. "Gin-chan…"

"Come on, stop crying. I'll treat you with some strawberry milk."

She laughed.

"You're the only one who want strawberry milk, Gin-chan! " she chuckled.

He smiled. "Strawberry milk make kids happy. See? You're smiling. "

"Yeah. " she said smiling. She didn't get it but she wasn't forced to get it…

"So what did you want to tell me?"

…it seems she was.

Her bangs covered her eyes.

"Kagura-chan?"

"I like you… " she started.

"Huuuuh? " his dead-fish eyes went wide open. "What di- "

"I-I was always head in clouds after you, yes. Always dreaming of you, always looking up at you. Always thinking of you." She looked up at him. He blinked. "And that's how it… started. He, Sadist- "

"Souchirou-kun? "

" -heard me asking myself why I like you and blackmailed me to be his fake girlfriend so that he can get to… date Nobu-nee. We had to fake a lovey-dovey relationship so that's why we was always together. We tried to keep the mask on, hence we were fighting only when we had class duties. " she took a big mouth full of air. "But tonight he will get her and… I feel like I should tell you, yes. "

"So, that's why you were crying? And for all the people it has to be me - the cause - to try to comfort you. God, I have such a bad timing. No wonder I always lose at Pachinko. "

"It's not your fault." she whispered.

"Hm?"

"It's just that… it's over. I mean really over, and it… feel strange." I can't believe it's over.

"Hmm?" Ginpachi's eyebrows frowned. "Why it's over? I mean, you can keep on wrestling each other, right."

"I don't think so. It's just that it wouldn't feel right anymore. " she tried to smile. It doesn't feel right in the first place. Gin-chan thought. " It's just that, after this fake dating thing… I want to know him better…. Gin-chan, I think I'm sick. " The sadistic germs must have contaminated me.

Ginpachi expression softened. "Yeah, I think so too. "

"Then take me to a hospital, yes. " she demanded.

"Yeah, I will. " he took out a piece of paper and a pen from his pocket.

"?"

He scrabbled something. "Here. " he gave the paper to her. " Go to this room and I'll come after I solve a problem.

"Okay, Gin-chan! " she grinned. Yeah, I'm sick, that's why I'm down.

"Room No. 21~ Room No. 21~ " Kagura chanted as she looked for the so-said room. "Ah, there it is, yes. " she knocked at the door.

No answer.

She knocked for the second time.

And she got an answer. A click and the door opened.

"Hm?" She was facing two sketched eyes. What? "China, what are you doing here? You know what the time is?! " he took off his mask.

Her bangs covered her eyes.

"China? "

She took the door from his sleepy hands and snapped it close. "Mistake~ I made a mistake~ now, where's room no. 21? " she smiled mechanical. There have to be a mistake.

"What the fuck are you doing, you flat-chested China monster?!" he snapped open the door, veins popping on his forehead.

"I made a mistake. S.O.R.R.Y. " she said, facing him, veins popping all over her forehead too.

"You didn't actually. " said a voice from behind her.

"Gin-chan! "

"Danna."

"What's the meaning of this, Gin-chan? I'm sick, you should take me to a hospital. "

"China is sick? Gross! Stay away from me, you bag of bacteria!" he backed off, making a disgusted face.

"Shut up, yes! You're the one who's a bag of germs. Sadistic germs, yes. " And they're all over me.

"Yeah, she is sick. Love sick. And the virus is named Okita Souchirou-kun a.k.a. Sadist." Ginpachi smiled knowingly at the two. "She is in your care, Okita-sensei. (1)" and he was gone.

She stood there, blinking. She didn't hear that right, right? Right? Right?!

"So, you fell in love with me, huh, China? "

She flinched. She didn't fall for that bastard, did she?

"So what if I did?" she turned her back at him, giving him the cold shoulder. But only girlfriends give the cold shoulder…

"Don't you dare to try to use it against me, yes!" He came closer to her, she knew it, she could hear his steps approaching. "I-it's nothing you can use, don't worry, uh-huh. " Now he was almost to her right side, only a little behind. "If you try…" She could hear her heartbeats. "… then I'll ignore you." The closeness made her nervous, and he knew it."S-so, it's…" Damn him, he knew it very well. "… meaningless to t-try, cause I'll ignore yo- " two finger lifted her chin, twisting it a little to the right, directing her face to his and pressing her lips to his… and they were kissing. She blinked. Then blushed. Yep, they were kissing.

His kiss was exactly like she thought it would be, not gentle and definitely not shy, but not rough either. Just one word: hungry. It was the now-we-need-to-part-for-eternity kind, with his lips brushing lightly against hers, becoming little by little more daring. But not too daring.

After getting that is just her husband, she'll laugh and scold him for being noisy. Then they'll kiss, with him deepening it. The kiss part from the perfect-S&M-married-life play she imagined for him and Natto Stalker popped in her mind and felt jealousy taking over her. Why was he deepening the kiss with Gin-chan's stalker – it was only in her mind, but still! – but he wasn't with her, The Queen Kagura?!

Kagura tried to twist her body in a more comfortable position, but his hand on her waist – when did he put it there? – wouldn't let her to. She groaned. This position is so uncomfortable, I mean really, who kiss from the right? From the back yes, but from the right? Her shoulder was pressing on his chest, remembering her the position she put her Barbie girls dolls to hug when they would make up from a fight. For hugging it was O.K.. But for kissing?

Well, anyway she said to herself and hit his haunch hard with her knee. He yelped, parting his lips and she used the opportunity – which she made it herself, by the way – to slid her tongue in his mouth. He flinched at the unexpected move, but recomposed fast, his lips curving in a smirk at her pure recklessness. She just entered a dangerous place.

He tilted his head to the side so that he would have more access to her mouth as her tongue was testing the surroundings timidly, touching his hard palate lightly, in a ticklish way. It took all his will power to not roll his eyes – they were closed, anyway – and he just took the command because he had more experience. She would copy every move he would make in her desperate will to not loose. She was stubborn indeed, but, for the first time – liar, liar – , he found it cute.

She broke the kiss and took large and deep breaths of air. Blessed air, be blessed! Sougo watched her panting, taking mouth full of air as if she just got saved from drowning. He chuckled loudly. Alright, alright maybe she was cute… sometimes… most of time… fine! She was cute!

"Wow, China never thought you really taste like that thing you always have in your mouth. There were some rumors though… "

"Eh? " she looked at him with her mouth still opened. "Eh?! There are rumors about me? Really?

"Don't get your hopes up, China girl. There are rumors about how every girl taste in this high-school. There's this one about you that you taste like that sukonbu. But well, it's your favorite snack so is logic." he said rising his shoulders in a I-don't-give-a-fuck-anyway manner.

"Ah, I see." she said, her face flushing. "S-so, h-how does it taste." she let her head down, hiding her blushing face.

He smirked at her clumsy actions. "Like crap. " he said nonchalantly.

She lifted her head looking at him angrily and perhaps a little hurt. Did he just insulted sukonbu?! What was I expecting? "Why you... "

"But I don't have to like sukonbu to like you, do I?" he showed her a cocky grin.

She stopped in her tracks. Did he just... ? "Sadist, that was..." she mumbled. "…very cheesy, kufufu."

"It's so much like you to destroy a lovey-dovey-relationship-beginning scene." he sighed.

"Eh? That was lovey-dovey?"

"Really, China." he took her hand. She eyed him confused. "Come, I'll take you to your room." he shook his head in her room's direction. She made a troll face.

"Really now, just admit you just want to stay a little longer with the amazing Kagura."

"Dream on, China!" he started to walk, dragging her after him through their holding hands.

Holding hands. It did feel good, just like those novels said. His hand was warm and rough, but

not in a disturbing way. And it made her blush. She linked their fingers. He stopped and turned

back to look at her. "D-don't do things halfway." She murmured, trying to hide her blush.

"My, my, aren't you the one who want to be more closer to the amazing me?" he teased.

"S-shut up!" she turned her head away.

"Oi, China, don't act tsundere, it's disgusting." He started to walk again.

"I'm not acting tsundere."

"Yes, you are." he deadpanned.

"I'm not."

"You are."

And they kept on arguing like that.

In a half lightened room, Ginpachi was surfing the internet.

"Maybe Ketsuno Ana had posted some new photos~" He entered his Facewall account and took a sip from his strawberry milk. No new photos, huh. he thought sadly as he saw her last post.

"Let's see what's new." he said and clicked the "new graffiti" button. He scrolled down, bored and took another sip of strawberry milk. He was about to shallow the gulp. Then he saw a post. And coughed with the half-shallower strawberry milk.

After he recovered his breath, a gloomy aura covered him, knowing that his death was near. Because a certain baldy has a Facewall account too.

"O-Okita-kun" Gin said with a trembled, scary, horror-movie voice. "You're coming in grave with mee~"

(1) You call "sensei" not only a teacher or a person you admire (e.g.: Sorachi-sensei, Mashima-sensei etc…), but also a doctor. You know, she was sick... doctor... Got it now?

Aaaand… that's all! How did you like it? No, better question: Did you like it?

Also, I corrected some major mistakes (or so I hope) which is why you woke up with an author note. But I'll spare you this time from my blabbering. This time.

See you next time!