Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Mortal Instruments, just love the series

Italics are character thoughts

POVs will be switching back and forth a lot in this chapter. Let me know if it's too confusing and I'll mark them out.

After Simon arrived and was filled in the four whispered between themselves as they crept along the streets behind their tortured friend. Clary had not stopped for a rest or shown much awareness of those around here other than to clear the surrounding alleyways of any demon spawn. The four grew more concerned as time went on and decided that Simon would just happen to cross paths with his best friend and see if she would talk to him. The others would stay back and watch their backs. Jace stepped forward and clasped a hand onto Simon's shoulder before he could start off and whispered, "Thanks for this."

"Hey Clary! What are you doing out here? I haven't seen you lately." He stepped forward for a hug only to stop at the stricken face of his childhood friend as she rapidly moved back from him. Something is definitely up. His forehead furrowed with concern as he took a long look at Clary. She normally greeted Simon with a wide smile and an air of openness that comes from being friends so long and the person standing in front of Simon looks grim faced and closed off, her eyes lacking their normal sparkle. Clary forced a smile onto her face and said hello. "I just wanted to practice some of my shadow hunting skills, I was going a bit stir crazy at the institute." She turned and started to continue walking so Simon reached out again and grabbed her arm. Clary wrenched her arm out of his grasp and swung a fist out, catching Simon on the side of his head. Backing up in horror of her actions Clary stuttered out an apology and turned to flee into the night. Simon glanced back to the group and Jace shook his head indicating he not try to catch up to her. Jace told the others that he would keep an eye on her but that they should head back home and try to get some rest. Whatever was going on would take more than one night to deal with.

It was surprisingly hard to keep up with his love and Jace thanked the angels for his extra speed and strength. He highly doubted that any of the others, barring Simon and his vampiric speed, could have kept up anyway. He followed Clary all the way to Central Park where she collapsed against a tree and pulled her knees up to her chest. Sobs soon filled the air and it took everything he had to not go to her and wrap her safely in his arms. She doesn't want me to comfort her. She doesn't want anyone to comfort her. The way she recoiled from Simon and hit him was something I once would have daydreamed of and now… it's terrifying. I wish I knew why she is acting this way. I wish I could hold her in my arms like I did a few days ago, before my world started to fall apart.

Clary didn't feel the cold of the ground or the biting wind. Honestly she didn't feel much of anything at the moment. Anger and despair cycled through her but the only constant was an overwhelming feeling of disgust. Disgust with herself, disgust for her nameless assailant. It feels like every cell of my body is filled with filth that I can't get rid of. It's inside of me and I can never wash it off. She rocked back and forth as sobs racked her body yet no tears poured from her eyes. Maybe I'm not even good enough to cry anymore. Everything good inside feels like it is dying. I can't even find that piece of scum who did this to me, who took the good things away from me as he took my innocence. Innocence ha. A twisted sounding laugh bubbled out of her, the sound was chilling even to her own ears yet she couldn't stop. She grabbed her hair and pulled as hard as she could trying to ground herself back into reality.

Hearing Clary's hysterical laughter made Jace decided he couldn't stay back any longer. He slowly walked forward not wanting to startle his love and tentatively called her name, "Clary."

Her head snapped up and her deadened eyes met and held his stare. Dark green clashed with liquid gold. Clary felt a new wave of panic as Jace approached. He can't touch me! I can't let this filth rub off on him, he's too good. He doesn't deserve to be spoiled by me. "Jace stop!" shouted Clary as he neared her. "Don't come any closer!"

"Clary I'm not going to hurt you. Baby, I love you. I'll do whatever you need me to do please don't shut me out." Jace took a few more slow steps until he was about 4 steps from his love.

Feeling panicked Clary drew a dagger and held it in front of her. "You don't understand! I don't want help, I don't need help. No one can help me," she rambled. Jace spoke in a quiet tone meant to reassure and repeated, "Clary, it's me, Jace. Your boyfriend. I love you sweetheart and would never do anything to hurt you." Shaking her head soundlessly Clary couldn't bring herself to answer. No no no. This is all wrong. I don't deserve his love anymore. No no no. Can't let him touch me. Seeing that Jace would not just leave her Clary was filled with even more desperation. She turned the knife towards herself and slashed at her own throat. The only thoughts running through her mind were about how to keep from sullying Jace, her bright angel. Maybe if my blood is spilled the filth will flow out with it. The sharp bite of her blade made her gasp and she actually smiled as she felt the first drops of blood spill down her throat. A sense of peace filled her as darkness filled her sight. Maybe, just maybe she could leave her pain behind when her life leaves her.

Jace saw her tilt the blade inward but couldn't react in time. As the realization of her actions hit him he jumped forward and wrenched her arm away but not fast enough. Blood gushed from her wound and he panicked. Quickly drawing his steele he drew a healing rune right over her cut and another directly over her hearth where it would be strongest. Putting pressure on the wound he silently begged whatever angel or deity could be listening to let it be enough, to heal his love and keep her on this world. If I lose her, I'll lose myself. Please please be alright my love. Please. lway. Silent thanks to her runes she briskly walks past the kitchen and out of the Institute.

sharply, stalks off down the ha