Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor would I care to with the current writing. (Though I would definitely have taken a share in the Chris Colfer episode had it been on offer...)

AN: Regarding the time line for this 'verse, I have Kurt leaving New York during the first week of April. This takes place during "A Little Hurt", and is set at the end of May. I ended up writing this because of all the spoilers and crap turning Burt into a total Blaine toady.

(It Hurts) To Have to Be This Honest With the One That You Love

Follow-up to Doesn't Hurt At All and A Little Hurt (Goes a Long Way)

Dad,

Over the last month my mailbox has been flooded with messages from Blaine – once again refusing to respect my wishes that he not contact me. Apparently someone gave him my email address. "Someone" as in you – also against my express wishes. Please, don't insult either of us by trying to claim it wasn't you. There is no other option here. None.

I have no intention of getting back together with Blaine – not ever. Doing so the last time was a mistake, and accepting his proposal was the stupidest thing I've ever done.

I don't know what Blaine told you about us breaking up. I do know that I didn't tell you the whole story, because I wanted to protect you. Well, obviously that's a luxury I can't afford any longer.

It wasn't the distance. Blaine cheated on me. But, that I could probably have gotten over. I've forgiven him worse before. What it came down to was the fact that he had no intention of telling me, until I pushed the issue; that he refused to tell me more than that he'd cheated, and that he blamed me for it.

Apparently me not wanting to be fired for taking personal calls at work makes it not only okay and logical for him to cheat, but it also makes it my fault for not being there for him.

And still, I forgave him. It took time, and a lot of effort – on my part, because Blaine really wasn't that interested in working for it, he just wanted it to be handed to him. Even when I told him I could no longer trust him, Blaine just...kept doing what he's always done. Partially that's my fault, I guess, since I've always given in before. I taught Blaine that he could treat me like shit, and not only would I forgive him – I would end up being the one to apologize. Well, no more.

Getting back together, getting engaged... It wasn't so much what I wanted as what I felt I had to do. With everyone, even the people who knew exactly how badly Blaine had hurt me, pushing for it... What else was I to do?

What opened my eyes was being slapped in the face with some uncomfortable truths. I got tested, after a friend pointed out that not doing so was stupid and careless. Turns out they were right. Blaine carried an STI, probably from when he cheated (or so I hope), and hadn't gotten treated. When I tried talking to him, he got furious, blamed me, and hung up on me. And no, I couldn't have gotten infected by anyone else.

I was lucky. It was something minor, it was easily treated, and I'm fine now. I could just have easily not been though. All because I trusted Blaine, and because he couldn't be bothered to be careful – to look to my interests and not just his own.

And in the end, that's always the way it is with Blaine. He doesn't care about how his actions affect others, only if he gets what he wants. I've overlooked that for too long, and I keep getting hurt because of it.

I'm not saying I'm without blame – I've done some stupid things as well. But Dad? I have never been so callous, so uncaring, and I have never intentionally set out to hurt Blaine the way he has with me. Also, unlike Blaine, I apologize.

The truth is that I should have broken up with Blaine a long time ago, and I should never have gotten back with him. Instead I clung to the idea that we were meant to be together, to the dream of finding love even in a place like Lima, and to the illusion of Blaine as some kind of ideal boyfriend.

I held on to Blaine without caring about what I had to sacrifice to keep him.

It took me much too long to understand that that sacrifice was me.

Writing this is so difficult – it's one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I haven't even gotten to the worst part yet. Which is this:

Dad, I love you. But right now I don't trust you to be on my side in this, even after I've told you why I broke off the engagement, why I broke up with Blaine the first time, and why he isn't right for me. You have sided with Blaine for months now, and as much as I want to believe differently I can't see you changing that now.

I also don't trust you not to push for me to forgive Blaine again.

Because, you see, I've forgiven him too many times already. If I keep doing this, if I keep forgiving Blaine, and accepting his pathetic excuses, and the way he blames me... Soon I'll be forgiving him for a black eye – or worse. And no, that's not me being dramatic. That's reality and experience talking – and watching it happen to coach Beiste. Don't trust me? Ask her.

You once told me I shouldn't act as if I didn't matter, because I do. Well, dad, this is me taking your advice.

I'm deleting this e-mail address. I'm not going to give you a new one, because I can't trust that you won't disrespect my wishes again and pass that information on to Blaine. I'll be in touch to let you know I'm okay occasionally, but for now that's all I can promise.

/ Kurt.

~ The End ~