I sat waiting at the white clothed table, it was just gone 1pm and I was waiting for what may just be the closure that I felt I needed.

on returning to Canada several months ago I soon realised that my life after big time rush was never going to be the same. I first came back heart broken and depressed, the images of Regan that haunted me most nights only added to my misery of lost love and dreams.

Weeks passed with me only pretending to be normal and do normal things, I tried to carry on with my ballet but the depression made me so ill. I had no interest in doing anything. I spent months being lost in my own thoughts. My friends, including Meagan all seemed supportive at first but when things got worse my friends bailed, they got bored of me. They never knew what to say to me now so I found it more comforting to keep myself to myself.

Today I sat in the restaurant that I had been told to go to. It was three weeks ago that Logan Henderson made his first phone call to me since he declared he was going back to viola. I wouldn't talk to him at first but he was persistent with apologies, he hadnt said that him and viola didnt work out a second time but I read in a pop magazine that Logan had called it a day with viola just 3 months after they got back together. I eventually thought it may do me some good to show him that no matter how much he said sorry I would never be in a position to start anything with him.

I looked at the posh table that I sat at. It had been around 6 months since I had been subjected to such a grand atmosphere with rich famous pop stars to foot the bill for any occasion that arised.

The cutlery gleamed on the table as the afternoon sun beamed in through the window I was sat next to. The table cloth that draped over the table felt expensive and heavy. Even the basket that had bread sticks placed in it looked as if it had cost more than the entire contents of my tableware at home.

I glanced at the time. It was ten past 1 now. I sighed as I wondered if Logan was even going to show up, but that's when I saw him. He had just walked up to the maître d' at the front of the restaurant. He locked eyes with me as I remained sat at the table, I showed no emotion as he was shown to his seat opposite me.

"Would you like to place your drink orders now?" The head waiter asked as he looked between both logan and I.

"Sure a bottle of champagne would be great." Logan said as he gave me a friendly smile as a greeting.

I shook my head. "Just a water for me thank you." I said making eye contact with the waiter, not giving logan any kind of recognition.

Logan raised his eyebrows at my obvious awkwardness. "Just a glass of your house white wine for me then, thanks." Logan then said. The waiter jotted our orders down then announced he would be back in a few moments with our drinks and to take our lunch orders.

A stoney silence fell on us now Logan and I were alone. "I'm surprised you showed up this time." I said spitefully remembering how Logan decided to not show up at the hospital bus stop.

"I've told you how sorry I am Gabs... I made a huge mistake." He said softly. "A catastrophic mistake." He added.

"It is really irrelevant now Logan, you didn't need to persuade me to come here to tell me that. It was ages ago and things have changed... nothing of what your guilty conscience has to say will make anything better." I said in a low voice. I looked calm on the outside but my heart thumped hard in my chest with nerves.

"I'm not with viola anymore Gaby... I shouldn't of got back with her, I got caught up with what I thought we once had but everything was just in my head."

I shook my head at Logan."I really couldn't care less." I snapped.

Logan looked at me with hurt in his eyes. "Gaby... I haven't been able to get you out of my head. I made a mistake and I'm here to get you back... I will get down on my knees if I have to." He said softly.

My heart wrenched inside my chest. I knew this was what he wanted to say. The phone calls we had shared were leading up to it. I had prepared myself on hearing words to that effect but told myself that I wouldn't be doing anything about it. I swallowed hard. "I'm sorry Logan but I think you wasted the plane journey over here. I can't be with you, not now, not ever." I said as I rehearsed in my head so many times this morning.

The emotion I felt in my body was making me shake. I tried my best to control it.

"I've actually been over here for a few months." He revealed, to which I narrowed my eyes. I had been under the impression that he was calling from America. On seeing my confusion, Logan began to explain. "You know that role I got... the Netflix one I told you about... turns out the series is set not far from here. Just an hour or so down the freeway." He said.

"Why didn't you tell me that?" I asked a little taken aback.

"I didn't want you thinking I was making a booty call or some shit like that. Gaby listen to me.." he then said.

I shook my head, tears now forming in my eyes. "No... Logan I can't. It doesn't matter what you have to say or what you feel... or even what I feel. It won't work between us." I said adamantly.

The waiter turned up with our drinks, Logan asked for a few more minutes on our food orders to which the waiter smiled and walked away again.

I took a sip of water as I felt the heat from the sun warm my back.

"Gaby I hurt you, from what I gathered what Kendall told me, James treated you terribly too on that last day in LA but..."

"Don't even mention that jack ass to me, I've no intention of wanting to relive any memory about James Maslow." I said angrily.

"Okay... look putting all that aside I need to say something. This is why I needed to see you, it wasn't something I could say over the phone. I wanted to see your reaction." He concluded.

I wiped at my eyes before any tears could flow, my hands still shook.

"Just say it." I said preparing myself for a swarm of emotion to engulf my body.

Logan reached over and placed his hand on top of mine. I allowed him to. I let myself feel the warmth from his body as the heat of his skin left him and entered me. "Gaby no words can ever say how sorry I am, if I had a time machine then I would go back and choose you. Getting out of that taxi I left you in will be the biggest regret of my life... Gaby... Gabrielle, I love you!..." he continued.

"Logan I cant..." I tried to interrupt but he stopped me.

"Please! Just let me finish." He said. "I love you, I can't get you out of my head. I can see it in your face now that you feel the same, your eyes have always been your biggest give away Gaby. I'm begging you to give me one more chance." He said giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

He watched as I could no longer contain the emotion and hot tears ran down my face as I silently looked in to his brown eyes. "Gaby, I love you... please, be a Logan girl again. Be with me Gaby.. please." He said with his voice shaking.

I let the tears run as Logan and I looked at each other, his words had affected me more than I thought possible. I felt so sad inside.

I raised my free hand to my face and wiped at my eyes. "I love you too." I revealed. "I'm always gonna be a Logan girl, Logues... but I cant be with you... I'm so sorry." I said now removing his hand from mine.

The desperation that came to Logan's eyes hurt to see. "I don't understand?" He said in a whisper. "If I love you and you love me then why can't we be together?" He asked looking so close to his dream but so far away.

I blinked several times to gain my composure. I needed to be strong, I had told myself since this meeting was arranged that I would be strong. "James is the reason that we can't be together." I said calmly, trying to not get angered over mentioning his name.

Logan shook his head in confusion. "What? Why? Because of the stupid rule we wouldn't date the same girl?" He said.

"Is that what his temper tantrum was about then? You had a band rule?" I asked.

Logan nodded. "Gabs, James is off doing his own things now, last I heard from Kendall, him and James were doing really well. I don't care about a rule! I care about you." Logan said with such a determined look on his face.

"I care about you too... this is tearing me apart Logan, you have absolutly no idea how bad things have got for me because of James." I said taking in a breath trying to not cry again.

"Whatever damage James has done to you Gabs I promise I will make it better. I will fix everything and make you so happy." He replied, his body language making him look so eager to make his words a reality.

I shook my head. "Logan you can't fix this." I said in a sad whisper.

"I don't understand?" He said as his face fell with sadness.

I gathered every ounce of strength and pride that I still clung on to and stood up, revealing my very pregnant stomach to the man who just announced his undying love to me.

Logans mouth gaped in shock as he looked at me. "You are having a baby?" He said after several seconds.

I sat down again, nodding my head. I tried to not feel sad, but it was hard to not get dragged down with the events my life had been burdened with.

"James' baby." I whispered out.

"Well... does... does he know?" Logan stuttered out.

I shook my head. "No, I haven't spoken to him since I left Los Angeles, I don't want him anywhere near me... I'm not exactly in a position to be dating one of his friends." I said quietly as I looked Logan in the eye.

Logan seemed stuck for words as he tried to come to terms with what he had just found out.

"Your keeping it though? Why keep it if you hate James so much?" He asked trying to gain answers for his own sanity.

I Took another sip of water then placed the glass gently down on the tablecloth.

"I came back to canada full of determination that big time rush would not hurt me any more. I forced myself to forget about everything, you! james! kendall!... i tried so hard to forget about Regan but it haunted me. I tried my hardest to throw myself back into the life I had before. I actually got the opportunity to be in a ballet production but I fell ill, at first I thought it was the depression that had hit me so hard but after a few months I felt paranoid that James had given me some kind of disease as I felt rough all the time. He had slept with so many people. I went to the doctor feeling for sure that I would have contracted some disgusting STD from him, but it turned out I was 18 weeks pregnant. I just thought I was eating too much." I said sadly.

"Oh gaby... I'm so sorry." Logan said as he tried to get his head round how I felt.

"I did look in to getting rid of it... but I felt I had left it too late. I had heard her heartbeat by then during a scan" I said trying to fathom out what on earth logan was making of this.

"Her?" Logan said softly.

I nodded with a smile. "Logan I appreciate that you feel you have a loyalty to James but I want nothing from him, I dont want money, or help or him knowing about this." I said being honest.

Logan just looked at me.

"You said that you loved me, so I'm hoping that your loyalty to me will run deeper in protecting me and my baby from being dragged in to James' life." I said now reaching over and taking his hand.

Still logan stared at me.

"Please say something." I whispered.

"It doesn't change how I feel." He said softly.

I looked at him, his big brown eyes showing his emotion to the new situation that had unfolded.

"It changes everything Logan." I replied.

Logan shook his head. "... no, no it doesn't. I can't live my life without you in it... baby or no baby." He explained.

My tears began again. I had imagined him getting angry and storming off on hearing about the pregnancy, I hadn't even considered that he would be so besotted with me that he was just willing to accept what was going on.

A crazed laugh almost left my lips "Logan I'm six months pregnant. Whatever you think you feel about me is going to change pretty quickly when a baby arrives."

Logan shook his head. "Let me prove to you that I will never let you down again... give me this one chance to show you." He said, his thumb gently circling on the back of my hand.

I looked at Logan Henderson for so long, his dark brown eyes begging me for the opportunity to make things right again.

I took a deep breath ready to give him my answer...

To be continued...

Author note: just a little cliff hanger to end the story with. Thanks to gaby and her patience in waiting for me to finally get this written up. I hope you liked it as your personalised fic.

A sequel will most defo be happening. I, myself can't wait to see what team Kames will think of this news as I'm sure they will end up finding out and causing a stir. The follow up story will be called: big time rush: retribution and revenge. Its up and running so make sure you follow it for when the first chapter gets posted.

Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story. Check out my other stories on my treehatsrock account and my sistersofsmut account.

Love, natalie xxx