A.n.- Gomen on the wait…I had some writers block and a few other things happened that I'm not gonna get into. I made this chapter extra long however…I hope ya'all enjoy itJ. Review onegai! JYour reviews are the life blood of what I write…no reviews…equal no story which equal a very sad me ~_~ so review onegai! ^_~
Dedication-R Amythest, Just Call Me Cheese!, Yami no Hikari, AG the master, Charredrose, Dark, Firedraygon97, Kami Beverly, RyouXBakura Only, Alz-Chan, DreamingChild, Lostloer1, TJ, and Yoruset. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REVIEWS!!^_^
Stale jasmine.
Jaded dreams of ash rest upon my tongue as I lie and wait for a bliss that will never receive me. Perhaps many years ago it would've, maybe I would have found the peace I so desire. But I was afraid then, afraid of what lay beyond the thin mortal curtain that swept across my vision.
A blanket of darkness surrounds me, bloating out all light. It's easy to allow oneself to be devoured by this. To let yourself go into a place beyond the pain, the helplessness.
I'm so numb now I can't feel anything.
Everything is gone. All of it. There's nothing left for me. Only these dusty, shattered memories. We all believed too much in Yami no Yuugi. And that was our downfall. Ironic of how it came. All from little Mutou Yuugi. Why did he do it? No one really knows why. Or at least I don't.
How did it all come down to this?
How could he betray the other half of his own soul? Yet another question I do not know the answer to, so there for it is useless to think on it. I sighed slightly from my spot on the silk-pillowed bed. Yami-sama had never cared much for futons or any other bed than one like this. Made of thousands of pillows. But, it was rather comfortable.
At the mere thought of Yami-sama I felt my hand rise of it's own accord to the silver collar that encircled my thin neck. On it was the Sennen Eye, the sign of Yami-sama's ruler ship over this world and any other he should choose.
How long has it been since the world had been brought to its knees by this ageless thief of souls and Tomb Robber of the Ancient World? Months? Years? I do not know. Time has lost meaning to me. There is no point in counting the years that pass; it will only serve to depress me all the more. And that is saying something.
I rose slowly from the bed of pillows. The room was gilded with every sign of wealth. The walls themselves were made of solid gold, silver hieroglyphics that told the story of the Shadow Games and how Yami-sama was able to gain possession of them all... and of the traitor, Yuugi-kun.
I haven't seen him since the day Yami-sama came to 'rescue' me from the 'tender' mercies of one Yami no Malik. That was the day it all changed. Yami-sama took back the Sennen Ring, replacing it back around my neck where it still remains to this day. An ever-hanging weight to remind me of my sins.
Yami and I are still connected through the power of the Ring. Our link still exists, though it has been widened to include Malik-chan, Yami no Malik, Yuugi-kun, and believe it or not, Yugioh.
Yes. He lives. Though I don't know if you could call the blank, unresponsiveness he expresses to be life. Yugioh never lost a game to any one in his entire long life. Except to one. Yami-sama. I think the fact that it was his own Hikari that played a hand in his fall from grace that is what drove Yugioh into pure insanity. The rest I do not know.
I am allowed limited contact with all four of them, though I rarely will reach out for Yuugi-kun and never Yami no Malik, I do reach out as often as I can for Malik-chan. He still remains optimistic, strong, and defiant of the chains that bind him even now. And on very rare occasions, I am allowed to go to Yugioh. Though more often the not, he has no idea who I am. And when he does, he thinks that it's the Old World when he was still the undefeated Game King…when his Hikari was still pure and under his protection and would never do anything to hurt him.
I never correct him when he thinks that is the life he still living. I tried once and he backfired violently. Not physically, I knew better then to get that close. Hell hath no fury then my Yami-sama when his… 'property' is damaged. I didn't visit him for a long while after that. When next I did he thought he was the Pharaoh in Ancient Egypt and I was my Yami-sama. He'd even conjured up the perfect outfits we'd of worn had it been Ancient Egypt. But then, it was his mind I was in…twisted though it was.
I played along for a while before I finally made myself leave. Yugioh's babblings often do reveal things about the past that I previously did not know. Things of his and Yami-sama's relationship, though I suppose now it's nothing more then morbid curiosity that causes me to want to know just what Yami-sama did back then through Yugioh's eyes. It will do no good to know now. I used to think that such knowledge would help me understand Yami-sama, and that it in turn would allow me to try and change him.
I was a fool to believe that I could ever change him. I closed my eyes as I walked over to the balcony adjoined to the room. This was Yami-sama's chambers. I was rarely allowed to leave him, even if according to Malik-chan was given more freedom out of any of Yami-sama's slaves. Which wasn't far from the truth. I wasn't changed to a bed or forced to do any form of labor. I was simply here. His little pet Hikari. I licked my lips, leaning over the banister slightly.
It'd be easy to jump, to fall head first onto the stone walkway below, and to reveal in the agony that would strike me as my skull cracked and my brain began to seep through the cracks in the bone, to feel the salty taste of my own blood running through my probably bruised lips and down my smashed face. Yes, it would be easy.
But I would not die.
I would lay there in agony. No one would reach to help me, they would not dare. Maybe Yami-sama would heal me or maybe he would not and make me sit there in my own pain, suffering for my attempt to leave him. Our lives are not as connected as they once were. We are still connected at the soul and thus can feel each other's pain and emotions, or I can when Yami-sama allows me to, I can never block him the way he is so adept in doing to me.
Our lives are still linked to every aspect... except to the one where if I were to die then so would he and vice versa. Yami-sama is immortal and thus cannot be sent to the Underworld or be resealed into the Ring. As such so am I. I am no longer mortal. The bliss of the everlasting slumber shall never reach me, unless he were to be so generous and allow me to die; something which has a snowball's chance in hell. AKA, not very bloody likely.
Rather depressing to know that I'll be existing until time should cease to exist.
I sighed again. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.
There are those that still resist Yami-sama's rule. It's useless struggling, really. If Yami wanted them all destroyed he would've done so by now, but they were a constant source of amusement so he was drawing out their eradication. The Resistance was led by two men who were said to be rivals of Yugioh in Duelist skills-- Katsuya Jounouchi and Kaiba Seto. I felt a smile tug at my lips. As often as they fought way back then, it's hard to believe that they would be partners.
I think part of the reason Yami-sama lets them live is the fact that without them, his victory becomes rather dull. After all, what's the point of having it all if there's no real entertainment to satiate the victory? No way to prove over and over again that it truly does belong to you. He needs the conflict that they bring. And while the way they give hope to the people that they may actually be freed from his iron fisted rule, and the way they try and destroy his monuments does infuriate Yami-sama to no end, he wants them to do that. He wants them to cause trouble just so he can one-up them in the end. So he can prove in turn that he is better then them. He wants to bring them to their knees.
It's a cosmic pissing contest in other words.
I couldn't help but smile slightly at that thought. It was rather amusing. I felt my hands rise to my lips in wonder. It's been a long time since I've done that. Smiled out of actual happiness that is, and not out of crude irony.
Yugioh.
I bit my bottom lip. I hefted myself onto the banister, balancing myself precariously on the stone as I stared up at the twilight sky. The sky was clear, beautiful and luminous. Full of lost memories and shattered dreams that died before ever daring to grow into fruit.
Like…Yugioh and I. Admittedly, I suppose it was foolish of me to of thought of him that way in the first place. But I could not deny the way he had caused my heart to pound, how good it had felt to be held in his strong arms, to feel as though for the first time in ages that my world had righted itself.
He was so different from Yami-sama and, as I would soon find, Yami no Malik as well. And that in turn made me nearly worship the ground he walked on. When he held me that night he gave my starving soul what it had so desperately needed: hope. I closed my eyes slightly.
Even now I can remember it so clearly. His arms around me, his sweet scent surrounding me so completely that I could nearly forget all the pain that bounded me. Bliss, that's the only way to describe it…I wonder…if perhaps I could feel that way again. Would it be so wrong to try?
But if Yami-sama would find me…
I shuddered slightly at the thought.
Yami-sama did not mind my visiting Yugioh…but…if I were to…repeat that moment in time…if I tried…I squeezed my eyes shut tightly…he would be angry. Very angry. Goosebumps rose on my flesh; tears burned under my closed eyelids.
I can't do this anymore…I just can't.
A sob escaped my lips. Mournful, ragged and harsh it echoed in the silent, chilly air like a scream would in a church. Hatred flushed through me, my hands clinched, my nails driving into the soft skin until I could feel a slight wetness running through my enclosed fingers. My teeth chattered and I clinched my jaw hard to stop the sound.
A pain I have lived with for far too long rose in my chest, my very blood freezing in my veins as I opened my eyes to meet the cold moon above. I lifted my chin, feeling a fierce pride that I thought had long since been stripped away, spread through my frame. Yami-sama…no, Yami I cannot do this.
I have lived two life times at your side now. One as a naïve boy that did not understand the power you held and thus fought back until you brought me to heel at your feet out of fear and desperation to always have you near. A part of me loves you beyond compare. Your dark light will always captivate me, for I cannot live without it. In the end I will always succumb to you; I shouldn't even bother this fruitless struggling really…
An ironic smile twisted my lips. The second life I live now. In chains at your side, broken down to be the perfect little slave you wanted. You may stray from my bed, but you always return. For while you may strike me and make me bleed crimson suffering, you do care for me. And while you may bring me to my knees with but a glare, any other who dare attempt it you, would kill without a second thought or any remorse.
Love? I don't know about that. You may love me, you may hate me, Yami-sama…no, YAMI, but you would not let me die at another's hands…you may try to kill me yourself for attempting this…
But…I don't care…I don't…because, I cannot live another life time without trying…without reaching out. Yes, he's insane…maybe I can bring him back though…
My empty laugh resounded across the courtyard. Cold and devoid of any real emotion. Neither happiness nor cruelty tainted the tone.
If I'm going to risk my neck and my remaining sanity, the former actually being rather appealing because of what it pertained to, then I might as well quit lying to myself and be honest. Self-delusion has been my strong point many a time, and as of yet it hasn't done me much good.
I'm doing this because I want him. Because I want to feel like I'm loved, I want to feel like something's real. I want to believe in something beyond myself, I want to believe that he did love me and it wasn't pity or lust like Yami-sa - Yami said. I'm doing it for the selfish reason that I can't live alone like this anymore. I can go day to day in this numb reality.
I'm doing it because I need him like I needed Yami that night…I'm doing this because I can't go on regretting not doing it before.
I nodded my head firmly to thin air and returned to Yami's bed of pillows. I looked anxiously at the door before closing my eyes.
Yugioh…
And then I was there. I found myself staring at the door that would lead me into his soul room. The door was ancient, made of cracked stone that was heavy with age. I reached for it slowly, my hand trembling as I turned the knob and pushed it open. It creaked as I entered, the room was dark with shadows, yet seemed to glow with a vast blue light that had no source.
The room was modeled from simplicity. A simple modern-day bed with satin black pillows and a red silk cover. The floor was covered with a dark blue carpet that was slightly rough beneath my feet. The air was hummed with the forgotten scent of spicy incense that was both slightly sickening and yet incredibly soothing and sweet. The room was always different whenever I entered. It could be a Pharaoh's chamber, a Labyrinth, this, Yuugi's old room, the different styles went on and on.
I said nothing, glancing down to notice I was dressed in a pair of simple blue jeans and a button down shirt covered with a sweater vest. Similar to what I had always worn in the old days. Comfortable, more then ready for any kind of weather. Did this mean he was his normal self? Or was he in a rage of insanity? Would he see me, the real me, or Yami-sa…Yami?
"Ryou."
His voice was soft, neutral of emotion.
He knew my name. Did that mean he was himself? My heart pounded in my chest, a feeling I could not describe lurching through me. I felt alive for the first time in ages. I felt like the old me, I felt like the teenager I was just before all of this had come down crashing around me. For the first time in countless years I felt as though I was free, I felt like I was something more then a toy to be played with and discarded at will. In saying my name, he breathed life into a part of me I thought had left to die and rot in the shadows of my broken dreams.
I turned and stared at him. He was dressed in red Pharaoh robes that were loose and flowing around his lithe frame. His ruby eyes cut straight through me and for an instant I felt my knees buckle beneath me. He looked so much like his real self, right then. You could barely see the flickers of madness behind those beautiful garnet eyes.
"Yugioh…"
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you."
"Why?"
I paused.
"Because I needed to."
He seemed to absorb this information. He approached me, his movements the epitome of grace and danger. Yugioh did not simply *walk*. To say that was to demean his very form. His feet were whisper quite on the rough carpet, his hands swung gently at his sides, his fingers loose and relaxed as though he did not have a worry in the world.
"He betrayed me."
I felt surprise spurt through me. Just what personality was this? Yugioh never mentioned his Hikari unless it was in reverence of the old days, or if he did not, it was because he had yet to know he even existed. I licked my lips.
"…Hai."
What point was there to lie to him?
"Why?"
His voice sounded so harsh, yet so mournful at the same time…filled with anger and despair that I knew at that moment nothing could ever truly dispel.
He stood right in front of me, his breath warm on my face as his heated eyes searched for answers he so obviously believed that I could provide. I felt a sinking feeling fall through me. I didn't want this. I didn't want to be the one standing before him. In a sense I had been hoping he would think that we were back the days when he was the Game King, my Yami was simply an annoying arch rival, once Tomb Raider, that would never succeed. Then, for a few moments, the world around me could be as it once was. I had wished to pretend, obviously I would not be allowed such a respite.
I wanted to break our gaze but I could not. To look away was to lose him and in this moment I knew the man that stood before was the real Yugioh, not the many personalities his mind had conjured up to hide from the pain that riveted through his frame. To hide from the wounds that would never fully heal. It hurt, to see the once proud, noble man broken in such a fashion.
I let out a breath.
"I do not know."
My voice sounded hoarse even to my own ears. What could I say to ease his suffering? I could not ease my own, how could I be expected to end his? I stood there before him, both of us immortal, each of us chained by a past that can not be changed, each of us drowning in the blood red agony of all that was lost, all that will be, and all that we have become.
He reached out, running a single long digit down my face. The touch was so gentle, as though I were a mere china doll that would collapse under the slightest pressure. Tears burned at my eyes. How long had it been since someone touched me in kindness? Even when I speak to Malik his touches may be kind, friendly even, but it is not the same as the halting touch Yugioh gave. There was something mystical about it, something too perfect to be described, something that made my blood heat in my veins and a smile and a frown tug at my lips at the same time. An odd…yet…pleasant feeling really.
"Ryou…your eyes…they're so much different from before…."
Hai…they are…sometimes I fear to look in the mirror…for I do not like the sight of the stranger that dares stare forth back at me.
I reached up suddenly and grabbed Yugioh around the waist, burying my face in his lean chest. Cautiously I felt his arms fall around me, holding me close. He backed away and I followed him. He sat down on the bed, pulling me onto his lap. I sat there, him cradling me up against him…so near like that one night…that one night when I wasn't Yami-sama's…I was…Yugioh's…how I wanted that to be true! How I wanted that dream to be real!
But it can't be…because... I no longer have a choice about who I belong to. I'm bound to the other half of me, and heaven and hell together strike me down, I love him. I love him beyond words…but Yugioh…Yugioh makes me feel…and for the first time in my seemingly endless life it's not pain or sadness I feel…it's happiness. A bliss that cannot be described, for how can I describe the pure bliss that he wraps around me? How can I describe what it's like not to simply *exist* but to *be*?
I breathed in his scent. It was just as unique as I remembered, just as calming…I felt warm tears make there way down my face.
I looked up at him and he smiled sadly.
"There's the Ryou I remember."
I blinked in surprise. What did he mean?
"Yugioh...I…I…"
What were the words that were trying to fight there way up? What was it I wanted to say? What were those words that were burning me to my very core trying to escape? But I was too afraid to allow them such a release…
"Ryou," he stopped me, "what is it that you want?"
"What I want?" I spoke the words distantly, it'd been an even longer time since anyone had asked me that, a time so long ago I did not remember it if it had ever even existed, "I don't know…I…I want this."
He tightened his arms on me.
"Your Yami will be coming soon."
I nodded my head.
"I know."
"You should go. He will punish you for this, you know that. Me as well."
"I know that. I will take the blame though. No need to give him more of a reason to inflict pain on you."
He chuckled, the sound seemed wrong in this room though. So different from the laugh I remembered. Perhaps in a way I had idolized him in my mind…put him on a pedestal…for it was true…in my eyes he could do no wrong, not after what he had given me.
"Since when has he ever needed a reason?"
I felt an ironic smile twist my lips up once more.
"That is true."
He snuggled his head up against mine.
"You know, I wanted to free you from him…"
"I know."
"But I couldn't…"
"It's alright…things could've ended worse…Marik, you remember him, the spirit of the Sennen Rod, could've ended up with all the items. At least the world still exists, along with everyone on it. Had he won, we'd all be in oblivion right now."
"Oblivion may be preferable to a slow death, Ryou," he replied.
I nibbled on my bottom lip.
"Perhaps."
"Y'know…" he paused, "At one time, I thought I was in love with you."
My heart stopped in my chest.
"Y…you were?"
"Hai."
"An…and now…?"
My breathing stopped as I awaited his reply…seconds became hours.
"I—"
"RYOU!"
I felt a scream twiddle its way up in my throat. No. NO! It's not possible! How did I not sense him! I looked franticly up at Yugioh only to see the real him fading. He was retreating into his mind from his fear, hiding away to a place inside him so he could not feel the pain that dwelled in him. I only wished I could do the same…
"No, Yugioh…do you? DO YOU!?"
Those words…if they were true... maybe, maybe I could try something…But I needed to know…could he still love me? Or had those feelings changed?
I would never know.
I was ripped from his mind painfully despite how I grappled on with everything I could to remain. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay…NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
DAMN YOU YAMI! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!
Laughter, malicious and consuming ripped through my mind as I opened my eyes with a fury I could not and would not deny. Yami's crimson brown eyes meet mine and in that instant I wanted him dead. I wanted to kill him the bloodiest way possible. I wanted to paint this luxurious room RED!
I jumped onto him, knocking him back and grabbing his throat with my hands and squeezing. How dare he! How dare he take my only moment of peace! How dare he expel me before I could know the truth!!
Blood filled my mouth and the harsh ground meet my back as I was thrown off him. I jumped to my feet instantly, falling to a small crouch as my lips lifted in a snarl. Yami's enraged _expression meet mine, but what really made my anger burst higher was the amusement I felt rolling off him. He was *enjoying* my little act of defiance….
With a growl I charged at him, grabbing him around the waist and taking him back down to the ground. I grabbed one of his numerous daggers from his waist and struck out blindly. I cut an arc through the air, feeling the warm spray of ruby red across my face and down my arms. No sound of pain came from Yami. He'd never express such a "weakness".
Agony cut across my belly and I looked down to see my dagger imbedded there. In my brief lapse of tasting the coppery sweetness of his life fluid in my mouth, I hadn't been paying enough attention. He shrugged me off him, straddling me with his legs as he snarled down at me.
He twisted the knife sending lightening bolts of convulsions shivering through my frame. Pain. Pure unbridled pain cut through me.
He pulled the dagger out only to impale me through my right shoulder to the hilt. I screamed in agony, feeling my vocal cords snap tight enough to snap apart as the inhumane cry erupted from me. I couldn't move, I was literally stuck to the floor. He climbed off me, absently licking one of his fingers. They were a Christmas red in color now. Soaked through and through.
He walked over to the bed and lay down.
"I'll leave you there to think on your actions, Ryou. We'll finish your lesson tonight at sun down... after I finish with Yugioh," he chuckled darkly.
Fear shot through me and I tried to rise only to cry out in pain. Movement hurt. A LOT. I tried to remove the jewel embedded dagger only to let my hand fall away the second I touched it. The hilt burned like fire. Blistering my hands until they too began to bleed.
Suddenly, I couldn't move. My body…it was paralyzed. All I could do was feel…feel the soul searing agony that ripped through my mind and body. Salty tears fell down my face.
Yugioh…
Onegai…gomen….Forgive me for my selfishness…onegai…
I tried to scream, to voice all that I felt only to find I could not speak, to express what I felt inside in any manner except the tears running down. Damn you Yami. DAMN YOU.
Death would be peace…but I knew that wasn't what would take me this night. No, that would be too much to ask for. Yami was alive and well…as I would I remain. He would not allow me to die that easy. I am immortal, same as him... same as the other Hikaris and the other Yamis. No matter what wound was inflicted I could not die.
God I hate you…I hate you Yami…I HATE YOU!
I looked up, moving my gaze to the starlit sky.
So this how it ends…
A.n.- 'n' we stop there…what did you all think? Was that expected? Hope not. ^_^ Mm, review onegai…^_^_^
Dedication-R Amythest, Just Call Me Cheese!, Yami no Hikari, AG the master, Charredrose, Dark, Firedraygon97, Kami Beverly, RyouXBakura Only, Alz-Chan, DreamingChild, Lostloer1, TJ, and Yoruset. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REVIEWS!!^_^
Stale jasmine.
Jaded dreams of ash rest upon my tongue as I lie and wait for a bliss that will never receive me. Perhaps many years ago it would've, maybe I would have found the peace I so desire. But I was afraid then, afraid of what lay beyond the thin mortal curtain that swept across my vision.
A blanket of darkness surrounds me, bloating out all light. It's easy to allow oneself to be devoured by this. To let yourself go into a place beyond the pain, the helplessness.
I'm so numb now I can't feel anything.
Everything is gone. All of it. There's nothing left for me. Only these dusty, shattered memories. We all believed too much in Yami no Yuugi. And that was our downfall. Ironic of how it came. All from little Mutou Yuugi. Why did he do it? No one really knows why. Or at least I don't.
How did it all come down to this?
How could he betray the other half of his own soul? Yet another question I do not know the answer to, so there for it is useless to think on it. I sighed slightly from my spot on the silk-pillowed bed. Yami-sama had never cared much for futons or any other bed than one like this. Made of thousands of pillows. But, it was rather comfortable.
At the mere thought of Yami-sama I felt my hand rise of it's own accord to the silver collar that encircled my thin neck. On it was the Sennen Eye, the sign of Yami-sama's ruler ship over this world and any other he should choose.
How long has it been since the world had been brought to its knees by this ageless thief of souls and Tomb Robber of the Ancient World? Months? Years? I do not know. Time has lost meaning to me. There is no point in counting the years that pass; it will only serve to depress me all the more. And that is saying something.
I rose slowly from the bed of pillows. The room was gilded with every sign of wealth. The walls themselves were made of solid gold, silver hieroglyphics that told the story of the Shadow Games and how Yami-sama was able to gain possession of them all... and of the traitor, Yuugi-kun.
I haven't seen him since the day Yami-sama came to 'rescue' me from the 'tender' mercies of one Yami no Malik. That was the day it all changed. Yami-sama took back the Sennen Ring, replacing it back around my neck where it still remains to this day. An ever-hanging weight to remind me of my sins.
Yami and I are still connected through the power of the Ring. Our link still exists, though it has been widened to include Malik-chan, Yami no Malik, Yuugi-kun, and believe it or not, Yugioh.
Yes. He lives. Though I don't know if you could call the blank, unresponsiveness he expresses to be life. Yugioh never lost a game to any one in his entire long life. Except to one. Yami-sama. I think the fact that it was his own Hikari that played a hand in his fall from grace that is what drove Yugioh into pure insanity. The rest I do not know.
I am allowed limited contact with all four of them, though I rarely will reach out for Yuugi-kun and never Yami no Malik, I do reach out as often as I can for Malik-chan. He still remains optimistic, strong, and defiant of the chains that bind him even now. And on very rare occasions, I am allowed to go to Yugioh. Though more often the not, he has no idea who I am. And when he does, he thinks that it's the Old World when he was still the undefeated Game King…when his Hikari was still pure and under his protection and would never do anything to hurt him.
I never correct him when he thinks that is the life he still living. I tried once and he backfired violently. Not physically, I knew better then to get that close. Hell hath no fury then my Yami-sama when his… 'property' is damaged. I didn't visit him for a long while after that. When next I did he thought he was the Pharaoh in Ancient Egypt and I was my Yami-sama. He'd even conjured up the perfect outfits we'd of worn had it been Ancient Egypt. But then, it was his mind I was in…twisted though it was.
I played along for a while before I finally made myself leave. Yugioh's babblings often do reveal things about the past that I previously did not know. Things of his and Yami-sama's relationship, though I suppose now it's nothing more then morbid curiosity that causes me to want to know just what Yami-sama did back then through Yugioh's eyes. It will do no good to know now. I used to think that such knowledge would help me understand Yami-sama, and that it in turn would allow me to try and change him.
I was a fool to believe that I could ever change him. I closed my eyes as I walked over to the balcony adjoined to the room. This was Yami-sama's chambers. I was rarely allowed to leave him, even if according to Malik-chan was given more freedom out of any of Yami-sama's slaves. Which wasn't far from the truth. I wasn't changed to a bed or forced to do any form of labor. I was simply here. His little pet Hikari. I licked my lips, leaning over the banister slightly.
It'd be easy to jump, to fall head first onto the stone walkway below, and to reveal in the agony that would strike me as my skull cracked and my brain began to seep through the cracks in the bone, to feel the salty taste of my own blood running through my probably bruised lips and down my smashed face. Yes, it would be easy.
But I would not die.
I would lay there in agony. No one would reach to help me, they would not dare. Maybe Yami-sama would heal me or maybe he would not and make me sit there in my own pain, suffering for my attempt to leave him. Our lives are not as connected as they once were. We are still connected at the soul and thus can feel each other's pain and emotions, or I can when Yami-sama allows me to, I can never block him the way he is so adept in doing to me.
Our lives are still linked to every aspect... except to the one where if I were to die then so would he and vice versa. Yami-sama is immortal and thus cannot be sent to the Underworld or be resealed into the Ring. As such so am I. I am no longer mortal. The bliss of the everlasting slumber shall never reach me, unless he were to be so generous and allow me to die; something which has a snowball's chance in hell. AKA, not very bloody likely.
Rather depressing to know that I'll be existing until time should cease to exist.
I sighed again. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.
There are those that still resist Yami-sama's rule. It's useless struggling, really. If Yami wanted them all destroyed he would've done so by now, but they were a constant source of amusement so he was drawing out their eradication. The Resistance was led by two men who were said to be rivals of Yugioh in Duelist skills-- Katsuya Jounouchi and Kaiba Seto. I felt a smile tug at my lips. As often as they fought way back then, it's hard to believe that they would be partners.
I think part of the reason Yami-sama lets them live is the fact that without them, his victory becomes rather dull. After all, what's the point of having it all if there's no real entertainment to satiate the victory? No way to prove over and over again that it truly does belong to you. He needs the conflict that they bring. And while the way they give hope to the people that they may actually be freed from his iron fisted rule, and the way they try and destroy his monuments does infuriate Yami-sama to no end, he wants them to do that. He wants them to cause trouble just so he can one-up them in the end. So he can prove in turn that he is better then them. He wants to bring them to their knees.
It's a cosmic pissing contest in other words.
I couldn't help but smile slightly at that thought. It was rather amusing. I felt my hands rise to my lips in wonder. It's been a long time since I've done that. Smiled out of actual happiness that is, and not out of crude irony.
Yugioh.
I bit my bottom lip. I hefted myself onto the banister, balancing myself precariously on the stone as I stared up at the twilight sky. The sky was clear, beautiful and luminous. Full of lost memories and shattered dreams that died before ever daring to grow into fruit.
Like…Yugioh and I. Admittedly, I suppose it was foolish of me to of thought of him that way in the first place. But I could not deny the way he had caused my heart to pound, how good it had felt to be held in his strong arms, to feel as though for the first time in ages that my world had righted itself.
He was so different from Yami-sama and, as I would soon find, Yami no Malik as well. And that in turn made me nearly worship the ground he walked on. When he held me that night he gave my starving soul what it had so desperately needed: hope. I closed my eyes slightly.
Even now I can remember it so clearly. His arms around me, his sweet scent surrounding me so completely that I could nearly forget all the pain that bounded me. Bliss, that's the only way to describe it…I wonder…if perhaps I could feel that way again. Would it be so wrong to try?
But if Yami-sama would find me…
I shuddered slightly at the thought.
Yami-sama did not mind my visiting Yugioh…but…if I were to…repeat that moment in time…if I tried…I squeezed my eyes shut tightly…he would be angry. Very angry. Goosebumps rose on my flesh; tears burned under my closed eyelids.
I can't do this anymore…I just can't.
A sob escaped my lips. Mournful, ragged and harsh it echoed in the silent, chilly air like a scream would in a church. Hatred flushed through me, my hands clinched, my nails driving into the soft skin until I could feel a slight wetness running through my enclosed fingers. My teeth chattered and I clinched my jaw hard to stop the sound.
A pain I have lived with for far too long rose in my chest, my very blood freezing in my veins as I opened my eyes to meet the cold moon above. I lifted my chin, feeling a fierce pride that I thought had long since been stripped away, spread through my frame. Yami-sama…no, Yami I cannot do this.
I have lived two life times at your side now. One as a naïve boy that did not understand the power you held and thus fought back until you brought me to heel at your feet out of fear and desperation to always have you near. A part of me loves you beyond compare. Your dark light will always captivate me, for I cannot live without it. In the end I will always succumb to you; I shouldn't even bother this fruitless struggling really…
An ironic smile twisted my lips. The second life I live now. In chains at your side, broken down to be the perfect little slave you wanted. You may stray from my bed, but you always return. For while you may strike me and make me bleed crimson suffering, you do care for me. And while you may bring me to my knees with but a glare, any other who dare attempt it you, would kill without a second thought or any remorse.
Love? I don't know about that. You may love me, you may hate me, Yami-sama…no, YAMI, but you would not let me die at another's hands…you may try to kill me yourself for attempting this…
But…I don't care…I don't…because, I cannot live another life time without trying…without reaching out. Yes, he's insane…maybe I can bring him back though…
My empty laugh resounded across the courtyard. Cold and devoid of any real emotion. Neither happiness nor cruelty tainted the tone.
If I'm going to risk my neck and my remaining sanity, the former actually being rather appealing because of what it pertained to, then I might as well quit lying to myself and be honest. Self-delusion has been my strong point many a time, and as of yet it hasn't done me much good.
I'm doing this because I want him. Because I want to feel like I'm loved, I want to feel like something's real. I want to believe in something beyond myself, I want to believe that he did love me and it wasn't pity or lust like Yami-sa - Yami said. I'm doing it for the selfish reason that I can't live alone like this anymore. I can go day to day in this numb reality.
I'm doing it because I need him like I needed Yami that night…I'm doing this because I can't go on regretting not doing it before.
I nodded my head firmly to thin air and returned to Yami's bed of pillows. I looked anxiously at the door before closing my eyes.
Yugioh…
And then I was there. I found myself staring at the door that would lead me into his soul room. The door was ancient, made of cracked stone that was heavy with age. I reached for it slowly, my hand trembling as I turned the knob and pushed it open. It creaked as I entered, the room was dark with shadows, yet seemed to glow with a vast blue light that had no source.
The room was modeled from simplicity. A simple modern-day bed with satin black pillows and a red silk cover. The floor was covered with a dark blue carpet that was slightly rough beneath my feet. The air was hummed with the forgotten scent of spicy incense that was both slightly sickening and yet incredibly soothing and sweet. The room was always different whenever I entered. It could be a Pharaoh's chamber, a Labyrinth, this, Yuugi's old room, the different styles went on and on.
I said nothing, glancing down to notice I was dressed in a pair of simple blue jeans and a button down shirt covered with a sweater vest. Similar to what I had always worn in the old days. Comfortable, more then ready for any kind of weather. Did this mean he was his normal self? Or was he in a rage of insanity? Would he see me, the real me, or Yami-sa…Yami?
"Ryou."
His voice was soft, neutral of emotion.
He knew my name. Did that mean he was himself? My heart pounded in my chest, a feeling I could not describe lurching through me. I felt alive for the first time in ages. I felt like the old me, I felt like the teenager I was just before all of this had come down crashing around me. For the first time in countless years I felt as though I was free, I felt like I was something more then a toy to be played with and discarded at will. In saying my name, he breathed life into a part of me I thought had left to die and rot in the shadows of my broken dreams.
I turned and stared at him. He was dressed in red Pharaoh robes that were loose and flowing around his lithe frame. His ruby eyes cut straight through me and for an instant I felt my knees buckle beneath me. He looked so much like his real self, right then. You could barely see the flickers of madness behind those beautiful garnet eyes.
"Yugioh…"
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you."
"Why?"
I paused.
"Because I needed to."
He seemed to absorb this information. He approached me, his movements the epitome of grace and danger. Yugioh did not simply *walk*. To say that was to demean his very form. His feet were whisper quite on the rough carpet, his hands swung gently at his sides, his fingers loose and relaxed as though he did not have a worry in the world.
"He betrayed me."
I felt surprise spurt through me. Just what personality was this? Yugioh never mentioned his Hikari unless it was in reverence of the old days, or if he did not, it was because he had yet to know he even existed. I licked my lips.
"…Hai."
What point was there to lie to him?
"Why?"
His voice sounded so harsh, yet so mournful at the same time…filled with anger and despair that I knew at that moment nothing could ever truly dispel.
He stood right in front of me, his breath warm on my face as his heated eyes searched for answers he so obviously believed that I could provide. I felt a sinking feeling fall through me. I didn't want this. I didn't want to be the one standing before him. In a sense I had been hoping he would think that we were back the days when he was the Game King, my Yami was simply an annoying arch rival, once Tomb Raider, that would never succeed. Then, for a few moments, the world around me could be as it once was. I had wished to pretend, obviously I would not be allowed such a respite.
I wanted to break our gaze but I could not. To look away was to lose him and in this moment I knew the man that stood before was the real Yugioh, not the many personalities his mind had conjured up to hide from the pain that riveted through his frame. To hide from the wounds that would never fully heal. It hurt, to see the once proud, noble man broken in such a fashion.
I let out a breath.
"I do not know."
My voice sounded hoarse even to my own ears. What could I say to ease his suffering? I could not ease my own, how could I be expected to end his? I stood there before him, both of us immortal, each of us chained by a past that can not be changed, each of us drowning in the blood red agony of all that was lost, all that will be, and all that we have become.
He reached out, running a single long digit down my face. The touch was so gentle, as though I were a mere china doll that would collapse under the slightest pressure. Tears burned at my eyes. How long had it been since someone touched me in kindness? Even when I speak to Malik his touches may be kind, friendly even, but it is not the same as the halting touch Yugioh gave. There was something mystical about it, something too perfect to be described, something that made my blood heat in my veins and a smile and a frown tug at my lips at the same time. An odd…yet…pleasant feeling really.
"Ryou…your eyes…they're so much different from before…."
Hai…they are…sometimes I fear to look in the mirror…for I do not like the sight of the stranger that dares stare forth back at me.
I reached up suddenly and grabbed Yugioh around the waist, burying my face in his lean chest. Cautiously I felt his arms fall around me, holding me close. He backed away and I followed him. He sat down on the bed, pulling me onto his lap. I sat there, him cradling me up against him…so near like that one night…that one night when I wasn't Yami-sama's…I was…Yugioh's…how I wanted that to be true! How I wanted that dream to be real!
But it can't be…because... I no longer have a choice about who I belong to. I'm bound to the other half of me, and heaven and hell together strike me down, I love him. I love him beyond words…but Yugioh…Yugioh makes me feel…and for the first time in my seemingly endless life it's not pain or sadness I feel…it's happiness. A bliss that cannot be described, for how can I describe the pure bliss that he wraps around me? How can I describe what it's like not to simply *exist* but to *be*?
I breathed in his scent. It was just as unique as I remembered, just as calming…I felt warm tears make there way down my face.
I looked up at him and he smiled sadly.
"There's the Ryou I remember."
I blinked in surprise. What did he mean?
"Yugioh...I…I…"
What were the words that were trying to fight there way up? What was it I wanted to say? What were those words that were burning me to my very core trying to escape? But I was too afraid to allow them such a release…
"Ryou," he stopped me, "what is it that you want?"
"What I want?" I spoke the words distantly, it'd been an even longer time since anyone had asked me that, a time so long ago I did not remember it if it had ever even existed, "I don't know…I…I want this."
He tightened his arms on me.
"Your Yami will be coming soon."
I nodded my head.
"I know."
"You should go. He will punish you for this, you know that. Me as well."
"I know that. I will take the blame though. No need to give him more of a reason to inflict pain on you."
He chuckled, the sound seemed wrong in this room though. So different from the laugh I remembered. Perhaps in a way I had idolized him in my mind…put him on a pedestal…for it was true…in my eyes he could do no wrong, not after what he had given me.
"Since when has he ever needed a reason?"
I felt an ironic smile twist my lips up once more.
"That is true."
He snuggled his head up against mine.
"You know, I wanted to free you from him…"
"I know."
"But I couldn't…"
"It's alright…things could've ended worse…Marik, you remember him, the spirit of the Sennen Rod, could've ended up with all the items. At least the world still exists, along with everyone on it. Had he won, we'd all be in oblivion right now."
"Oblivion may be preferable to a slow death, Ryou," he replied.
I nibbled on my bottom lip.
"Perhaps."
"Y'know…" he paused, "At one time, I thought I was in love with you."
My heart stopped in my chest.
"Y…you were?"
"Hai."
"An…and now…?"
My breathing stopped as I awaited his reply…seconds became hours.
"I—"
"RYOU!"
I felt a scream twiddle its way up in my throat. No. NO! It's not possible! How did I not sense him! I looked franticly up at Yugioh only to see the real him fading. He was retreating into his mind from his fear, hiding away to a place inside him so he could not feel the pain that dwelled in him. I only wished I could do the same…
"No, Yugioh…do you? DO YOU!?"
Those words…if they were true... maybe, maybe I could try something…But I needed to know…could he still love me? Or had those feelings changed?
I would never know.
I was ripped from his mind painfully despite how I grappled on with everything I could to remain. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay…NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
DAMN YOU YAMI! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!
Laughter, malicious and consuming ripped through my mind as I opened my eyes with a fury I could not and would not deny. Yami's crimson brown eyes meet mine and in that instant I wanted him dead. I wanted to kill him the bloodiest way possible. I wanted to paint this luxurious room RED!
I jumped onto him, knocking him back and grabbing his throat with my hands and squeezing. How dare he! How dare he take my only moment of peace! How dare he expel me before I could know the truth!!
Blood filled my mouth and the harsh ground meet my back as I was thrown off him. I jumped to my feet instantly, falling to a small crouch as my lips lifted in a snarl. Yami's enraged _expression meet mine, but what really made my anger burst higher was the amusement I felt rolling off him. He was *enjoying* my little act of defiance….
With a growl I charged at him, grabbing him around the waist and taking him back down to the ground. I grabbed one of his numerous daggers from his waist and struck out blindly. I cut an arc through the air, feeling the warm spray of ruby red across my face and down my arms. No sound of pain came from Yami. He'd never express such a "weakness".
Agony cut across my belly and I looked down to see my dagger imbedded there. In my brief lapse of tasting the coppery sweetness of his life fluid in my mouth, I hadn't been paying enough attention. He shrugged me off him, straddling me with his legs as he snarled down at me.
He twisted the knife sending lightening bolts of convulsions shivering through my frame. Pain. Pure unbridled pain cut through me.
He pulled the dagger out only to impale me through my right shoulder to the hilt. I screamed in agony, feeling my vocal cords snap tight enough to snap apart as the inhumane cry erupted from me. I couldn't move, I was literally stuck to the floor. He climbed off me, absently licking one of his fingers. They were a Christmas red in color now. Soaked through and through.
He walked over to the bed and lay down.
"I'll leave you there to think on your actions, Ryou. We'll finish your lesson tonight at sun down... after I finish with Yugioh," he chuckled darkly.
Fear shot through me and I tried to rise only to cry out in pain. Movement hurt. A LOT. I tried to remove the jewel embedded dagger only to let my hand fall away the second I touched it. The hilt burned like fire. Blistering my hands until they too began to bleed.
Suddenly, I couldn't move. My body…it was paralyzed. All I could do was feel…feel the soul searing agony that ripped through my mind and body. Salty tears fell down my face.
Yugioh…
Onegai…gomen….Forgive me for my selfishness…onegai…
I tried to scream, to voice all that I felt only to find I could not speak, to express what I felt inside in any manner except the tears running down. Damn you Yami. DAMN YOU.
Death would be peace…but I knew that wasn't what would take me this night. No, that would be too much to ask for. Yami was alive and well…as I would I remain. He would not allow me to die that easy. I am immortal, same as him... same as the other Hikaris and the other Yamis. No matter what wound was inflicted I could not die.
God I hate you…I hate you Yami…I HATE YOU!
I looked up, moving my gaze to the starlit sky.
So this how it ends…
A.n.- 'n' we stop there…what did you all think? Was that expected? Hope not. ^_^ Mm, review onegai…^_^_^