Hello,

I know it's been a while, and that I pretty much abandoned this fic, but since I still receive follows and comments, I think it's about time I explain the reasons why I stopped posting updates to this story.

First of all, as many of you may imagine, I stopped watching OUAT. I was tired and sick of seeing the characters I like so much pretty much being destroyed bit by bit with every new episode. However, that's why we have the fanfics and the fandom right? So we can escape the horrible reality of the show and create our own better version of it. And I was completely cool with it. As long I had the community I was happy to keep posting.

When I lost the community I also lost all the inspiration and the motivation to keep writing my fic.

"But Lin, the community is still here in a way, even after all this time" you may say. Yeah well, it was not for me and I'll tell you why.

One day I was hanging in the swan queen tag in tumblr when I see a post of a supposedly multi shipper complaining about how the swen community sucks and its full of bullies and stuff, so I, as a faithful believer of our community jumped to defend Swen, and called the person, who I didn't know by the way, a troll and a liar basically, and asked them to not post stuff like that in the swan queen tag just to stir problems. Normal stuff really, I had argued with Hookers before, but I didn't mind. And honestly it is more common to see people pretending to be bullied by swen than anything, or at least that's what I thought. Spoiler alert, oh my naiveté was big there. Then suddenly, I received a response, but not from the op, but by a member of the swen community, but not any fan, one of those huge swen blogs who everybody follows and I myself had followed for years. One of those "mom" blogs you know, a ship captain? I'm not going to say any names, because honestly I don't give a flying burrito about this person. The conversation is probably still somewhere in Tumblr since it was via post and not messages, but whatever. Anyway, to my surprise this swen member instead of jumping to defend swen of accusations of been a toxic community filled with bullies as I expected, she attacked me...

Kind of ironic really, I was defending swen of being called bullies, and then a big swen blogs decides to bully me instead. You may think that the word bully is harsh, but I didn't take kind to be called an idiot and an asshole. This blog was defending the op because apparently she was indeed a multi shipper and not just a troll, but... I didn't know ok? I honestly thought she was only trolling, and I explained my position, that even thought she is indeed a multi shipper I didn't like to see a post on our tag talking about how awful swen was, and I just thought she was trolling the tag. But this person went at me pretty strongly, even thought I tried to be civil, and I even mentioned I am not an English speaker and that she might have misconstrued my "attack" on the supposed troll as something worse than it really was. Like I said I was called an idiot, an asshole, a bad apple, a disgusting person, you name it. After several posts she calmed down a little bit after me trying to explain myself, but honestly the damage was already done.

I was defending swen, a community I grew to love at some point for helping me discover my own sexual identity, of being called toxic and their members bullies, and I was bullied by a big member of that community for it. Hell, even the op was nicer to me than this person. I think about it and it still makes me angry even if it was a while ago. Not only she bullied me, but nobody else said anything. This person called me an asshole and told me that swen was better off without me and nobody else said anything. Like I said we had this conversation in like 10 posts, and as I said her blog was huge so it is very unlikely than nobody saw it. I don't know what I expected, really. Someone to defend me, like she defended the op? I don't know, but I was sad and disappointed of my own community. It made me think that Swen was indeed toxic and filled with bullies as all the other OUAT fandoms claim. Hell one of the biggest Swens bullied me right in the open, and nobody said shit. I even told her that she was really making me consider to just give up on swen, and like I said before she said that swen was better off that way.

This whole deal made me angry and sad. I cried the whole conversation which is sad and pathetic, but that's who I am. I was attacked by someone I admired at some level and I just couldn't handle it. I have pretty bad self-steam, I am way to shy and awkward, writing is one of the only places I find myself comfortable enough, which is why I like tumblr, but now every time I saw a Swan queen post in my dashboard I was afraid to comment or say anything because people might misunderstand me or attack me without reason. Long story short, I stopped reblogging swan queen, I unsubscribed a bunch of swen blogs and I even changed my tumblr name and background. I followed other LGBTQ fandoms, but I didn't involve with them as much as I did with swen ever again... but the worse of all is that I stopped writing. Of course life also got in the way, job and studies mostly, but I kind of lost my motivation since then. I even stopped writing other fics, but those I do plan to finish some day... hopefully soon.

So yeah, sadly I'm not planning to finish this fic guys. I'm not uploading this to say "swen is filled with bullies" or "Swen sucks," on the contrary I still hold a lot of care for that community and I think is/was filled with amazing people. I was unfortunate enough to experience a bad experience with it and not strong enough to not let the words of a bully to get to me. I'm sorry to disappoint the people who still read this fic, but I have to be honest. This fic was meant to be pretty long; in other words, it was still a long way to give it even a partial ending, and I lack the motivation to force myself to give it closure.

Thank you to all of you who liked this story and continued to be faithful to it, if anyone wants to rescue it and take the following as their own, feel free to contact me and I'll happily will discuss it with you guys (not if you end up writing a book or something, I would sue your ass if you do ;p lol) or if you are curious about the possible ending maybe, haha I feel weird to post something about how it would have end. It would be confusing... and probably long as well. Longer than this! That's a lot!

So anyway. Once again, thank you for the love and support you gave this story, and I'm sorry I wasn't able to give it a proper ending. Bye Swen, I love you guys!