Kate didn't remember much from after the funeral. She remembers picking the boxes up from the hallway of the loft after Alexis had thrown her out. She wasn't surprised when Alexis sent her a text telling her that her stuff was in the hallway. Alexis blamed her for everything. At first she denied that it was all her fault, but then she began to think she knew Castle so well. She should have known he couldn't resist a mystery. She should have been able to stop him. Alexis had ever right to me upset with her. Kate was surprised Alexis even took the time to pack up her stuff that was in the loft.

Kate also remembered that the days following Castle's death Martha could barely look at her. That had hurt more then she expected. She never realized how much she enjoyed and even craved Martha's huge warm hugs and the way she would always find a way to tell Kate to be safe when she left for work. Still a small part of Kate was glad that Martha wouldn't look at her. She couldn't bare to look at the disappointment and blame that surely lay in her eyes. She would be able to remember Martha's eyes as kind and soft.

The sound of glass shattering on the ground after she had tossed her badge of her superior's desk was something Kate knew she would remember forever. How she couldn't cry at the funeral because at that point there were no more tears left in her body. It was clear in her mind because she will never forget the disgusted look Alexis shot her when their eyes met. Alexis, whose eyes were so red and swollen that it looked like someone had punched her, couldn't understand how Kate couldn't seem to shed a tear at the funeral of the man she claimed to love. She remembers the feel of the strong hands of Esposito on one side of her and the smaller hands of her father on the other holding her up during the funeral. Her knees shaking so badly she knew they would cramp later.

She remembers how she threw up after taking a sip of coffee the morning after the funeral. She dry heaved into the toilet for hours after just thinking about the taste. She remembers how the whiskey seemed to go down so much better than the coffee. Hours later she recalls waking up as he father stood over her, his eyes shining with disappointment and pity. He too seemed to be out of tears at this point.

Kate remembers their fight and her physically pushing him out of her apartment and locking the door. The next few days were a blur of images and the sounds of knocking and yelling. She finally slipped away in the middle of the night and found a cash only motel.

So here she sat in the middle of the bed with an empty whiskey bottle on one side of her and a full one on the other. She wondered how many whiskey bottles it would take to make her forget about the past 6 years. She knew alcohol wouldn't be strong enough. She grabbed the full bottle of whiskey and started to chug hoping it would do the trick. For the first time in her life, she wished she had the courage to try something stronger.