There's no stopping now. I'm drunk, pissed off and buried under 6 ft. of self-hate. I clutch the steering wheel harder and increase the speed of this crappy SUV.

I can't believe I could be so fucking stupid! How could I miss it?! My own mother's death anniversary! How many more times can I fuck up?!

Tears stained the rims of my eyes, making everything a watery blur. The radio wasn't helping at all so I hit it and it switched off abruptly. My hands shook furiously and I glanced at the backseat – the tulips. The white tulips sat innocently back there. "Mom, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for being a screw up. Forgive me. Please forgive me." I sobbed as I looked in front of me.

The pain was beating ruthlessly on me like a drum. I can't stand this anymore. I am done.

"The pain – make it stop. Please make it stop. I can't—I can't-!"

A loud sob escaped my heavily intoxicated body. My head felt like a million hammers were pounding against it. My mom, Pudge, the Colonel, the Eagle, Takumi, Lara, and Jake reeled through my mind. I hit the wheel in frustration.

I turned a corner and saw it. The way of out this labyrinth of suffering. A one way ticket to my mom. My one and only chance.

STRAIGHT AND FAST.

I roared down the road, clearly not thinking straight, straight and fast.

Straight and fast. Straight and fast. Straight and fast. Just like I wrote down.

And I did it. Adrenaline rushed through my veins. I collided with the unsuspecting cop car and I felt it: the wheel crashing my chest, slowly suffocating me. Physical pain never felt so good before.

I smiled.

I realized.

I