Fifth Quarter

Rin always wondered why she couldn't just live like the other kids, playing in sandboxes and only being afraid of bees and mean cats. Watching the other children from a distance on the playground, Rin constantly wondered why she just seemed to be so different from them. She couldn't laugh at the silly games they played, wouldn't be contented with something simple like a lollipop or balloon. It was almost as if she lived in an entirely different world from them and she was seeing the actions of the children through a pane of glass. Even so, the place she was stuck in didn't seem to make more sense than the other; the things she discovered here were just as strange as the things seen out there.

Ever since she was young she had been plagued by strange maladies of the body and mind that no doctors could give a specific name to. There was no explanation to why she never seemed to grow or why she would get sick so often, no reason behind the sudden bouts of anxiety that could show up at seemingly any moment and render her paralyzed. The girl lived in a dimension of uncertainty and apprehension, haunted by strange pains that other people didn't appear to understand. Without rhyme or reason, some days she just could not bring herself to step out of bed and not even know why.

Despite these differences however, Rin somehow managed to assimilate into the miniature society of elementary school, making a few friends that she sat next to quietly at the lunch table. The teachers thought her a fantastic student, praising her on her behavior and work ethic. Rin could never figure out what they were getting at. It didn't make any sense to be rewarded simply for doing what you were supposed to. Her friends confused her too, though she liked them well enough. She couldn't figure out why they felt the same way however.

Over time Rin began to accept these seemingly nonsensical things as the way life was and before long she wouldn't stop to question why a kid would pull the wings off a butterfly or why her parents would scream at the television. When she would feel her heart clench up and her mind shut down she wouldn't ask 'why' anymore, she would just expect, and endure, and later try to forget about it. The world was only strange if thought of as such, and therefore Rin decided that there was no such thing as 'surprising' or 'abnormal' and that whatever happened, happened.

It was probably because of this way of thinking that Rin did not question when her brother led her into his room – a place she was not usually allowed to go – and sat her down in the corner atop a beanbag chair. She had been quietly drawing in her own room when the older boy had slipped inside, the creaking door being the only sound in the otherwise empty house. Both of their parents were out working so there was no one to see the children as they moved chambers, ending up in the furthest west room where the early morning sun hadn't yet reached.

Poking her finger into the plush seat below her, Rin watched curiously as her brother paced around the room a bit, twirling his short ponytail apprehensively. The boy was three years older than his sister and in third grade while she was in first. He was a quiet boy, at least as smart as Rin and twice as clever. He had bested her in countless strategy games and never gave her a chance to forget that he was oldest and therefore superior.

Rin still loved her brother though and admired him, so when he finally came to stand in front of her she felt a sort of nervous excitement arise in her stomach. He didn't often pay her much attention, much less look at her like he was now, and the acknowledgment filled her with a feeling of accomplishment that only increased as he knelt down.

"Rinny, I learned something the other day." His voice was low and mumbled, the endearing nickname rolling off his tongue. Hooded cerulean eyes flashed up to meet hers for a second before darting down again. Rin waited in silent expectation, knowing that he would continue in time; it was just her brother's style to create suspense. The boy rocked back and forth on his feet for a second, his chest resting on his knees before his hands hesitantly found a resting place on either side of his sister. Rin blinked, willing him to go on.

"Try it with me." The last words came out sharper than before, an order almost, and Rin quickly nodded, not wanting to get on his bad side. Blue eyes locked and her stomach gave a flip-flop, churning like she had eaten bad fruit. She bit her lip, wondering what this learnt thing was, as a hand moved from the fabric of the chair and came to rest on her side. Rin tensed, waiting for some kind of tickle attack that never came. Instead the hand started to rub, making wide swirling motions up and down her ribcage, leaving a trail of tingling goosebumps in its wake.

Her gaze darted forward to try and meet his but his eyes were lowered, looking away from her as his other hand found her hip and latched onto it, thumb caressing the small patch of bare skin in-between the hem of her shirt and her shorts.

"Eh, Len…" They were the first words she had said since he had come to find her. They came out too soft for her liking, but she couldn't seem to make them any louder. Said boy did not apear to hear and continued with his unexplained actions, thumb occasionally dipping beneath her waistband to rub the soft skin there. She squirmed slightly as he did so, an uncomfortable clenching starting in her abdomen, but the movements persisted and Rin did not dare try to escape. "What is…?"

The boy's muteness both unnerved her and controlled her, wordlessly telling her to stay silent as well. She kept her mouth shut as his hands found their way under her shirt, feeling up along her smooth stomach and down her boney sides, fingers digging in at random intervals to hit nerves that made her gasp breathily. Unfamiliar confusion flickered through her head - she still didn't know what was going on – and she was afraid to ask, sure that her brother would get mad and perhaps strike her. He had done it before.

She subconsciously closed her eyes, letting the already dark room fade to black as she bore the slow stroking. It almost reminded her of the way her mom would pet her head as she tried to get her to fall asleep, haunted by shadowed monsters as it was. Perhaps this was some sort of family thing, like the hugs they gave their parents before they went to bed?

Yes, it must be something families do. That's why he was touching her there now, that place mom had always said never to let anyone touch. His fingers pushed against her pants, stroking up and down, up and down, rhythmically, creating a friction that heated up the fabric and her underlying body. It was okay though; mom had touched her there before when she was younger, and so had the doctor. Len was family after all, so it could only be natural.

Her heartbeat accelerated even so as her shirt was hoisted up, revealing her pale stomach and leaving her button and zipper to be hastily undone by shaking hands. Soon her shorts were discarded by her feet, her toes curling around the fabric tightly as she pushed back into the bean bag, trying to relieve the pressure of her brother's palm against her lower body.

A soft squeak escaped her mouth as the chair finally scooted back into the wall, allowing no more room for relief as the hand pounded against her through floral panties, the other appendage occupied with holding the girl's squirming hips still. Her breath came out in soft pants as his force increased before halting suddenly, fingers wrapping around the edge of her undergarments and yanking them down around her knees.

Cold air hit her heated skin and she took in a gulp of air as she examined herself. Her revealed chest and hips were covered with goosebumps, small nail marks marring the skin here and there. With legs spread slightly she could see the red of her inside, the blood rushing up to the surface in a way that made her feel bloated and burnt. Spotted all over her uncovered skin were splotches of a similar color, a blush that seemed to encompass her entire being. Above it all was her brother, rising to his knees and grabbing a leg in each hand to pry them apart.

Rin surprised herself as she fought to keep herself closed, an unknown instinct kicking in that warned her to get away. Her strength was nothing compared to Len's though and he easily spread her wide, the soles of her feet coming to rest against each other as her bent legs splayed out to the side. She raised her eyes to the ceiling, focusing on the ever turning fan as her mind whirled with conflicting thoughts; a logical voice reassuring her that this was okay and an animal inside tearing and biting, trying to run. And of course there was the other thought, the quiet purring one, showing her how good it all felt.

And it did feel good. It felt amazing in a dizzy dreamlike way. The way his fingers rubbed against her so roughly, so forcefully, in just the right spot, made her head spin and her hips unconsciously buck up to meet his touch. He responded to each jerk of hers with gusto, bearing down with more fingers on that tiny nub that made her legs twitch and her head fall back in surprise.

Even so, somehow through the haze of delight and curiosity she was afraid. The whole situation was bizarre, and questioning too many things she had been told all at once. Her cheeks heated, she tried to look down at Len and catch his eye, talk to him for a moment, but he wouldn't look at her, not even when she softly moaned his name, her voice betraying her intentions. With a frown she tried to pull back, only to be held in place by the wall behind her and her brother's unyielding hands. A gasp escaped her mouth as he pinched her sharply, sending a wave of pain through her system that clashed with the pleasure and echoed though her already ringing mind, warning her again to get away, that she was scared, and that this was something that shouldn't be happening.

Those thoughts roared then went blank as she felt something probing lower than the first point the fingers had taken interest in. The rubbing became slower, methodical, as his thumb replaced the appendages that were now journeying down into a hotter area, someplace sticky with an unknown substance. A shiver shook her body as a pinky circled her entrance, examining the tight hole and experimentally feeling the rim of it. The boy's first knuckle was barely in before a hand grabbed his and held it back.

Rin didn't know what had caused her to react so suddenly, but she spoke the only thing that came to mind. "N-No." The word was shattered and weak and had little effect, for Len only looked at her for a moment before twisting his wrist to grab hers and pin them behind her own body. Rin struggled to adjust, to get her arms out from under her, but the child was no match for her elder of three years who merely replaced them every time she got loose.

Her head spinning from struggling and the heat that seemed to be erupting from her very core, Rin closed her eyes and let her muscles go flat, focusing on keeping her erratic breathing from turning into a scream as a pain exploded inside her, something seemingly tearing open a passage that was not yet meant to be traveled. She bit her lip, quiet whimpers spilling out as fingers pumped in and out of her, others still massaging that hardened nub. Heavy breathing sounded from the girl's elder as his hands moved faster, pushing harder until Rin felt as if fire was boiling under her skin and her entire body was throbbing, tightening with a wave of horrible pleasure until she collapsed, all muscles going slack and her eyes rolling back, suddenly too tired to stay open.

In the back of her mind Rin heard her brother suddenly jump up, footsteps pattering across the floor before a door slammed somewhere and all was silent. Rin laid there for a while, feeling the sheen of sweat on her nearly naked body turn into cold dew and evaporate, leaving her shivering and shocked, still naively waiting for Len to return and explain himself, yet knowing he wouldn't.

She rubbed her hands down her arms, feeling the bumps and bruises there she hadn't noticed before. They screamed at her, yelling that this was not okay, but she quickly shut them down, because the marks were really there and that had really happened, meaning that it was reality and therefore normal.

She sat up suddenly, finding a quiet peace in the simple thought, and pulled down her shirt, adjusting her panties back to their regular place before slipping her shorts back on. She stood in the center of the room for a moment, just looking around the dim chamber, before she heard the distinct rumbling of the garage door; Mom must be home.

Rin frowned, finding the thoughts that rushed through her head once again confusing. Her mom had always ordered her to tell her if anything went wrong while she was away, hadn't she? Don't let any strangers in. Don't let the cat scratch the furniture. Those were rules. But what was wrong? Did wrong exist?

She looked down on her fingers, small and pale as the rest of her, her body that never grew and always got sick. A body that wasn't strange because it was real and real was normal.

She should tell her mom if anything went wrong, but there was no such thing as wrong, is there? If it exists, it is real and if it's real it's fine.

There's nothing wrong, so there's nothing to say.

She'll never say anything.

Until she's years older and years wiser and decides to write about it.