I have, admittedly, fallen off the fanfic wagon. I'm trying to get back on, and have begun working on a Dueling update for those watching that, and I'm looking at Mercy as well, trying to get inspired. While you guys wait for me to get my arse in gear, here is a oneshot as a peace offering.
This oneshot is based around the song "Haunted" (thus the title of the fic) by Taylor Swift. Lyrics are in the fic, though if you have never heard the song, I strongly suggest listening to it before reading, simply to get in the "mood". Enjoy!
You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd live to see it break
It's getting dark, and it's all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake
Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't lose you again
Something's made your eyes go cold
Hermione Granger's fifth year at Hogwarts had been eventful in more ways than one. The term was coming to an end soon; in fact she was due to her Astronomy exam in an hour. The horrible Ministry woman, Umbridge, had made this year nearly unbearable, though there had been good moments. Half of them were with the DA, and the rest had been with Minerva.
Hermione sighed, thinking for the millionth time about the relationship that she'd begun to develop with her Transfiguration professor. It had started out last term – just a few occasions in which Minerva McGonagall had looked at her…differently. The problem with being as clever as the young Gryffindor happened to be was in the fact that she didn't miss much of anything. At the Yule Ball last year, for example, Hermione had noticed Minerva looking at her in a way that told the younger witch that she was being viewed as a woman, rather than a girl.
This year, Hermione had begun pursuing a friendship with the older witch based on the idea that if Minerva saw her as a woman, than she must be willing to see her as an equal; as a friend rather than a student. Merlin, had she been off the mark on that one. In the process of trying to prove to Minerva that she was no longer a girl, Hermione had inadvertently begun to see the woman rather than the teacher in Minerva, and found after a while that she'd begun to love that woman; and not in the 'you're like a second mum' kind of way. No, Hermione had begun to – bugger the cliché of it all – fall in love with her teacher.
So far as how the Professor felt about her, that was still a bit of mystery. Hermione seriously doubted that a woman such as Minerva would look at a sixteen year old that way. On the other hand, her behavior had been recently had begun to suggest otherwise. One minute, Minerva was chatting with her till all hours of the night about anything and everything, and the next minute she was in full Professor McGonagall mode, treating her like any other student. It was because of this that Hermione was standing in front of Minerva's door right now. She knocked.
After a moment of waiting, Minerva opened the door. "Miss Granger?" she asked. "What can I do for you?"
Hermione sighed. It was easy to tell if Minerva would be treating her as a friend or as a student simply by how she addressed the younger witch. "I was hoping we could talk," she said, wishing intently that the Professor would sit back and let Minerva make an appearance. The later would be far more welcoming to what Hermione wanted to say.
Alas, no such luck. "Of course, Miss Granger. Come in," Minerva replied, stepping aside for Hermione to enter, and then closing the door behind her. "What's on your mind?"
"You," Hermione said plainly.
Minerva raised her eyebrow but said nothing.
"I've become a bit frustrated with how one moment you treat me like any other student," Hermione continued on, "and then the next we're enjoying a cup of tea together, talking late into the night. I want to be your friend, but I'm not sure you know what to make of me."
Minerva frowned. "If our evening discussions have made you uncomfortable, then we shall of course cease them immediately," she replied crisply.
Hermione groaned. "That's not what I said!" she snapped. "Don't twist my words, Minerva."
"You can't call me…" the older woman began to object.
"Why not?" Hermione stomped her foot. "You tell me plenty about who you are outside of being a Professor, treat me like a dear friend, so how have I not earned that right? Why is it that there is no rhyme or reason for when you're going to care for me and when you're going to push me away?"
"Miss Granger, that is quite enough!" Minerva snapped, striding over to her door. "When you are through acting like a child, I would be happy to discuss this. Until then, get out."
Hermione did as she was told, if only for the sake of knowing that her temper was boiling over and this conversation was certainly not going to get better from here. However, before she stepped through the doorway, she turned and looked Minerva in the eye. "I'll stop acting like a child when you're ready to do the same," she said firmly. Hermione held the older woman's gaze for a few seconds, dumbly intrigued by the amount of rage that was boiling in Minerva's emerald eyes. Finally she shook her head and walked across the threshold, to have the door slam behind her, and if she was interpreting the loud thud that followed correctly, Minerva had punched the door for good measure.
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted
Hermione found a corner of the castle to cry in until it was time for her to go to her Astronomy exam. She'd try to talk to her again tomorrow, assuming the older witch didn't find Hermione first. It was so unlike Minerva to blow up like this, which upon some tearful reflection, made the younger witch realized that her Professor did care more than she was letting on. The Scottish temper flared only when there was something to be passionate about.
Passionate. Oh, yes. That was a good word to use to describe Minerva McGonagall. It was one of the many things that Hermione loved about her; even if she was on the receiving end of it.
Hermione blushed, thinking about other ways that Minerva might be passionate, and how she wouldn't mind if that kind of passion was let loose on her. "You're only sixteen," she muttered to herself. "Even if she did see you like that, she'd never allow anything to come of it."
"But what about in another year or two?" a voice inside Hermione's head asked slyly. "After September, you'll be of age, you know. Nothing wrong with two consenting adults…er…"
"Hermione!"
The teenager turned to see Harry Potter walking toward her. "I had to get the map out to find you. Where have you been all afternoon?"
"I, um, needed some time to myself before the exam," she lied.
"Well I hope you got enough, because it we don't move right now, we'll be late," Harry said, nudging her out of the abandoned corner of the library she'd been hiding. "As it is you missed dinner."
Hermione followed his lead, noticing her grumbling stomach now that Harry had mentioned food. "Oh, bother," she muttered.
Harry dug into his backpack and pulled out a chicken salad sandwich, a stalk of celery, and two brownies. "Here, didn't think I'd let you go to an exam hungry, did you?"
"Harry, you are amazing," Hermione said gratefully, taking the food from him and biting into the sandwich.
"You're welcome," Harry smirked. "Now eat and walk."
The two arrived in the Astronomy Tower right on time, and Hermione's stomach was satisfied enough to get through the exam. She'd go down to the kitchens after and grab a late snack to get her through to breakfast tomorrow.
Half hour into the exam, the class stirred as shouts could be heard from below. Hermione turned to see Hagrid being attacked – red sparks shot at him in rapid order. "No!" she cried.
"My dear, this is an examination!" the Astronomy Professor reprimanded, though Hermione knew that by now, everyone's attention was drawn to Hagrid's position, exams forgotten.
Hermione zoned out what was going on around her until she heard a familiar voice shout, "How dare you!"
Minerva was quickly approaching to defend Hagrid from the Aurors who were apparently trying to arrest the half-giant. "How dare you!" she said again.
"It's McGonagall," Hermione whispered, feeling Harry's presence beside her. Dread filled Hermione to the brim as she watched Minerva argue with the Aurors. She knew this wasn't going to go well. Minerva was already in bad mood.
Then it happened. With no warning, four of the Aurors shot stunning spells towards Minerva simultaneously. Hermione screamed, and she wasn't the only one. The stunners all hit their mark, surrounding Minerva with an eerie, red glow for a few seconds before lifting her off the ground, and sending her flying backwards. She landed on her back with a thud that could be heard echoing against the stone walls of the tower.
She wasn't moving. "Oh my god," Hermione choked.
No.
No.
It would not end here. It's couldn't. "Don't leave me like this," Hermione begged the stars, hoping that somehow, Minerva would walk away from this. "Please, Minerva."
Stood there and watched you walk away
From everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you
He would try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead
Hermione didn't get a chance to talk to Minerva again until the start of Sixth Year. By the time the older witch had recovered enough to return to Hogwarts, Hermione was in the Hospital Wing recovering from her own injuries, gotten at the Department of Mysteries. On the last night she was in the Hospital Wing, Hermione had woken up to hear soft sobs, and opened her eyes just enough to see Minerva sitting on a bed opposite her own, watching over her. As much as she wanted to sit up then and there, she knew now was not the time to talk to Minerva about anything between them. She closed her eyes again and fell back asleep. She had no idea how long Minerva stayed, but she was gone in the morning.
By the time she got out of the Hospital Wing, it was three days till end of term, and her time was consumed with getting ready to go home for the hols. She only saw Minerva a couple times in passing, but never worked up the nerve to talk to her. Once, she caught the older witch's gaze, but Minerva had quickly broken the eye contact and walked away.
It was nearly two months into the new term now. In classes, everything seemed normal between Hermione and Minerva; normal being like any other pupil and teacher, anyway. Outside of class, Minerva had not spoken to her once. In fact, Hermione was pretty sure she was being avoided.
'Well that just isn't going to fly', Hermione huffed to herself, once again standing outside the door of Minerva's quarters. She took a deep breath, and after a moment's hesitation, she knocked.
A few seconds later, Minerva answered the door. The older woman looked startled to see her, and as a result, stood there gaping for a few moments before finding her tongue. "Hi," she finally breathed out.
Relief flooded though Hermione like a wave crashing on a beach at high tide. This was Minerva. Not Professor McGonagall. Minerva. "I've missed you," she whispered, looking deep into the older witch's emerald eyes.
"We can't be friends, Hermione," Minerva said quietly, looking at the ground. "It's inappropriate. You need to be spending your time with Potter, and Weasley. Surely you have more in common with your peers that you could with an old woman like myself."
"You don't sound like you're very convinced of what you're saying," Hermione replied, reaching out and taking Minerva's hand.
The older woman pulled back with a flinch. "Please Hermione. Go. Don't wait for my temper to get the best of me again," she said in a firm, but shaking voice.
Suddenly Hermione understood. Minerva wasn't pulled away because she saw Hermione as a girl. Quite the opposite, actually. Oh yes, Minerva did care for the younger woman. That was blaringly obvious to the seventeen year old Gryffindor the second Minerva had pulled her hand away.
Fact was, she cared too much.
And she was right, Hermione knew. They couldn't be that. Not yet anyway. As much as it killed Hermione to do it, she nodded once, and turned to go. Before the door closed behind her, she uttered four words in a very shaking voice, and she did not doubt that Minerva had heard her before the door clicked shut. "My feelings won't change," she said.
Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't see you again
Something keeps me holding on to nothing
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted
All year had passed with Hermione and Minerva dancing around each other's schedules, both being careful not to meet the other. At least, Hermione was, and as Minerva had not hunted her down outside of class all year, she assumed the older witch had being doing the same. This had been a hard year for her. Harry and Ron had sort of ganged up on her in regard to the stupid Half-Blood Prince, which had torn a bit of a rift between them. Nothing drastic, but then there was Harry and his thing with Ginny, and Ron's thing with Lavender, and the broken trust between the trio was just enough that Hermione was not willing to open about her heart.
One night, the night Ron and Lavender had started going out, she'd run away from the scene of them snogging, because it reminded her so much of what she couldn't have. Everyone of course thought that she had a thing for Ron and was broken up about his spit swapping with Lavender, but she suspected that Harry might have realized that was untrue. Regardless, he didn't ask, and she didn't tell.
Once Harry had gotten the true memory from Slughorn, she knew that she, Ron, and Harry probably wouldn't be returning to school next year. Hermione fully intended to continue avoiding Minerva, though at this point it was less about avoiding temptation and more about it killing Hermione just to see the older woman from across the classroom.
And then it happened. Snape killed Dumbledore. Hermione didn't even think twice about what she was doing when she once again made her way to Minerva's quarters the following night. She didn't even hesitate when she knocked on the door. When Minerva opened the door and saw her standing there, she looked for a moment like she was going to tell Hermione to leave again.
"Let me in," Hermione said quietly. It wasn't a question, though not quite an order, either. Let me into your heart, Minerva, Hermione thought to herself as her Professor stood there looking conflicted.
After a few moments, Minerva nodded curtly and stepped aside. Hermione stepped in, and when Minerva and closed the door, she spoke again. "You don't have to be alone," she said tenderly.
"You shouldn't be here," Minerva choked out, obviously fighting back tears.
"Yes, I should," Hermione replied firmly, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around Minerva's slim waistline, pulling her into a hug.
The older woman tried to pull away. "Hermione, no," she rasped.
"I'm not letting you go," Hermione insisted, holding tightly. "I'm not letting you go."
A moment later, Minerva gave in and began sobbing uncontrollably on Hermione's shoulder. The younger witch stood firm as her teacher and friend let mourn the loss of the man who was like an elder brother to her.
Eventually they migrated to the couch and after quite some time, Minerva fell into an uneasy sleep. Hermione wished she could do more but knew that by morning, The Professor would be back and would not think kindly of a student having stayed the night. Hermione made her way back to Gryffindor Tower just before sunrise.
The next couple days were busy with students preparing to go home, and Hermione did not speak to Minerva again before boarding the train. With Dumbledore dead, any shred of a possibility that she, Harry and Ron might return to Hogwarts next term vanished, and Hermione wanted to leave Minerva on an at least peaceful note, not a fight like they had last year. That said, Merlin only knew if either of them live to see another year go by, and so as Hermione boarded the Hogwarts Express, she banished a piece of parchment to Minerva's desk with three words on it.
I love you.
Hermione didn't need to sign the note. Minerva would know it was from her.
I know, I know
I just know
You're not gone
You can't be gone, no
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
Won't finish what you started
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't go back, I'm haunted
Hermione stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Minerva ahead of her. She hadn't seen or spoken to the older witch in more than a year; since the night Albus Dumbedore died. Harry and Ron both urged her forward and with a shake of her head, Hermione moved along. She would have to just pray that they both survived the battle that was coming, and that when they did meet, it would be a conversation with Minerva, and not Professor McGonagall. Hermione doubted that the Professor would be here tonight. The unbridled passion that was Minerva would be required if the older witch hoped to survive the night.
For her part, Hermione put all the love she had for her former teacher into her fighting as the night went on. She'd lasted this long, and she sure as hell wasn't going to die now, not with Minerva so close. Tonight would change everything, she knew. The war would be over – either they'd win or they'd loose. One or both of them could live, or they could die. If they lived, there was a conversation to be had, and it Hermione knew Minerva would either reject, or accept the love that the younger woman was offering. No matter what happened tonight, Hermione would never be the same again.
Finally, the battle was over. They'd won, and Voldemort was dead. Harry and Ron were both alive, both giving her knowing glances and unspoken encouragement when Minerva strode into the Great Hall, looking very, very pleased with herself. While on the run, the boys had figured out how she felt about Minerva, and both had given her the thumbs up to pursue their former teacher.
"I'll see you guys later," Hermione said quietly to her two friends.
"Go get her!" Ron said with a forced grin. He truly was supportive, but his brother Fred had died in the battle tonight, so he was not in a place emotionally to give his friend one hundred percent.
"If it goes really badly," Harry said, placing a hand on her shoulder, "you know where to find us."
Hermione nodded, took a deep breath, and started walking toward where Minerva had sat down alone, just outside the Great Hall. The older woman had her back to the approaching younger witch, seemingly lost in thought and not aware of Hermione's approach.
"Minerva?" Hermione said when she was less than a meter behind her former teacher.
Minerva turned sharply. "Hermione!" she exclaimed, quickly scrambling to her feet, and grabbing her former student into a tight hug. "Thank Merlin you're safe," she whispered.
Hermione returned the hug, and when she was finally released, she found Minerva looking her up and down, an evaluating look in her eye. "What?" the young Gryffindor asked with a nervous giggle.
Minerva sighed. "You're a woman now," she said. "And as you sought me out, I imagine that there's something you wanted to talk about."
The younger woman blushed and nodded. "We've been dancing around this conversation for several years. In fact, you've done quite a good job avoiding it."
The older woman frowned. "You know as well as I that our relationship could not have become more than teacher and pupil before now. I was starting to become convinced that you were out to drive me mad with your constant pursuit."
Again Hermione found herself blushing. "I can't really help how I feel about you," she confessed.
"Nor can I help how I feel about you," Minerva replied with a small smile.
Hermione stared. "How you…you mean?"
Minerva chuckled. "If it was one sided don't you think I would have told you to bugger off two years ago? I didn't want you to go away, I just wanted you to wait."
Hermione crossed her arms. "You might have just said that."
"I couldn't, Hermione," Minerva reminded her. "As your teacher, and relationship outside of the classroom would have been inappropriate. I suppose the real question is, now that we both admit to caring for the other beyond what is considered normal…"
"What kind of relationship am I hoping for?" Hermione finished. "If you got my note, then you already know how I feel. How much I feel for you."
Minerva nodded. "Quite," she whispered. "But Hermione, you do realize how old I am, right?"
"Yes."
"And that no one is going to understand if we…"
"Harry and Ron already know," Hermione countered, "and are perfectly fine with the fact that I am in love with you."
Minerva gulped, and Hermione knew why. Up to this point, the entire conversation could have been about developing a simple friendship. Now, Minerva was painted into a corner to actually talk about the very unorthodox direction that Hermione wanted their relationship to go. "Have you ever even kissed another woman before?" Minerva inquired.
Hermione smiled, and took a step forward. Before Minerva could react, Hermione had pulled the older woman's face to her own, and kissed her directly on the lips. It only lasted a few seconds, and it was not overly intrusive, but it sent a clear message. "I have now," she replied with a grin.
Minerva stared at her for a moment. "You are out of your bloody mind," she stated. "There is absolutely no logical reason for you to want a romantic relationship with me."
"I never said there was," Hermione replied. "I simply told you how I feel. What I want to know now, though, it how you feel. Obviously you've got some ridiculous insecurity regarding the age difference, but otherwise, how to you feel about this? What do you want?"
Minerva looked at the ground. "I want to snog you senseless," she mumbled.
Hermione sighed, and reached her hand out to cup Minerva's chin. She gently lifted the older woman's face until they made eye contact, and then spoke. "Then do so," she whispered.
There was stillness for a while; the only noise the witches were aware of was the sound of their own beating hearts. Finally, Minerva lunged forward and captured Hermione's lips with her own. The second kiss was nothing like the first. Hermione could feel the passion in how Minerva held her body, nibbled her lip, and when their tongue's began to battle, Hermione felt the castle fade away, as if she and Minerva had entered a world entirely their own, in which no one and nothing could stop this from happening.
On the other hand, Hermione thought as she and Minerva continued to kiss, perhaps they had been in that world for a while now, because nothing had been able to stop the unlikely pair for finding love in each other.
You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
Never ever thought I'd see it break
Never thought I'd see it…break.
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