A/N: I do not own any of the characters in Shingeki no Kyojin (as much as I would like to) and all characters are property of Hajime Isayama. Secondly, this story is up to date with the anime but not the manga. If you're not up to date on the anime then I suggest that you not read this, just in case. Otherwise, enjoy!

"Do you have any human emotions at all?" Ian's scream echoed in Levi's ears far longer than it should have. He and the commander walked side by side, capes swishing and not saying a word. The day was too beautiful for the horrible things that happened during it. They had failed.

The carts creaked as the other soldiers threw bodies in them, wrapped in canvas and stained in blood. Petra was in that pile, Levi knew. She was there with her hair still radiant and her eyes still open. He had seen her face; dead, thrown against a tree, her back broken and body contorted. He waited for her to move. He wanted to see her blink and stand up, launch her maneuver gear and greet him like she always did. "Heicho" she would say, bowing. But she didn't move, and she didn't blink. His eyes glazed over almost as much as hers as he stood, waiting for nothing. Finally, he blinked. He was still alive. She wasn't.

He shoved his feelings down, his footsteps becoming more determined. He would not let anything hurt him. He had control; he always had.

They were back on their horses going at a full canter. Levi could see the wall and almost make out the tiny gate inside of it. They would be home soon.

"Commander Erwin!"

"It's the titans!"

"There's two of them approaching!"

The soldiers began to panic, intensified by the close proximity of the gate and their fears of dying right outside of it. Levi and Erwin continued riding side by side, Erwin's jaw set square and Levi's eyes narrowed.

"Lose the bodies."

The soldiers gawked at Levi's command, their expressions so strong that he could see them clearly even through the uneven canter. Men never wanted to lose other men, dead or alive. A body, even if it wasn't breathing, was comfort.

After a few seconds, the men in the wagon nodded to each other. They opened the back of their wagon and tossed the first body. It was painful, the way the soldier's hands involuntarily held onto the canvas. He didn't want to let it go.

"Hurry!" one of them was yelling, already dragging another one to the edge.

With a shout somewhere between a curse and a scream he let go of the body. Then another, and another. Levi was riding right beside them and glanced at the men as they fought against their instincts. The number of bodies on the ground began to outnumber those in the wagon. Only a few were left. As the men continued to haul them over and roll them off the cart, Levi wondered if they had thrown out Petra yet. Then he saw her. She flew from the back, kicked off, unceremoniously thudding to the ground and rolling a few feet, her golden hair whipping outside of the cloth. The grass was dead and the canvas and it became monochromatic as the soldiers galloped on. He looked back one last time, the blood stains looking like roses scattered on snow. She was gone.

"Weren't there a lot more this morning?"

"Way more."

"Why are they back so soon?"

The citizens murmured to each other as the Survey corps rode through the gates. Some of them dared to yell insults, others screamed as they failed to see their loved ones in the crowd. But most of them were quiet, shocked into silence by everything the commander leading them in didn't say.

Erwin didn't explain anything, he didn't offer an excuse. He rode, eyes set dead ahead towards the barracks, Levi's set dead ahead towards nothing. Both of them had dismounted once they were inside the wall, leading the squads on foot.

Levi heard footsteps behind him and an excited voice cried his name.

"I need to talk to you before Petra gets here." It was her father. His face was so happy, it made him sick to his stomach.

"She sent me a letter saying that she loves working under you and respects you so much."

The blood began to rush to his head as his body tried to block out the words. He retreated farther into himself, his eyes glazing over, his pace not slowing.

"…personally I think she's a little too young for marriage."

The sound was deafening now, louder than a cannon. He couldn't hear anything and he didn't want to. He wanted to stop walking.

"Levi." Erwin said, looking over to him. He looked like he was about to faint. "Hold it together."

Levi nodded sharply and continued walking.

The soldiers cut through the crowd, the citizens wails growing louder as they realized how few had returned alive and how even fewer had returned intact. Their cries vibrated through the clear air, the sun shining in a mercilessly serene way. It was too beautiful a day for this to be real. It couldn't be real.

Metal latches clicked closed and horses snuffled as the soldiers returned them safely to their stalls. The smell of hay and grass permeated the air. Sasha walked around with her horse, unable to decide whether she should lock him up or bury her face in his mane. Jean stood outside the stables, his arms hanging limply at his sides, talking to Armin who was doing the same next to him. They were all bewildered.

The rest of the day the troops occupied themselves with various things, mainly drinking beer. Most of them had gathered in the mess hall and Levi could hear their voices as he walked around the yard aimlessly, numb, forgetting to breath. He wanted every bit of air in his lungs to be in Petra's instead.

He knew it wasn't his fault that she was dead; that made it even worse. If he were responsible then he could at least blame himself, but he wasn't. Fate was. The titans were, and he couldn't hate them any more than he already did. He was helpless.

Men are lost all the time in battle, he thought. She was just a casualty. That's all she was.

The following days passed at a laboured rate, expanding and contracting making hours feel like seconds and minutes feel like days. Eren was in holding in the cellar and there wasn't much for the soldiers to do until the court meeting. Levi had gone to see him once, saying a few neutral words that didn't really mean anything, and Eren had sat, staring at the wall, saying nothing. No one knew what to say.

Mikasa and Armin stuck together, taking what little comfort they could in each other. Mikasa halfheartedly practiced maneuvering on her 3-D gear while Armin read books on military strategies, but they both knew that these activities simply served as a distraction against their pain. What had in the past been methods of survival were now trivial pastimes in the face of death. It didn't matter how fast you were, smart, strong, devout you were…none of that mattered when death came. Death itself was a titan, stupid and unrelenting, devouring what it could and never growing full, an insatiable pit of mindless gluttony.

A/N: And that's the end of the first chapter. Just a heads up, this story is probably going to be very sad but it will also have some highly redemptive parts. I mean, the show is tragic anyway so it wouldn't be keeping it authentic if I made it all happy, would I?

Also, there is going to be a strong focus on theistic/christian faith in this, so if you're opposed to that sort of thing then this might not be for you. However, I think it's going to be awesome and fit just wonderfully with the original story. :)

It would be awesome if you all could leave reviews, I love getting them and it encourages me to write more when I know people are reading (and hopefully enjoying) my work.

Stay tuned!