Apprentice and Pregnant

Finale: Gold Eyes

A few moons later…

Jaybird licked Hollypaws head, grooming her ruffled fur. Hollypaw waited patiently for her mother to finish, knowing that it was important to her.

"I'm so very proud of you," Jaybird whispered into her dark blue fur. Hollypaw felt a lump in her throat as emotion swelled though her heart. She just nodded, not meeting her mother's eyes. She was too choked up for words.

"If your father was here he would be proud too," Jaybird said after a moment. Hollypaw thought of the father she had never met, and imagined him standing here too.

"I hope he's watching from Starclan," Hollypaw murmured at last. Jaybird gave her one final lick and took a step back.

"How do I look?" Hollypaw asked, feeling awkward.

"Beautiful," Jaybird replied. "Like always."

"After all that's happened, I would have thought I wouldn't be nervous about this," Hollypaw confessed. "I didn't even think I'd feel excited."

"It's a big moment, becoming a warrior," Jaybird encouraged. "You are feeling nothing wrong."

"Will all cats old enough to catch their own prey join me beneath the highrock for a clan meeting!"

Swallow Stars voice jolted Hollypaw, and anxiety plummeted through her heart once again.

"Let's go," Jaybird said quietly. Hollypaw nodded and followed her mother out of the warriors den and into the open clearing. Cats were already beginning to assemble, and some looked at Hollypaw with happiness.

Well it's apparent everyone already knows what's going to happen, Hollypaw thought to herself as she walked through the crowd. She noticed Grayclaw at once, sitting with Cracklepaw, Silverpaw and Laurelpaw. They smiled at her, and called out her name. Hollypaw said hello back, and then turned and jumped up to the highrock. Swallow Star stood strong and proud, and Hollypaw felt more at ease as she looked at him.

"Cats of Thunderclan," Swallow Star began. "I've gathered you here to announce the making of a new warrior. Hollypaw, please join me."

Hollypaw did as she was told and walked forward towards him.

"Hollypaw, do you accept the warrior code and promise to uphold it, even at the cost of your life?"

"I do," Hollypaw recited.

"Then by the powers of Starclan, I name you Hollyshine. Thunderclan welcomes you as a full warrior."

The cheers were almost deafening. Hollyshine smiled as she heard Cracklepaw say to the cat beside him, "That's my mom! She's a warrior now!"

Grayclaw also looked proud, staring up at her with his good eye. The love and support coming from the clan nearly knocked Hollyshine off her paws.

"This is also a special day for another cat," Swallow Star called out. "Firekit, will you please join me on the highrock?"

Hollyshine looked over to Firekit, who was being helped up the rock by his father, Fuzzwhisker. Fuzzwhisker looked as though he was about to burst with pride as he helped the scrawny kit up the steps, speaking encouraging words into his ear. Behind him, Snowsong looked on with the same level of happiness. Hollyshine was surprised that Snowsong had gotten pregnant soon after becoming a warrior, thinking that she would have waited a while.

So much has changed…

When Firekit had gotten himself onto the highrock, Swallow Star continued.

"Firekit has reached his sixth moon," Swallow Star said. "It is now time for him to become and apprentice. Hollyshine, you have learned many skills from Grayclaws guidance. I trust you will pass these skills on to Firekit."

The clan burst into cheers once again, this time calling Firekit by his new name, Firepaw. Firepaw stood on his skinny legs, shaking from head to paw. Hollyshine tried to encourage him by smiling, leaning down to touch noses with her new apprentice.

"You are going to shine like the stars," Hollyshine whispered in his ear. Firepaw looked at her, eyes wide. Hollyshine swore she could almost see a fire blaze within them.

"Hey, Hollyshine! Hollyshine!"

Hollyshine looked behind her, feeling strange at the call of her new name. Well this is gonna take a bit of getting used to, Hollyshine thought to herself. She snapped out of her thoughts as the voice calling her shouted again.

"MOM!"

"I heard you," Hollyshine called back, walking towards her son. Cracklepaw was waiting, a large mouse in his mouth.

"Look what I caught today," Cracklepaw boasted as he dropped his prey onto the ground. "Tigerstripe said it was the biggest he's seen all season.

Hollyshine thought of her friend Tigerstripe, and remembered dimly how he had said something similar to Laurelkit a few days earlier.

Oh well, at least he's being encouraging. And Cracklepaw did catch a pretty large mouse for the start of newleaf.

"I got it for you," Cracklepaw said, breaking her thoughts. He pushed it towards her, waiting for Hollyshine to accept it. Hollyshine thanked him and picked it up, taking a large bite right away.

"It's very good," Hollyshine said, giving him a look of gratitude.

"It's extra special, because you're a warrior now," Cracklepaw confessed. "We're all going to miss you in the apprentices den."

"Well, I'm just across the clearing if you need me," Hollyshine said, rubbing her cheek over his. "Thank you, Cracklepaw. This made me feel very special."

"You're welcome," Cracklepaw said. His voice broke as he spoke, crackling like flames hitting a tree. Hollyshine wondered if it would be like that forever.

"Hey, Hollyshine."

Hollyshine turned her head away from Cracklepaw to see her daughter standing there, awkwardly sitting in a way that suggested something was wrong. Hollypaw stood up at once, anxiety pulsing through her.

"What's wrong?" she demanded, walking over to Laurelpaw.

"Yeah, what's going on?" Cracklepaw asked, looking with concern at his sister. "You look really weird."

"I just want to talk to mom," Laurelpaw said at once. "Go hang out with Silverpaw, and I'll join you in a few minutes."

"Well, okay," Cracklepaw said, looking confused. He gave her one last look of concern before he padded away in the direction of Silverpaw, who was talking with Firepaw by the elders den.

"Oh, what's wrong," Hollyshine asked. The look of sadness on Laurelpaws face made her want to cry.

"I don't want to have kits before I become a warrior," Laurelpaw blurted out right away. She stood, head lowered as she waited for Hollyshines response. Hollyshine was baffled for a few moments, confusion running through her. Then she realized Laurelpaw was terribly misunderstood.

"Oh, dear," Hollyshine whispered. "Of course you don't. And you're not supposed to. You have all the time in the world after you become a warrior, when you're older."

"Then why did you have us?" Laurelpaw snapped, voice cracking. "All I ever hear about is how we were an accident and how you never wanted to have kits."

The way Laurelpaw said the word accident was heartbreaking, and Hollyshine felt as though a claw had pierced her heart.

"I wanted you, and your brothers," Hollyshine whispered at last. "And I love you three, very, very much."

"Why did you choose to have kits if you weren't even a warrior?" Laurelpaw demanded, ignoring her mother's quiet voice. "Why would you be so stupid? Do you know how embarrassing it is to have your own mother in the apprentices den with you? Do you not realize how awful that made us all feel?"

Hollyshine stood rigid, completely unprepared for the attack. She stared at her daughter, blue eyes clashed with blue. Dark blue fur mirrored with dark blue.

"I'm sorry for embarrassing you," Hollyshine whispered at last, shame and sadness running through her pelt. She thought of Cracklepaw and Silverpaw, and how they always made her feel welcome with the other apprentices. She thought of Laurelpaw, and how she always had an odd look in her eye when Hollyshine would talk to her in the den, or with other apprentices.

I hadn't realized I made her feel so terrible…

"Well, why did you do it then?" Laurelpaw continued, frustrated. "Why did you choose to have kits when you were an apprentice?"

Hollyshine couldn't speak. Her voice caught in her throat, and no words came out of her open mouth. Laurelpaw stood, waiting. Everything seemed to go in slow motion.

How would she feel, if I told her that her father raped me?

Hollypaw already knew the answer.

She'd feel unwanted.

She'd feel like the disgusting outcome out of Longtails sick fantasy.

The result of a raped apprentice.

"I just couldn't wait to become a mother," Hollyshine said at last, the words spilling out of her mouth like a waterfall. "It was all I wanted, and I didn't want to wait to become a warrior. So I met up with a cat from a different clan and it happened."

Laurelpaw didn't respond, her eyes narrowing.

"I wanted you all," Hollyshine said sternly. "And I love you with the ferocity of a lion. I'm sorry I hurt you, Laurelpaw. I hope you can forgive me."

Laurelpaw waited, staring at Hollyshine as if to see if she was genuine. Within moments her eyes softened, and she leaned forward to press her face into her mother's fur.

"I'm sorry for being mean and yelling," Laurelpaw whispered. "I love you."

"I love you more," Hollyshine said quietly. She licked Laurelpaws head gently, love racing through her veins like fire.

I will never hurt you, my angel

I will carry the secret of how you were born to the grave.

The moon was almost raised to the top of the sky. Stars sparkled and a slight rain fell. No clouds were to be seen tonight.

Laurelpaw felt a sense of giddiness rise through her bones. Excitement rippled through her pelt, making her feel jittery. Beside her, Silverpaw and Cracklepaw looked wide awake as well, with the same sort of magic shining in their eyes.

It was the night of their first gathering!

"I wish everyone would hurry up and eat," Laurelpaw sighed as she looked around agitatedly. Cats were around the clearing, slowly eating their dinner and talking with each other.

Laurelpaw wished they'd hurry it up.

"Stop bouncing around, you're giving me a headache," Silverpaw complained, rolling his dark gray eyes. Laurelpaw stopped bouncing on her paws, but she knew Silverpaw wasn't angry. He was getting impatient, because he was also excited.

"Oh look, Swallow Star is over there," Cracklepaw said, nodding with his head to where the leader was standing. Swallow Star was talking with his deputy, Tigerstripe, and Hollyshines sister Leaftail. Laurelpaw wondered what they were doing, as Fuzzwhisker and Dark Lake padded over to join them.

"They're probably planning the gathering patrol," Silverpaw said. Laurelpaw gave a squeak of excitement.

"Remember, no one can know that we know we're going," Silverpaw said, giving a knowing glare at his sister. "Hollyshine said we have to keep it a secret, because Swallow Star doesn't want the other apprentices to get annoyed and-"

"I wonder what the other clans are like," Laurelpaw interrupted, cutting Silverpaw off mid sentence. "I wonder if Shadowclan is really as dark as the elders make them out to be."

"Well, Shadowclan is supposedly where our father came from," Cracklepaw shrugged. "Shadowclan can't be all that bad if that's were Hollyshine found him."

"He's not our father," Laurelpaw said huffily. "He died right away before we were even born. Grayclaw cares for us and loves us and we love him."

"I know that," Cracklepaw sighed. "You don't have to get all snappy about it."

Laurelpaw opened her mouth to respond but stopped when Swallow Star rang out a loud meow.

"It's the signal for a clan meeting," Laurelpaw cried. "We're almost ready to leave!"

Laurelpaw was in awe as she sat in the gathering clearing, nearly overwhelmed by the amount of cats that were there. Her brothers sat close to her, clearly uncomfortable.

"Well, let's go talk to the others!" Laurelpaw announced, standing up. She was quickly stopped by Grayclaw, who cleared his throat very loudly.

"What?" Laurelpaw asked, looking at him. Grayclaw stared at her out of his good eye, concern lacing his words.

"These cats are friendly, but they are also your enemies," Grayclaw said. "Make sure you watch what you say."

"I will, I will," Laurelpaw said. She broke away from Grayclaw, looking around to see if there were any apprentices from other clans to talk to. Her eyes drifted at once to a group of young cats, in the Shadowclan area. It looked as though it was their first gathering too; by the way they looked shy and nervous. Laurelpaw plastered a big smile on her face and started walking over in their direction.

"Hi, there!" Laurelpaw greeted them cheerfully. The Shadowclan apprentices stared at her, clearly surprised.

"You're from Thunderclan?" the first one spoke. He was a dark brown tabby cat, with lovely gold eyes and long claws. Laurelpaw liked him at once.

"Yeah, my brothers are over there," Laurelpaw motioned with a paw to where Silverpaw and Cracklepaw sat. "They're being antisocial today. Usually they're really chatty."

"It's okay," the golden eyed tom said. He smiled at Laurelpaw, his eyes shining.

Laurelpaw felt her heart leap into her throat.

He's so cute!

"My name's Thornpaw," The tom said.

"Laurelpaw," Laurelpaw replied. She looked at the other two apprentices that were sitting beside Thornpaw, and felt surprised as she saw their uneasy expressions. One was a black she cat, and the other was a skinny white tom cat with dirty fur.

"Hi," Laurelpaw said, trying to be polite.

"Hello," the white cat muttered.

"You look just like Hollypaw," the black she cat blurted out. Laurelpaw felt a little taken aback.

"Um, well, I should," she said. "She's my mother. And her name is Hollyshine now."

The white cat looked at the black one with a look that gave Laurelpaw chills. They didn't say anything as they walked away, heads close as they whispered.

"What was that all about?" Laurelpaw asked Thornpaw, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Thornpaw flicked an ear, looking embarrassed.

"I don't know," he confessed.

"Laurelpaw!"

Laurelpaw heard Grayclaw calling her, and she sighed. I was so excited for the gathering to start… now I wish it would take longer so I can talk to Thornpaw more.

"I should go back," Laurelpaw said sadly. Thornpaws golden eyes dimmed for a second, but it was gone in a heartbeat.

"It was really nice to meet you," Thornpaw said kindly. "I hope to see you again soon."

Laurelpaws felt her heart light on fire in her chest. He wants to see me again!

"I hope so too," Laurelpaw said, giving him one last smile before running off back to the Thunderclan group.

"I see you met the infamous Thornpaw," Grayclaw said as Laurelpaw returned. Laurelpaw was feeling so lightheaded from her heart beating so fast that she misheard him.

"Yeah, he was nice," Laurelpaw said, a goofy smile stretching across her face. Then she frowned. "Wait, why infamous?"

"He's known for making trouble," Grayclaw whispered. "Now hush. The gathering is starting."

"I-I-I w-will s-s-start the g-gathering!"

Laurelpaw looked up at the stammering voice, inferring that it was Mousestar.

"So he really does have a stutter!" Silverpaw whispered to Laurelpaw. "I thought the elders were just making it up."

Laurelpaw nodded, feeling her happiness drain like a river out of her body. She felt strange, as if something was off. The way the black and white cats looked at her made her feel like she didn't know something. She had a feeling there was a secret kept from her for a long time, but she never thought once to entertain it.

There's something about my birth that they aren't telling me, Laurelpaw thought to herself. But secrets are like leaves buried under the snow. They can't stay hidden forever.

Someday, the snow will melt

And what's buried underneath will show its true colors.

Laurelpaw tried to snap out of her thoughts, trying to focus back on the gathering. She was quickly distracted once again by a smiling face in the Shadowclan crowd.

Thornpaw was watching her, and it made Laurelpaws heart beat faster.

His eyes sparkled like golden stars.

The End