Adam vs. Dean's Dingy Bandanna
Adam knew he could be a bit of a fashion Nazi, and he reveled in his many conquests of fashion, but even Adam wasn't brave enough to flat out tell Dean that his bandanna needed to die. He would have to be more tactful than that lest he spawn the wrath of Dean Portman, and he just didn't think it would be too much fun to find himself sailing headfirst into the school dumpster.
He would reason with Dean, and if Dean failed to comply with Adam's simple demands, he would show him who's boss… maybe… Surely, Dean would understand that his fashion faux pas was horrible, but forgivable even the eyes of Adam. He let him get away with walking around looking a death metal band reject. Honestly, who still listens to Slayer? It was all about Christiana Aguilera now.
Dean's bandanna had been the thorn in Adam's side since the boy joined the team. Sometimes, Adam would find himself daydreaming about torching Dean's head to get rid of that God-awful bandanna. If often proved just the distraction Adam needed to get him off his game. Adam thought it might be permanently attached to his head with some weird hockey boy sweat. He was rarely seen without the bandanna.
And girls actually thought that was sexy! Adam snorted to himself. What was wrong with today's female population? Hello, didn't they know a fashion don't when they see one? Adam spotted Dean standing as his locker, the sight of that bandanna causing his eye to twitch. He walked bravely over to Dean and said, "Dean, I need to talk to you."
"What's up?" Dean said, not looking at him. The boy was really oblivious to his mistake. Adam felt the tears welling up in his eyes. He hated to see poor misguided souls. There should be some kind of campaign for people as clueless as Dean, and Adam could be the spokesperson. He could call it "Adopt A Fashion Freak".
"Definitely not that bandanna. I mean… Dean, let's be reasonable here. You never take that thing off by choice. The skulls are starting to fade off it for Christ's sake. I could buy you a nice, new bandanna, just please take that dingy thing off." Adam said all in one breath. Dean frowned at Adam. "Don't take it personal. You're a great guy, but that bandanna screams 1985. And trust me everyone wants to forget the 80's existed."
"This is my lucky bandanna. I never, repeat never, go anywhere without it."
"Okay, I understand that, but could you at least not wear it on your head. It's very offensive." Adam said, trying to put his pain and frustration with Dean into words.
"Offensive to who?"
"ME! Of course! Do you know how hard it is to endure the pain of that…that thing! Dean, you're supposed to be my friend." Adam said angrily, pacing in front of the boy. "I thought after everything we've been through you'd at least care enough about me to not do something like that? Do you see Fulton wearing a dingy bandanna? No, and you know why? BECAUSE HE'S MY FRIEND!"
"Dude, chill."
"I will not 'chill' until you do what you know is right and burn that bandanna." Adam was starting to get that familiar gleam in his eye as he eyed Dean's bandanna. A half-faded skull grinned at him, teasing him mercilessly. Adam clenched his fists, trying to restrain himself from ripping it from Dean's head himself, but he knew that would be like committing suicide.
"Adam, have you thought about talking to the school counselor because you're seriously losing it, dude."
"And will you STOP saying dude. That's so California Surfer boy, and in case you haven't noticed we're in MINNESOTA!" Adam huffed. "And I don't need to see the counselor because there's nothing she can tell me. Then again, that Mrs. Tubbs is quite a sharp dresser. She had on a navy suit with shoes that matched perfectly –"
Dean snapped his fingers in front of Adam's dazed eyes. "Earth to Adam. Your village called. They want their idiot back."
"Very funny, Dean, but you know I always get the last laugh." Adam warned.
"If you touch me, I'll kill you." Dean shot back, casting Adam a menacing glance.
Adam stared at Dean dreamily. "You know. You've got nice hair. I bet Raul could work wonders on it, add some highlights, slip it a bit, put a little gel in it, and you'd be a new man."
"There's no way I'm letting anyone named Raul touch my hair." Adam started reaching for Dean, and Dean pulled back. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Trying to help your hair. You know that haircut does nothing for your eyes. You need a new one." Adam answered. He really was trying to help Dean's hair all while taking that evil bandanna away.
"This is getting weird. I'm outta here!" Dean snapped, slamming his locker, which caused Adam to jump.
"I was just trying to help! Don't go away mad! YOU'LL THANK ME ONE DAY!" Adam screamed desperately after Dean. Runaway from him, would he? Well, Adam would show him. "There's no fury like a Banks scorned."
His trusty scissors found themselves hidden in his gym locker. Adam smiled sinisterly as he watched Dean parade around the locker room hitting people with a towel. Adam pulled the scissors out of his locker. After the incident with Julie, Adam had taken the liberty of having his scissors plated in gold with his named engraved in them. He could always trust his scissors to never let him down.
Boys cowered in terror as Adam stalked past them with his scissors, stopping every now and then to berate someone for wearing something particularly ugly. Dean was sitting on a bench, buttoning up his shirt, when Adam lifted his scissors high, quickly slipping it under Dean's bandanna closing his eyes and…
"Dude, did you just cut my bandanna?" Dean put a hand to his head, running his fingers through his hair, stopping when he felt the missing chunk of hair. "DUDE! DID YOU JUST CUT MY HAIR?!"
"It was an accident." Adam squeaked. Looks like he had gotten a little carried away with the scissors. Who knew in his over-exuberance to get rid of Dean's bandanna he would cut off a chunk of his hair? "I can fix it."
"Just like I'm going to fix your face!" Dean yelled at him.
"This is the part where you run." A boy said doubling over in laughter as Adam scampered by him with Dean hot on his trail. Maybe, destroying Dean's bandanna hadn't been such a good idea.
"RAUL CAN FIX IT!" Adam said frantically.
"Can he fix a broken neck too?" Dean said, chasing the smaller boy around the locker room.
Adam may have been running for his life from the behemoth, but his chest swelled with pride. Dean would never be able to wear that bandanna again, and now he had no choice but to get a new haircut. And far out in fanfiction.net land, he made two very obsessed fangurlies happy now that they had a lock of Dean's hair.
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Sorry this was so short and so non-funny. We will make up for it with the next chapter. Next chapter: Adam vs. The Harry Potter Fan