Author's Note: This is a one-shot I did for a SAINW contest on deviantART, but I figured I'd post it here too. Anyway...when you are exposed to thirty years of death, destruction, and madness...you don't come away unscathed. When Leonardo reunites with Raphael...he's about to learn this the hard way. Contains blood, murder, and suicide.

"YOU LET HIM DIE! YOU LET HIM DIE! YOU LET HIM DIE!"

Raphael stared out into the distance as he took another drag off his cigarette. These days, he felt that was all he could do: smoke and stare. Of course, his staring was done from a grate located at a broken intersection covering a series of underground tunnels leading from the ruins of New York's finest cathedral. With Foot police running the streets like a horde of cockroaches, this was one of the few comforts he had left to hold onto. He was no longer a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle…now he was an adult; no more kid stuff. Not ever since…

He suddenly heard footsteps behind him. However, he didn't go into a defensive stance nor did he draw his sai. Instead, he took another drag off of his cigarette before grinding it out on the cold musty wall and exhaling a small cloud of smoke. He stifled a cough and instantly put his calloused gloved hands into his coat pockets, not even bothering to turn around to face the source of the footsteps.

"So…ya finally made it…" Raph grunted before turning his head to glance over his shoulder. "…Leo."

Coming up behind him, directly from the shadows, was none-other than his "long-lost" brother Leonardo. Long-lost…"deserter" was a more suitable term in Raphael's eye. Hmph…at least Leo still had BOTH of his eyes, even though it seemed like he couldn't see well out of them anymore, as indicated by the dark glasses he was wearing. He stared at his face…and he realized he must've been pretty beaten up over the past thirty years; there were so many deep scars running from the top of his head to his chin. Well…he at least had both his eyes…he at least had all his limbs…did he have all his sanity too while everyone else around him was deprived of it?

"Raph…" Leonardo sighed. "It's been awhile…"

The red-banded turtle stared at him, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah…same 'ere…"

Leonardo glanced around the dark tunnel, the only light being the dimmed sun coming from the openings in the grate. "I'm surprised Michelangleo isn't with you…or April…"

"…They're out doin' their own business…but don't worry 'bout 'em."

"What are you talking about, Raphael?" Leo asked, suddenly feeling panicked. "Are they all right."

"…They're fine…I said don't worry 'bout 'em." He paused and turned around. "Walk with me, Leo…I…I wanna catch up."

The trench-coat turtle's eyes widened behind his black glasses; was this the same Raphael that adamantly said he hated him after they were forced to leave their sensei behind? The same one who said he'd never forgive him? The same one who, after speaking with April's friends, coped with his losses by binge-drinking and chain-smoking? Why such a sudden change? He always heard time heals…but that wasn't always true…especially with a homicidal megalomaniac hunting you down, forcing you to always be on the move, depriving you of rest, of security, of mental stability. Leonardo learned how to cope…but what of Raph?

"…Catch up?" Leonardo looked down. "…I-I'm surprised…surprised you even want to speak to me…"

Raphael held out his hand. "Please Leo…put everything behind us…come on…"

Leonardo started to become wary. Something wasn't right…he could feel it. Of course…with everything going on around them, maybe he was just being paranoid. Raphael may have not been one to completely practice honor…but he was still his brother…his family…they needed to catch up, even if there weren't many happy things to share. He breathed out a quiet sigh and nodded, firmly taking his brother's hand in affirmation.

"…All right…we'll catch up."

The two of them started to walk down the tunnels, the pitch-blackness actually a comfort. After all, it was slightly reminiscent of home…a home now reduced to rubble. One particular tunnel would lead them to the park…the one place the Foot wouldn't think to find them or sniff them out…but they wouldn't be staying long anyway. They would go, talk about the positive aspects of their past, maybe share a few laughs, and maybe even try to mend their broken brotherly bond.

But…what Leo didn't realize…things wouldn't play out like he wanted.

The brothers reached the end of the tunnel to a door disguised as a large rock, one that was placed next to the now-swamp-like pond in Central Park. The stagnant water stung their noses, making the sewers that had once been their home actually smell pleasant. Most of the plant life, save for the trees, was dead or dying, and a playground was reduced to ashes. Leonardo remembered how they would sneak out to that particular playground at night after their sensei had fallen asleep, playing without a care until midnight or one in the morning. But those days were gone now…and it seemed nothing could bring them back.

"I take it…Father's grave hasn't been visited in a while…" The trench-coat-clad turtle asked the one-eyed turtle.

Raphael begrudgingly nodded, suddenly feeling guilty that he hadn't found time to visit. "Yeah…there's some flowers still growin' around 'ere…you could use 'em…"

Leonardo nodded solemnly and went in the direction Raphael pointed out. Sure enough…there were a few daffodils blooming around the dead bushes and dry grass. Instead of using his sword, he pulled out a small knife from his belt and used it to cut the flowers cleanly instead of picking them forcefully and possibly damaging them. He always learned that gentleness was true strength…giving life and preserving life required true strength…but taking life…destruction…required no strength at all.

The two brothers walked further, passing up a few fallen trees and a broken chain-link fence…and there it was.

The grave marker of Master Splinter.

As they came closer, Leonardo immediately felt his knees start to buckle. Everything came flashing back…things he didn't want to come back. He and Raph…they were forced to flee…while Splinter…while he took the fall…and became a sacrificial lamb. Raph wanted to go back and help…but Leo knew they wouldn't be of any help. They had to keep going…keep going and never look back.

Now he wondered if he made the right decision.

Raphael stared at his brother kneeling at the grave of their father…and something started to become unhinged…unglued…deep within him. Thirty years of exposure to madness…thirty years of unforgiveness…it did things to people…not all of it good. And what he had been holding in for thirty years…it was about to come out full-force.

Leo immediately knew his previous instincts were correct when he heard the sound of metal being unsheathed…something he knew wasn't his sword. No…it was thinner, pronged…like a sai. And he had almost no time to react as he turned around and felt the tip of a sai gash his cheek. He leapt back, almost knocking over Master Splinter's grave marker, and felt the blood soak into his glove when he put his hand over the gash.

"…R-Raph!?"

Raphael stood facing him, the hand holding the now-bloody sai shaking profusely. His teeth were gritted to the point that they could almost shatter from the force, and Leonardo could see the veins in his neck starting to bulge out. He knew Raphael got angry…but he had never seen him THIS angry before…not in thirty years…not since that 'I hate you'.

"Ya have some nerve, Leo." Raphael growled dangerously. "Ya have some nerve showing ya mug after thirty years…and trying to be the goody two-shoes puttin' flowers on the grave of the master YOU betrayed!"

"I did not betray Splinter, Raphael!" Leonardo retorted. "You had this planned, didn't you!? You planned to lure me out here just so you could KILL me, didn't you!?"

"Shaddup!" Raphael snarled. "It wasn't just Splinter ya betrayed! You betrayed ME! Ya left me behind ta fend fer myself while you ran like the gutless coward ya are!" He suddenly pulled out his other sai. "And I'm gonna make you pay…"

Leonardo stared at him…but he didn't pull out his swords. Fighting wouldn't solve anything right now…it would just make things worse. What he needed to do was try and find another way to bring Raphael back to his senses. There was great bitterness between the siblings…but fighting wouldn't solve it or make it go away…he needed to make Raphael see that without resorting to petty violence.

"Raph…I'm not fighting you." Leonardo adamantly stated, his eyes narrowing behind his glasses. "It's not going to solve anything…so calm down for your own good."

Raphael suddenly let out a cold laugh and pointed his sai right at Leo's face. "I see…you're still a gutless coward…too scared ta fight me!? Come on Leo…let's settle this!"

The trench-coat-clad turtle shook his head. "I said NO…I'm not fighting you and nothing you say will change that. Tell me…what would Master Splinter think if he saw you like this?"

The red-banded turtle's eye widened, the veins in it showing. "What's that supposta mean, ya bastard!?"

Leonardo's expression didn't change…was he purposely trying to push Raphael over the edge? If so…why? "If he were still around…if he saw you like this…he would feel like a failure as a master. How do you that I'M the traitor, Raphael? Who's the real traitor here?"

"You callin' ME a traitor!? You'd betta watch it, LEO!"

"Time after time, you would betray my orders just because we wouldn't go all-out psychopath on the Foot. If we murdered masses of them…then we'd be no different from them, now would we? Actually…you're no better than the Foot. You're willing to sacrifice innocent lives just to achieve your sick thrills." He suddenly took off his black glasses so Raphael could see his eyes…how damaged they were as a result of trying to amend the sins he committed. "I believe YOU would've killed Splinter if Shredder hadn't gotten to him first…killed him with your UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE!"

Raphael finally felt something inside him snap like a dying twig. How dare Leonardo call HIM a traitor; he was the real traitor! His eye suddenly became bloodshot…all the rage pulsing through his veins and making his heart beat faster and his skull start pounding. He no longer saw Leonardo…he saw the blood he wanted to spill.

"TAKE THAT BACK, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

Leonardo gasped when his brother…the one he had been so close to…shove him to the ground and sit on top of him. His arm, which held one of his deadly sais, was held up over his head, prepared to do some form of damage. The once-proud leader of the Ninja Turtles didn't even have time to speak or scream as his brother plunged the prong of the sai into his chest, shattering through his plastron and piercing his muscles and organs.

"YOU LET HIM DIE!" Raphael screamed as he stabbed Leonardo again.

"R-Raph…p-please…" Leonardo sputtered, blood starting to pour from his mouth.

"YOU LET HIM DIE!" Raph stabbed him again.

"R-Raph…I-I…I-I'm…"

"YOU LET HIM DIE!"

"…"

The one-eyed turtle didn't stop; he couldn't stop. He just kept on going, as if his arm had a mind of its own. He just kept on stabbing his once-beloved brother…he kept stabbing him and didn't even care that blood was spraying onto his coat and plastron.

"YOU LET HIM DIE! YOU LET HIM DIE! YOU LET HIM DIE!"

Raphael finally stopped the stabbing…the main reason being the middle prong of the sai had finally broken off from the sheer force…the amount of hate poured into the assault. He panted and finally felt his sight clearing…and he began to fully realize what he had just done.

Leonardo wasn't moving…his blood was all over him…all over the ground…even on Master Splinter's grave. There were bits of gore stuck to the remains of the sai…and even on his fingers. He stared down at his brother's body…he found it barely recognizable because of how mangled he was. Raphael lost count over how many times he stabbed his brother…but he had stabbed him over sixty times. Raph dropped the broken sai out of his hand and just stared at his dead brother…murdered by HIS own hand.

"…L-Leo…?" Raphael sputtered.

There was no response. And now…now he understood why Leonardo said those things to him. He knew deep down, Leonardo did see himself as a traitor…but now…

It was BOTH he and Leo that betrayed Master Splinter by not helping him…

He felt betrayed by Leonardo when he just picked up and left without saying a word…

And now…he betrayed Leonardo…by murdering him in cold blood.

He knew he wouldn't be able to keep this a secret. He knew that sooner or later, everyone else in their circle would start to question why Leonardo wouldn't respond to their messages…why he wouldn't show up. He couldn't tell them that he went up and killed Leo in a fit of rage…they would probably kill him in retaliation…or disown him as a friend…as a brother.

Well…they didn't need to worry about that…

Raphael saw the knife Leo used to cut the flowers for Splinter's grave and pulled it out from its sheath. He remembered how long ago his brother would spout random things concerning the honor code of Bushido. One thing he learned was a type of "redemption-suicide" committed by the samurai…but could it apply to ninjas? Maybe… Finally practicing something that entailed honor…Leo would've wanted him to do this while he was still alive…though he wasn't sure he would approve of THIS.

Seppuku.

Raphael sat cross-legged in front of his brother, the blood on his body starting to coagulate and cause a metallic smell that stung his nostrils. He ignored it…instead focusing on pointing the blade of the knife at his abdomen. He knew for the past thirty years, as a result of always hiding out, avoiding combat, drinking and smoking…he knew that his plastron had softened. He took a deep breath, being a little scared…and braced himself.

He didn't hesitate to plunge the knife into his abdomen where his intestines were located.

Raph let out a cry of pain…but he didn't let that stop him from going through with this. He could already see the mixture of blood and bile pour out from the wound…and it only increased as he drug the blade across his stomach. His own blood flooded out and mixed with Leo's…he felt himself slowly getting dizzy. His heart rate started to plummet from the blood loss and the bacteria from his intestines flooding his body where it wasn't supposed to be. The poisoning of his blood was instant…what was left of it anyway.

Raphael gasped and felt himself collapse over the body of his brother…his dead brother…and he took some solacing in joining him shortly…but he doubted he was going to Heaven. Their plight…it was very similar to the story he heard of Cain and Abel…and like Cain…he was cursed…possibly in the afterlife too in the form of a one-way trip to Hell. But he didn't really care at this point…he felt he no longer had the right to live after shedding his brother's blood. As everything around him started to fade…one thing kept crossing his dying mind…one name…

"Leo… Leo…for…give…me…bro…ther… I…betrayed…you…"