I didn't create these characters.

Unequally Rational and Emotional: Carnival Phantasm.

Still Sailing Through the Miasma Filled Waters of Depression.

A Cut Scene from Disney's Live Action Aladdin.

The Genie kept on chatting amiably. "Okay, rule number one: I can't kill anybody!" He then chopped his own head off, picked it up, and attached it back to his neck. "So don't ask! Rule number two! I can't make anybody fall in love with anybody else!" He briefly shapeshifted into a beautiful young woman and leaned coquettishly on Aladdin, only to lightly slap him while giggling. "Oh, you politically incorrect rascal, you! Rule number three! I can't bring people back from the dead..." He said this while briefly changing into a shambling, rotting walking corpse, stiffly moving back and forth across the cave. "It's not a pretty picture. I DON'T LIKE DOING IT! Other than that, you got it!" he grinned, changing back to normal and snapping his fingers.

"Okay, then..." Aladdin rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I know! Can you make a talented actor out of Jaden Smith?"

The Genie lost his wide smile and, as a matter of fact, began to frown very, very deeply. "... no. No, I can't do that either," he said in a gruff growl.

Isekai.

The black haired, short, slim young man smiled to himself, then threw a fist up into the air.

"Yatta!" he shouted. "I've just been transported to a mystical RPG fantasy world! Now not only I'll never see my bothersome parents again, but I'll use my superior modern knowledge to impress everyone, gather a harem, and make myself a king! Nippon Banzai!" he giggled to himself, drawing blank stares from the passerbys, who could not understand a single word of what he was saying.

By the same time the next day, his bones, picked clean, were scattered across the side of that very same road.

Cats.

Mousse blinked several times, then pushed the glasses back up his nose. "All three of them?!"

Ranma nodded, scowling. "Yeah."

"But why?!" asked his enemy, who despite everything between the two of them, actually held no personal ill will towards the Tendous. All those times he'd kidnapped Akane- or Kasumi or Nabiki, whenever he mistook them for her- it had been only necessity of revenge against her fiancee. "It was your father, wasn't it?! He took them to the cat pit, and- but why did their father allow it?!"

"For once, no, it wasn't Pops," Ranma begrudgingly admitted, and his arm swept away, pointing across the street. "It was that damn movie's fault! I warned them against watching it!"

Mousse blinked, and looked at the movie theater Ranma was stubornly refusing to look at, perched at the top of the Nerima Lexcorp Mall.

"Oh," Mousse quietly said. "W-Well, I heard the stage play was much better...!"

The Confessions of Father Amakusa.

He still had his doubts. "Are you really sure you want me for that post?"

"Well," Da Vinci said, "I know it's not the position you would assume in life, and I apologize, but the Christian Servants and staffers need a confessor badly, they say, and until we inevitably recruit that rat bastard, chicken-spit, puke-for-a-soul, no good, rotten, enough to make Columbus look good, Rasputin, you're the only one here to fit the role..."

"That won't happen! Ever!" Dress of Heaven shouted from around a corner.

Amakusa smiled. Maybe this could give him plenty of info to get his hands on the Holy Grail... a few of them at least. "Sure thing, Director, I'll be pleased to."

Martha knelt next to the confession booth. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned..."

"Speak, child of the Lord," he said.

"Well, you'll see," she blushed and stuttered, "t-today, Master and I went to clear a pocket Singularity along Mash, and-"

Jeanne knelt next to the confession booth. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned..."

"Ah, ah, sure thing, just... speak confidently, what happened in Romania is in the past now..." he said, still somewhat rattled and pale from the first confession.

"Sure it is," she agreed, piously bringing her hands together. "This weekend, Sister Alter came to me with a most pressing request-"

Astolfo knelt next to the confession booth. "Father, forgive me, 'cause I've sinned..."

"D-Don't tell me," Amakusa said, still trembling a bit inside.

"Ah?" the Rider blinked.

"I, I mean, do tell me," he amended, already knowing he'd regret it. "What was it?"

"Ah, you see, this morning I had an idea that perhaps wasn't that good after all, and I went to Sieg and Master, and I told 'em-"

"Please forgive me in the name of our Lord, Father, for I have sinned," Lancer Vlad gravelly said, kneeling by the confession booth.

"Ah... Ahhhh...?" a pale Amakusa squeaked out.

"This week I've been on bloody campaigns from Singularity to Singularity, from Lostbelt to Lostbelt!" the impaler shouted. "In the name of my faith I massacred thousands! I steamrolled over the weak just because they strayed ever so slightly from the path of our Lord! I enjoyed the carnage, I lost myself and lost sight of my motives for the thrill of my actions!" he lamented. "I am the worst, I'm not worthy, I-!"

Then he blinked as a sobbing Amakusa came out and hugged him. "You're the first half-sane person to come here today! My brother...!"

Just when he thought the day would pick itself up, Carmilla knelt by the booth. "Father, I have sinned..." she purred.

He recognized her voice. "Wait. You aren't a Christian!"

She smiled as she pulled a very fat book out. "No, I just want to torture you. This is my weekly blog. Pay attention, don't miss a single detail..."

"aaaaaaaaarrrghhhh."

Kintoki knelt by the booth. "Hey, is it here where-"

"Benienma's new food booth is around the corner of the third hall from here," Amakusa dryly said.

"Ah. Sorry!"

Caster Gilles knelt besides the booth and brought his oily hands together. "I'm here to convey my weekly complains against the heavenly authority, plus confessing all my faults..."

"I hate my life!" Amakusa shouted, banging his head against the door.

He barely could hear anymore as Medb knelt by his booth. "Father, I have sinned, so..."

"You... You aren't a Christian either..." he gurgled out, grabbing himself to a wall for support.

"No, but Santa Jeanne is, and she's too embarrassed to come here, so she asked me to give her confession for her," she easily said. "Today, I was bored, and Fergus was just joining something Astolfo was doing with Master and Sieg. Normally I'm all for a piece of Master, but I'm angry at Astolfo right now, so I went to visit Nursery, Jeannie, Jack and Bunyan instead, and then-!"

"My crimes are many and hideous, but this is too much of a punishment!" Amakusa whimpered, taking his hands to her head while she happily ranted.

Semiramis turned around on the bed. "When are you coming to sleep?" she groaned at him. "Seriously, sometimes you make a drama out of the most trivial things, no wonder Shakespeare likes you."

He shivered over and over, looking out the window fixedly and downing pills. "I have heard things no one should ever hear of...!"

Kicked to the Side.

Enkidu, Little John, Robin, Iolaus, Tonto, Launchpad, Krillin, Inugami Kotaro, Doctor Watson, Baba Looey, Bucky, Morocco Mole and the Green Hornet all sat in a bar, drinking in a miserable silence.

Finally, the Green Hornet lifted his gaze from his glass and glanced through the window, towards the much bigger bar next door. "You know," he drawled, "I should be th' one there right now, not him...!"

The Secret, Revealed!

"Okay, I admit it," Sakura finally relented. "You're not my biological daughter, but that doesn't mean I love you any l-"

"I knew it!" Sarada said. "I'm Karin-san's daughter, isn't that right?!"

"Karin? No!" Sakura gasped. "You're Sasuke-kun's daughter with Naruto!"

"... ah?!"

"Well, yes," the woman began explaining, "you'll see, there was this time when Naruto got himself stuck in a Sexy-no-Jutsu, and in his frustration, he lashed out on your father, and-"

"Aaaaarrrghhhh!"

"Well?" OM asked Dark and Mage. "What do you think of this one?"

"I... I'm sure it's been done already," Mage uneasily replied.

Dark nodded with a small frown. "I'm definitely sure it has."

OM sighed and went back to try again.

Exes.

"Ah! It's you!" Harley gasped loudly, whipping her head back from the Bank executive she had been harassing wackily and towards the large hole just blown up in the bank's wall, and the gang entering through it.

"Oh. It's you," the Joker deadpanned.

"I knew it!" Harley pointed at him. "You're here to pull me back to you, aren't you?! Because you chauvinistic patriarchal pig are always out to mark me as your property, but it won't work because now I'm an empowered anti-heroine who is a badass in her own right and has a best selling book with spinoffs and everything and also stars in the Suicide Squad as if I were Wolverine in the nineties and I'm so tough now I'm going to punch you and kick you in the balls! Again!"

"Uh, actually, I'm here just to rob the bank," the Joker dryly said, casually shooting the bank executive through the head while his men blew the safes up.

Harley kept rambling on, undeterred. "Yeah, that's what your filthy lies would like to make me believe, but I know better because I'm wise to you and that's why I don't need you anymore and just so you know since I left you I have my own quirky and highly diverse supporting cast and my own Coney Island empire and I slept with Nightwing and Ivy and Lobo and Deadshot and I have this wonderful new boyfriend named Red Tool who is so like this much more successful than you snappy jokey killer and I'll kick you in the balls now, again..."

"I'm just going to rob the damn bank," Joker sighed, pulling money into a large bag as his men readied the escape truck.

"Well, I wasn't going to, I was just going to open an account with all the honest money I've earned from my successful movies and upcoming animated series where I'll kick you in the balls because I don't need you anymore, and I was just having a very fine routine comedy with this gentleman that was much more hilarious than anything you ever could pull off, and I'm not a villain anymore no matter how much I hang out with other villains with more balls to kick than you and I'm a real anti-heroine with real cred and I even could join the Justice League if I wanted to and I take rides in the Batmobile all the time and-"

"You haven't stopped us from just killing everyone in the bank," Joker blandly pointed out, getting behind the truck's driving wheel and tightening his seatbelt.

"Shut up! Don't lecture me on how to do my badass anti-heroine job, you manipulative fiend I'm through with! I've got to lecture you first! And then I'll kick you in the balls and- Wait, where are you going?! I haven't kicked you in the balls- again- yet!"

The Joker rolled his eyes. "Harley. Get over it already," he adviced, and then drove away.

Harley huffed indignantly. "Well, that showed him up!" she told all the gassed, grinning dead bodies all across the bank. "He's terrified of me now, see?!"

There was a beat.

"Still, I think I'll choose another bank. No offense, but this one has awful security..."

ToraDora the Explorer.

Still munching pensively on her sandwich, Taiga suddenly asked Ryuuji, "Haven't you ever had that dream where you walk around the woods wearing a backpack that teaches you Spanish while you have to beat up a masked fox who tries stealing your stuff?"

"What?" he said. "No!" He paused. "Well, not that there's any shame on it. Just a strange recurring dream, right? We all have those, it doesn't even have to mean anything."

She sighed. "Si, eso pense. De ninguna manera podria tener sueños que de verdad me enseñaran Español..."

Sweet Mercy.

"Don't worry, Luthor!" Superman said, holding the Phantom Zone projector before his defeated foe. "I won't kill you! To spare your tormented soul from Hell, I'll just send you to a horrible unescapable dimension of constant suffering surrounded by other screaming damned!"

Luthor frowned at him.

Superman sighed. "Okay, okay, fine, have it your way then," he said, and snapped Luthor's neck.

MAD-oka Magica.

And then the Witch bit Mami's head off.

"Oh, noooo, Mami-san!" Sayaka yelled. "Madoka, don't look!"

Madoka just shrugged. "What, me worry?"

Kyouko flinched as the monstruous Witch rose from where Sayaka had stood before. "Noooo! This can't be! Madoka, there must be something we cand do!"

Madoka shrugged again and took aim. "What, me worry?"

"It's over..." Homura said in a tiny, broken voice, clinging to Madoka's legs as the pink haired, freckled, huge-eared girl simply stared dumbly up at the gigantic Walpurgisnatch hovering above the city. "I'm so sorry I failed you..."

Madoka only aimed up and shot an arrow directly towards Walpurgisnatch's core. "What, me worry?"

Kyubey's head hung down as he faced his peers. She'll never become a Witch, no matter what... I made a mistake recruiting her...

You screwed up, Melvin, another Kyubey told him.

We Laugh at Killer Moth.

We laugh at Killer Moth, of course we do. After all, the man's always wearing a ridiculous costume... just like the man who still wears a monocle and top hat well into the 21th century, or the guy who puts zebra stripes on a half of his suits. He never learns from experience, never knows when to give up, and has been beaten by every do gooder in Gotham. He copied all of his ideas and then just dressed them up with butterfly motifs, much like Green Arrow copied everything from Bats and the applied a coat of Robin Hood on it. He's pathetic. A natural born loser. He was made for us to laugh at him.

And yet.

I don't respect anyone in Arkham. Heck, I don't respect anyone period, out of the IRS and my lawyer. But if I had to come somewhere abysmally close to a vague shadow of a faint semblance of respect for anyone in Arkham, that'd be Killer Moth.

Because Killer Moth knows he's pathetic and yet he keeps trying. Real idiots like Condiment King, or Kite-Man, or Crazy Quilt, they are under the delusions they're hot crap. They don't get their own joke. Moth gets it. He doesn't laugh at it, he just gets angry over it, and that's what makes him laughable, but he gets it. He doesn't drop the lame shtick, he could easily give himself another less lame name and costume and try and fail again, but he sticks to his moth guns, he is true to himself. He tries his best, like Sissyphus, to do the impossible and get respect for what he IS, instead of pleasing the stupid masses and changing for the sake of their plebeian tastes. I guess I can kind of admire that, even.

That's what I like about Killer Moth. He doesn't have any brains, but he has real balls. Except when it comes to his daughter, but I've met that kid, and I've gotta admit, she's scary. I don't say this about many people. I don't say this about Darkseid. But that kid, she's just... like that... and yet Moth actually tries his best to be a father to that thing instead of suffocating her in her sleep. I hate brats and would drown mine if I had any, but I can kinda sorta something distantly resembling to respect that, too. I've never known anyone who sticks better to lost causes.

That time we all thought Batman was dead, and we gathered to learn and deduce who had done it, Killer Moth wanted to take a photo with me and Lex. Lex didn't want to, of course, not only because of his public image, but because... well, because of his underworld image. But I convinced him, don't ask how. We took the damned photo with Killer Moth, and I'm sure that was the happiest day of his life. I could literally hear him quietly weeping in joy under the mask. He was in the same shot with the Joker and Lex Luthor. He had done it, brief and pointless as it had been.

I wouldn't let anyone take a picture of me with the Riddler or Deathstroke unless they were dead and under my heel, but I did that for him. Because he makes me laugh.

You have to laugh at Killer Moth, after all.

Always Only One.

Ishtar pulled the single stocking out of her clothes basket. "Dad-Damn it...! It happened again...!"

"It's a stylistic choice, naturally!" Ishtar boasted, twirling around for Ritsuka and Mash. "Haven't you ever heard of Fashionable Asymmetry?"

Ritsuka made a small smile, pulling one leg of his pants' up and revealing the lack of a sock sticking up the shoe. "Yeah, and so has my washing machine, too..."

Upgrade.

"I am sorry, Herald," Galactus spoke, as gravelly as ever. "But I have seen the need to access the Golden Plan of Intergalactic Scouting in my never ending quest for susteinance. Thus, meet... The Golden Surfer."

The shiny gold figure hovering next to the World Devourer smiled, and his mouth full of flawless golden teeth sparkled.

Norrin Radd took pause. "Very well..." he said at last. "Far from me to question Galactus' wisdom. So, am I free now?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Galactus asked. "You are to be taken to Cosmic Toilet Cleaning duty..."

Servant.

The front door was pushed open from the inside, so sudden and strongly that the young red haired man lost his balance and stumbled back, falling on his butt and hands right on the doorstep, just as someone stepped out, squinting under the bright morning light.

He looked up at her, this short, beautiful, slim young woman of green eyes and perfectly blonde hair, pulled back into a bun, a stray lock protuding from the top of her scalp and almost twitching as she looked down at him. She wore a simple white blouse with a long, dark blue skirt and tall socks, and seemed to carry herself with a nearly aloof, distant quality to her understated motions, matching what she finally said after a moment of standing over him.

"I'm Artoria Pendragon," she spoke, with a dignified, soft yet clear and strong voice. "I ask of you, are you my servant?"

"Ah... yes, I am!" Shirou nodded quickly, pulling himself back up and bowing. "The temp agency sent me, pleased to meet you, ma'am..."

She still regarded him oddly for another moment before turning around and walking back inside. "Sir," she corrected him, her tone still detached and almost absent. "That's my title. Close the door behind you, if you would please."

He nodded, picking his heavy bag up and slinging it back over his shoulder, following her into the palatial residence and pulling the heavy door closed after himself. He looked around, silently marveling at the sheer size and majesty of the place, large enough to make even his father's house look humble. It was decorated like the home of an old lord, with rich portraits and neatly aligned suits of knight armor arrayed along the walls. Expensive carpets covered the floor, and at a corner, a massive piano rested next to a huge set of library stands, filled with all manners of tomes.

However, as his gaze traveled over the priceless furniture, he could notice the thick layers of dust and winced inwardly, already itching a little. The young woman reached a chair almost too large for her and sat back, like a king on his throne, subtly motioning at him to do the same in a smaller nearby chair facing her. When he did so, she told him, "I had... certain disagreements with my former staff recently, so they have left. In the face of such an event, I decided downsizing for the time being, so it will be a time before I decide on adding any further domestic workers. But I assume the agency already has informed you of that."

"Yes," he said very seriously. "That's fine with me. I have experience with looking after large buildings on my own."

"This is no mere large building," she said, gesturing towards the seal of arms hanging above her seat. "The House of Pendragon is the most respected in this city, and as its last representative, I must recover this mansion's former glory on the budget my father has left for me. Please be patient on this regard, as I'm just starting to take over the family business, so I will ask of you to attend to many with, I'm afraid, little in the way of help. Do you still want to take this post?"

"If you'll allow me," Emiya Shirou answered. "Your family's fame has reached even Fuyuki, Sir, I-"

"You can call me Artoria while in private if you wish so," she magnanimously said. "Just remember, I'm not to be called a 'ma'am' or 'mistress'. My role is that of a Lord and I must be addressed as such before rivals, allies and subordinates alike."

"I understand..." Shirou said.

"Well then. Your duties as a butler will include general housekeeping, gardening, and nominally helping protect this residence in the event of intrusions or attacks. I prefer to drive myself, so I will not be needing your services as a chaffeur. Are you good at the kitchen? I made it clear I need someone proficient at cooking."

"I've been told I'm able at it, Sir," he replied.

"Hm," she regarded him again. "You're younger than I was expecting." This, despite how she clearly was at least a solid two years younger than him, only a teenager. "There are other things you must know about me before you start working here. I will always speak my mind. Whenever I'm displeased I won't hesitate to make it known. I demand nothing but the best from those under my service, and I despise both insubordination and laziness in a man. At the same time, I'd like to believe I'm fair at my dealings with others, and if you ever think I am being irrational, I will know, so you would do well to be as upfront to me as I would be to you."

"I see..."

"You haven't worked for others in these circles before, have you?" she correctly guessed. She stood from the chair and led him to a large window, through which she gestured towards a gigantic castle on a nearby mountain. "Those are the domains of my greatest rival for this city's politics, the Golden Duke of Uruk. He is a sharp, cruel man, and to keep up with him I must be sharp and cruel myself. No doubt you will come to think I am inhuman and foolish in my ways. You will have to get used to that manner of being if you intend to succeed at this line of work. Otherwise, you should go back to a simpler life amongst more pleasant people. Ours is a world that wrings the life out of those who are without care, and many who are with it."

"I'm... thankful for your concern, Sir Artoria," he thoughtfully replied. "But this is the path I've set for myself. I've always known of the prices and risks."

"No. No, not yet," she said, looking back at him. "You wish to be a Knight, don't you? I can tell. I have seen that drive in the eyes of young men before."

"I want to be a hero of justice," he said, already taking her advice and being honest no matter what.

She, unlike almost everyone he'd ever met before but his father, did not react with bemusement or sheer contempt at that confession. She only looked at him with a strange mixture of pity and care, before adding, "I once had that dream as well. I do hope it works better for you than it did for me. I accept you, then, as my servant."

And she placed her hand on his head.

The intended dramatic effect was dulled by how high she had to reach up to do that, so he promptly fell to a knee before her.

Movie Madness.

"People say I don't have any cultural curiosities, but that's so false!" Makie complained, taking a hand to her own chest. "I'll let you know, I'm a real cinema connoseiur... conniseure... a real movie fan!"

"Oh, yeah?" Haruna said. "Who's your favorite director?"

Makie smiled. "Alan Smithee! He hasn't made a single bad movie yet!"

"... Okay," Haruna said.

"And he's so versatile, too! He can do directing, costuming, scripts, pretty much anything, in all kinds of movies...!" Makie gushed. "So modest, too! A genius so big, but you never can find his picture anywhere!"

Changes.

Ash Ketchum smiled. He glared at his rival across the well lit, large arena, and then extended an arm forward.

"Saber!" he shouted, the marks on the back of his hand glowing crimson. "I choose you!"

"Sabeeeeeer!-!" the blonde woman cried out, dashing ahead to go greet Gary's roaring Berserker.

Team Rocket were eating lunch gloomily when Pikachu walked up to them, clearly upset, and threw himself at their feet.

"Pika pika pika-chu," he growled at Meowth, which roughly translated as 'Don't fucking ask!'

Meowth nodded sympathetically. "I know, I know. More than twenty years together an' dat's how they repay ya, right? Dese bozos woulda replaced me with one of them new fads, too, if they only ever could catch one..."

"I'm this close to getting myself a Mata Hari, actually," Jessie grumbled, her pride wounded but not as much as to not pick Pikachu up and throw him into a bag.

The Reason.

"Okay!" Chisame said, finally fed up. "Do you really want to know why Negi chose me instead of you or Iinchou or Miyazaki, then?!"

"Yeah, of course I do!" Misa fumed angrily. "What, hadn't I made it obvious already?!"

"Can you disguise yourself as me?!" Chisame demanded.

"What? No, of course not! But, what does that have to do with-"

"Can you disguise yourself as Iinchou?!"

"Uhhhh... No, no, not that I've ever tried, but-!"

"As Tatsumiya?!"

"Why would I ever- Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh..."

"Yeah, exactly! Can you disguise yourself as Kagurazaka, or Hakase, or Shizuna-sensei?!"

"Asuna?! Boy, she's going to be mad- wait, you can make a convincing Hakase?!"

Chisame smiled smugly. "Do you think I've been her roommate for years for nothing?"

"That... A-Anyway, that's kind of a pathetic reason for-"

"In the event you really need to know, I'm just myself most of the time, so shut up."

"That only kind of takes us back to the starting- A second, now. Do you dress up as me, too?!"

"Uhhh... Well, actually..."

It was Misa's turn to smile evilly. "Now, one thing you've never been able to give him is a twin threesome, right...?"

"Actually, that's what we usually invite the Narutakis over for, but thanks for the offer anyway, I guess."

"AAARRGHHHH!"

Never Meet Your Heroes.

"- and that's when the Bat showed up, we lost Charlie, and we barely got away. Sorry, Boss," one of the henchmen in greasy clown makeup gulped loudly. "Please don't kill us!"

The Joker's green right eyebrow twitched up his chalk white forehead, and his wide red mouth also trembled horribly, showing off his long, yellowed teeth, as numerous as piano keys. He seemed to boil inside madly, his hands clenching in and off at his sides, and he finally, after long, long moments of seething tension, deflated with a bitter grunt. "You idiots! Useless morons! I hope you are happy now, cretins!"

The henchmen waited for a few moments, then one of them asked. "So... you aren't going to kill us?"

"What?!" the Joker said. "Oh, no, not you too! Are you also buying those Scarecrow fear campaigns to smear my reputation? You sure are hopeless idiots! If I killed my henchmen all the time as they say, who would ever work for me anymore?! How would I ever get anything done?! Moreso now, that we are one man shorter in numbers! Seriously, damn it!"

He turned around angrily and stomped out of the room.

The henchmen shared a disappointed look. "Man!" one of them finally said. "This guy's sure overrated!"

Deleted Scenes from Fate Grand Order: Absolute Demon Front Babylonia.

"I'm the mighty Jaguar Man!" the newcomer boasted, posing flamboyantly and twisting their spear around. "Surrender now, for you stand no chance! It's the law of the jungle! The apex predator is here, now!"

Ritsuka blinked, stared on, and then shoved a hand between Jaguar Man's legs, squeezing the crotch through the pajamas.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Ritsuka pulled the hand back and frowned. "Jaguar Man? Come on, every other gender bending Servant is at least a bit more honest about it..."

"You... You've been spending too long around your sister of late, Sempai," Mashu stuttered, red-faced.

The Specialist.

The Disney/Marvel board sat in attention, as the man in the fine business suit addressing them finished his exposition.

"- and so, after these careful months of consideration and planning, we have decided to hire the services of the utmost specialist in X-Men entertainment in existence, to help smooth the franchise's transition from FOX to Marvel Studios. He is got a stellar record of using the X-Men for his productions to overwhelming success, and I am sure you will find his ideas to be greatly enlightening and expanding. Ladies and gentlemen-"

"Yeah, yeah, well, enough of that already, boy!" shouted a huge presence, a gigantic bloated mass on a multi-legged transport unit, bursting into the meeting room on several dozens of clicking metal spider legs, tapping against the floor. A grotesque, shirtless, greenish abomination with bloodshot eyes, closely followed by an impassive four aarmed woman in a suit taking notes. He pushed the man aside and faced the board with a huff. "Okay, I kinda like the scam you've got running here, but you aren't thinking big enough yet! If I'm going to be at charge, I'm going to be changing that for the better, the bigger, the louder, all that jazz! Trust me, by the time I'm done with you, you'll have totally blown the MOJO outta all other ducks in this dingy town! We'll start with casting and work up from there, where do you keep your recruiting brigades? They'd better be damn well armed, I don't work with lightweights..."

The Earth Connection.

Yuuki Rito wept as he stuck his face and hands to the glass window, looking inside of the hospital's intensive care bay, where Princesses Lala, Momo, Nana, Ayeka, Sasami and Lum, plus Ren and most of Lum's alien entourage, hung onto life inside of iron lungs and assorted life support units. By his side, Mihoshi, who had a health of iron and the devil's own luck, sobbed while gnawing on a handkerchief.

Ataru was simply flirting with a skeeved young nurse while Tenchi sighed, then looked at Ryoko. "You know, it's… I wouldn't say it's funny, because it's not at all, but it's… strange. One would've thought that the ones to fall ill from contact with a new, alien civilization would've been us, the frail Earthlings, not you guys, who are so much stronger and advanced…"

"It's precisely because we're so much advanced," Ryoko told him, her arms folded. "Our civilizations had eradicated germs and viruses so long ago, that dropping here on this little backwards planet, no offense, I guess, meant the poor saps never stood a chance. I feel for Sasami, really…"

"Ah," Tenchi said. "Not that I'm not glad you're well and all, but how didn't you get sick? Was it because of your regeneration abilities, or…?"

"I spent seven centuries locked in a cave here, remember? The last five of those I spent building immunities from the air drifting in."

"And the two first ones?" Tenchi asked.

"In a coma. Now THERE my regeneration helped me. A freaking lot," Ryoko plainly said.

"Ah."

The nurse finally had enough and slammed her tray on Ataru's head.

This Man, This Shinji!

"Man!" Otaku-kun scoffed while watching Neon Genesis Evangelion. "This Shinji, what a pussy! I bet that, were I in his place, I'd have banged all those broads already without ever complaining!"

Then a bright, beautiful lady in a sparkly pink dress appeared in his room, waving a staff around. "Konnichi-wa! I'm the Otaku Fairy, desu! I was passing by to Fairyland Anime-Con and happened to overhear, you wanted to be Ikari Shinji-kun...?"

Otaku-kun's eyes lit up. "Would I...!"

Around Episode Ten:

Fuyutsuki put the letter left behind down. "And that's what it says, seriously, Commander. The poor boy obviously was not well..."

Gendo looked up at the body hanging from the ceiling. "Hm. He was even more useless than I had imagined."

"What a disgusting creep," Asuka cringed, rubbing herself up and down her arm.

A Deleted Scene from Toy Story 3.

The little girl put the dolly down as soon as he saw the man entering the bedroom, and she shivered.

Her father smiled while closing the door behind himself. "Clarissa..." he said. "It's playtime now. You want to play with Daddy, don't you...?"

Discarded at a corner now, the doll only could stare on fixedly. If anyone had been looking at it, they might have seen its eyes widening in horror yet again.

"- and that's why I don't hold anything against her," the horribly marked and maimed doll Woody's gang had befriended at the nursery home sighed with resignation. "I mean, she had to vent out somehow, didn't she?"

"I... I see," a visibly disturbed Woody said as Rex wept in a corner and Mr. Potato Head madly stomped down on his own ears.

The Tragedy of Harley and The Joker.

"It's… th-this is wrong," she coughed, choking on her own blood as she lay dying. "I only ever did any of this 'cause I l-loved you…"

He smiled almost benevolently, patting her cheek. "Oh, Harley, but you shouldn't have bothered. I'm not worth loving. And by loving me, neither are you."

But she could not listen anymore.

Lo que Dice el Hombre Negro.

"Hello, amigo!" Quetzalcoatl cheerfully greeted him. "Nice to see you up so temprano! Why the larga cara, it's a very Hermosa day! Ah ha ha ha! Burrito!"

EMIYA Alter scowled. "Don't you have any shame, woman? I can speak better Spanish than that! Are you sure you're actually Mexican? You're always walking around sputtering random Google translator gibberish, but nobody has the guts to tell you how stupid you sound. Fuck's sake, you can't even get Mexican Christmas right, that hasn't anything to do with samba!"

Quetzalcoatl lost her smile, now replaced by a very deep and very scary frown, and a terrible aura hovered around her as she coldly addressed the gunman. "Now… Now listen, you little man. Just because I came from Mexico, it doesn't mean Spanish has to be my first language. My people were there centuries before the Spaniards came along to annihilate them. Spaniards destroyed our proud legacy and replaced it with their culture. If I bothered to learn this much Spanish, that's because our descendants speak it and that's not their fault, but I've got every good reason to hate it, and if you're smart at all, we'll never talk about this again. ¿Entendiste, pendejo?"

And she walked away with very marked, sonorous steps down the hallway.

EMIYA Alter just stared on after her for several moments before calling out somewhat weakly, "… little man?! For a Japanese, I'm big!"

My (Parking) Lot in Life.

"Wow, Snapper," his friend then told him, "it must be a real hoot, to work as the Hall of Justice's valet, huh? You ever get to drive the Batmobile around?"

Snapper Carr sighed. "Yeah, well, but don't think it's such a blast, man. That thing has like a million unmarked buttons, and if you press the wrong one?"

He held the palm of a hand up and showed how horribly burned it was. His friend gasped. "The hell?! Why would anyone put that in their car?!"

"Apparently, it's in the event the Joker steals it."

"How often can that happen?!"

"You'd be surprised. Also, the Arrowmobile? Stupid thing has the worst direction around, make the slightest mistake and it aims itself straight against a wall. And don't get me started on the Supermobile!"

"Superman has a fucking car?! What for?!"

"It's in the event he has to go into areas full of Kryptonite. Damn thing's all lined up with lead. Nobody wants to give me a health insurance anymore, can you imagine it?"

"How often can one drive into areas-"

"All the time, when you're Superman, apparently! But I could take all of that without a complain, you know what's the worst part?!"

"No, what?"

Snapper took his cap off and showed the gigantic pile of lumps on his forehead. "Wonder Woman keeps parking the fucking plane all over the fucking place instead of a single fucking spot!"

The Nekomancer.

Panel One:

Chachamaru, kneeling at the middle of an empty lot, smiles softly while feeding several kittens.

Panel Two:

Chachamaru turns around just to watch, eyes wide in horror, a Truck-kun speeding towards one of the kittens, which has strayed away from the others and onto the street.

Panel Three:

Chachamaru, holding a small bundle in her arms, kicks the door to Chao's laboratory open, startling Chao. Behind Chachamaru we see the background of a dark and stormy night.

Panel Four:

Chachamaru stands apologetically before a frowning Evangeline, while the kitten happily wrecks the cabin behind them with streams of optic blasts.

Chachamaru: "I'm afraid we might, indeed, have gone overboard with him..."

Top Ten Anime Disney will Remake after Buying Everything Ever.

10. Darkwing in the Franxx.

9. Star vs. The Forces of Evangelion.

8. Goofy und Panzer.

7. The Bible Black Cauldron.

6. The Great Mouse Detective Conan.

5. Wreck-It-Ranma.

4. Sayonara, Zootopia-sensei.

3. Mary Poppins' Bizarre Adventure.

2. Boku no Coco.

1. The Lion King, But This Time Simba's White.

Leonidas and Mephistopheles.

"When you think about it," the Caster asked the Lancer, "aren't we all ghosts anyway?"

Breaking a fellow Servant down had never been this easy before.

Hokusai and Nitocris.

The Foreigner carefully studied the drawings she'd been given. "Not too bad, even if they lack dynamism, but… why are they all looking aside? Can't you draw anyone facing towards the viewer?"

The Caster looked stunned for a few moments. "I… I can't help it!" she finally said. "I'm Egyptian!"

The Foreigner sighed sadly and handed her the sheets back, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I can't take you as my disciple."

Jonah Jameson Meets Thaddeus Ross.

"Spider-Man is a menace-" he started.

"- but nowhere as much as the Hulk!" the other finished.

They stared at each other, and then realized they'd never get along.

The Intent is What Counts.

"I see." The female Assassin smiled sweetly at Ritsuka and his Assassin, still standing respectfully away from them.

And then, just like that, she had crossed the distance between them in a flash, a knife coming out in her hand. The short blade shot ahead, looking squarely for the young Master's heart.

And then, a single gunshot was heard.

Charlotte Corday staggered back, clutching her bleeding chest as thick oozing red also flowed from her mouth. "B-But... How?!" she gasped for some air. "You couldn't have seen it coming, I was... I was...!"

The male Assassin, he of the chalk white long and angular face and the bright green hair, raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh? Sorry, are you saying you were about to kill the kid? I had no idea, actually. I felt you were pure and innocent and you got too close, so..." he shrugged. "It came naturally! No hard feelings, right?"

He chuckled to himself, blowing on his gun and sheathing it back, then dusted his purple suit off before patting the stunned Ritsuka in an arm. "A great joke, wasn't it? Well then, let's get moving! We're just done here, I think..."

Ritsuka still stood in place, staring at the young lady vanish into the air as his Assassin walked off whistling a jaunty circus tune to himself.

And he shivered.

E-Ranked Luck.

"Okay," Martha grinned, holding a handful of straws up in a fist. "Now, everyone come closer, you know we're very short on staff and it's time to decide who'll clean Chaldea's toilets this week..."

"It's not fair," Berserker Vlad grumbled as he, Brynhildr, Jeanne Alter, Dantes and Lakshimibai wiped the toilets clean. "It's always us, never King Artoria or Gilgamesh or Madame Blavatsky or-!"

"Ugh, there's apple chunks all over this one!" Jeanne Alter grimaced. "What the hell, Atalanta...!"

Afterlife with Archie/Highschool of the Dead Crossover.

One month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed. No chapter, no more zombies, no more cute girls orbiting around this one young guy.

Another month passed-

In the meanwhile, The Walking Dead was already over and Marvel Zombies had already reached its twentieth limited series.

Getting the Point Through.

The Yggdmillennia sat across their large breakfast table, gravely pondering grim things to do and portents to come, even if the effect was somewhat ruined by the bright sunlight coming through the window.

Only two of their ranks, not counting the crazy stray Servant and her crazier Master who wasn't even one of them, were missing, but that hardly was anything new since Celenike was such an undisciplined bitch.

Then she walked in, smiling sweetly and beaming a wide pleasant smile. "Good morning everyone! Sorry we took so long, hee hee...!"

Everyone stared on, dumbfounded, as she glowed all the way to her seat, taking it gracefully. The pink haired Rider sat by her side, and she happily glomped his side.

Roche, who was in the next seat, quickly rolled away from them as much as he could.

Sitting at the head of the table, Uncle Vlad smiled to himself and nodded. "Just as I've always said," he told Darnic, who sat by his side. "There's nothing that cannot be fixed with a little nocturnal impaling."

Doggy Goes, Doggy Comes.

"I'm sorry," the vet said, lowering his head. "But there's nothing we can do anymore, except..."

Mickey's lower lip trembled several times. He looked at the old, feeble orange dog in the cage, who in turn looked up imploringly, with huge eyes asking him to do the merciful thing.

"Oh, alright...!" Mickey wailed. "Just do it already...!"

Donald was walking down the street, whistling happily, when he came to a screeching halt.

Mickey waved with a peppy smile. "Oh, good morning there, Donald! What gives?"

The duck, for all answer, simply stared at the large, naked black dog the mouse was pulling by the leash and collar, and then back at Mickey, with an appalled, disgusted look of horror.

"Whaaat?!" Mickey demanded. "It was his idea! He told me it'd help me cope, and he was right...!"

"A-hyuk, boy I was!" the dog chuckled.

"Shut up, remember that you can't talk," Mickey scolded, pulling on him again.

Don't You Head There.

King Hassan marched down the halls of Chaldea. Salome hung shortly behind him.

"Shall you take a head?" she hopefully asked him.

"Not yet," he dryly answered.

King Hassan took a bath, quietly sunk to his neck into the baths pools of Chaldea.

Salome popped up behind him, wearing only a wrapped towel. "Shall you take a head?" she asked.

"Not yet…"

King Hassan sat on the toilet, reading a newspaper with the headlines, YET ANOTHER LOSTBELT DIES, CHALDEA RAT-BASTARDS RESPONSIBLE.

Salome peeked over the toilet stall."Shall you take a head…?"

"NOT YET!"

"… I don't understand, however," Ozymandias confessed. "Why don't you just take her head then?"

King Hassan threw his hands up in frustration. "It's not a punishment if she's into it!"

OverMaster Rewrites Carl Barks' 'Voodoo Hoodoo'.

"- now that got the natives angry," Scrooge reminisced, leaning forward on his cane. "Their witch doctor summoned a zombie to fight me men. A hulking, unstoppable creature of incredible power that plowed through me lads like so much paper tissue! He did a real number on them, yes, he did. A pity, they were the best cheap local help you could hire..."

Donald paused on his shoveling of money. "Oh, so what happened to him? Don't tell me he's still unlive somewhere, with my luck he'll come to take revenge on me over what you did!"

"Of course no, don't be dumb," Scrooge scoffed. "I ripped him apart with me bare hands, kicked the rest of the villagers down, and told the lads' widows and orphans take what the tribe had as their compensation, so I didn't have to spend a dime. Why did you stop working? Did I tell you to? Be careful, you're starting to look like a zombie..."

Contrarians.

"Negi," Kotaro said.

"Mmmm?"

"What do you like best in a girl? The breasts or the butt?"

Negi turned aside to stare at him, shocked. "Kotaro! I can't believe it, you're thinking of women as objects, when they're human beings just like you and me, with their own needs and desires, not pieces of meat to be divided in parts to admire separately! I'm so disappointed on you, and I'll tell Natsumi-san...!"

"I like butts better," idly observed Kotaro, who was dating Natsumi after all and thus couldn't possibly have told 'breasts'.

Negi bit sharply on his own tongue. His eyes narrowed. "In that case... breasts."

"Bull!" Kotaro barked, finally looking back at him. "You're saying that just 'cause you always have to oppose anything I say!"

"I do not!"

"See? You're doing it again!"

"I am not!"

Kotaro ran a hand down his own face and then looked at the third boy sitting on the grass, watching the sunset. "Okay, and you? You're just as much of a contrarian, so let's see you getting out of this one! Do you agree with Negi or me?"

"Everyone knows crotches are better, naturally," Fate blandly said.

Kotaro and Negi paused, wide eyed and stunned.

Fate scoffed slightly. "You're both still children with so much to learn..."

276.

"Ah, ha ha!" Leonidas laughed, patting Shonagon Sei's shoulder. "Welcome to Chaldea! Your arrival is a happy omen! We only need two other dozens of us now!"

"Ahhh... What for, good sir?" the writer asked curiously.

"Why, once there's 300 of us, we shall go on a glorious doomed charge against the enemy, dying together in a blaze of glory, and then dine together in Hades!"

Sei's eyes shrank down to dots. "... ah?!"

"So why are you still alive after that, then?" Gengis Khan asked her.

Sei rolled her eyes back. "Because he needed a sole survivor who would be a great orator and narrator to tell the tale, of course. Didn't you ever watch the end of that movie?"

OverMaster Rewrites Batman Beyond: Return of The Joker.

"Look, Batman!" the Joker cackled. "Now I have my own son... Joker Junior!"

The hideously transformed Robin laughed as well, a horrible throaty sound gurgling out of him.

The Batman finally spoke. "I hate to disappoint, Joker..."

Then Robin stepped out from behind him, smirking. "... but I'm fine as a song, as you can see!"

"What?!" Joker gasped. "This, this can't be! Then who-!"

"You got the wrong Robin, Joker," Batman grimly said. He then pointed a finger dramatically at Joker Junior. "That is... the Teen Titans Go Robin!"

"Oh. Oh. Oh!" Joker blinked very slowly. "I, I see. Boy, my white face is red. No wonder the Titans gave him so easily. And no wonder he took so easy to the psychosis and mania, either..."

The Clown Prince then sheepishly pulled three crowbars out, kept one for himself, and handed two over to Batman and Robin.

And then, all three of them rained on Joker Junior.

Preferences.

They were both naked now. "Okay," Setsuna uneasily said, "s-so, wh-what do we do now?"

Konoka giggled coquettishly, blushing. "Setchan, you should tell me! After all, I'm your bride...!"

"But, but I haven't ever done this before, and am I not the bride too?! As my superior, you should order me around..."

Konoka pouted. "I'm not your superior! In this, we're equals! Really, Setchan, just tell me how you want to start. I'll be fine with anything you want..."

"S-Seriously?"

"Of course!"

"Well..." Setsuna fidgeted, "y-you could start by tying me to the bed..."

"Ah-hah?"

"And, and then, maybe, if you want to, you could... I don't know... s-s-start beating me down?"

Konoka blinked. "What."

"Beat me black and blue, perhaps with a whip, or with a stick... no, wait, why not both, stick first and whip next, yes... And then you could cut me a few times, all the while calling me a filthy bird-beast..."

"Eh?!"

"Maybe you could bring a candle and pour hot wax on my wounds, mmmmm," Setsuna took a hand to her own cheek, with a faraway look in her gaze. "Then beat me down some more, with the smoothing iron, and you could stick a gag ball in my mouth as well..."

Konoka's face began twitching spastically.

"All the while you wear black leather, with a spiked collar," Setsuna panted, "and we could finish by piercing red hot rings through my nipples and- Y-You would like that, right...?"

"Of course not!" Konoka gasped. "How could anyone ever like anything like THAT?!"

They stared at each other.

"- she's a very nice person, but... let's just say there were reasons why things between the two of us couldn't ever work," an uneasy Setsuna told her daughter. "And those were the very reasons I ended up marrying your mother instead."

Their daughter blinked. "That still doesn't really explain anything at all!"

Tsukuyomi giggled, hugging her wife's arm. "You'll understand when you're a bit older, dear...!"

Setsuna winced. "Not so hard! I'm still aching from last night!"

The Noblest of Greek Heroes.

"I have to warn you," the oracle told the King, "it is written by the Fates that, someday, your son shall kill you."

As was the case in such myths, everyone was expecting for the King to have his son killed right then. Most likely by some method like sending him away to be killed far from his view in the woods or thrown into the sea instead of having him chopped to pieces right before his presence. But the noble King simply declared, "No. If that is the will of the Gods, so be it. None of those heroes and sovereigns who came before me could ever fool Destiny."

"But, my Lord-" the Servants began to argue.

He silenced them with a grim gesture of his mighty hand and drew the child to his chest.

From then on, the Prince grew beloved and strong under his father's guidance, ever loyal to the man who loved him more than anything else. But everybody kept on expecting and dreading for his betrayal, for the unavoidable twist of fate, for the point where he would turn on the King and slay him. As he grew, the court and the people only turned more cynical and distant towards the Prince, treating him with a coldness that would have pushed any lesser man to actual betrayal out of mere spite.

However, the King alone never stopped loving and trusting his sole heir. And in returm, the young man never stopped following him. The most benevolent thought it could come to be, at least, a tragic accident. All agreed, however, it would come to pass sooner than later.

And then the King fell ill while his son was in a campaign across the seas, and the Prince was called back home to find the old man in his death bed. "Son..."

"What is it, Father?"

"My suffering... my pain... it is too much. Yet nobody dares raising their blade against me. I lack the strenght now, all I can do is wither and be miserable under this weight, this unbearable, maddening ailing..."

The servant handed him the sword, and he weakly handed it to the Prince. "I beg of you. Fulfill our fates."

The good son lowered his head, took the sword, and obeyed his father, just like he always would.

And mortal and god alike acknowledged that day that they had just seen the most gallard and noble of Greek heroes, together again for the last time until they would be reunited in the stars.

The Real Reason.

Haruna smiled smugly at the American girl she'd just met in the convention. "That's right, all our manga are in glorious pure black and white. It allows for a far cleaner reproduction of the artist's linework, the shadowing and tones are far more elegant without ghastly colors getting in the way, and-"

"I see," the blonde kept on quietly flipping through the pages. "Basically, your industry's too cheap to pay colorists, right?"

Haruna sobbed. "The worst part is she was right...! I kept on lying through my teeth because that's what I've been taught to do, but she was so right, and I still chewed her out...!"

Asuna looked at Negi. "I'm kind of actually curious now. Do comics in Great Britain have colors or not?"

Negi blinked. "Are there comics in Great Britain? I... I'd never thought of finding out, actually..."

Haruna, still sobbing, tossed one of her Judge Dredd reprint tomes at his head.

Coinus Interruptus.

"I can't make decisions anymore," Two-Face grimly declared over breakfast.

The Joker raised a green eyebrow. "You're eating. So you decided to eat this morning."

"That's different, I only flip whenever both sides are in disagreement," Dent irritably said. "I'm all hungry now so I eat, why everyone always gets that wrong? But I can't even decide whether to escape or not. Damn Batman, making me lose my coin in our last fight..."

"So just take some staffer's spare change and flip it," Scarecrow said. "It doesn't have to be a silver dollar for emergencies, right? You always can get one later."

"That's the problem, no one ever carries cash around anymore. I've tried!" Dent despaired. "Damn this age of online translations!"

Joker chuckled. "You could always try flipping a credit card around..."

"That's not funny!"

"Okay, so I'm escaping this weekend, do you want me to find you a coin and smuggle it in for you then?" Killer Moth asked. "I'm doing discounts this month only."

Two-Face further brooded. "That's a good offer but I can't take on it without flipping first, either. Sorry. Or not. I don't know yet..."

By the end of the month everyone was so sick of it they just called Moth and paid him to smuggle the damn silver dollar in regardless.

Just in Case.

Shinji looked up at the gigantic machine. "I know what you're going to ask," he interrupted his father. "You're going to ask me to pilot this thing. After abandoning me all these years, when you finally want to see me again, it's just for this..."

Gendo blinked at him. "What? No! That makes no sense, what use would I have for a completely inexperienced pilot in a moment like this? Do you think we haven't spent all those years actually preparing people for this?" he demanded, gesturing at where Fuyutsuki was leading a red haired girl in a red plugusit towards the Evangelion. "Everything has to be about you, doesn't it, Shinji?"

Shinji blinked back. "Oh. So, why am I here at all?"

"Just in case," his father said.

The boy sighed. "I knew it. So I'm nothing but a last chance backup plan at best..."

"No," Gendo said. "Shinji, there's a good chance we all, not only here but everywhere, will die tonight. And in the event that happens, I... I'd like to at least being able of dying with my son."

And he drew him into a stiff, uneasy hug.

Shinji blinked again, hiccuped helplessly, and after another moment, began hugging back.

Trademarks.

"Okay, how about this," Gudako said. "We summon Superman, but we make him put a different costume on and call himself Hyperman now. Can we have Superman then?"

Da Vinci frowned. "For the last time, no. Chaldea's only legally allowed to summon public domain characters to save all of human history. All copyrighted Servants to get summoned must get burned off immediately!"

"Damn it! I really really wanted a Superman!" Gudako shouted. "Good thing all our enemies obey that rule too, at least!"

"Even we couldn't go against lawyers," BB noted, and Kiara, Jeanne Alter and Consort Yu all nodded somberly.

Parent and Child.

"I think," EMIYA said with unusual outright honesty, "that you and Morded should settle your differences already."

"I'm afraid that would wreck too much havoc among the facilities," Artoria said, "as our final battle would invariably bring too much property damage and alter the working conditions her-"

"I don't mean it that way!" the Archer interrupted her. "You're still parent and child! I don't think you truly understand the value of those bonds, and not that I can't understand your reasons, but-!"

"Oh, are you talking on how I never met my birth father, and how my father by adoption raised me motherless and as his son's page?" she interrupted him in turn. "Nothing of that has any influence on how I treat Mordred."

"You don't treat her at all! That's the problem! Do you know how many of those here would give anything to be reunited with their lost children, even those who had problems with them?"

"Frankly, I must say you are too much of, how do they call it now, a Papa's boy, Shirou," she bluntly said. "Each of us must sever the umbilical cord from those who brought us into being and search for our own path sooner or later. Personally, I believe the nature of those links has been romanticized far too much, and folly on those who- um." Looking back in the direction of the killer intent she'd just felt, she found herself facing the next table, from where Ozymandias, Marie, Mata Hari, Boudica, Caesar and Cleopatra all stared murderously at her. "Perhaps I have overlooked others' own circumstances a fair bit, but-"

"- so, I won't say it was your fault, but it definitely was," Artoria told Mordred, who stood by her medical bay bed along Nightingale and EMIYA.

"You haven't learned anything!" Shirou growled.

To be Continued?