It was nearing midnight and through the glass walls of the greenhouse, Manhattan was shining neon, lit up by millions of lives far below. But Clary didn't notice, didn't care about those millions of lives right now, because those lights illuminating the whole city were nothing compared to the familiar flecks of golden light she could see in Jace's eyes. She loved looking at him, his glowing, fire lit eyes. His full lips and strong jaw. he was the most beautiful sight in the whole of Manhattan. and it wasn't just her who thought this, of course. Jace attracted attention wherever he went, especial the female kind. a pang of jealousy shot through Clary and she wondered, not for the first time, why her? why had he, this angelic looking, fierce and beautiful boy... no, she corrected herself, man. for Jace was a man now. he had turned eighteen just last week. of course he had always looked strong and older and more experienced to Clary. his broad, muscular shape and height had given him this demeanour. Clary however, despite being 17 now, still had the proportions of a child. small hips, flat chest and scrawny, freckled face. although, she thought consolingly, she had developed some curves in the past year. she could at least now say she has a waist, even if it barely showed.
"you're staring at me." Jace said, his eyes not moving from the beautiful city scene below them.
Clary flushed and looked away, down to her lap where her hands had been fidgeting. She always marvelled at Jace's ability to keep so still, and yet be able to move in an instant with a deadly lightning strike, should need be. Clary always felt nervous and bare without her beaten up old notepad and pencil. Before she could apologise, or think of something witty to respond, the way Isabelle always would, Jace's hand slid between her own. she looked back at him, unable to help herself, only to be faced with Jace's burning intense gaze. he looked thoughtful, and relaxed, in a way she only ever saw him when they were alone.
"I didn't say you had to stop. He murmured, a smile forming on his perfect mouth. his smile revealed his one, chipped incisor. she had known Jace for over a year now, and had never thought to ask him how it had happened. she opened her mouth, ready to poise her question when he leant forward and kissed her on her lips. It was just as it had been the first time, here, in this place, with the city and the plants and the buzzing of wild, exotic insects. and just the two of them, as one. but the kiss was not the same. this time, Jace was not holding back, his mouth, once hard and unyielding, now sunk into hers, merging and moving as if his very life depended on kissing her, on being with her. with her. with HER. oh...
She could feel his chest rising and falling fast, laboured and his heart pouncing in his ribcage, matching a rhythm beating away in herself. His arms wrapped around her and before she could move her own arms into his golden hair he rolled over, pulling her with him so she lay, on top of him, still connected in a wild, frenzied embrace. He grinned up at her and she felt her heart swell with everything she had ever felt for him at once. When he smiled, all the care, the hardness and violence melted away from him, and he was young, and beautiful, and, in love? Clary thought. she hoped so, for she was certain that she was.
"I brought food?" he said, and Clary was drawn out of her bubble of thought, of hopes.
food? she thought.
"I'm not hungry." she said breathlessly.
"Me neither." Jace said and he leant up to kiss her again.
As they continued Clary realised, that was Jace's way of asking her if she wanted to stop, before...oh... did she? did she want to stop? of course she knew the answer before she had even thought of the question. Of course not. When it came to Jace, she never wanted it to stop, that was her problem. Maybe Jace had sensed her train of thought, or maybe he simply needed to break for air but he drew his lips back from hers and propped himself up on his elbows. Above him, Clary felt his abs tense. It was very distracting. He frowned at her, his eyes now darker and full of concern.
"Is this ok?" he asked, and the sound of his voice, soft but secure, reassuring that even if her answer was no, it would be ok. But was her answer no? No. Or was it? She bit her lip and leant back, so that she sat, straddling his knees.
"If you want to stop...if its too much?"
"No!" She exclaimed, a little louder than she had intended. A brightly coloured bird fluttered away from a nearby tree indignantly. Jace grinned and chuckled softly.
"Aright, if you feel so strongly about it. I myself am really not too bothered, I mean-"
Clary cut him off with a indignant glare and he continued to laugh softly. She could feel his myrth vibrating through him beneath her, like the buzzing of life itself.
"I just-" Clary began, then faltered. What was she going to say? That she was inexperienced? that seemed like a mild way to put it, she was non-experienced, especially compared to Jace. she sagged miserably and let out a shaky breath. She suddenly felt soft fingers under her chin as Jace pushed her head up and brought her lips to his.
"I understand." He murmured. and he did, she knew he did. Except he didn't want him to "understand". She just wanted him. But not here, amidst the bee's and tree's, with the huge glass walls that made it feel like the world was watching. She wanted him all to herself, and damn the world as far as she cared at this moment.
"Not here." She whispered against his lips, and was surprised by the steadiness of her voice. She felt him draw back, and saw his left eyebrow shoot up in surprise.
"Downstairs." She said, almost pleading with him. Apparently pleading was unnecessary, Jace seemed all too happy to oblige, pulling her up as he stood quickly and placing one muscular arm behind her legs, scooping her into him, her head against his chest. he smelled like warm sunlight, the way he always did, and to her- safety. Around Jace she seemed not only to feel protected, but stronger herself, braver. She giggled and wiggled her legs, which dangled over his forearm.
"now now, Fray" Jace reprimanded her playfully.
"No wiggling!" And as he said it he slung her over he shoulder without even a grunt of effort. He strode easily through the botany and reached the elevator, pressing the ground floor button with urgency, desire. Whilst they waited Clary, who was still dangling over Jace's strong shoulder looked down and noticed that from here, she had a perfect view of Jace's... shall we say... derrière.
"I can see your bum from here" Clary giggled in her giddy excitement, then clapped her hand over her mouth, instantly regretting how childish she had sounded. But Jace simply quaked with laughter and said between chuckles
"Lucky you, plenty of artists would kill for that view." Although she couldn't see his face, Clary could imagine the playful grin that always painted his face when he came out with something particularly witty. Which, Clary noted, was pretty much all the time.
The lift doors dinged and opened, revealing Church looking harassed and grumpy.
"BRRRRRGH!"
Church made a rumbling noise in his through to show the pair he was clearly displeased and had been asleep in the elevator.
"Sorry church!" Clary said, suppressing more giggles.
"Hh screw that!" said Jace with conviction. He shooed Church out and before Clary could take a breath swung her down lightly into the elevator and allowed the doors to close on them, leaving a very disgruntled cat behind.
Clary turned to face Jace, and looked at him with a reproachfulness that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Poor Church, he was-" but the rest of her protest was cut of as Jace pushed her to the wall of the lift and kissed her again, burning with heat and desire. She kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck and standing on tip-toes to reach him. He grabbed at the backs of her thighs and pulled her up, so that her thing legs wrapped around his waist. He pushed her harder into the wall and pressed himself against her, as if trying to physically push himself into her very being, until they truly were just one person.
DING
The doors swung open and Jace, still not breaking their contact, pulled Clary from the wall and held her to him. She nuzzled into his chest, her shallow breathing against his collarbone. She felt him tense, was she doing that? Or was it just the strain of carrying her? probably that, she thought, disappointedly.
"Your place, or mine?" Jace spoke softly, and with a slight jilt of amusement that was clearly covering up his shaking voice, wrung tight with anticipation.
"Yours" Clary said instinctively. Not because it was where she wanted to be more, she didn't care where she was now, as long as Jace was there too. She simply said it because that was what she was.
Yours. she thought, absolutely yours. Jace didn't waste any more time, pacing swiftly towards his room, still holding her to him, arms wrapped protectively around her. Perhaps he thought she was his too, Clary thought. She liked that idea.
Jace reached his door and set her down, albeit reluctantly. He began fumbling with the mahogany handle wildly. Was he shaking? Clary thought. Jace's hands, always steady, ready to throw a Seraph blade 20 metres straight into the heart of what ever hell sent demon happened to appear, shaking? She could do that to him? Suddenly she felt more powerful, more in control of her own fate that ever before.
The door clicked open and without warning Clary pushed it fiercely open and grabbed Jace's shoulders, pushing him through before her. He began to stumble backwards, rapidly losing balance from surprise at Clary's forceful movement. However, soon he found his footing and allowed himself to be steered towards the bed, where he fell back, and she toppled on to him.
"Very eager there, Fray!" Jace murmured, but no protest formed on his lips.
"You would be too, if you were seeing what I am." She whispered back. He opened his mouth, ready to form a smarmy response but before he could say anything more she straddled him, this time around his hips and slide her arms over his sculpted pectoral muscles.
He moaned, almost involuntarily as her cool fingertips traced he tiny scars by his collarbones.
"Well" Clary said, boldly "I think this needs to come off, don't you?" She tapped at his lightly coloured cotton shirt and he obediently grabbed the hem and pulled it over his head.
Clary struggled to suppress a sigh of longing as his shook his hair out of his face, lifting his arm to push straggling golden strands out of the way. Her fingers itched to run her hands through it.
"Your turn." He grinned and placed his firm hands on the sides of her arms.
Suddenly, a wave of nervous fear washed over her and she felt the colourful blush that had filled her cheeks sink out of her. Her heart was heavy again, and suddenly she was aware of where she was, and what she was doing.
"Clary? Clary, what's wrong?" Jace's voice was strained and panicked, as if he was... afraid? But not of her, surely.
"I'm not Isabelle." Clary blurted, before she could stop herself.
At this, Jace sat up abruptly, accidentally causing her to lose her balance and topple on to the floor.
"OUCH!" Clary bellowed, most ungracefully.
Jace swore and helped her up.
"I gathered that, you know. Isabelles the tall, dark haired-"
"Perfect one." Clary finished for him bitterly, accepting his hand and perching on the side of the bed gingerly.
Jace sighed exasperatedly "You're perfect. Of course I don't think you're Isabelle, I don't want Isabelle. I want you." He touched her cheek and tilted her head up, but he didn't kiss her this time. He seemed wary. She hated the idea that she had done that to him. Instead he looked into her eyes, and she saw it. The truth, he wanted her. He wanted her.
"You are beautiful." He said simply, and on any other day, she wouldn't have believed him. In any other moment she would have shaken the compliment off. But all she could see was his eyes, earnest and filled with...love?
He loved her, and she loved him. She wanted this.
She kissed him, softly, and the wild blinding passion returned in an instant, as if when their lips touched sparks flew, infecting them both with fire. Lighting them up untill everything else seemed dark and unimportant. She moved on top of his once again and slowly, pulling her light green tank top over her head, revealing her plain white bra. she moved her head hastily out of it, and opened her mouth, to apologise for her flat, pale chest, or else to cross her arms over herself and curl up with embarrassment at her child-like physique. But Jace's face stopped her. He was staring at her in awe. As if he, Jace, who had had any girl he ever desired, could never, ever have anything as beautiful...as her.
She hooked her hands into the tops of his jeans and pulled them down , lifting herself slowly so as to ease them off him. suddenly she realised that the only piece of clothing left on Jace was his plain, black boxers, and it still was too much.
Jace took her movements as license to respond with his own, he wrapped his arms around her now almost bare torso and she felt herself shiver at his warm, tingling touch. If he noticed, he didn't stop, he laced his hands behind her and gently unhooked her bra. She felt the soft fabric release and before she knew it he was sliding it down her arms, leaving her exposed to his piercing eyes. Though she didn't feel exposed. after all her apprehension, her fear and jitters, this felt...natural.
Jace had busied himself sliding her own soft cotton trousers down, revealing her plain underwear. Now they were both left with just one piece of clothing each, and the Morgenstern ring which hung on a delicate chain from Clary's neck and dangled between them. But the name Morgenstern would never stand between them again, nothing would.
"This is it." Jace said gently, and his voice was full of yearning for her.
"This is it." Clary agreed, and her hands and his hands slid in unison, to one another's underwear, pulling them away, stripping them bare to one another, the way Clary had always made Jace feel, bare, as if he was vulnerable. Never had any girl made him feel this way, and he had had many, many girls. But Clary wasn't just a girl, she was the girl. He knew it now, as he looked up at her, completely bare. She was the only girl there was ever, and would ever be now. He had wanted her from the moment he saw her, and even now, when he was so close to having her, the wanting still burnt inside him.
A lack of forbidden he thought with mirth, remembering her words to him on that night what seemed like so long ago, would never be a problem. Clary being forbidden was the hardest thing he had ever faced.
Clary's fast, laboured breathing against his chest roused him from the memory of his time without her. He placed his hands on her sides, as if reassuring himself she were real, she was there, with him. She was saying something.
"Ready?" she asked breathily.
Jace answered by lifting her up easily around the waist and placing her over his throbbing groin.
"Ready." he said and released her.
She sunk on to him and as he watched her, he saw her mouth form a perfect "o". A slight, soft scream escaped her lips that hovered somewhere between pain and...pleasure?
He had never had a virgin before, and that made Clary all the more special. She was pure. She was his, and his only his, he thought selfishly and as he thought this his arms moved around her protectively, encasing her in his own body.
"Is this ok?" he asked, his torso pressed against hers. He could feel her breathing, and as he pressed harder into her she made another noise, that sounded a little like yes.
This was good enough for Jace, who took the noise as a green light and rolled over, pulling her with him, still buried inside her, so that now he was on top, he was in control.
Jace held himself over Clary, and she felt his muscles tense on either side of her as he supported his weight upon them. He began easing out, and as he moved she felt how perfectly they fit together, like two pieces of an eternal puzzle, that was finally, perfectly fitting at last. He rolled his hips back and forth, settling into a rhythm as she gazed at him above her, his eyes twinkling with possession...of her.
His breath was strained and is muscles all tensed and writhing with hers. After what seemed like eternity of their eyes locked together she tilted her hips up, very gently at first to meet his.
She felt the motion grind their hips together, and apparently so did he as he let out a strained, passion filled moan. Deciding she rather liked that noise, she began to build up speed in her movements, and Jace responded with equal measure.
Soon they were writhing, pushing and straining against each other, his hair falling down, protecting them in a curtain of golden strands. His arms reached up around his back, feeling the sweat that had built up from their exertions.
Jace's hips pushed urgently, and Clary whimpered with pleasure and the noise itself almost sent Jace over the edge, but he grunted in his determination to hold on, to wait until she was ready. they would explode together. And that was what they did. He erupted into her just as she convulsed around him, both crying out in ecstasy.
Jace's arms gave way and he dropped, his full weight falling on to Clary for a moment, pressing her into the mattress. Somewhere beyond the peaceful joy that now filled him he felt the ring dig into his chest, and realised it must be paining Clary. He rolled off her, sliding out of her softly. He felt her moan rather than heard it as he moved out of her.
He lay on his back, next to her and thought of every moment he had ever spent with Clary, and how despite there wonder, none was better than here, now.
How everything was better when she was here, how she made him better. When Clary was around, Jace forgot how he had been raised by a killer, how he was no better that that killer, was he? He forgot how he had never known his mother. Clary made him kind. Kind, which he had once mistaken to mean weak. strangely, as he lay there, his fathers, no, Valentines. Valentines words.
To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be destroyed.
If this is what destruction feels like, then let then end begin. He thought contentedly.
He turned his head to look at Clary. A halo of red curls was spread around her, tousled and damp with sweat. Her pale, lily white skin, flecked with freckles that he loved. He wished he could kiss every one until she realised her beauty like everyone else did. Her green eyes, rou nd and perfect, honest and untainted. Despite the loss of her virginity, her eyes still seemed pure and unspoilt. Perhaps there was something inside clar that he could never ruin, never spoil. The idea reassured him that perhaps she was not as breakable as he feared. Her rose pink lips, moving, forming silent words.
He roused himself from his daydream.
"Huh?" Jace murmured throatily, his usual eloquence had deserted him as he felt her bare chest against his abdomen as she rolled on top of him.
"Jace." she whispered, her words tickling his collarbone gently. "I really wish you would stop desperately trying to grab my attention like this, its getting embarrassing." He could see her smiling face, glowing, framed by her curly red hair which spread across his chest like a shield. He smiled in memory of those words he had said to her when they were only strangers.
"Sarcasm" he replied, continuing with the memory "Is the refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt."
She eased herself up and grinned at him, her hands exploring his chest. Did she want... more?
"Oh? So its imagination you want?" She asked teasingly, sliding her hands downwards as his eyes widened in surprise. She did want more.
Well, who was here not to grant a ladies wishes...