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"I'm missing my favourite TV show for this. I know you're my brothers, but I'm much closer to this show than I am."
"Breandan, shut your feckin mouth! Neither of us care about your stupid show, do we Dyllan?"
The Welshman knew that if he didn't agree, then Blain would throw a fit. Blain had anger issues, so it wasn't a good idea. He just nodded without saying anything.
"So why did you drag me and Dyllan here anyway?"
"Acutally, I didn't drag Dyllan along. He was coming anyway and we decided to invite you, but if you see this as dragging you here, then feel free to leave since you'll probably be no use."
"Alright! Alright! I'll stay!" Breandan didn't like Blain's manipulative personality, since he wasn't overly bright he fell for it every time. "Now answer my question."
"Dyllan says there's a new kid at his school with the surname Kirkland. Since Uncle Michael's in Australia and it's not a common surname, that means he's our half-brother. We're planning on introducing him to the family."
"I'm not even that close to either of you two, so I don't see the point in me being here." Breandan shrugged. "I don't even live in Hetalia, I live in Shawton."
"Still, DNA is still shared whether you live in Shawton or fucking Timbuktu."
"I know that! Gingers have no soul, it's blondes who have no brain."
"Stop stereotyping or go find your pot of gold jumping around like a leprechaun."
"Fine, and anyway, that stereotype's for people from the Republic of Ireland, not Northern Ireland."
"Oh well, their names should sound more different so I don't get confused."
"If the only thing you two are going to do is argue, then I'm not helping with the plan nor am I going to be staying here much longer."
"Aw, come on Dyllan, don't be a spoil sport, we're only messing around!" The Scot and Northern Irish brothers were now on the floor, Blain on top of Breandan, but the younger could easily flip him. Because of Blain's 'problems' between him and his father, he was pretty weak while Breandan had gained strength from all his fighting with Brandon.
"Liar."
"I'll show you a liar in a minute Breandan!" Blain said, raising his fist.
"I'm scared out of my skull."
"Just go die in a ditch Breandan." The Scot said, getting up and flopping himself on the sofa. The Welshman watched quietly from the computer table chair as Blain turned around, and Breandan showed his middle finger to the back of the Scotsman's head.
"So what exactly do you know about Kirkland number four?"
"His name's Arthur and he just moved to the school because his mother's been sent to jail for abusing him. He's living with his cousins Alfred and Matthew with their parents, and his mother's names…something Britannia. He's thirteen, got our green eyes but his mother's blonde hair. And by the looks of things, you'll like him more than you do Breandan."
"Good! You're a dick Breandan and you know it." The Northern Irish brother still had his finger up as Blain turned around, and quickly hid it grinning goofily. "Creep."
"Since you carried on after I said I wasn't helping with the plan, I'm not helping so you and your 'bestie' can think about it between yourself.
"Idea!"
"Go on, wanker."
"Dyllan, at least tell me which school entrance he comes out of and how he gets home from school."
"The one I come out of and he comes home by bike. That's all I'm going to say."
"Alright, my plan'll work then." Breandan cleared his throat. "So, what we do is when he comes out of school, we hide in one of the allies next to it and when he comes out of school we grab him. See, that's way better than a blonde's idea Blain!"
The Scotsman shook his head. "He'll probably freak out and think we're rapists and that's the exact opposite of what we want."
"Well, you think of an idea that quick. Go on, do it right now."
"I already thought of one and I was about to say it when you said your stupid one."
"Not stupid! Anyway, since I said mine first and it's not actually a stupid one for once, see, I even admitted it, so I think we should just do mine."
"If he's scarred for life, you're paying for treatment." Blain shrugged.
"Worth it."
~x~
"I feel like a paedophile Breandan."
"Feel like one then. Dyllan's getting out of lessons twenty minutes early so he should be here in…any time."
"If you looked up you'd notice I was standing right next to you."
"Hey, second sheep shagger!"
"I said last night stop stereotyping!"
"Every day is a new beginning."
"Stop with the philosophical comments as well."
"What can I do?"
"You can stay alive as long as you shut up." Blain hated Breandan most of the time, which is why this was one of the only times that the two were together.
"You shut up as well then."
"Fine." The Scotsman and Northern Irishman both folded their arms, sulking.
"Thank God."
"NO-ONE ASKED FOR YOUR INPUT DYLLAN!"
A cat that had been sat in the alleyway hissed before running off.
"I bloody hate cats. Hope it gets hit by a car."
"You two do realise that that school ends any minute?" Dyllan said. "I'll tell you which one Arthur is, but I'm not getting him down here."
"Fine, Dyllan. God, you're a grumpy ass."
"If you didn't keep sending me weird creepy messages and pictures then I may have got some sleep and not be so grumpy. And the boys in my year are all dicks so they've pissed me off."
"Who's not a dick nowadays?" Blain grinned, getting a dirty look from the Welshman.
"I'm being serious for once here, and the bells just gone off so everyone else should be coming out now. Dyllan, go in front of me and me and Blain will go behind you."
"Who died and put you in charge?"
"You're not taking this seriously so since I'm the second eldest, I'm taking charge."
"Will you two shut up?" Dyllan groaned. "I'm getting distracted by you two gobbing off at each other and people are looking down here. I'm getting ugly looks by the people in my year."
"Poor you."
"What he said."
"At least you actually agreed on something." The Welshman rolled his eyes, before looking back at the school entrance.
"Shit, we actually did."
"Mmhmm."
"You weren't meant to agree that second time!"
"I found out that Arthur's got English last, which is on the other side of the school. And you'd better shut up, his two cousins are leaning against the bike rack, probably waiting for him to come out. I can see when he's coming out as well, so shut the hell up and end your immature bloody conversation!"
"And now I'm not taking this seriously, Dyllan is in charge because he is the third eldest!"
"You're seriously going to die Breandan, though I'm not sure who's going to be the one who kills you- me, Dyllan, or a joint effort."
"But I'm too young to die! I want to at least drink beer legally before that happens."
"Nobody cares. Arthur better hurry up, I need a fag. Conversation ended."
"Thank you for actually co-operating. Talking of the Devil, here comes Kirkland number four."
"Looks like Blain but with a natural hair colour."
The Scot went straight for his own red hair. "I know you probably feel special as one of 2% to have ginger hair Breandan, but red hair is even less common, so I'm more special than you. And the special one says I ended the conversation."
"Dyllan spoke after you ended iiiiiiiiit!"
"Dyllan's the one who actually knows who our brother is so he needs to tell us, you dumbass!"
"You know what, I might as well grab him myself. You supposedly ended this conversation as he was coming out of the main school premises, he's just about to get going on his bike now."
"I'll do it." Blain persisted. "Breandan, cross that line where that mouldy chip is and I'll use you as a stop for him."
Breandan whined.
"So where exactly should I grab him?"
"Either on his shirt or the bag. Grabbing the bike isn't as good an idea."
"OK, I got this." Blain managed to get a good grip on his shoulder, yanking him off and he probably scuffed his face.
"Bloody hell!"
"Reminds me of you Blain." Breandan chuckled. "Is this chip barrier broken now?"
"Shut up, and stay behind that fucking chip."
"But someone's thrown something in the dustbin and it smells really dodgy and I might die of the smell if you don't let me past the chip barrier."
"Stay. Behind. The. Fucking. Chip."
"Wanker."
"Anyway, you've got him injured and you promised to pay for treatment~"
"Actually, you said, and I quote, if he was 'scarred for life'."
"That probably scarred him for life!"
"Excuse them, Arthur, they argue more than they breathe." Dyllan said, rolling his eyes.
The English Kirkland, who had his face down (probably to hide the fact he was crying, since he didn't have a good landing), looked up at the other three people in the alleyway.
"Who the hell are you three?"
"I'm Dyllan, this is Blain and the one behind the 'chip barrier' is Breandan. We needed to talk to you and since you probably would think we're creeps, which you probably do now, we thought this would be the best way to actually talk to you."
"Dyllan that sounded like the worst introduction ever."
"You should have spoken up before me then."
"That's the second time I was about to speak and someone cut me off not letting me speak in twenty four hours. First Breandan, now you. You should have waited for me."
"Shut up, Blain."
"Ermm…so how do you know me?"
"I'LL DO THIS ONE!" Blain yelled so that no-one could talk over him. "We're your half-brothers."
"Could you have made it a bit simpler?"
"Nope~"
Arthur just stared at the three of them.
"Permission to speak!" Breandan yelled. "Basically your Dad is our Dad too but we all have different mothers to each other as well. Blain's mother rejected him, Dyllan's passed away, and mine ditched me with my brother and moved to Ireland!"
"If I was Arthur, I'd be staring at you like you're an idiot like his too. Oh wait, you are."
"I'm calling Childline, you're verbally abusing me."
"With good reason- It's the truth."
"Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain, stop!"
"Nay, I'm enjoying myself."
"Arthur, we're not paedophiles, honest."
"…"
"Really Blain?"
"…Can I go please?"
"As long as I get an item out of your pencil case!"
"Breandan, what the hell?"
"I collect stationary and having something out of my newly found brother's pencil case would be awesome! No other reason."
Arthur threw a pen in the Northern Irishman's direction. "See, I got something while you two didn't!"
"Can I go now then? This is really awkward…"
"Sure, Arthur. If you need to talk to me about it, I'm in the year above you. We all share the same surname, so just ask for Dyllan Kirkland. Do you want me to walk back with you since my house is on the same route as yours?"
"You know where I live?"
"Stalker."
"Blain, nobody asked for your input. And yes, I saw you come out of the house with your cousins. If I remember from the presentation that we had at the end of last year, they're called Matthew Williams and Alfred F. Jones, right?"
"…Yes."
"So do you want to walk with me?"
"Fine."
As the Englishman and Welshman walked off, Blain lit a cigarette and took a long drag out of it. "You know you said that you'd pay for the treatment if he was mentally scarred for life?"
"Yes, and?"
"He's a member of the Kirkland family. That automatically means he is scarred for life."
OH MY I HAVE ACTUALLY FINISHED! Thanks to all followers, favouriters, and reviewers who have helped me out through this story!
Heheh, sorry about that. I decided to do something here about the stats of this story on ending it.
Date and Time: 13th August 2014, 5:20 BST.
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