Recovery
Kurt opened his eyes, then quietly wept. At least the Lord had
answered one half of his prayer. The Almighty had arranged for Kurt to
be caught.
Did that mean he wasn't forgiven?
The pamphlets he'd obtained in secret were right. Attempted suicide
never solved anything. It just made more problems, more pain. And even
if he *had* been successful, he'd have still ripped a gigantic gaping
wound in everyone's heart.
It all hurt too much.
"Hello, Kurt."
Not the Professor. Not now. The last thing he wanted was the
Professor's gentle understanding. The quiet, careful questions.
Kurt didn't know, exactly, what he wanted, but he knew that a quiet
counsellor was not it.
"And neither's running down the street, naked, screaming, 'I'm
different! Deal with it,'" said the Professor.
"Oh, I'd dearly want to," said Kurt. "But not *naked*. Boxer shorts,
maybe. Naked, nein."
Professor Xavier sighed. "I'm glad you're back with us, Kurt.
Everyone's been - upset about your fall."
"Jump," said Kurt. "Call a spade a spade, please. I think - maybe - we
all have to deal with this."
"You've been doing some thinking."
"What else could I do? Moving was temporarily out." Kurt winced at a
thought. "Ach. You've read my journal."
"And the story you've been following."
"How? It's been pulled off the 'net."
"Someone else is hosting it now," said Xavier. "Kitty's printing it
for you."
He noticed the thick pile of paper on Xavier's lap. "Gruss Gott... I
didn't realise it was so much."
"All yours," said Xavier, placing it on the table beside the bed. "And
also, you have the right to talk to us about *anything* that's bothering
you. Anything at all. Any time."
"I want to stop people hurting my friends because of *me*," he said.
"I'm sure the Fiends might have seen me. I *know* what they're going to
do. People like that have done it before. They'll do it again. Bad news
loves good patterns. And I'm the cause..." The floodgates had opened.
"Gott, Professor... If I could pass, we wouldn't *have* this trouble. We
could look like a normal group of kids. I could - I could... I could be
accepted."
"*Kurt*..." Professor Xavier soothed. "We'll find a way. It might be a
fight, but we'll *all* fight it. Not just for you, but for others whose
mutations can't 'pass', as you put it. You just happen to be the first
we've found. I know, it's hard to be a trailblazer... but if you can do
it, you'll make things a lot easier for other physically different
mutants."
"Ja. I can always give grooming tips," he said, laughing a little.
"As well as proving that you *can* have a normal life, hm?"
"How can I?" Kurt asked. "I can't touch anyone."
"Neither can Rogue."
"Ja. Look how many friends she has."
Xavier sighed. "Rogue has *elected* to distance herself from her
peers," he said. "You're an intelligent young man, Kurt. I'm sure you
can figure out ways around our current - er - covert status."
"You're not going to put me under house watch?"
"I don't think you're going to jump again." Xavier raised an eyebrow.
"Do you?"
"Nein. I think - it's more trouble than it's worth."
"We need to have a long talk. Later. Right now, I think you need your
friends, more."
Kitty bought another wodge of printout. It seemed like all she could
do. "There's still, like, half a reem of paper to go," she said. "Maybe
you can like, read it over or something."
"Gives me something to do while I'm stuck here," said Kurt. He sounded
tired. Maybe it was his pain meds.
"Are you, like, okay?"
"I've got a lot off my chest," he confessed. "It's still a bit heavy,
though. Being like this."
Kitty was instantly confused. "Um. What? Does it hurt?"
"Eh?"
"Your injuries... I mean. You're all wounded and stuff, right?"
"Katchen... I was *talking* about being a freak."
Kitty was jolted almost clean out of her chair. Kurt *never* said
'freak', especially not about himself. All signs of cogniscient thought
flew out of her head and she blurted, "Oh. Would you believe I like,
totally forgot?"
"You forgot," he said. "I scared the hell out of you and you forgot."
He leaned his head back and laughed. "Ah, Katzchen... would that the
world would forget like you. It'd be all I need." He leaned over and
hugged her.
"That still doesn't mean you can get like, *friendly*," she objected,
but not too strenuously. "I'd like, like to have my *lungs* back,
sometime soon."
Kurt returned to his supine position. "Sorry, Katchen. At least now I
know you don't like *me*... not the fur or the tail."
Kitty sighed. "I don't like, *hate* you or anything. It's just -
you're like a brother I never had."
Kurt sighed. "I have enough sisters all ready." He pouted. "Hmp."
Kitty giggled at his fake pout. "There's like, a queue forming
outside, Fuzzy," she said. "Everyone wants to like, cheer you up."
"Everyone," said Kurt. "There isn't that many of 'everyone', you know.
Just you, Scott, Jean, Rogue, Evan, Logan, Frau Munroe and Herr
Professor. "Hardly enough for two hands. Normally."
"Sorry," said Kitty. "There's gonna be more mutants here, soon," she
offered. "The Professor says they're like, gonna be coming here for the
new school year. It'll be more people at least?"
"More people to scare," muttered Kurt.
"They'll get over it," Kitty assured. "I did."
"Hey," said Scott. He parked himself on the sole visitor's chair and
fidgetted with his hands.
"Hey yourself," said Kurt.
"Um. We thought of throwing a party for you..." Scott blurted. Then he
winced. "It - kinda got shut down."
"Lemme guess," said Kurt. "Costumes?"
"...nnnngggg..."
"Hey relax," he said. "You don't have to throw a party for me."
"We don't?"
"Nein. Watching you kick yourself is *far* more entertaining." Kurt
grinned.
"Goddamn wise-ass Elf," said Scott. He ruffled Kurt's hair. "Remember
you can't fly, huh?" He grinned.
"Oh, I think I've learned," Kurt smiled back. "I won't be doing it
again."
Jean sat, lip trembling, trying to be Brave.
"It's not your fault," Kurt soothed. "It was all me."
"But - I should have--"
"Nein," he rested a gentle hand against hers. "You have a right to
your life, too."
Jean broke down at that point.
_I thought she was supposed to comfort *me*..._
Rogue marched in, angry. "Nobody else is gonna say it, so Ah will,"
she said, "You're a frikkin' dumbass, Kurt."
"I love you, too," he smiled. "I know it was stupid; but I didn't
think I had any smart options left."
"That's why you're such a frikkin' dumbass," she said, sitting down.
"You're livin' in the same house as the world's most powerful telepath,
and the world's most understandin' counsellor all rolled into one. How
could you *not* do somethin' smart an' *talk* to the guy?"
"He's busy," said Kurt. "There's always more important things than me
to handle. And I *had* hope..." He briefly touched the pile of
manuscript. "When it was taken away, I - I was beyond thinking."
"You *are* gonna think from now on, ain't ya?"
"Oh, ja. Thinking is less hard on the body."
"Good," said Rogue, moving into joking mode. "'Cause Ah don't want ya
hornin' in on *mah* limelight. *I'm* the one who's supposed t' be in
love with death, not *you*."
Kurt laughed. "I love you, too."
"Don't you forget it."
Logan was a complete surprise. "Elf."
"Herr Logan."
He sighed. "I ain't mad at ya."
Kurt breathed a sigh of relief. "Sehr gut. I was worried."
"That was my line, Elf," Logan's face was impassive, inscrutable.
"Don't do it again, eh? This team needs ya."
"*Me*? How could they need me?"
"Trust me," said Logan. "Without you in the mix, this whole Institute
would fall apart."
"I - don't understand," he confessed. "How does this work when
everyone complains about me?"
"You're a peace-maker, Elf. I've seen you defuse arguments before they
begin. Heck, I've even heard ya explainin' folks to other folks,
smoothin' out the rough edges. That - and I *know* you come up with some
darned good ideas, sometime."
"Truly?"
"Would I lie?"
"Nein, but you would tell half the truth."
Logan smirked. "Awright... Ya also come up with some damn fool
hairbrained schemes, too. Happy?"
"And you're still not mad?"
"Nah. You'll grow out of it."
Evan lagged in the rear. "You OK, K-Man?"
"Still a bit sore," Kurt told him. "It's cool, Evan. I have my hope
back. I'll be all right."
"You sure?"
"Ja."
"I really wanted to throw a party, you know. But - mister military was
all, 'somebody might touch him' and all that." He sighed. "You'd think
he'd learn to relax after Duncan Matthews' party."
"Are you kidding? You *know* what happened at Matthews' party. You
remember? The whole Middleverse thing?"
"Oh. Yeah. Well, apart from *that*, nothin' happened. It was cool. I
mean, most of the *school* was there and you made it a non-contact
sport."
"Ah, such phraseology," Kurt laughed. "Maybe we could try for a
smaller party, ja?"
"Yeah. Friends and family." Evan counted on his fingers. "That makes
aboooouuut... fifty - including the obligatory gatecrashers."
"There's that many gatecrashers?"
"Hey, relax," said Evan, which was a portent of doom. "They're fun
people. One even brings his own Deej kit."
"I think," said Kurt, "that I might be hiding under the bed."
Kurt opened his eyes, then quietly wept. At least the Lord had
answered one half of his prayer. The Almighty had arranged for Kurt to
be caught.
Did that mean he wasn't forgiven?
The pamphlets he'd obtained in secret were right. Attempted suicide
never solved anything. It just made more problems, more pain. And even
if he *had* been successful, he'd have still ripped a gigantic gaping
wound in everyone's heart.
It all hurt too much.
"Hello, Kurt."
Not the Professor. Not now. The last thing he wanted was the
Professor's gentle understanding. The quiet, careful questions.
Kurt didn't know, exactly, what he wanted, but he knew that a quiet
counsellor was not it.
"And neither's running down the street, naked, screaming, 'I'm
different! Deal with it,'" said the Professor.
"Oh, I'd dearly want to," said Kurt. "But not *naked*. Boxer shorts,
maybe. Naked, nein."
Professor Xavier sighed. "I'm glad you're back with us, Kurt.
Everyone's been - upset about your fall."
"Jump," said Kurt. "Call a spade a spade, please. I think - maybe - we
all have to deal with this."
"You've been doing some thinking."
"What else could I do? Moving was temporarily out." Kurt winced at a
thought. "Ach. You've read my journal."
"And the story you've been following."
"How? It's been pulled off the 'net."
"Someone else is hosting it now," said Xavier. "Kitty's printing it
for you."
He noticed the thick pile of paper on Xavier's lap. "Gruss Gott... I
didn't realise it was so much."
"All yours," said Xavier, placing it on the table beside the bed. "And
also, you have the right to talk to us about *anything* that's bothering
you. Anything at all. Any time."
"I want to stop people hurting my friends because of *me*," he said.
"I'm sure the Fiends might have seen me. I *know* what they're going to
do. People like that have done it before. They'll do it again. Bad news
loves good patterns. And I'm the cause..." The floodgates had opened.
"Gott, Professor... If I could pass, we wouldn't *have* this trouble. We
could look like a normal group of kids. I could - I could... I could be
accepted."
"*Kurt*..." Professor Xavier soothed. "We'll find a way. It might be a
fight, but we'll *all* fight it. Not just for you, but for others whose
mutations can't 'pass', as you put it. You just happen to be the first
we've found. I know, it's hard to be a trailblazer... but if you can do
it, you'll make things a lot easier for other physically different
mutants."
"Ja. I can always give grooming tips," he said, laughing a little.
"As well as proving that you *can* have a normal life, hm?"
"How can I?" Kurt asked. "I can't touch anyone."
"Neither can Rogue."
"Ja. Look how many friends she has."
Xavier sighed. "Rogue has *elected* to distance herself from her
peers," he said. "You're an intelligent young man, Kurt. I'm sure you
can figure out ways around our current - er - covert status."
"You're not going to put me under house watch?"
"I don't think you're going to jump again." Xavier raised an eyebrow.
"Do you?"
"Nein. I think - it's more trouble than it's worth."
"We need to have a long talk. Later. Right now, I think you need your
friends, more."
Kitty bought another wodge of printout. It seemed like all she could
do. "There's still, like, half a reem of paper to go," she said. "Maybe
you can like, read it over or something."
"Gives me something to do while I'm stuck here," said Kurt. He sounded
tired. Maybe it was his pain meds.
"Are you, like, okay?"
"I've got a lot off my chest," he confessed. "It's still a bit heavy,
though. Being like this."
Kitty was instantly confused. "Um. What? Does it hurt?"
"Eh?"
"Your injuries... I mean. You're all wounded and stuff, right?"
"Katchen... I was *talking* about being a freak."
Kitty was jolted almost clean out of her chair. Kurt *never* said
'freak', especially not about himself. All signs of cogniscient thought
flew out of her head and she blurted, "Oh. Would you believe I like,
totally forgot?"
"You forgot," he said. "I scared the hell out of you and you forgot."
He leaned his head back and laughed. "Ah, Katzchen... would that the
world would forget like you. It'd be all I need." He leaned over and
hugged her.
"That still doesn't mean you can get like, *friendly*," she objected,
but not too strenuously. "I'd like, like to have my *lungs* back,
sometime soon."
Kurt returned to his supine position. "Sorry, Katchen. At least now I
know you don't like *me*... not the fur or the tail."
Kitty sighed. "I don't like, *hate* you or anything. It's just -
you're like a brother I never had."
Kurt sighed. "I have enough sisters all ready." He pouted. "Hmp."
Kitty giggled at his fake pout. "There's like, a queue forming
outside, Fuzzy," she said. "Everyone wants to like, cheer you up."
"Everyone," said Kurt. "There isn't that many of 'everyone', you know.
Just you, Scott, Jean, Rogue, Evan, Logan, Frau Munroe and Herr
Professor. "Hardly enough for two hands. Normally."
"Sorry," said Kitty. "There's gonna be more mutants here, soon," she
offered. "The Professor says they're like, gonna be coming here for the
new school year. It'll be more people at least?"
"More people to scare," muttered Kurt.
"They'll get over it," Kitty assured. "I did."
"Hey," said Scott. He parked himself on the sole visitor's chair and
fidgetted with his hands.
"Hey yourself," said Kurt.
"Um. We thought of throwing a party for you..." Scott blurted. Then he
winced. "It - kinda got shut down."
"Lemme guess," said Kurt. "Costumes?"
"...nnnngggg..."
"Hey relax," he said. "You don't have to throw a party for me."
"We don't?"
"Nein. Watching you kick yourself is *far* more entertaining." Kurt
grinned.
"Goddamn wise-ass Elf," said Scott. He ruffled Kurt's hair. "Remember
you can't fly, huh?" He grinned.
"Oh, I think I've learned," Kurt smiled back. "I won't be doing it
again."
Jean sat, lip trembling, trying to be Brave.
"It's not your fault," Kurt soothed. "It was all me."
"But - I should have--"
"Nein," he rested a gentle hand against hers. "You have a right to
your life, too."
Jean broke down at that point.
_I thought she was supposed to comfort *me*..._
Rogue marched in, angry. "Nobody else is gonna say it, so Ah will,"
she said, "You're a frikkin' dumbass, Kurt."
"I love you, too," he smiled. "I know it was stupid; but I didn't
think I had any smart options left."
"That's why you're such a frikkin' dumbass," she said, sitting down.
"You're livin' in the same house as the world's most powerful telepath,
and the world's most understandin' counsellor all rolled into one. How
could you *not* do somethin' smart an' *talk* to the guy?"
"He's busy," said Kurt. "There's always more important things than me
to handle. And I *had* hope..." He briefly touched the pile of
manuscript. "When it was taken away, I - I was beyond thinking."
"You *are* gonna think from now on, ain't ya?"
"Oh, ja. Thinking is less hard on the body."
"Good," said Rogue, moving into joking mode. "'Cause Ah don't want ya
hornin' in on *mah* limelight. *I'm* the one who's supposed t' be in
love with death, not *you*."
Kurt laughed. "I love you, too."
"Don't you forget it."
Logan was a complete surprise. "Elf."
"Herr Logan."
He sighed. "I ain't mad at ya."
Kurt breathed a sigh of relief. "Sehr gut. I was worried."
"That was my line, Elf," Logan's face was impassive, inscrutable.
"Don't do it again, eh? This team needs ya."
"*Me*? How could they need me?"
"Trust me," said Logan. "Without you in the mix, this whole Institute
would fall apart."
"I - don't understand," he confessed. "How does this work when
everyone complains about me?"
"You're a peace-maker, Elf. I've seen you defuse arguments before they
begin. Heck, I've even heard ya explainin' folks to other folks,
smoothin' out the rough edges. That - and I *know* you come up with some
darned good ideas, sometime."
"Truly?"
"Would I lie?"
"Nein, but you would tell half the truth."
Logan smirked. "Awright... Ya also come up with some damn fool
hairbrained schemes, too. Happy?"
"And you're still not mad?"
"Nah. You'll grow out of it."
Evan lagged in the rear. "You OK, K-Man?"
"Still a bit sore," Kurt told him. "It's cool, Evan. I have my hope
back. I'll be all right."
"You sure?"
"Ja."
"I really wanted to throw a party, you know. But - mister military was
all, 'somebody might touch him' and all that." He sighed. "You'd think
he'd learn to relax after Duncan Matthews' party."
"Are you kidding? You *know* what happened at Matthews' party. You
remember? The whole Middleverse thing?"
"Oh. Yeah. Well, apart from *that*, nothin' happened. It was cool. I
mean, most of the *school* was there and you made it a non-contact
sport."
"Ah, such phraseology," Kurt laughed. "Maybe we could try for a
smaller party, ja?"
"Yeah. Friends and family." Evan counted on his fingers. "That makes
aboooouuut... fifty - including the obligatory gatecrashers."
"There's that many gatecrashers?"
"Hey, relax," said Evan, which was a portent of doom. "They're fun
people. One even brings his own Deej kit."
"I think," said Kurt, "that I might be hiding under the bed."