Author's Note: Oh god I'm finally posting something to this account please let it not suck. Okay, now that I've gotten that out of the way, this is the beginning of a fic. Basically, I noticed Levi's age and realized that fifteen years in the Scout Legion is a pretty long time - way too long for nothing worthy of a story to have happened. So as you may have guessed, this takes place primarily in the past, although there are several flash-forwards to the present.

For the record I have not read the manga, so please if you review this, try to avoid spoilers for things that haven't yet been animated! Thank you!

The usual basic disclaimers apply; I do not own Attack On Titan, or any of the characters except those obviously made up by me.

Levi, 850

For the first few days after arriving back at the Old Scout Headquarters, no one could sleep.

It wasn't the first time an expedition had ended in disaster. In fact, as far as things went, they'd seen worse returns. But no one liked to turn back after less than a day in the field. They didn't complete their objective. The female Titan had slipped through their fingers. It felt like a failure, because it was a failure.

The Old Headquarters was silent in the night. Summer's breath was beginning to fade, a touch of lingering chill creeping in, suggestive of the coming autumn. The castle seemed to tense in the still air, the kind of quiet that comes only when the entire regiment was only trying to sleep.

And beneath the smothering dark, Captain Levi Rivaille patrolled the halls like a ghost.

The watch was hardly necessary, this deep behind Wall Rose, but Levi detested the feeling of simply lying in bed without being able to sleep. He knew that this would keep up for the next day or so, before the Regiment collapsed from exhaustion and finally knew the sweet release of oblivion. It would be easier after that. It always was. Time would heal their gashes, their bruises, his broken leg. The wounds always closed eventually.

Well. Most wounds.

When he came to the roof, he was almost surprised to find himself there, but he stopped his rounds anyway, leaning on the stone wall at the edge to take the pressure off his bad leg. The moon was new, leaving the stars out in force. Some of the religious in the city claimed that the stars were loved ones lost, but Levi knew better. There were too many - surely, too many people who had died to be held by the sky. He'd known too many of them.

A little breeze kicked up and then faded, carrying a cold caress across his neck that raised goosebumps on his arms beneath his jacket. Autumn. It would be here within the month, two if they were lucky.

I love this time of year.

He heard her voice like an echo on the breath of the breeze.

I've never understood why things are at their most beautiful just as they begin to die.

He hadn't been able to resist writing the letter that now rested warmly in the pocket of his jacket. He knew she wouldn't want to see him; she never did. But she'd never neglected to answer a letter, either.

Maybe one day, she'd let him hear her voice for real, instead of the revenants born of sleep deprivation. He wondered if it still sounded like it did before. Perhaps he was as heartless as they said, but he didn't want the last thing he heard from her to be cursing him.

A scuff of leather on stone. The sound of breathing. These were not in his imagination, he knew.

"I know you're there," he said calmly, though his eyes didn't leave the stars.

"I know." The voice was a warm, kind contralto, though he wasn't used to hearing it so quiet and hoarse.

Hanji hopped up to sit on the low wall, legs swinging gently. She'd foregone her jacket, just wearing the undershirt and pants of their standard uniform. "Can't sleep?"

"No. No one can," he said, looking at her. Her arms were crossed, her hands grasping her upper arms. Behind her glasses, heavy circles surrounded her eyes. "Will you be all right, Hanji?"

"Eventually," she said. "How's your leg?"

He glanced down at his left leg; the sight of it set his teeth on edge. They'd set it and put it in a cast; it had been a clean break in his lower leg. He would be out of action until it healed. At first, they'd tried to get him to use a crutch, but the medics were scared enough of him to let him get away with only using a cane. Even that was an almighty pain in his neck.

"Stiff," he said. "But otherwise fine."

"You should still be on bedrest with it."

"Not a chance."

For a long while, they sat in silence. Before long, the soft chill seeped through the thin fabric of her shirt and she began to shiver. Levi took off his jacket and laid it around her shoulders before she could protest. He didn't mind. The little touch of cold awakened his senses, the hint of pain bringing reality into sharp relief.

"Thanks," she said quietly, hugging it tightly to herself. With a start, she drew the letter from the inner pocket. "Is this going out tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Skena," she murmured, reading the name on the envelope. It held a Capital address beneath. "I didn't know you still wrote to her."

"I do."

"Me too."

Not many things surprised Levi, but that gave him a hint of pause that even she noticed.

"Not very often," she said. "But...but when I can. If you're sending a runner, do you think he can carry mine too?"

"I don't see why not. It'll be sent first thing."

"Good," she said, putting the letter back into the jacket and bringing her knees up to her chest, perched at the inner edge of the wall.

Another silence.

"I wish she were here," she said.

"I know."

"She'd know what to say."

"I know."

He looked at her, and saw the tears glistening in her eyes. "It's always been a numbers game. W-we're the only ones left in the Scout Regiment, Levi, from the Ninety-ninth. The rest are in the Capital or they died at Shigansina or Trost. Which of us will be the one to outlive the rest?"

Skena will be, Levi thought, but didn't say it aloud. She will be, or what I did will be for nothing.

Instead, he took her hand, and said, "I don't know."

"I'm sorry," she said, wiping away her tears with her free hand. "It just...god, it never gets easier. It hurts just as much every time."

"It should never be easy," Levi said, squeezing her hand so hard she winced. "It hurts because they lived, because they mattered, and because humankind won't survive without people like them. Don't ever let anybody tell you it shouldn't be hell to move on from this."

Hanji nodded, but more tears rolled down from behind her glasses. She gripped his hand tighter and a sob ripped through her chest, breaking the floodgate. "I hate this. This part. It's because of me. I just wanted to learn things to help people to keep from dying and n-now - now we - your squad, Levi, it's my fault - and Eren will be sent back to be given to people who never want him to see the light of day - If we'd tried to kill the female Titan instead of capture her -"

He released her hand and took her by the shoulders, hard.

"Then a lot more people would be dead," he said. "You know that. There's time to mourn yet. Get some sleep, Hanji."

"B-but -"

"Sleep, Zoe," he said, his voice turning hard and formal. She flinched to hear it, but he still added, "That's an order. I'll send the runner in the morning for your letter."

"Yes, sir," she said, pulling a weak salute and breaking away from him.

He could still hear her sniffling halfway down the stairs. But sometimes, people had to cry to feel better. The truth didn't come to those who never hurt.

Levi had learned from trainers, yes - but pain was his best teacher. Pain, and Erwin Smith.

Pain, and Erwin Smith, and Skena Rothschild.