It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.

- Lewis Caroll (Alice in Wonderland)

Disclaimer: ItaKiss in any of its incarnations doesn't belong to moi but you knew that already.

"Are you really alright with that?"

Of course he was alright. He was absolutely alright. It was, after all, his decision, made for all the right reasons.

More than once he had made all the necessary calculations. Logically and practically, it made complete sense. A marriage connection with the Oizumi family was good business sense and Oizumi Sahoko was beautiful, as she was intelligent, capable and cultured. They had much in common and they interacted as equals. This newly acquired fiancée ticked all the necessary boxes and more. On every point she was a lifelong companion that a man could confidently be proud of. On paper, everything was perfect. Couldn't be better.

Of course he was alright. Why wouldn't he be?

Naoki had the world and all its possibilities in the palm of his hand. Business magnate, Oizumi Kosei was clearly impressed with him. He said as much at their last meeting. The head of one of Japan's biggest corporations had not concealed his eagerness to see his granddaughter married off to a young man brimming with talent.

Of course he was alright. Only a fool would look a gift horse in the mouth.

The Oizumi-Irie union would bring many mutual benefits and best of all, Pandai would be saved.

Of course he was alright.

He was doing it for his family. As the eldest son he owed it to them... to his father especially to take care of things while his father was recuperating. It was the least he could do. This was no time to wallow in his own wants and needs.

Except when...

That clumsy, stupid girl is in the room, the world around him spins and shouts that all is not well.

When she's near, his heart does strange leaps and throbs so much that it hurts.

And when she's near, the certainty that all is well crumbles like a well-worn edifice.

It's ridiculous... it was just one kiss... okay maybe two... And it wasn't as if we were anything...

It was absurd to think that he would be so easily swayed by thoughts of a girl that he had despised only two years earlier. No doubt, the impulsive desire of wanting to keep her close had been just a momentary lapse. A boyish whim.

I'll be over her. I must... I have to be...

He was ready and determined to see it all through to the bitter end.

Of course I'm alright with everything.

All through the night, his mother's words echoed incessantly in his ears.

"Are you really alright with that?"

That woman... it's mostly her fault... giving that girl ideas... encouraging her... setting her up for a fall...

The whole notion that he would marry that Aihara girl was doomed to fail from the start.

Mother had the tendency to lurch from one far-fetched notion to the next. Worst of all, she had almost succeeded in sucking him into her fantasy.

Wide awake with a million thoughts running in circles inside his mind, he braced himself for another sleepless night. There had been one too many of those lately. Tossing and turning... wondering where she was... wondering if she was with him.

Although he was loathe to admit it, the room next to his was enveloped in an eerie silence. A silence that reminded him of what was... of what could have been. Without knowing when, he had grown accustomed to the rhythm of her boisterous footsteps flying up the stairs and the room door closing behind her.

He didn't know when it all became music to him. The sound of her chatter at the dinner table... her bell-like titter echoing around the house... her child-like voice squealing "Irie kun"... The cacophony of sounds which had become a fixture would soon disappear altogether.

The gulf between them was growing wider by the day. The wall that separated the two rooms was nothing compared to that wall of estrangement that had sprung up between them. To think he had gradually embraced her as a permanent force in his life. More than once, he was on the verge of telling her how he felt about her.

So they're moving out? Good.

The earlier she was out of his life the better. She had been nothing but an agent of chaos in his well-ordered universe.

And yet... the unpredictability had been exhilarating.

In the stillness of the dark with no one to see him agonize over his choices, he dwelt on many things. He wondered if she was coming home. Wondered if she was with that chef apprentice... wondered if she was on a date with him... wondered if she was spending the night with him... in his arms... in his bed...

Every moving part that held him together instantly revolted at the thought.

How could she? It's me she loves. How can she be so fickle?

How can she give up... just like that...

All irony was lost on him. He, who was engaged to the heiress of the Oizumi empire, was battling the murmurs of his own heart.

On those sleepless nights, Naoki waged war with himself. The chaos she had brought with her was threatening to consume him. It took all the willpower he could muster not to run to her side... and yield... to those persistent longings, assaulting him mercilessly at every turn.

Alternating between regret and relief, he recalled all the other moments he had been so close to confessing.

Graduation... Odaiba... lying in bed in his apartment... Christmas...

Somehow, it was never the right time. It never seemed to feel right. Even when he knew what he wanted... he wasn't sure the time was right.

Even when he knew what he wanted... he fought against it. He wanted it to be his choice, in his time, his way. His mother, unfortunately, was far too eager to write that script... and force that happily ever after ending that she had envisaged for him. Her rambunctious certainty had aroused all his rebellious instincts.

On hindsight, all his defiant gestures had turned out to be mere posturing: His choices... one by one... they were slipping away... and out of his grasp.

That stupid girl. She was never his type to begin with so it was a wonder that he allowed himself to be bewitched by her.

I was a fool.

Last year's Christmas party... their Christmas party.

Just the two of them, sitting in the lounge in companionable silence.

She had been ridiculously happy.

He was sipping champagne and she was nibbling on her chicken contentedly. Her excitement, her simplicity at the little pleasures of the season... it was... endearing and enviable. Despite being let down by her friends, she was determined to make the best of it. She almost saw through him too. Although he vehemently denied it to her, he had, in fact, returned home particularly to keep her company.

Little by little, forced to see the world through her eyes, Naoki, was able to catch a glimpse of the delights that these special moments brought to her. For her, all these mundane things, were things to treasure, to savour. Every day was an adventure with endless possibilities.

Just being with her... revelling in her simplicity made him feel... alive. The world around him became refreshingly new... a new place to explore with new eyes.

Her very presence was for him water to his parched soul.

The thought of her not being in his universe brought another pang. That same sensation when he saw her with Ikezawa at Odaiba.

He had been so determined... so resolute... to see through the marriage plans to the end wherever that takes him.

Yet when he saw her with Ikezawa at Odaiba... on a date, no less... he was incensed right to the core of his being.

How could she? It's me she loves. How can she be so fickle?

He had been furious. This is the place that I brought her. How dare he? And why did she let him bring her here...

Naoki's only thought was to lash out. "It's too much of a pain for them to go to a place like that."

They have no artistic appreciation for finer things... food is all they are capable of thinking about...

"They should stay at their level." He added to press home the point.

"Are you saying that we're stupid?"

That's stating the obvious

"Is that not true?"

These two idiots deserve each other.

Naoki got the reaction he wanted as he saw her confused and unhappy face. "Kin chan... let's go."

The deed was done. His anger had given him the strength, albeit temporarily, to stamp out those nagging longings.

But to what end... and at what cost...

Watching the girl he loved storm away in anguish with another man gave him no pleasure. Still seething with anger and vengeful, Naoki was determined to have the last word.

"You two are a perfect match."

Whatever closure he was seeking with that parting shot, it only reminded him of what he'd lost.

Author's Notes:

Yeah... so I capitulated and wrote a few more missing scenes... plus that scene from Naoki's point of view. It's very condensed but I haven't got the time to re-write ItaKiss right from the beginning. May write more if time permits.

Thanks for reading. And many thanks to those who have posted reviews for Six Impossible Things and made the story a favourite. Much obliged.