disclaimer: Characters created by Kohta Hirano, who happens not to be me.

A/n: So this is a cracky, fluffy, smutty story. It's not quite work safe for some relatively non-explicit but quite obvious sexuality. Sometimes I like the idea of Alucard and Integra having "normal" moments as lovers. I mean, Pip and Seras had them, so it's not completely out of order, right?

Anyhow, depending on how you view the characters, this might be slightly OOC. I mean, I think I did a decent job keeping them in character, but I'm sure there are some that would just consider the entire scenario off base. Anyway, if you don't fancy the idea of Alucard and Integra getting cuddly and frisky while watching a shitty movie, you might want to skip this one.

*Inspired by a conversation with laotsunami. The movie in question is Bram Stoker's Dracula (which I'll agree to being a visually stunning film, but seriously, ridiculously bad on a whole).

Oh, and for the curious, this story is set around 1996.

"Movie Night"

When Walter was away, master and monster liked to play.

Integra had been planning this night for a week. She unplugged the phones (kept only her cell phone on for emergencies), locked up the manor tightly, and drew all the curtains. She donned her favourite pair of pajamas, pulled her hair back from her pretty face, and was determined to have a nice, normal night.

As normal a night she could have given her position as head of a vampire hunting agency. It had been quiet of late. Alucard called it the calm before the storm. Integra preferred to think of it as getting the job done right.

Integra only had a passing notion of what normal people her age did for fun. None of it really appealed to her. Despite this she'd quietly slipped into London a couple weeks ago and bought a small stack of magazines geared toward women. Most of them were disgusting, absolutely insulting to her gender, though some content had been entertaining. For example, according to a Cosmo quiz, Alucard was a flirtatious bad boy who was actually a sensitive romantic at the core. What rot. Great bloody pervert was more like it. Nonetheless, a fluffy piece about romantic evenings at home had inspired tonight's main event: A bad movie night, and what could be worse than a ridiculous vampire movie?

xxxx

Alucard stared at the videotape's cover and arched an eyebrow at his master. She looked especially cute at the moment, so he couldn't muster the proper expression of indigence that he felt.

"You must be kidding me," He groused.

"It was either this or Interview with a Vampire," Integra laughed.

"Goddamned pansies," Alucard snapped. "Do people really buy that shit? Anyway, do you have any clue how fucking disgusting animal blood is?"

Integra pulled him into a quick, hard kiss, silencing him and also causing him to lose his train of thought. Oh well, this was more fun. He was pretty sure she was naked under her pajamas, and he thought that was a fine start to the evening.

Integra smiled crookedly as she pulled away. She did not need to tell him that there would be a high possibility of more of that if he played his cards right. Alucard rolled his eyes and gave in to her silly demand. It was rare that she allowed herself such small, petty indulgences and Alucard did enjoy humouring her.

"Fine, but make popcorn."

"I was planning to, but why should you care?"

Alucard shrugged and smiled ruefully. "I like the way it smells."

xxxx

They lounged together on an overstuffed leather sofa while the TV glared at them. Despite having surround sound and high quality speakers, Integra kept the movie at a reasonable volume. She didn't want to annoy her vampire companion.

She was stretched out along Alucard's long body, head against his chest, enjoying the rise and fall of his pointless, habitual breathing. However, Alucard sometimes lost his rhythm for minutes at a time, especially if she happened to shift in just the right way. There was big bowl of popcorn set precariously on the cushion's edge.

Within ten minutes, Alucard was grumbling.

"This is fucking stupid," He growled.

"Shhh," Integra murmured. "It's just a movie."

Alucard scoffed softly. "Oho, well perhaps I'm just sensitive considering it bears my name."

Integra laughed as she shifted against him. She silently agreed that this was already descending into masturbatory levels of schlock.

Integra was extremely pleased when, twenty minutes into the movie, Alucard draped an arm along her waist. She was less amused when he grabbed a handful of popcorn and tossed it at the screen.

"You're cleaning that up later," Integra groused.

"That's fine."

He pitched more popcorn at various intervals, and Integra chuckled despite herself. She slapped at his hand and scolded him.

"Enough. I made it for eating not to be used as projectiles for your target practice."

xxxx

Alucard was bored and thoroughly insulted. He'd seen many movies about himself and was used to them being rubbish. This one took the cake, though. Took, gorged, and choked on it. Well, at least Integra was enjoying herself. She laughed at inappropriate times and made snide comments.

"Somebody needs to get that girl a voice coach," Integra remarked dryly in regards to the young woman acting as Mina.

"Heh. Don't you know that London is just north of the Valley?"

Alucard began to tug at the elastic band that bound her hair. He slowly removed it and threw it toward the image of Dracula seducing Lucy in a stormy garden. Integra's hair brushed his face and her clean scent thoroughly distracted him. He rubbed his cheek against silky, platinum waves and hummed in pleasure. Integra sighed softly.

Alucard busied himself with the delightful task of discovering her skin beneath the heavy curtain of her hair. She smelled heavenly. He trailed the hand at her waist up under her top, exposing her stomach and casually confirming his suspicions. Alucard began making plans that included getting her rolled onto her back and licking a slow trail from her navel to her throat. He stroked the side of her face and dropped kisses along the nape of her neck.

"Hmmm...nnnn...that's a ridiculous hat, Alucard. Did you ever wear anything that absurd?"

Alucard reluctantly surfaced from the fragrant nest of her hair. He didn't know what she was going on about, but then again, he did have a penchant for hats.

"It was another time," Alucard sighed wearily. "That sort of thing was very fashionable."

"I'd say your fashion sense has improved," Integra laughed very low and seductively. "You may resume, of course."

"With pleasure, my lady."

xxxx

There was popcorn strewn across the floor, and Integra had a very amorous vampire on top of her. Not a terribly bad position to be in by her standards, but she supposed she was a bit biased. She continued to pay partial attention to movie even as Alucard did something truly exquisite to the hollow behind her ear. That was a perk to having him this way. Foreplay. Lots and lots of foreplay. Alucard loved to wind her up.

Integra was briefly compelled by the slow seduction of Mina. Perhaps she felt as though she could relate. Integra experienced a pang of longing, not for the cheesy, romantic trope that was unfolding before her eyes, but for the creature lightly nipping at the shell of her ear.

"Do I remind you of her?" Integra asked quietly.

"What?" Alucard sounded irritated to be distracted from his delicate task.

"Do I remind you of Mina, Alucard? Answer me."

The vampire lifted his face and glowered down at her. His eyes were fever bright. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Oh?" Integra teased him lightly. "Do I remind you of Lucy then?"

"No," Alucard shook his head and stroked her cheek. He looked so strangely tender and it made her stomach clench tightly.

"You remind me of no one, Integra. I have never met anyone as magnificent as you are, my dear master."

Integra felt her face heat up. She reached for Alucard and drew him down for a long, deep kiss. Alucard always kissed her as though he were going off to war by morning. He was so heady.

"The film has something right," Integra breathed against his cold mouth.

"What's that?" Alucard chuckled softly.

"You certainly have a way with words, Count."

xxxx

He was sprawled half naked across the leather couch. The irony was not lost on Alucard that, while the pursuit of Dracula flashed frantically across the screen, Abraham's granddaughter rose over his body like a goddess from the foam.

He would happily suffer that horrible defeat over and over, knowing it ended with him by Integra's side. Or in the current case: Beneath her with his hips trapped between strong thighs. He'd had so many wives, but never had he discovered a woman so clearly worthy of being his countess.

By god, she was glorious.

Integra scratched blunt nails down his chest as she arched above him. Her hips ground roughly against his crotch. The friction stimulating his regretfully clothed erection was quite nice. Not as nice as being inside her would be, but Alucard had an excellent imagination and an even better view of his mistress undone. With no one to hear them she was a stunning vision of sight and sound.

By the time the credits rolled he'd shredded her top and was feasting on one of her breasts.

By the time the room was filled with the white noise at the cassette's end, Alucard was swallowing Integra's scream as he kissed her the moment she broke. Her ecstasy twisted up with his until he was no longer sure where she ended and he began.

She collapse backward onto the couch and Alucard followed her down. He curled against her body, and indulged in the sweet smell of sweat in her hair and the fragrance of her blood spiked with arousal.

"So...that went well," Integra sighed contentedly.

Alucard hid a smile against her flesh. "That's an understatement."

"I'll leave you to the grand declarations, Alucard."

"Oho, shall I leave you letters scented with Transylvanian dirt and red wine?" Alucard had a wicked idea of leaving them in sneaky places for her to find. He could just imagine her blushing at a Round Table conference upon finding one in her jacket. She would get so mad...

"Walter would probably find them first."

"That's fine, too."

Integra swatted his head and made a sound of disgust. "I'm beginning to think I'd rather sleep alone tonight."

Alucard just laughed. Even if she did, all things considered, it had been a bloody fantastic evening.

Finis.