**So, when I first uploaded this story, everything was in italics... Idk how that happened, but it did. first version of this story was very dark, and it pained me to reread it and think that I put our lovely Italy and Germany through such mental and emotional torment. SO! I rewrote it right after I finished it. Naturally, it still holds a sort of 'dark' feel to it, but it isn't nearly as dark as the first draft. And, for those of you who read my stories regularly and are wondering 'why is she adding a new story when she hasn't even updated the others for months?!' go read my profile. All the information you need to know about current in-progress stories is there. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this story (as much as you can, really), and PLEASE let me know what you think. This is the outcome of MONTHS worth of hiatus, and I need to know if my writing skills are still decent. Thanks!**

Rain plunged from the darkened sky, filling the vast field with puddles due to the inability of the grass and plants to suck it all in immediately. It was as if the heavens thought the earth was thirsty, parched, when really all the rain was doing was causing the plants, the flowers, the trees to binge on the water; forced take in large amounts, only to not be able to drink the clear liquid that provided them life. There was no thunder, no crashing echoed in the night sky as Jupiter laughed at the look on Juno's face as she found out about yet another mistress- at least, that's what Grandpa Rome always said thunder was. There was no lightning, no bolts being sent down by Jupiter to end the life of a mortal who defied him- again, that's what Grandpa Rome always said about lightning. There was only rain, the collection of falling tears from the eyes of the beautiful muses over the loss of someone they once inspired. Grandpa Rome always said the Gods and Goddesses lived among the mortals; in the rivers, in the trees, everywhere. However, they were higher beings than mere mortals, so the truth was that the Gods and Goddesses were sealed away in their temples, made by the mere mortals, enjoying their time as praised Gods and Goddesses whilst the mortals were suffering from the eventual costs that the onslaught of rain would burden them with.

Italia Veneziano knew better than that.

The stories his Grandpa Rome used to tell him about the Roman Gods and Goddesses were just that: Stories. They didn't exist, they were never true. How would someone as brilliant as his Grandpa Rome believe in such… such childish stories? Then again the same thing could be said about the Italian, for he has believed them growing up. Now though, he knew the truth. He was Catholic, therefore the existence of Gods and Goddess was a joke, a simple outcome of some idiot going against the true God.

Even so, as Italy walked through the field- his shoes soaked through to his toes as he treaded through the flooding grass- he couldn't help but think about the Gods and Goddesses his grandfather had told him all those years ago. Venus had blessed Italy so many years ago when he fell in love with Holy Roman Empire. Thinking about the boy he once loved when he himself was a boy only brought tears to his eyes.

That being the reason he was willingly walking through a downpour of rain such as the one on this night.

The evening had been normal for him; Eating dinner with Germany, laying on the couch with his head on his friend's lap as said friend's deep voice quietly read from the novel in his hands- occasionally stopping if Italy didn't understand something or had a question about an unrelated topic, and once Germany rose from the couch and went to say goodnight to his beloved dogs, Italy made his way to the room they shared- Germany's- and promptly stripped and crawled into the comfortable, familiar bed. Italy had let the scent of Germany fill his nose, caress every part of his skin. It was a scent he wanted to live the rest of his life smelling. His face was so far buried in the pillow under his head- nose breathing deeply in the wondrous scent of beech trees and caraway seeds (or as Germany would call them, Kümmel) with the subtle hints of the best German brewed beer and that aftershave Italy had gotten him so many Christmases ago- that he didn't even notice the German man slip into the bed beside him, turning off the bedside light as he did.

In moments like these, moments where it was just the two of them, Italy would let go of his carefree and overzealous personality and become Feliciano Vargas. Just like Italy, Germany would take a deep breath and stop worrying about being in control and having order and become-

"Ludwig?"

The soft whisper of Feliciano's voice was barely audible as the pounding rain quickly began to beat down on the house.

"Feli?" Ludwig's equally quiet voice was laced with a tiredness only Feliciano has come to know.

"… Buonanotte."

"Gute nacht."

The soft, even breath of a sleeping Ludwig could soon be heard after their gentle bids of goodnight. Feliciano carefully shifted until he was facing the blond German who had protected him for so long. The Italian knew Ludwig was an extremely light sleeper- having spent so much of his life on the battlefield called for such a trait- however, when it was just the two of them… the German turned into a deep sleeper and hardly ever woke with dark bags under his eyes. Maybe it's the security he feels when it's just us… Letting his guard down and all. Feliciano raised his sun-kissed hand and gently laid it on Ludwig's cheek.He looks like how Holy Roman Empire would if he had grown up. … Ludwig has always been there for me, but I feel like I'm using him because he reminds me so much of the boy I once loved. Am I using him for my own selfish gain? Maybe my life and that of my country would have panned out differently if I hadn't been so attached to him the moment he found me in that tomato box. … What would Holy Rome be like now if he hadn't fallen? Would we be… together? Would I have ever met Ger- … Ludwig? We say we're friends, and I even say we're best friends… but my feelings for Ludwig are stronger than that. But… are these really my feelings, or just the memories of a younger me causing me to feel this way because he represents Holy Rome so much?

And much like countless nights before, Feliciano has found himself walking through the field just outside of Ludwig's house, only this night seems to be mocking him by dousing him in rain. So many nights Feliciano has wandered through the field, trying to understand his thoughts and feelings. So many nights Feliciano fails to understand something that shouldn't be so complicated.

Feliciano has spent his entire life making decisions and mistakes for the sake of his country. Those decisions- whether they lead to mistake or not- have always come so easily to him. However, in a way they've been manipulated ever since he laid eyes on the German who was sleeping warmly and dryly in the house a ways back from where the Italian was. Even though he was supposed to be thinking of his country and how to make life better for the people of the nation under his care, many of the things he had done was in Germany's favor as well. Feliciano just couldn't stand the thought of losing Ludwig in anyway; the reminder of Holy Rome being a strong knot around them and his own growing feelings- however confusing and conflicting they may be- kept him desperate to by the German's side. Even during World War II, when Feliciano knew the terrible things that were happening within Germany, he chose to stay by Ludwig's side. He fought and fought for the blond man, only giving up and surrendering when his boss had forced him. The betrayal he had done to the man he… loved nearly killed him. Feliciano hid away inside himself, never speaking to anyone and barely eating. Little did he know the German man wanted Italy to surrender to the Allies, for he did not want to go on knowing he was the cause of Italy's possible downfall. Time and distance had separated the two men after the war ended, and they were brought together once more when Feliciano had finally gathered the courage to go to Ludwig's home. Whether it was his feelings for Ludwig, or his feelings for Holy Rome that carried him to Germany, Feliciano never knew.

And he feared that he never would…

*.*

"Feliciano, it's past noon. Won't you wake up?"

The Italian man whimpered as he felt a cool hand drop down to his forehead and stay there for a few seconds. He was burning all over, and that cool hand just felt so good against his burning skin.Too good.

"You're burning up."

Feliciano opened his eyes as he heard Ludwig mumble something under his breath and hastily walk into the bathroom adjoined to his bedroom, "Ve, Ludwig, I'm fine. Really, I-" A coughing fit cut the Italian off. A shaky hand reached over to the box of tissues on the bedside table and held one up to his mouth as he coughed, tears springing to his eyes as the power of his coughing fit overwhelmed him.

Ludwig came back just as hastily as he left, a bottle of liquid cold medicine in one hand, and a small disposable cup in the other. Feliciano whimpered softly once the coughing subsided, and wiped the tears that had miraculously not fallen from his eyes. He glanced up at Ludwig, taking in the site of his disheveled hair falling down above his eyes and curling slightly at his ears. The tank-top he was wearing was hitched up slightly- probably due to his rushing to the bathroom for the medicine- and the smooth, pale skin of his hip peeked out. Eyes trailing down further, Feliciano could see the way Ludwig's boxers hung lowly on his hips, that alluring V on his abdomen leading down to his groin, enticing thoughts that once caused the 'virgin' to blush. Realizing his gaze was way too low, Feliciano faked a few coughs and turned his head away, hoping Ludwig didn't notice his downwards wondering eyes.

Feliciano bounced slightly as Ludwig sat on the bed beside him. He turned his gaze back to the German, "Lud-"

"Quiet." Ludwig opened the bottle of medicine and poured a generous amount into the small cup in his hand, "Drink this." Once Ludwig was sure Feliciano had drunk all of the acrid medicine, he huffed, "What did you do? Walk around for hours in the rain last night?"

Well… Feliciano looked down, slightly ashamed that he let himself get sick like this. Now Ludwig has to take care of me again… I really am useless without him.

Sighing, the German stood and took back the disposable cup from Feliciano, "Rest. I'll make something for you."

"I don't want to rest!" Feliciano shot up out of the bed, so quickly he became dizzy. "I-I… I want to go to the meeting!" The brunet momentarily forgot that he slept nude.

Ludwig was used to the sight of a naked Feliciano, so he simply turned his back to the man and began walking to the bathroom, "You're sick. You will not be going out, or else you will get everyone at the meeting sick."

Feliciano chased after Ludwig, clutching his arm once he caught up to him in the bathroom, "Please, Luddy? It's not that bad- probably just allergies or something!"

Amber eyes gazed pleadingly up into twins of cool blue. Feliciano wanted to be by Ludwig's side, even if he was sick. Finally, Ludwig gave in with a huff, "Fine."

A smile spread across Feliciano's face… and for the first time Ludwig noticed the smile didn't reach the Italian's eyes…

*.*

During the meeting, Italy had asked countless questions; repeatedly stopping Germany during his speech about the current economic status of the nations present. Not only had he interrupted Germany, but the others as well. France and America couldn't care less- France thinking Italy was adorable the way he was confused and American just glad he could be the hero and help Italy understand. Japan was used to the way the Italian didn't understand much, so he patiently repeated himself and told Italy he would sit down privately with him to help. Russia had chuckled it off and refused to repeat himself. England simply grumbled to himself about the 'incompetence of others' and explained to Italy what he and the others meant- in a way that normally would have the man crying, but for some reason his eyes were… vacant. Canada, well… he stayed quiet the entire meeting.

Once the meeting was over, Italy was still sitting in his seat, watching as everyone left; France and England bickering, America laughing at them and mentioning something about a new fast food place, and Russia chuckling as he followed them out. Italy heard the sound of approaching footsteps, so he turned his head over on his arms and looked up at Japan as he stood beside Italy.

"Italy-san, would you like me to go over today's meeting with you?" Japan gave Italy a gentle, barely there smile.

Before he could answer, Germany stepped in and glared down at the Italian, "Nein. I will speak to him about the meeting. We will see you tomorrow for the second half."

Japan looked unsure at Germany's words, but knowing he could trust the German with the Italian, he bowed politely and made his way out of the room.

A sort of shiver went through the Italian as the thought of being alone with the German crossed his mind. Feliciano picked his head up off his arms and straightened out his posture, eyes watching as Ludwig closed the door, leaving them alone in the large meeting room. "Lud-"

"I've had it, Feliciano!"

Feliciano jumped back in his seat at the sudden boom of Ludwig's loud voice. His eyes widened slightly in fear: Not in fear that Germany would harm him, but in fear of how he will react to the impending scolding- yelled scolding- from Ludwig.

"You never pay attention during the meetings, and since you do not pay attention you are constantly asking questions! Have you not taken into account how your endless questions about topics just discussed affect the others in the meeting?! This is why you are a weak country. You never pay attention and thus I have to be there to clean up your mess! What do you have to say for yourself?!" Ludwig was red in the face, anger blazing in his eyes, and even though he was yelling, screaming at Feliciano, his throat was not raw.

Feliciano stared at Ludwig, a near blank expression on his face. The only thing written across his features wasn't any type of an emotion, but a question; Why? Why was Ludwig yelling at him like this? Why couldn't he just realize it took him so time to let everything sink in? Why was he being so… mean?

The tears that always came after being scolded by Ludwig didn't come. Feliciano noticed. Ludwig noticed. Much like when he noticed Feliciano's smile hadn't reached his eyes earlier that morning, Ludwig noticed how there was little to no emotion in Feliciano's ever-so expressive eyes. What was happening to his Feliciano? Why were those constantly expressive eyes so… dull? Ludwig's anger vanished at the sight of Feli's dull eyes, and he knelt down beside him so they were face to face, "Feli? Is something on your mind?"

There is always something on my mind; It's you and Holy Rome. There is never a moment that either one of you are not on my mind… and I don't know how to deal with it anymore… I can't be strong anymore… "No." Feliciano shook his head and smiled, "I was just surprised, is all! It's been a while since you yelled at me like that."

Ludwig sighed as he looked into Feliciano's eyes, "Alright."

Again, his smile wasn't reaching his amber eyes…

*.*

Another night where Feliciano had quietly crept out of bed and wandered through the vast field of Ludwig's property came. This night, Ludwig hadn't been in bed. Feliciano was visiting Ludwig after being apart for five months, and he was trying so hard to not let Ludwig see how broken and mentally tired he was. Of course, Ludwig hadn't noticed for he had other things to worry about. After a silent dinner, Ludwig locked himself in his study to mull over his countries' current problem; Neo-Nazis were beginning to gather more strength and numbers, and according to his boss Germany was about to be split into two by a civil war. So when Feliciano had left their shared bed, he knew Ludwig was far too preoccupied to notice him leaving. Still, he was quiet so as not to alert the dogs.

Now, Feliciano was kneeling on the ground, having fallen to his knees by the overwhelming thoughts in his head, and was crying and screaming out in agony. He just couldn't take it anymore. Not knowing whether his feelings for Ludwig were true or whether they were just remnants of his feelings for Holy Rome was tearing him apart inside. He always put on a happy face around others, especially Ludwig, but when he was alone he would cry and cry until all his tears had been cried, then he would scream and destroy the things in his home, often spending the rest of the night curled up on the floor surrounded by broken pieces of furniture and shards of glass and clutching his bleeding hands. Finally, finally the confusion and anguish had become too much for the fragile Italian to handle.

"Where are you, Holy Rome?!" Feliciano sobbed as his fists dug into the grass below him. "How could you leave me like this? You promised you'd come back to me, so why didn't you?! I-I gave you my first kiss! You were supposed to come back, to come home! The only time I see you is in my dreams… and I know it's not really you… Where are you…?" After a moment of silence- waiting to hear some sort of reply- Italy doubled over and screamed. Screamed. The tears were hot as they rolled down his cheeks, falling to the ripped grass in his fists. His back straightened out, head was thrown back, and he let out another scream at the sky, wanting to let God, the Gods and Goddesses, whoever was out there know about his agonizing grief.

"I'm trying…" Feliciano sobbed, his voice raw and shaky, "I'm trying to love him… but I just don't know if my feelings are for him… or for you. I can't stand myself when I make the comparisons, when I think to myself you could be like him if you had come back. It's not right. Not right at all! Ludwig is so great and wonderful… even if he is a bit scary at times… but he's always there to protect me, to help me tie my shoelace… he's always there. So why can't I love him properly like I loved you?!" Feliciano gripped his hair, tugging as another sob was torn from his lips, "I'm going mad…"

"Feli?"

The tears immediately stopped falling, the sobs became silent. Feliciano's heart began racing as he thought about who was standing behind him, who had gently called out his name. He turned his tear and dirt stained face to the person behind him, "Holy Ro-… L-Ludwig…"

The screams he cast off into the night sky of wanting someone to hear him, to know his grief, were heard… and by the last person he wanted to hear them. His heart nearly stopped. Why was he expecting to turn around and see Holy Rome? Why was Ludwig here? Why were the tears falling from his eyes once again and the sobs leaving his lips uncontrollably?

Ludwig rushed over to Feliciano, falling beside him on the ground and grabbing his shoulders, "Feli? Feliciano? What is it? Are you hurt?"

"My heart." Feliciano sobbed, burying his face into Ludwig's shirt and staining it with the dirt and his tears. His small hands made fists on the broad chest in front of him, bunching the thin fabric of the shirt. "My head."

"What are you talking about, Feli?" A large hand ran up and down Feliciano's back, calming and soothing.

Feliciano pressed his cheek into Ludwig's chest more, seeking comfort in the close contact but receiving none; The barrier between them was far greater than a thin shirt, "It hurts too much these days… Thinking about it." The words fell quietly, easily from Feliciano's mouth. He wasn't really thinking of what he was saying, but he knew he just had to say something, "I loved someone long ago… That person left for war and… and never came back, even though they made a promise to me that they would return. After some time I was able to be happy again, be okay, but then… one day I met this… person and they reminded me so much of my first love. As time went on we became friends, and I started to have feelings towards… this person. Now, I don't know if the feelings are true or if I'm projecting my feelings for my first love onto this person because they are both so similar… I'm with this person so much, and being near them hurts… but I can't stay away. It hurts so much… So much…"

Ludwig sighed, and Feliciano knew that sigh meant he didn't know what to say, "Perhaps you should talk to this person and tell them about your past. It sounds like you still hold your first love dear, but you need to let her go so you can love this new woman."

Her… Woman… Those words tore Feliciano up inside. Why couldn't Ludwig see that Feliciano loved him? The Italian sniffed as Ludwig pulled his face away from his chest and wiped his cheeks, getting rid of the mixture of tears and dirt, "Ve, Ludwig? If you loved someone… would you tell them?"

Ludwig hesitated, "Perhaps if I wasn't currently getting ready for a civil war, yes. Other than that… I would."

Feliciano felt his heart shatter, There's no way Ludwig loves me, nor will he ever. He thinks I love a woman. I can't tell him it's him that I love when he goes out to seek pleasure with girls at bars… A soft sob left the brunet as he gazed longingly into cool blue eyes, "Do you love someone, Ludwig?"

Again, the German hesitated. His head slowly formed a nod, and a breathless whisper left his lips, "Yes…"

Feliciano unknowingly pushed himself up on his knees, bringing his face closer to Ludwig's. He kept his voice soft, barely above a whisper, "Have you told this person?" After seeing Ludwig's head shake no- their eyes never straying from one another's- he whispered softly, "Why haven't you told them?"

The hand that was still resting on Feliciano's cheek gently stroked the flawless skin with his thumb, "Because I know they don't feel the same." Ludwig's breath brushed across Feliciano's lips, the smell of fading mint toothpaste mixed with beer causing a shudder to go through the smaller man's spine. The strong scent that could only be labeled as Ludwig had been washed over him from the moment the German knelt beside him, and he was slowly getting intoxicated by the scent.

"You'll never know unless you tell them." Their noses were barely touching, enough space between them for a piece of paper to slip through. Feliciano wanted nothing more than to shout out his love for the German and crash their lips together; however… he knew he couldn't. Ludwig loved another, and as much as it pained him to think it, so did Feliciano. He loved Ludwig, but he loved Holy Rome first, and felt like he would be betraying him if he had admitted his feelings- true or not- to Ludwig.

"Feli…"

A soft gasp was pulled from Feliciano's lips as Ludwig's large hands cupped his cheeks, his hips shifting so that Feliciano was straddling him, knees on either side of his on the ground. Feliciano held his breath; the sexual tension of years was resting in his lower abdomen, threatening to explode any second. He could do it- he could make the first move and press his lips against Ludwig's. He's waited for so long for a moment like this… Even so, he dare not make a move, for he did not want to betray Holy Rome, no matter how badly his heart, mind, and growing erection was screaming, pleading for him to meld their lips together.

Feliciano was suddenly gathered into Ludwig's arms, the German standing and making his way back to his home. "You need rest, Feli."

How could Ludwig sound so gruff after that? He's the one that pulled Feliciano onto his lap. He's the one who grabbed Feliciano's face as if to kiss him. What exactly was Ludwig thinking when that happened? All the sexual tension that had coiled up in his groin had vanished, and Feliciano couldn't help but feel angry.

Anger… The first emotion he's felt for the past five months besides self-destructive sorrow…

*.*

A small squeak erupted from Feliciano's lips as Ludwig dropped him onto the bed. Feliciano hadn't really noticed before, but Ludwig was completely ready for bed. His hair no longer slicked back but falling down so handsomely, his normal military attire replaced by a sleeping tank-top and boxers, and- ah, that's right, he must have brushed his teeth since his breath smelt of mint. Was he readying himself for bed when he noticed Feliciano wasn't there?

Feliciano pulled off his shirt, and when his fingers were hooked into the waistline of his pants his face was abruptly pulled up, a pair of warm lips crashed down onto his in a desperate, needy fashion. A surprised whimper caused his mouth to open slightly, and a greedy tongue pushed its way into the Italian's mouth. Even the confusion he felt couldn't stop that coil of sexual tension to explode within him. Overwhelmed with desire and love, Feliciano groaned into the rough kiss and began baiting Ludwig's tongue with his own. Large hands slid underneath him and grabbed his ass, pulling him up so Ludwig could kneel on the bed with Feliciano below him. Those large hands didn't let go of those firm globes, but instead began squeezing, digging his fingers into the cloth that separated him from skin as if he could go through it.

Moaning into the kiss, Feliciano hooked his arms around Ludwig's neck, tugging on the blond hair at the nape of his neck. Amber eyes rolled into the back of his head as Ludwig pressed his hips against his, their clothed erections grinding so sinfully together. That caught Feliciano's attention, and he ripped his mouth away from Ludwig's, both left panting, "Ludwig, s-stop. Wait, what are you…"

Ludwig pressed his nose into Feliciano's neck, his lips brushing against the skin as he spoke in a husky voice that sent shocks of pleasure straight down to Feliciano's straining member, "We're both lonely… Both can't have the one we love, so let's just… just tonight…" Ludwig couldn't even finish his own sentence with the amount of arousal and desire coursing through him.

Even though the tears stung his eyes, even though his heart was breaking due to the meaning behind Ludwig's unfinished sentence, Feliciano nodded, and his hands began tugging at Ludwig's tank-top.

There was no foreplay between the two once they were stripped. There were no whispers of love or comfort as Ludwig buried three fingers deeply into Feliciano, all down to the knuckles, all at once. Only Ludwig's heavy breathing as he worked his fingers quickly and deeply into Feliciano to stretch him, and Feliciano's pained cries echoed throughout the house. There was no lubricant as Ludwig pushed Feliciano down onto his knees, face and stomach pressed against the sheets, as he buried his thick erection into Feliciano's virgin hole, only his own spit.

Feliciano clawed at the sheets, screaming into the pillow as the pain tore him apart. This wasn't his Ludwig; Nice, gentle Ludwig who would make sure Feliciano wasn't feeling any type of pain, and if he was he would comfort him until the pain went away. This Ludwig was desperate, lonely, and Feliciano deserved every amount of pain he was receiving from Ludwig for the way he treated him. Feliciano was using Ludwig, staying with him to keep the memory of Holy Rome alive and his feelings for the boy still in his heart. He deserved this pain. He deserved having Ludwig use him for his own pleasure.

The grip Ludwig had on Feliciano's slim hips was bruising, the power behind his quick thrusts was rough, causing the slapping of skin to combine with Feliciano's screams and Ludwig's feral grunts. One of Ludwig's hands left the slim hip, and gripped the brunet hair roughly, unknowingly pulling that protruding curl.

The moment Ludwig's fingers pulled his curl was the moment Ludwig thrust against that spot deep within him, and Feliciano's back arched in a nearly impossible way, and Ludwig's name erupted from his lips in the most sensual moan.

Smirking to himself, Ludwig aimed perfectly for that pleasure spot, driving roughly into Feliciano each time. His fingers still gripped the brunet's hair, palm pressing against the back of his head harshly.

Feliciano's pain had morphed into pleasure- toe curling, spine bending pleasure. Ludwig's name was moaned, grunted, whimpered each time that ridiculously thick dick slammed against his prostate. Feliciano practically howled as Ludwig pulled him back by his hair; his back pressing against Ludwig's chest, their skin rubbing roughly with each thrust by Ludwig. Feliciano could feel the orgasm swelling, but he couldn't quite reach it. Frustrated with the feeling, Feliciano's hand shakily moved down to his aching erection, but was quickly ripped away by Ludwig. The German twisted both of Feliciano's arms behind his back and held them with one large hand, "You will cum by just me fucking you in the ass."

Feliciano couldn't help but whimper at how Ludwig's rough and husky voice sounded in his ear, saying something so filthy. "L-Luddy… please, please…" Feliciano cried, his fingers stretching and curling in frustration and pleasure against Ludwig's hardened abs.

"Please what, Feli?" Ludwig pulled on Feliciano's hair again, unaware of the pleasure the man felt at having that curl tugged on.

"Ah!" Feliciano cried out and bucked his hips down onto Ludwig's. Tears were falling from his eyes, a trail of saliva had fallen from his lips and down to his neck. He was bobbing his body in time with Ludwig's, wanting to have that spot touched again and again, "Harder! Fuck me harder!"

Ludwig complied with a grunt, pulling Feliciano's hips against his and hitting the man's prostate dead on. It wasn't long until Feliciano's moans turned to strained yells, his fingers trying to grip something but unable to due to Ludwig's grip on his wrists as the orgasm washed over him. He threw his head back onto Ludwig's shoulder, body shuddering and clenching as white semen spilt from his member and slid down his thighs. He had whined Ludwig's name as he came, and now that name was leaving him in panted whispers. He was panting hard, the fear of his lungs failing was erased when he heard Ludwig's deep moan in his ear, and his ass being filled with the warm essence of Ludwig.

"Feli… oh, Feliciano…"

Ludwig held him close, slowly bucking his hips until he felt his member softening once more. Reluctantly, he slid out of Feliciano, suppressing the tingle of pleasure he felt at doing so. Feliciano collapsed onto the bed, falling out of Ludwig's arms and landing face first into the sheets. His arms were still twisted behind him since he was too worn out to move them, his legs were spread and bent in an odd angle. He lay there, catching his breath, unmoving, until Ludwig laid down beside him and gathered the smaller man into his arms.

The apologies began.

The seemingly endless I'm sorrys rolled off of Ludwig's tongue as he cradled Feliciano in his arms, caressing his back and placing sweet kisses on his forehead. Feliciano stayed still in Ludwig's arms, eyes closed but not falling asleep. He slowly opened his eyes once Ludwig's apologies stopped, and the Italian saw he had fallen asleep, his mouth slightly open. Laying there in Ludwig's arms, Feliciano watched as the man he loved slept seemingly peacefully. Watching Ludwig sleep… Feliciano was suddenly struck with the truth, something that brought tears to his eyes.

Ludwig is not Holy Roman Empire.

Tear begin to fall freely from his eyes, absorbed by the pillow beneath his head. No sounds leave his lips, for he doesn't want to wake Ludwig from his peaceful slumber. Even though he cries about it, it doesn't change that Ludwig is not Holy Roman Empire; he is not the boy he fell in love with all those years ago. So… why is he treating him as if he was?

Feliciano has been clinging to the memory of Holy Rome in an attempt to… not face the fact that he was indeed in love with Ludwig. Holy Rome was his first love, a lost love, and he shall never forget him… but he also shouldn't let that love affect the love he feels now, shouldn't try to reason his love for Ludwig by comparing him to Holy Rome. Of course he was struck with familiarity when he first saw Ludwig… but really, Ludwig and Holy Rome aren't as much alike as Feliciano wants to think. Both are blond and have blue eyes, but that isn't much. Ludwig couldn't stand Feliciano in the beginning- he knew that- and didn't want to be near the man. Their friendship did grow, and even though Feliciano was the weak crybaby that he was, Ludwig was always there to give him a stern scolding and a comforting hand. Even though he comes off as stern and callous, he would let down his guards around Feliciano and had learned how to relax for the sake of relaxing. He can be kind-hearted in moments that called for it, and serious in those that needed seriousness. And those… those were the reasons why Feliciano is in love with Ludwig. His fear of letting Holy Rome go… only hinders him from being able to love Ludwig fully and admit his love for him.

As Feliciano watched Ludwig sleep, he knows that this man is Ludwig, not Holy Roman Empire, and Ludwig is the man he's known and loved for years.

Holy Rome was a boy whom Feliciano loved years ago. In order to move forwards with his life- to be able to love Ludwig to his fullest ability- Feliciano… Feliciano has to let Holy Rome go. He broke his promise and never came back, never will come back. Feliciano can never move forwards with his life if he keeps clinging to the memory of Holy Rome.

Feliciano snuggled into Ludwig's chest, smiling softly as he felt the strong arms around him tighten. In the morning… You won't be filling my mind anymore, Holy Rome. I have Ludwig now, and I want to be happy with him. You can forgive me or not forgive me, but either way I'm letting you go. You were a boy I once loved, my first love, but you are also a boy I once loved who never came back. I've waited too long hoping you'll return someday, and it ends now. I love Ludwig, and he's here, and he isn't going anywhere. I've spent too long seeing Ludwig as you, somehow a remnant of you. I know you'll hate me for letting you go, but it's really your fault, not mine. You never came back, and I've waited too long for you to come back. So… goodbye, Holy Rome.

*.*

Their lips were pressed tightly together, neither wanting to pull away. Feliciano whined as Ludwig pulled his lips away and rested his forehead on his lover's. Feliciano's fists balled up into the fabric of Ludwig's military jacket, "Ludwig… Promise me… Promise me you'll come back."

Ludwig smiled down at Feliciano before pressing his lips against the Italian's forehead, "I promise, Feli. I promise I'll come back. Now remember, let the dogs out in the morning, feed them twice a day, and play with them when you can. Keep the place clean, do your laundry weekly, and try to at least read a book or two in my absence. And Feli?"

"Yes, Luddy?"

Ludwig smiled brightly, his blue eyes shining as he gazed down into Feliciano's watery eyes, "Make sure you have a lot of pasta ready for me when I get home."

Feliciano let out a sob and threw himself into Ludwig, crying into his chest, "I will. I will." After a few more moments of crying and holding onto the man he loved, Feliciano stepped away, "Ich liebe dich, Ludwig."

Ludwig couldn't help but feel his heart swell up at those words- however butchered the German words were. He pressed once last kiss to Feliciano's lips, and whispered softly into his ear, "Ich liebe dich, Feliciano."

Feliciano stood on the stone pathway that led to their home, and his amber eyes watched as his beloved German walked away. Feliciano knew that however bad this German Civil War was, Ludwig would come back. Still, that didn't stop the pang of fear when the memory of a lost love promised to return and never did. The Italian forced the fear away, and clutched the object in his hands tightly to his chest; Ludwig's iron cross necklace. The necklace was a parting gift of sorts, and evidence of his promise to come back. Ludwig was leaving with something of Feliciano's as well; A silver band his Grandpa Rome had given him, saying it was blessed by Venus and it will one day fit the finger of the person he's destined to be with. Venus must really like Feliciano since she had not only blessed him with the love of Holy Rome, but also Ludwig since the ring fit perfectly on his ring finger on his left hand.

Feliciano stood on the stone pathway, watching as Ludwig disappeared from view. He promised he'd be back, and so Feliciano will protect their home until he does, until the day he comes home and they can truly love one another. The memory of Holy Rome will never fade from Feliciano's mind, maybe there is a deeper reason why it won't, but for now he'll let it stay there until that reason makes itself known.

The wet touch of a canine nose brought Feliciano back to the world around him. Taking one last look at the spot where Ludwig had vanished, he turned his attention down to the three dogs. He knelt down and scratched the German Shepard behind the ear, "Who knows, Blackie. Maybe somehow Holy Roman Empire didn't really disappear, but lost his memories and became someone else." Feliciano laughed softly as the Doberman barked in the direction Ludwig had left, "I don't know, Berlitz, you may be right… What do you think Aster?" The Golden Retriever simply licked the Italian's cheek and wagged his tail, and once again Feliciano laughed, "Well, I guess we have the house to ourselves for some time. Why don't we start by hiding all of Luddy's porn!"

Letting out a giddy giggle, Feliciano ran back in the house. The time spent alone would be painful, he'd be missing his Luddy every second, but he would remain strong. Ludwig promised he would come back, and Feliciano would be waiting patiently for his return. Hopefully his days of screaming at the night sky are over…