Rose POV

I wake up in the morning sunlight and move about the house like a ghost. Everyone's asleep, as they should be, and I slip out unnoticed and without hassle. The sun is shining, which causes the snow to sparkle in the cold Pennsylvania air. I shiver as I make my way through main Court. It's unusually empty of people, but then again, it's Moroi night. The only people wandering around are Guardians on night shifts.

The first person I see is the Guardian on duty at the front gate. The Guardian is a woman I've seen around before, but never really spoken to. She's older than me by quite a few years and she's pretty. Well, as pretty as any element bearing Guardian can be. I think her name is Margret or something. I ask her to open the gate as she looks from my face to the bouquet of flowers in my hands. She smiles a small, sad smile. The gate opens and I make my escape.

I walk along the road in my own world as I put the horrors of Court life behind me. This past year has been hell. Every night I sit and wonder what it would have been like. What it would have been like to hold her, to see her, to hear her cry. Whenever I closed my eyes I'd relive that night over and over again. I can still smell the blood. I can still feel the pain.

It never goes away.

Every day it's there, no matter what I'm doing or where I am. It follows me like my own shadow, my own personal hell, and nobody knows. How could anyone know? I'm a Guardian, it's my job to protect my charge from everything and that includes my inner turmoil. Lissa wouldn't understand. She's never been in this much pain and she never will. I'll make sure of that. I wouldn't wish this kind of torture on anyone, not even my worst enemy. No one should have to go through what I did and I'm going to make sure no one else ever will or at least I'll die trying.

I pull my coat tighter to my body. Ever since that night I've had a constant chill. Add to that the Pennsylvania winter and you've got one cold Rose. But it doesn't matter. Nothing really matters. Not anymore.

There it is, my destination. I can see it from a mile down the road, the high black fence gleaming in the sunlight. Am I ready for this?

Am I strong enough to do this?

Every step I take brings me closer and closer to the entrance of the cemetery. With every step I can feel the tears they bring. I have to do this. I have to be strong for her!

You can do this, Rose. I know you can.