Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, and no money is being made from this.

Title: Punishment and Darkness

Summary: Very dark. After the destruction of the Death Star, Luke struggles with feelings of guilt about his actions, and seeks 'punishment'. Rated M for slash, mature themes, torture, BDSM, incest.

Warning: Seriously – Luke goes looking for masochistic male/male sex, and finds it (oral and anal). In later chapters there will also be torture and BDSM, with Luke/Vader slash (i.e. incest). I have tried to keep the descriptions within the guidelines for this site, but the themes are still very explicit. If those sound to you like the ingredients of an interesting story, carry on.

Luke regarded his reflection in the mirror with a mixture of emotions. It had been a good night, and he had slept without nightmares for once, but the black eye he had got in the process would have to be treated. Ideally, he would find someone who would heal the visible injury without wanting to check him over more generally. The other injuries were... more personal, and he didn't want them healed. The continuing pain in his abdomen was a reminder that he was alive, and a payment towards his debt to those who were not.

One million, two hundred and five thousand and some. That was the estimated death toll. One bomb in the thermal exhaust port and the threat was gone. And he was a mass-murderer.

After the initial jubilation, the reality had set in. He had managed to conceal his misery at first, pretending to be glad about what he had done, accepting a medal and everyone's congratulations, playing the hero. But when no-one was nearby he allowed himself to slump dejectedly and feel every single one of the deaths over again, each spark of life winking out of existence, each unique individual never to breath again.

Han and Leia noticed of course, as did some of the other pilots. They had been in similar situations, though not on the same scale. They were full of advice, full of ways of looking at it to dull the guilt, but nothing had really helped so he plastered his 'friendly and innocent' face on every morning and it fooled most people.

In the end, Han had suggested shore leave, and Luke had headed off with a group of pilots who had plans to get drunk and chase women. Luke had sat and drunk with them in the first bar, then got deliberately 'lost' on the way to the next. With a bit of effort he got quite thoroughly lost, until he was in a very rough part of town. He picked another bar and had a few more drinks alone there before picking out someone to provide what he really wanted.

The man kept looking at him, with an expression that was part disgust and part something else entirely. This was definitely not the kind of bar where the man would try to pick him up. It was the kind of bar where that sort of preference was likely to get you beaten up or worse, with any luck. Luke acted more drunk than he was, lurching over to where the man was sitting and steadying himself against the table in front of him, then leaning in close and breathing against his face "How 'bout it then? You and me?" He gestured with a nod of his head towards the back door, which he knew led out into a maze of dark alleys.

The man was on his feet in a second, grabbing the front of Luke's shirt and slamming him against the wall. "Filthy little pervert! Get away from me."

Luke allowed himself to slide down the wall a little way, then lurched at him again with a drunken smile "Mmm, you know you wanna" he murmured, sliding his hands down his sides provocatively.

That had earned him the black eye, and the attention of the few other customers.

His moan of obvious pleasure at the blow earned him much more. He was grabbed and shoved out through the door and into the alley where a few more body blows had him reeling in pain while his heart raced. The pain was beautiful, blotting out at least a tiny portion of his debt, but he wanted so much more. The man lifted him up off the ground and pressed his back against the rough wall. Luke took his chance. "Bet you've got a tiny little cock in there anyway. I wouldn't even feel it, would I?"

That got him a growl, and the man pushed in closer. Luke's eyes opened wide as he felt the solid bulge against him. He allowed himself to whimper in anticipation as the man dragged him into a side alley even darker than the one directly behind the bar and pushed him face first into another wall while he ground his hips against Luke's butt. His breath was hot and quick against Luke's neck, the erection hardening still further against him, hands tugging at his pants, knees forcing his naked thighs apart as a hand grabbed both of his wrists and doubled him over.

Then the moment of agonising bliss. He shifted his head so that he could bite down on his own arm to stifle his cries as the man rammed into him without any preparation, white hot fire blazing through his body as he was stretched and filled further than he could have imagined possible. Then a hand dug into his hip as the man started to thrust hard and fast, and he moaned. The man laughed at that. "Not so tiny as you thought, huh?" he gloated as he fucked Luke mercilessly. Luke made no attempt at a reply, giving himself over completely to the physical sensation, to the waves of pain that flowed through every inch of his body. It was perfect, as he had somehow known it would be. He almost passed out as the solid shaft inside him swelled still further and then pumped hot fluid into his protesting passage.

Finally it was over, the man yanking himself out and smirking at Luke's whimper of pain. "You get the message? We don't like your kind around here. If I see you in my bar again, you can expect more of the same. Get it?"

Luke nodded silently. He got it all right, perhaps more clearly than the man did himself. As the man turned and left to go back into the bar, Luke allowed himself to smile and slid down the wall to lie on the cold hard ground, letting the pain wash away all other thoughts and sensations. He felt at peace, for the first time in ages.

He slept there all night, until in the early morning light he dragged himself to a public toilet and sorted himself out as best he could. That just left the black eye.

Half an hour in the 'office' of a healer - the small card in the doorway advertising 'discretion' in the treatment of injuries and social infections had made him a good bet - and the only visible injury was gone. Luke still looked as if he was hungover and had slept in an alleyway, but that was fine. That was not exactly an unusual look for someone who rarely got any shore leave and hadn't learnt to pace himself.

Suppressing a grin he paid the healer and made his way back to the small transport he and the others had arrived in, to find them in similar states themselves. They seemed relieved to see him, but only mildly curious about where he had been. A vague statement about getting lost, finding a bar, sleeping in an alley was accepted without any apparent surprise.

He smiled. It was a start, at least.