Olivia opened her eyes and sighed softly, carefully feeling around on the nightstand to find her watch. 4 AM. She sighed again and set the watch back down. She hated sleeping on her side, but her expanding belly was making sleeping on her back too uncomfortable. Her stomach growled softly, and she rolled her eyes. It wasn't helping that she was hungry, yet again, and had to pee for what was surely the tenth time that night.

As quietly and gently as she could, she pushed the covers back and eased her bare feet onto the wood floor, taking a moment to think through the layout of their still-unfamiliar new home. Bathroom first and then down to the kitchen for a glass of milk, she thought. Alex had been pushing milk (and spinach and fish and oatmeal) on her pregnant wife with the zeal she used to approach every project. Olivia hoped that yielding to Alex's dietary urgings would help avoid a lecture on not getting enough sleep.

She paused at the end of the bed to slip her arms into her robe and looked down at her sleeping wife, silhouetted dimly against the pale sheets. Olivia smiled. No matter how she started, sometime during the night, Alex always ended up "starfish-style", as Olivia liked to tease her: arms and legs luxuriously splayed out, snoring very softly and hogging far more than her share of the bed. The baby kicked her bladder, and Olivia felt a twinge of jealousy. She would pay good money to sleep like that again.

xxxXXXxxx

At the top of the stairs, Olivia cursed under her breath. She couldn't for the life of her find the lightswitch. After a few minutes, she gave up and angrily made a note to pick up a nightlight for the hallway. Grasping the rail, she crept down the stairs, feeling each step with her toes. Just a few more…

His hands were too tight on her arms, all but holding her up and forcing her to stumble down the hall. Her head was so heavy, and her knees were so weak. Even her eyes were cloudy, made blurry with alcohol, exhaustion and tears. What he had done to these poor people-what he was threatening to do to her-it was too much. She wanted to throw up. She wanted to howl.

He paused, and her head lolled, eyes focusing vaguely. She groaned. Stairs. A cruel hand tightened in her matted hair, dragging her head back until his eyes bored into hers and his breath filled her nostrils. He released her arm and slid his fingers under her ruined shirt, touching her barely swollen belly in a mockery of a caress. Her skin crawled, and she struggled to get her feet under her and relieve the pain in her scalp. She knew what was about to happen, and she was completely helpless to stop it.

"I always wanted so see if this works like it does in the movies," he smirked. "Could come in handy."

She fell in slow motion, a split second of awful anticipation before her knee clipped a stair and her face smashed into another, breaking her nose. Her instincts screamed for her to curl up, but her hands were still cuffed behind her and her muscles were deadened with too many drugs. She bumped down the wooden stairs like a ragdoll.

By the time she regained any semblance of awareness, her body was still. She knew she was in pain, but she didn't really care. The calm, the stillness and quietness and absence of his pawing hands on her, felt almost pleasurable. She closed her eyes.

"No!" Her voice rang loud in her ears, and she touched her lips with her fingers, blindly wondering where the tape had gone. A hand touched her back, and she twisted away, lashing out with blessedly free hands and ignoring the pain in her knees. She didn't want this. She couldn't take it anymore. Her shoulders met a wall. A corner. Oh god. Her eyes flew open, and the too-bright light was like a knife. She squeezed them shut again, fresh tears touching her cheeks, and braced herself for what was to come.

"Olivia, honey."

The voice was barely more than a whisper, and it wasn't cruel.

"You're safe."

Holding her breath, she tried to open her eyes again.

"It's me."

It was Alex. Olivia's eyes darted back and forth, searching for the beast that still haunted her. She had felt his hands on her body, his voice in her ear. It had been so real. She focused on the hand, slender and pale and familiar, that reached out for her.

"Let me help you."

Olivia took the hand, grasping tightly and allowing her wife to help her to her feet. Aware of anxious blue eyes on her, she quickly wiped at her tears with the sleeve of her robe and resisted the urge to groan as she stood on her now-sore knees.

She let Alex take control, settling her on the new sofa, pillows behind her back and under her legs, while Olivia struggled to rein in her reeling emotions. She was tired of feeling so helpless, but she was grateful for the strength and steadiness of her wife's hands. Alex gestured at the hems of her pajama pants. "Can I look?" Olivia nodded.

Her knees were red, a few stray spots of blood from a scrape being the worst of her injuries. They'd probably bruise, but that was it. Olivia was sure she had only fallen on the last step. Alex touched her gently. "I'll get you some ice."

Olivia reached out and caught a fold of Alex's loose pajamas. She tried to smile, pouring the love and trust for her wife into the effort; Alex would know if the smile was fake. "Would you get me a glass of milk too?"

xxxXXXxxx

"Sit by me," Olivia said quietly, beckoning for Alex to relax and lean against her. She was afraid for Alex, hating that her inability to sleep or control her emotions was taking a toll on her wonderful wife. It was getting better with time and therapy, but it had been months and it would probably be a while longer. She wanted to cherish Alex while she could.

After a moment, Alex complied, tucking her feet under her and resting her cheek against Olivia's shoulder. Olivia set her glass aside and wrapped her wife in her arms as best she could. She could smell warmth in Alex's hair and traces of the scent she wore to work. It was a familiar scent, one that had teased Olivia for years, lingering when Alex would walk by her desk in the precinct. She still liked it, occasionally looking through her wife's cosmetics to find it when Alex was traveling for long periods. She tightened her embrace a little and brushed her lips across Alex's hairline.

"Have I told you recently how special you are to me?" she murmured.

Alex trembled against her, slipping her hand under the neckline of Olivia's pajamas and pressing her palm against smooth, warm skin. "Yes, but… tell me again," she whispered.

A/N: I hate snow. I can't sleep at all.