In The Rain: This Should Not Be
Disclaimer: I do not own Les Mis.

This is the memory
This is the curse of having
Too much time to think about it
It's killing me
This is the last time
This is my forgiveness
This is endless

(This Memory ~ Mayday Parade)

"This can't be true. It must be fake. The soldiers and the policemen must have staged this. They're not dead. They're not dead. They're not. They can't be.", Marius heard himself whisper. His love's father was sitting beside him in the carriage back to Marius' grandfather's place.

His heart was racing fast as the impossibility of his situation dawned on him. His friends were not dead. This was all just a bad dream. He would wake up soon and go to the Musain to introduce Cosette to all his friends.

They would be happy for him, drinking on him and his love. Even Enjolras would approve as long as Cosette would not divert Marius from the cause. Eponine and Cosette would get along great and become good friends. Everything would turn out the way he wanted it to.

His friends were not dead.

The moment the carriage halted in front of his grandfather's place Marius tried to jump out of the carriage. He simply could not sit still. He needed to move. His injury made this illusion almost seem his real. But he was a hundred percent sure.

Cosette's father held him back reminding him of his injury. He did not care. This was all a dream. He was only dreaming this all. He was not injured. He would run a mile to prove his point. He had to move. Moving would show him that this was indeed a dream because in his dreams this injury was not going to hurt. He was only dreaming. That was the only explanation.

His friends could not be dead.

His stomach dropped. Much like himself when he set foot on the floor. Bile and something else was rising in his throat and he was sure he would throw up. Joly had warned him about that stomach bug. He made a mental note to visit his friend for a tonic once the sickness in his stomach had stopped.

"Marius, my love, Where have you been? I was worried.", Cosette, his beautiful blonde angel, called out to him and hurried over to him. While his right hand was before his mouth keeping in what his stomach wanted to get rid of, his left stopped her. He wanted neither spoil her dress nor give the bug over to her.

"What's wrong, my love?", she asked him and he shook his head, unable to answer him. Her father gently led her away from him, talking to her softly. In the corner of his eyes he saw the doctor and his grandfather hurry to him.

He could not hold it in any more and emptied his stomach onto the path leading to his grandfather's house. He was crouching down to keep the liquid staining his clothes too much. All of a sudden he felt weak on his feet.

After making sure Marius had completely emptied his stomach Cosette's father picked him up and carried him back to his bed like a little child.

"It is the sorrow of losing his friends. This is normal. Give him a couple of days to cope with it. If he is still throwing up in a week's time please give me a call. I'll prescribe him a tonic to strengthen his stomach then.", the doctor told his grandfather and Marius did not have the strength to argue he did not need the doctor since he had Joly. And he did not grieve his friends. He had no reason to.

He decided to close his eyes to sleep. It would all be better in the morning. He would wake up and it would all be a dream.

His friends would not be dead.

He was turning in his bed throwing the blanket his love had draped over him. He was hot. He was so incredibly hot. He was sweating like he was carrying a passed out Grantaire back home in the middle of the hottest summer.

He wanted nothing else but fall asleep. Instead he was tossing and turning remembering all the times in the Musain. How much fun they had. How much believe they had in their cause.

He had no idea how long it was since he had been put down in the bed and he had decided to sleep. All he knew was that he could not sleep. He watched the sun setting through the open window engulfing the room first in a deep orange hue until it became dark.

Realization hit him as the moonlight shone into the room coldly. He was alone. All of his friends were dead. No one was left alive. All of them had fallen. The tears welled up in his eyes and he felt sobs course through his body. How could he ever overcome this sorrow? He was alive and they were dead. It was so incredibly unfair and it hurt.

Marius cried into his pillow, careful not to wake any one in the house. He cried until he could not cry any more. He cried until he finally fell asleep. He cried until the sun, that very sun he had watched set those endless hours ago, slowly rose.

His friends should not be dead.

But they were.

Grieving phase one (after Verena Kast): not wanting it to be true. This took me longer to write. Not because I didn't have the inspiration but because I was too lazy to sit down and write. But here it is.

~Liliana-chan