Chapter 4: Fight or Fight?

This Isn't What It Looks Like

"Thanks again for watching them," said a relieved Bruce Wayne, who was standing outside of Dick's apartment's front door with a hand on both Tim and Damian's shoulder.

Dick glared at his former mentor, his eyes screaming that he had a problem with this, but Bruce was too caught up in his relief to notice. "Well, looks like it's time for me to go," said Bruce after an uncomfortable silence that he finally seemed to notice. Tim and Damian exchanged sour looks as Bruce all but fled out of the apartment complex, leaving Dick sighing.

"Before I let you in, we've got to go over some house rules," said Dick, knowing he would have a headache by midday. "First off – for the love of God, don't fight. Second, don't touch anything. Third – no going in my room… and fourth… you know what? Just ask me before you do something."

Dick waited for both Damian and Tim to nod before letting them in. The first rule lasted all but five minutes before Damian and Tim were arguing about what to watch.

"Supernatural came on last night and I know Dick recorded it, we're watching that!"

"Tt. What's so good about a show that sends off so many homosexual vibes the fans make them kill off any female with potential?"

"It does not give off homosexual vibes!"

"Please, those 'brothers' have more gay moments than you and Superboy do – and that angel? Don't even get me started on his relationship with the older Winchester…"

"Shut up, Demon! You don't even know what you're talking about. And me and Kon are NOT gay!"

Damian raised an eyebrow skeptically, "Really? I wasn't aware you were a female. Forgive me Drake."

Tim spluttered, "I'm not! I didn't mean that like that! I just meant Kon and I aren't in a relationship!"

"Oh, he doesn't want to make it official? I can't say I blame him, I wouldn't want anyone to know if I was dating you either."

"Oh," said Tim angrily, red-faced, "is that what Colin tells you?"

"Don't bring him into this, Drake!" Damian hissed, glaring at the older boy.

Tim gave a victorious smirk, "I just did. Getting defensive there, Demon?"

"I am not getting defensive!" Damian all but yelled, and Tim's smirk widened.

"Guys," Dick decided this was his moment to intervene. "Lay off each other!"

Damian's glaring eyes never left Tim's, but he said nothing more. Since Dick was (in their opinion) being a dick, they decided to keep quiet.

Therefore, they were all shocked out of silence as the song 'Gangnam Style' randomly buzzed through the air. Dick quickly pulled out his phone and answered it, which was currently screaming "Heeey, sexy lady!" with a red face, ignoring Tim and Damian both gaping at him.

"Hello? Kori? Why are you calling, is something wrong? Jason's talking to himself again? Yeah, no I know what's wrong, he – what? – no he's not crazy. Well, not in the hearing voices kind of way at least…" Dick's voice became muffled as he walked to his room and shut the door so that Tim and Damian wouldn't hear.

"He's still talking to Kori?" Tim asked no one in particular. Damian, meanwhile, was looking scandalized. "He told me that whore didn't even remember him! That lying bastard!"

"Why so possessive of Dick all of the sudden?" Tim asked with a raised eyebrow. Damian shot him a scathing look, "I'm not possessive, I just think that Kori is a bitchy slut who doesn't deserve Grayson."

"That's… kind of harsh, Damian."

"You would say that," Damian snarked, and Tim bristled. "What's that supposed to mean!?" Tim practically shouted, and Damian gave him an evil grin, eyes feral.

"You know exactly what I mean, Drake. You're a cowardly worm with no spine, I'm surprised Father even keeps you around, but then again when it comes to you I think his pity outweighs his intelligence."

"Fuck you, Damian!" Tim jumped to his feet just as Dick came back in the room.

"Hey, woah, Tim calm down! What happened?" the oldest in the room asked, placing his hands on Tim's shoulders and staring him in the eye. "Come on little brother, calm down. Ignore him."

Tim held Dick's gaze for a moment in a rare act of rebellion, before sighing and ducking his head. "Yeah, okay."

Dick gave him a smile, but Tim didn't return it. Instead he sat back down on the couch (as far away from Damian as he could without falling off the damn thing) and glanced at Dick, silently inviting him – more like demanding him – to sit down. Preferably in the middle of the two younger, fighting birds. Dick took the seat gladly and made himself comfortable. As soon as he was situated, Tim asked what was on his mind.

"So what did Kori want?"

At the same time, Damian growled, "I thought Starfire didn't remember you."

Dick frowned, as though he wasn't sure who he should answer first. He decided upon both:

"Kori regained her memories of me when her mind turned semi-human for a bit, it's a long story and I wasn't there for it. Ask Roy about it. And she's worried about Jason because he keeps talking and arguing with someone who doesn't appear to be there. Even a Tamaranean knows the signs of insanity."

"Well, we all knew Todd was insane, I don't see why she had to call you about it." Damian grumbled, and Dick gave him an odd look. "But he isn't crazy – don't ask me anymore questions about Jay or Kori," Dick suddenly said, looking as though he was regretting telling them anything. "If either of you are stupid enough to blab, don't mention me!"

Tim had seen the look of a man in trouble many times – and luckily Dick wasn't wearing it. He looked more like he would if Alfred caught him stealing cookies from the cookie jar.

"It's not our fault you have a big mouth," Damian said, but agreed not to talk all the same. Satisfied that the two wouldn't tattle on him, Dick seemed to forget Tim and Damian hated each other more than Hitler hated the Jews. He had the lovely idea to go food shopping leaving Tim and Damian alone… together.

Honestly, for all that he was brilliant, Dick sure could be stupid at moments. It didn't take long for the living area to look like a tornado had swept through it… twice. Ten minutes after Dick left, the boys had gotten into a fight, which quickly turned physical, which quickly turned over the couch… and the table… and the TV… and the lamp… just about everything that had the potential to be knocked over by the boys, too locked in their fight to even notice the damage they had caused both in the apartment and on each other. Damian was in the process of kicking Tim square in the chest and knocking him into a bookcase (which tipped and allowed all of the books to fall on Tim's head) when Dick wandered in with the grocery bags that he quickly dropped as he rushed to Tim's side. Before Dick could even attempt to haul Tim up, the boy threw himself at Damian, knocking the younger over. They quickly rolled around on the floor, clutching each other like cats locked in battle would. Except this one included kicks and punches and headbuts.

Dick gave up trying to pry them off of each other, which he had started doing when he realized shouting "STOP!" at the top of his lungs did nothing except give him a sore throat. Instead, he raced into his kitchen, grabbed some ductape and scissors, before running back to the room and pulling a trick that seemed to always work on people, and bats were no exception to this.

"I'M NAKED!"

Tim, who had currently been on top of Damian, froze mid-punch and snapped his head up. The normal (and embarrassing) human reaction. Seeing this as his only chance, Dick barreled into Tim, knocking him off of Damian and onto the floor, where Dick promptly pinned him.

"Sorry about this," said Dick, before grabbing the ductape and placing a piece across his mouth, ignoring the muffled cries of confusion and anger as he wrapped up the rest of his body as well. Damian, who had been watching with a smirk on his face, felt his eyes widen as Dick turned to look at him with the ductape and scissors in his hands. Tim was on the floor behind him, looking like he had been stuffed into a poorly structured silver cocoon. Damian tried to run, he really did, but Dick was like a feral animal as he tackled the younger boy to the ground. Before Damian could let out any type of sound at all, Dick had his mouth covered with ductape, along with his hands, feet, arms and everywhere else Dick saw fit.

Meanwhile, Jason was sitting in a tree outside of the window in complete shock as Dick wrapped up his little brothers in ductape, mumbling all the while about how he hadn't even wanted to watch the two anyway. Jason wasn't sure what to do. Dick had clearly lost his mind.

Jason sure as hell wasn't going inside with Dick like that, so he did the only thing he could think of. He called Bruce.

…

"Unknown" ranged anywhere from a shady businessman to a villain on the screen of Bruce's phone, so naturally he was a bit hesitant to answer it. He was completely caught off-guard at the sound of Jason's voice – which sounded both amused and concerned.

"You might want to stop at Nightwing's apartment, there's a surprise waiting for you."

"Red Hood?" asked Bruce, baffled, and very thankful he was in his car and nobody could hear him talking to the criminal-vigilante. It was one thing for Batman to associate with him, but as Bruce Wayne? Forget it.

"I swear if you've hurt any of them –" Bruce could practically hear Jason rolling his eyes.

"Would you relax? Just get here, you may have to intervene, so be prepared."

"Prepared for what!?" Bruce shouted, but Jason had already hung up the phone.

Growling and cursing to himself, Bruce shoved the phone back in his pocket and changed his direction until he was on the road Dick lived on. Luckily, he was almost there.

…

Dick stared at Damian and Tim angrily – the two of them looked both angry and scared, and, ultimately, unable to move an inch. Dick had not only ductaped their persons, but had actually ductaped them to chairs, which had their backs facing each other. He'd had it. Even ductaped, the boys had managed to wiggle over and kick each other. No more. Dick was done.

So, therefore, he tied them to chairs so that they couldn't move. Right now, he was giving them a lecture.

"Not only did you disobey the rules I set – you destroyed them! I'm so freaking pissed at you two right now! I swear I can't have a good time when you two are around each other. I'm sick of it! No more! Now listen here and listen good, there's going to be some changes around here you little –"

"What the hell!?"

Dick had been so into his rant he hadn't even noticed Batman come in through the window. Realizing how this probably appeared, he turned to the Cape Crusader with dread. "This… this isn't what it looks like."

Actually, a voice supplied in the back of his mind, this is exactly what it looks like.

Was it wrong he didn't feel bad about that?

…

Yes, Tim and Damian drove Dick crazy! I actually wrote this in school, 11 pages! I was all excited, my hand was cramped, and was ready to put this bad boy in word processor.

What is this… 5 freaking pages? And I print small too, my handwriting is this tiny itsy-bitsy thing (sometimes), so you can imagine how disappointed I am about that bit. Sorry if it was sucky, my mind is like "lol you have no muse." Stupid muse taking its stupid holiday in stupid-land. :'(

Well anyway, hope you enjoyed it! *goes to nurse cramped hand*

I'm going to do AJ Crane's request next! So until the next chapter, enjoy this filler one!

…

I would really love more requests, cause like I said before, my muse is on holiday and I seriously need some motivation and ideas. So hit me with all you've got!