Chapter 10: There's only one explanation for this…

I am a God. Just when Chuck thought the characters in his books couldn't do anything weirder… they manage to go to a secret wizard school. He needs to get really, really, drunk.

Chuck wasn't sure how it had happened, but reading through the word document he must have been really, really drunk. He rubbed his head, the remains of the migraine still lingering. He didn't even remember getting drunk to start with. He was just going about, living his totally non-prophet of the lord life which had just stopped after the cage closed, much to his relief, and now he was here, with several days stubble and a hangover which could probably kill Death himself.

He yawned, and scrolling back to the top of the document, he wondered briefly where God had gotten too, before saving it (against his better wishes) and heading towards a long hot shower and his bed.

It was hard to say how it started. Meg would have angrily pointed out how it was all Crowley's fault for as good as ditching her at the Yule Ball, giving two brothers the bright idea of trying to help the demons get better acquainted with each other.

Which was how they finished eating breakfast one morning, ignoring whatever Sam was doing with a pile of books and a piece of toast, standing up, only to find themselves joined at the hip.

Maybe not literally at the hip; their hands were cuffed together. Sam was the immediate suspect, and he chose that moment to conveniently duck under the table, popping up on the other side next to Dean, while Castiel retrieved his toast experiment.

"Where's the key!" Meg lunged forwards, forgetting that Crowley was attached to her arm and dragging him into her. The pair lurched, the latter grabbing onto the table for support.

"No key," Sam looked smug. "It unlocks when you two get on."

Meg swore at him. Crowley sighed and pulled a paperclip from one of Sam's books, folding out and trying to pick the lock. He had to drag Meg's right hand up with his left, dumping it on the table as he inserted the narrow strip of metal.

There was a strangled hiss and wide-eyed, the demon pulled out his make-shift lock pick, observing the melted steaming mess. Dean whistled innocently, grabbing his bag and steering Sam off in the direction of Defence. "Have fun!" he shouted.

"You moron!" Meg snapped. "I'm in your class!" and she moved after them, jolting Crowley from where he was still sat down.

"Stop that!" he hissed. "Let's just be sensible about this…"

"I'm not listening to you!"

"Well you're not telling me what to do!"

"Listen… let's just go to class…"

"Dammit I'm going to kill those bloody Winchesters!"

"Come on, Defence is better than Herbology especially with Gabriel mocking us…"

"I hate it when you're right…"

"Suck it up Crowley,"

"Shut up."

Their teacher was less than helpful, merely casting the joined-at-the-hand pair a glare with his rotating eye. "You're late," he snapped, as Meg made for her usual seat the other side of Cass, but upon realising there wasn't enough space, reluctantly let the Hell King drag her to a spare row. Sam and Dean's shoulders were shaking, and she glared at them, wishing she could telekinetically pin them against a wall and leave them hanging there.

Surprisingly none of the teacher noticed, and out of the few who did, they just raised one eyebrow and didn't ask. Snape had looked scolding but when Gabriel chose that moment to whistle under his breath "kinky bastards," the teacher had looked slightly green and moved away to trying a save a toad from exploding.

As such, their magical handcuffs stayed locked for a whole week.

In that time, the two demons had thought up over twenty-six different ways to kill the 'twins', with at least fifteen of them guaranteeing that they wouldn't be caught and held accountable. They had, in desperation, brought their handcuffed wrists (Meg's right and Crowley's left) to every single of their teachers in their screwed up time table, but whatever charm Dean had found to keep them together was woven so intricately with another charm to stop it being broken that the spell was impossible to unravel.

They had even tried brute force in the form of the large and part giant groundskeeper who stood even taller than the gigantor at 8ft 6. He seemed like a good fellow, if slightly intimidating, but Crowley had theorised that he was 'Like the BFG, a Big Friendly Giant' which then prompted the argument over when the King of Hell had time to sit down and read Roald Dahl.

They left after Hagrid brought out the hammer, their wrists still chained together, and the pair both arguing.

Flitwick got distracted when trying to break it; the small goblin human trying to unravel the spell rather than break it with brute force. He started marvelling over "How beautiful the spell work was… oh if only Mr Winchester would apply himself in class he would match his brothers in grades as well as good looks…" and the pair of demons both developed eye twitches from hearing the praises of the Michael Sword and the Devil's vessel. The intricate spell work was far too complex and well done for the brother's own good, and it served as a reminder as to why most monsters hid under the bed only because they were scared of the Winchesters.

They'd long since passed their father's legacy.

The whole situation was Very Awkward, especially when dealing with the finer aspects of life. The second day however Sam took pity on them, and pointed out another charm that activated, allowing the chain to stretch up to three metres away ('Like a dog on a leash' Gabriel had snickered. Jo hit him in the back of the head with the biggest text book she could find). It made things a little more bearable.

"About time," Meg sighed, when the handcuffs finally snapped open, exactly a week since they had snapped on. She snatched her hand back, holding it to her possessively.

"They better watch out," Crowley promised darkly. He exchanged a gleeful look with Meg, and the brothers both mentally made a note to stay away from the demons until they had calmed down.

Their plan didn't work that well when two weeks later they both found themselves bound and gagged in a cupboard. The demons didn't even have the gall to stick them in the same cupboard (which was stupid, because everybody knew that while the Winchesters were lethal together, separating them was like siccing an enraged panther on yourself.)

At least, Dean mused struggling against his bonds which he was currently rubbing on a rusty nail to fray the thick rope, the pair had the decency to simply tie them up, and didn't leave them pinned telekinetically to a wall somewhere.

Meanwhile Gabriel was frowning at a blonde haired hunter. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.

The green eyed teen laughed. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Gabriel decided not to mention that even though the Hufflepuff usually had the reputation of being slightly mad, today he looked a little too happy with something.

"Dean?" Adam spun around, Jo by his side. "Are you coming? We've got potions."

"Gotta' jet."

Gabriel watched as Dean vanished, Castiel already waiting at the end of the hall. It then occurred to him that he hadn't seen Meg or Crowley in some time. He narrowed his eyes at the retreating figure, and then turned to where Sam was walking towards him.

The tall teen seemed unusually clumsy, and let out a yelp as he hit his head on one of the floating candles. "Bloody moose," Sam muttered.

"Where's Crowley?" Gabriel asked, looking around Sam (since he was too short to look over Sam's shoulders).

The Ravenclaw looked panicky for a moment. "Nowhere," he shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe he and the… Meg… got stuck together again."

"You would know," Gabriel remarked airily, "Since you stuck them together."

'Sam' just made a noncommittal humming noise, grabbing a bag and taking off towards transfiguration. Gabriel glanced down, seeing Sam and Dean's tattered backpacks stuffed full of books still sitting at the table, and 'Sam' walking off with Crowley's smarter shoulder bag. Sighing and smiling despite of himself, Gabriel hurried to catch up, looking forward to whatever happened next.

Nothing different happened immediately. 'Sam' seemed a bit indignant when Crowley got a detention for skiving off the lesson, but partnered with Gabriel and began to work on their potion. He seemed distracted, so it was no surprise really when something went bang.

"My hair!" 'Sam' yelped, the end of his long and luscious flowing locks singed and burning slightly. Gabriel grabbed the customary bottle of holy water than lived in his bag, courtesy of Dean last Christmas, and tossed in on the disguised Winchester. 'Sam' spluttered, a squinting glare being directed Gabriel's way. The eyes were red for the briefest of seconds, and Gabriel looked far too smug for his own good.

'Sam' also got a zero on his potion for that day, which was going to be hilarious later.

"I'm sorry about the hair," the archangel told 'Sam' gravely after the lesson. "It's a tragedy – I'm just thankful no more was lost…" he stopped as, with a yelp, 'Sam' overbalanced and tripped down the staircase… the moving staircase and rolled over the edge.

Poking his head over the banister, Gabriel watched as 'Sam' landed on the staircase below with a bump and a groan. "Are you okay?" he shouted, completely unsympathetically. As a muffled swear word drifted up, he smiled, "That's good!"

Meanwhile in a cupboard at a random location in the school, Sam succeeded in tearing through one of the knots. He glanced around, trying to see how much he had sawn through in the dark. He saw the one knot hanging loose, and then he spotted the other four knots. With a sinking heart, he turned around and began fraying the rope.

He had work to do.

Castiel was frowning as 'Dean' sorted through his weapons. "You cleaned them yesterday," he told his friend.

"Got to clean them every day Clarence," 'Dean' said distractedly. "Otherwise they get rusty. Hey, how about you head down to dinner and I'll join you in a bit?"

"Okay," Castiel paused in their hobbit-like common room, wondering where Meg was, before continuing to dinner. Dean had been acting oddly all day, and professing his love for Dr. Sexy to Professor McGonagall was by not least the weirdest thing he had done.

He'd found the keys to the Impala, and then hidden them behind a painting in their common room 'to keep them safe' and for the whole day, had been walking so closely to Castiel that they were practically holding hands. He also kept dropping references in conversations about 'sharing a dinner together' (which considering they ate together every night made no sense to the angel) and weird soppy emotional sentences that were usually more like something Cass would hear from Sam's mouth, such as 'what would I do without you'.

"How is Dean-o doing?" Gabriel asked him, as he met with the others at supper. Meg and Crowley were still absent.

"Fine," Castiel answered, distracted and not noticing the glint in Gabriel's eye. "Sam, are you okay?"

'Sam' was rubbing his head, wincing occasionally. "No," he muttered, and Castiel noticed the ends of his long hair were singed off. "I keep walking into things. Why is Gigantor so bloody tall?"

"Evening fella's," 'Dean' slid into a seat next to Cass. He looked unusually happy for some reason.

Castiel reflected on how sad it was that Dean being happy was a rare event.

"Why did you get to be the squirrel?" 'Sam' hissed at 'Dean'.

"Because I've already been the almighty moose," 'Dean' rolled his eyes. "I wanted to switch it up a little bit."

"Took daddy's care for a joy ride did you? What did daddy think about that?" 'Sam' taunted.

'Dean' looked like he wanted to strangle his brother, but instead he just snapped, "Bitch," and leaned back, grinning smugly.

"Sweetie…" 'Sam' shook his head, mockingly.

"What are you two whispering about?" Adam asked, suspiciously over from where he sat next to Gabriel. "Where are Meg and Crowley? Did you do something to them again?"

"No," 'Dean' laughed, but it was strained. "Of course not…"

"They're not all bad," Castiel told him. "You should give them a chance."

"We do!" 'Sam' insisted.

"Like you gave me a chance," Castiel added, meeting 'Dean's' gaze as the blonde swivelled around to look at him. For a moment he had the feeling of being examined like prey as Dean's eyes flickered over him, sliding down his body and up again, before settling on eye contact.

There was an awkward cough from 'Sam' across the table. 'Dean' ignored this. "Hey Cass," he said slowly, as if preparing the words. "Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?"

Castiel frowned. Gabriel spat out his drink and Adam choked on a mushroom. Which Castiel thought was quite skilled, considering no meal on the table even contained mushrooms. "We go together anyway," he said, confused.

"Not that way. As in just the two of us … Together…" 'Dean' rolled the last word on his tongue. There was a fake gagging sound from 'Sam'.

"If you don't want the others to come with us, you could just tell them," Castiel shrugged.

"No!" 'Dean' grabbed his hand, meeting his gaze again. "Not like that! Just…" the pair stared at each other for another moment. "Oh screw this," 'Dean' rolled his eyes, in a manner almost reminiscent of Meg, before grabbing Castiel's collar and yanking him forwards, head tilted down so that their lips met in a clumsy kiss. Castiel flailed wildly as 'Dean' pressed his lips to the angels. Relaxing into it, the brunette's eyes slid closed as the blonde deepened the kiss.

There was a sigh of relief from the door. "Thank God finally," Sam ran a hand through his jumbled but not burnt hair. "I thought the sexual tension was going to kill me before anything happened between those two." There were frayed ropes hanging from his wrist and a dust bunny on his plaid shirt.

"Hate to tell ya' this," Gabriel said, "But that's not Dean." He glanced to where 'Sam' was watching the kiss with way to much interest.

"Crowley…" the real Sam by the door ground out startling Castiel and 'Dean' apart. Castiel glanced between Sam and 'Sam', frowning.

"Sam, why are there two of you?"

Adam sighed, looking slightly relieved. "Polyjuice potion." He breathed, quietly enough so that the angel didn't hear. "No wonder Dean was acting off all day. Wait…" he glanced at 'Dean'. "If you're Meg, then where is Dean?"

Somewhere else in the school, a closet sneezed. Walking past under his invisibility cloak, Harry Potter jumped in alarm, and then, thinking he had imagined it, continued walking.

Sam stalked towards where the Team sat - the eyes of most of the school on him. They had been observing the two Hufflepuff's while pretending not to notice the 'budding romance' but now at the appearance of the second Sam scratched their heads, not all of them having a Hermione to tell them how that sort of stuff worked.

"I'll uh… see you later Clarence," 'Dean' stood, grabbing his bag. "See you Saturday remember? We'll go someplace romantic and make gooey faces at each other all day!" he called over his shoulder, sounding a bit more like Meg, sprinting out of the hall. Castiel was left sitting there, confused, lips slightly swollen.

"Is Dean… okay?" he turned to the others, and they exchanged glances before mutually deciding to leave Dean to explain this one to him.

"He just had stuff to do," Adam gave the angel a strained grin. "He spotted this plasma screen TV he really liked and well… you know him… can't find an honest job to save his life…"

Castiel frowned. "That's unhealthy." He looked to where Dean had vanished.

"Hey Crowley," Sam leaned on a table, smirking down at where his double had just morphed back into his usual form with bubbling skin. He now wore robes that were too large and when he stood, he tripped over the fabric. "So?" Sam asked, "How was it, being me for a day?"

"It sucked," Crowley snapped, trying to gather up the fabric without making it look like he was wearing a dress. "You're too bloody tall." He had several visible bruises on his forehead along with a cut on his cheek from his stair jumping experience. The rest of the school had turned away by now, assuming some spell had gone wrong producing two Sam's. The lack of a second Dean meant that most of them were now firmly convinced of the two Hufflepuff's not-so-secret love affair.

"Where is Dean?" Sam frowned. "He's not still tied up in a closet somewhere?"

Crowley looked slightly worried then. "He… uh… there are a lot of closets. I'll remember which one. Eventually…"

Gabriel fell off his stool at that point because he was laughing so hard. Jo was currently checking the camera she had stolen from Colin Creevey had in fact developed a picture of Cass and Meg!Dean mid kiss, and was now looking like a smug cat that had caught that damn yellow Tweety bird.

It turned out that Dean didn't need rescuing from the closet like Rapunzel from a tower. He had rescued himself and gone to shower and change with the plan to hunt down Meg. After discovering what Meg had done to his pile of weapons, he decided that maybe that could wait, and went down to find the others.

"Where's your boyfriend?" the blonde fairy was brave enough to sneer at him as he walked down to the end of the dinner.

"Who..?" Dean frowned, glaring at the kid who took the opportunity to run. Shrugging, Dean continued to try and find something to eat. He'd been locked in that cupboard all day dammit.

"Dean!" he practically ran into Sam who was looking frantic. "Oh thank god. Crowley told us we'd have to search every closet from here to the Astronomy tower."

"Crowley?" Dean asked. "You mean Crowley was in on this too? And you were stuck in a closet… dude no…"

"Crowley and Meg… they…"

"Oh come on!" Dean clenched his fist. Some girls walking past giggled and he turned to Sam. "And how come the whole school keeps asking me if I'm gay."

"Oh… no reason..?" Sam shrugged, but his reply was a bit too hesitant.

"There you are!" Jo skipped towards them, "Oh this is great, brilliant… hey Dean look at…" Dean would never find out what she wanted to show him for Sam intercepted her.

Castiel slipped past her. "Hey man," Dean sighed in relief. "Everything's gone all screwy. Please tell me you're normal."

Cass was staring at him with great curiosity, and it almost appeared as if he had a great fascination with Dean's lips. "I am normal." He replied. "Are you going to kiss me again?"

"Yeah, I'm great." Dean replied, running a hand through his hair and then freezing. "Wait… what? Kiss you? I never… that was…" he looked nervously at Cass. "You do realise that was Meg, right?"

Castiel frowned, wondering if Dean was ill. Sam, still fighting Jo for the photo, just wondered if Castiel was completely oblivious to the whole 'Meg was being Dean' thing or whether the angel just didn't care… "Do you still wish to follow through with the Hogsmeade trip on Saturday?" he asked, as if checking through his options.

"Hogsmeade…" Dean was planning how to kill Meg without any weapon. "Yeah, sure…"

"Great," Castiel looked a bit more relaxed now. Over where Sam was still trying to rescue something from Jo's clutches, Gabriel snickered. Dean eyed him warily.

"Going to kiss and make up?" someone wolf whistled in the corridor. Dean blinked, and upon realisation that they were talking about Cass and him, ducked his eyes.

"Oh great," he groaned. "Meg is so dead…" seemed to be the only thing he could think of. This day couldn't have gotten any worse.

"Ah, Mr Winchester."

Or maybe it could.

"Yes Professor," Dean forced a grin as he turned around to face Professor Snape.

"I have been asked…" here Snape paused, as if to say he had been blackmailed into doing this since none of the other teachers wanted to bring it up, "I have been asked to remind you that public displays of affection are highly discouraged." He glanced with distaste between Dean and the angel.

"We're…" Dean was still flustered, "We're not…" he gestured between them, "That wasn't me."

"I'm sure," Snape drawled. "That whatever explanation you come up with could not possibly be worse than the murmurings I hear from the other student. And while part of me wants to ask, the other part says knowing will be more disturbing than anything I could ever imagine." And with that he flounced off.

"So does this mean that you and Cass are officially a couple then?" Gabriel asked.

Dean raised one finger in the air threateningly, "I… we're not… me and Cass aren't… Oh my God what is wrong with you people?" but upon failing to come up with words gave up and walked away, leaving Castiel confused and maybe slightly hurt and Gabriel in hysterics.

Dean and Sam were left dealing with the fallout from that particular trick of Meg and Crowley's for days afterwards. And not least of all was the very interesting romantic date that Castiel took Dean on.

The other Team members had given them a wide berth that day, and Meg had been expectantly waiting for them to arrive back happily in love. Gabriel had been totally planning on stalking their 'date' but he got distracted by trying to steal from the sweet shop, which he was banned from entering upon pain of death. For his endless sweet supply, he had been forced to rely either on Crowley's black market, the other Team members' meagre offerings or for Fiddle and Dibby to find food somewhere.

By the end of the day though, Sam had happily announced to Meg that Castiel's idea of romantic basically meant 'make Dean happy' which involved copious amounts of alcohol, pie, Dean teaching the angel how to play pool and poker, and was going to end with a trip to visit the Impala where it was stashed in the village, but that had to be post-phoned when Dean failed to find his keys.

Meg was pissed off, because the pair were still Narnia deep in that closet of theirs. She planned on buying Dean a dictionary for Christmas, with a post-it note in the 'h's so he might finally learn what homosexuality meant. Although… maybe she should just point out the fact bisexual existed, considering the amount of girls he flirted with on a daily basis.

"Where are my car keys?" Dean growled at Meg, pissed off for different reasons. "Answer me!"

"Ask nicely," the brunette mocked.

"Where are my car keys, bitch?" it echoed of a previous conversation they had once had.

"It must be nice," Meg taunted, "Being such a happy-go-lucky sociopath."

Dean's fists clenched and he turned away, pacing to prevent himself from punching her in the face. "Tell me!" he demanded again.

"Calm down sweetheart."

"Just tell me! Where they are!"

Sam was currently having vivid flashbacks ("Just tell me who you are!") to the same scene with him and another demon who had gone from blonde to brunette.

"Or you'll what..?" Meg smirked.

"Or…" Dean fumbled for an answer, not quite yet ready to admit to the others that his weapons were currently not in their usual state and he was still trying to work out how to return them back to normal. That he now owned a marshmallow gun, a jelly knife and a candy cane angel sword, made him think Gabriel had been let loose in his room, if it wasn't for the fact his demon killing knife was now a demon killing slice of pastry with apple sauce inside. Dean still couldn't decide whether to throw the demon killing pie in her face, or eat it and be grateful for the free food.

Or maybe he should trick Meg into eating it and see if demon killing pastry worked. He wondered vaguely if he gave it to Fiddle and Dibby whether the elves could examine the pie and work out the ingredients so he could kill Crowley with some demon killing haggis or whatever the once Scottish dude had eaten.

Sam was currently ignoring Meg and Dean's usual once-a-week-head-to-head in the favour of examining a homework he certainly had no memory of giving in.

"What that hell did you do Crowley? I got failures for the whole timetable! Did you blow something up in every single class or something?"

Unlike their Prank War of '96, the battle of wills between the two demons and the two Winchesters of '95 was a more subtle affair. Sam and Dean cracked the code to body-swapping before anybody could do it to them, and unleashed the horror on Meg and Crowley.

"After all," Dean smirked at Meg, who was currently Crowley, as he could see by the red-eyes, "Since you liked being us so much, we figured you'd like trying out what each other's meat suit's feel like."

It came to an end when Crowley somehow got Professor Moody to tell him the spell for transforming people into animals, and then reworded it slightly to fit in with another spell, and tested this untried experiment one morning as the twins were heading to breakfast.

Dean was relieved at least that he wasn't stuck in a cupboard for the entire day. He wasn't however happy to be looking up at the world with wide emerald eyes, and when he opened his mouth to complain, all that came out was a pathetic 'mew'.

There was a squeak from next to him, where the ball of brown fluffy that was Sam tripped and banged his nose against the cold flagstones. Dean opened his mouth again to complain, and once again he only succeeded in 'meowing' loudly and plaintively. He shut his jaw was an audible click as the brown kitten that was his brother looked up with hazel eyes.

There was an 'oh crap' look that passed between the two Winchesters now turned kittens and then suddenly the floor was falling away from beneath their paws. Dean squirmed, and lashed out with one paw at the hand holding him.

"Dean!" Castiel dropped the indignant cat on the breakfast table. He missed the clear spot, and instead the brown kitten landed in the middle of Jo's bowl of cereal.

"What the…" Jo avoided the splashing milk and looked at the bedraggled brown tabby. Castiel put Sam down more gently, the younger brother a long haired cat who seemed to be allergic to his own fur, for he kept sneezing periodically and with a pathetic, startled look on his little kitten face. "Castiel have you rescued another stray animal again?"

"They're Dean and Sam," Cass tried to explain. "Crowley hit them with a spell and took off. I tried to reverse it, but he's changed it somehow."

Jo helped Dean out of her rice crispies, using a corner of the tablecloth to mop up the bedraggled brown form. Dean tried to clean himself off with a small pink tongue, but after tasting his own fur pulled a disgusted face which looked all too cute on the small animal.

"Great," Jo sighed. "I'll take them to Professor McGonagall." She said, preparing to scoop them up. She pulled her hand back as Sam's ears flattened and Dean bared his little kitten fangs. "Or not... Listen guys do you want to go back to normal or not?"

The pair looked disgruntled. Jo couldn't help but let out a small 'aw' because the cuteness factor of the two usually scary hunters had just been ramped up a lot.

They were both tabby, although Sam was a darker shade of brown than Dean with longer fur. He also had a series of dark, murky stripes running across his back, while Dean's patterned fur was paler. The latter also had a white chest and paws, along with one white splash on his left shoulder, which as Jo looked, reminded her vaguely of a handprint…

For that matter, they both had a series of speckles on their chests in the same place, which seemed to form a circular star.

"Castiel you tell them," she sighed, not wanting to risk the kittens' anger, cute as it was.

Dean's ears pricked and he walked over with wobbly legs to the angel, pausing only to snag a piece of Adam's bacon on the way, ignoring his little brother's complaints.

"I'll get the teacher," Jo sighed, standing up, pausing for a moment to watch as Dean jumped awkwardly to Castiel's shoulder, and seemingly finding it comfortable, curled up there. Sam meanwhile had decided to annoy Crowley's partner in crime, and was padding all over the book Meg was trying to read, ignoring her attempts to bat them off.

Gabriel currently had the camera, and both kittens paused when the flash went off. Jo hurried off, hiding a smile as she searched for the Transfiguration teacher.

After that incident, it was mutually decided to end all attempts to sabotage each other's lives. Original aim achieved, the demons now got on (at least when working towards a mutual goal), and Sam and Dean were still freakily co-dependant. Castiel was relieved that he had survived relatively unscathed, and Meg was pissed that he and Dean were still blinder than earthworms (since of course every demon knows that bats aren't blind).

It was a regular occurrence throughout their years at Hogwarts for Sam and Dean to take a trip out on a weekend taking Adam with them. Despite her various arguments, they refused to take Jo, and when she taunted them that it was only because they were 'afraid of her mother' Dean had nodded and agreed unanimously.

That was how Adam got trained to be a hunter. Well… that and various lessons in the Room of Requirement.

Gabriel was witness to one of these lessons, a scene in the Room of Requirement, which involved a chalkboard and a long list, entitled 'How Not to Die' by S.W.D.W.

1: Don't sell your soul to a demon. Or any angels named Balthazar.

2: Don't go within a ten mile radius of a crossroads, even if you do have the King of Hell on your payroll.

3: Don't work with any faith healers. Especially not faith healers who enslave a reaper

4: If a pretty girl named Tessa asks you to go with her, your answer is always no.

5: Don't let Sam drive. He'll let your car get t-boned by a semi.

6: If you find yourself in a psychic kid death match – GET OUT OF THERE. If you can't, then whatever you do, don't leave your enemy lying on the mud behind you with a knife.

7: Don't go near any cages.

8: Don't say yes to an archangel. Or any angel. They're all dicks. Except Cass. YES THAT INCLUDES YOU GABRIEL!

9: Don't trust your soulless brother not to let you get turned into a vampire. Even if there is a cure that now conveniently exists.

10: Don't piss off other hunters.

11: Hellhounds = Bad

12: Kill the ghouls before they kill you. And eat you.

13: Don't be a Winchester.

14: Don't be related to John Winchester.

15: Have an angel conveniently located to heal you and/or bring you back to life.

16: Don't start the Apocalypse.

17: Stay away from Broward Country. Especially on a Tuesday.

18: Wishing wells = BAD

19: Helping out reapers by becoming dead is Not A Good Idea

20: Death likes fast food. Don't piss him off.

By the time it was finished, it took up three chalk boards. Crowley stared at it in disgust before remarking that 'the Winchester practically had a get-out-of-death-free card, so why bother avoiding it?' Adam didn't find the lesson terrible helpful and added another point.

21: If you ever meet two idiots called Sam and Dean Winchester, pretend you never met them and pray for salvation. Don't pray to the angels though. Or any demons. Or the devil. Or any pagan gods. Or God. Basically find an iron and salt lined panic room and prepare to live the rest of your life there.

Gabriel added his own observation.

22: Don't have sex with Sam Winchester. In fact don't even look at him that way. OR YOU DIE!

Despite the unhealthy amount of explanation marks, even Sam had to admit that was sadly true.

Credit to most of this chapter, including the Polyjuice idea goes to my friend who texted me at ten thirty at night with the idea and we then proceeded to bounce ideas off each other. I hope you're happy. I am not here to write fanfiction for you, so consider this a once only thing.

So this is going to be the end. The way I've written it always leaves the possibility of another chapter. I'm not promising anything though.

One last thank you to everybody who reviewed! You guys are amazing, and I'm so glad you enjoyed this story. Thank for somehow encouraging me to change what was meant to be an 8,000 word oneshot into a 72,000 word tale of mostly hilarity and craziness, but then again considering the characters, it's practically expected really. Well that and my need to post 6,000 word+ chapters for some reason.

Enjoy episode 9.02 Americans, and laugh while I wait another day to watch it.

Many thanks,

~Eclipse