Cinnamon Bun took off with the disclaimer saying that I don't own any Adventure Time characters. Just some musings about what happened after Earth and Water. He he…Love some good character torture.
Down And Dumped In Ooo
"I can't believe Cinnamon Bun left me!" Bubblegum groaned as she and Finn returned to the tree house.
"I can't believe Cinnamon Bun helped stage a coup in the Fire Kingdom," Finn remarked. "But more importantly FP dumped me!"
"She already dumped you over a week ago," Bubblegum gave him a look.
"I know but…Man. I just can't believe it's over," Finn groaned.
"Really? You thought betraying her and breaking her heart was just a little thing?" Bubblegum asked in an icy tone. "It's not Finn. It always hurts after all the years you spent with that person all of the sudden they turn their back on you! That's not exactly something you can just forgive right away."
"Well…" Finn began.
"All these years of putting up with the insanity and the stupidity and for what? WHAT?" Bubblegum yelled in frustration. "So they can just turn around and do what they want when they want! And leave you behind with nothing but a broken lab and a lot of bad memories?"
"Uh Princess…?" Finn blinked.
"You spend years lavishing affection and love and trying to help a pastry with the IQ of a cabbage find his place in your kingdom!" Bubblegum went on. "And for what? 'Sorry Princess I have a real dog now'. Left me for a dog! Wonderful! Yeah you know what? Fine! You were a lousy assistant anyway!"
"We're not talking about Flame Princess anymore are we?" Finn asked.
"For over thirty years I put up with that Cinnamon Simpleton!" Bubblegum threw up her hands. "Thirty years of messed up experiments, disrupted meetings, broken equipment….He even burned down my kingdom but did I throw his stupid sticky butt out the door? Nooooooooooo! I forgave him! Like a sap I forgave him!"
"O-kay…" Finn was starting to get worried.
"I should have thrown his butt into the fire and let him burn like he burned my kingdom!" Bubblegum still kept going. "Now that I think about he and Flame Princess are a match made for each other! They're both completely destructive and oblivious!"
"Princess?" Finn began. "Hell-oooo…"
"Well he wants to go out on his own and be a big shot in the Fire Kingdom? Fine!" Bubblegum fumed. "She can have him! Good riddance! But when he messes up…And I guarantee he will if he thinks he can come crawling back…"
"Princess!" Finn interrupted.
"Oh sorry Finn," Bubblegum realized what she was saying. "Kind of went off into my own thoughts just now."
"No kidding. I guess we both got dumped today," Finn scratched his head.
"Yeah," Bubblegum sighed. Then it hit her. "I was just dumped by Cinnamon Bun. Cinnamon Bun…Him?"
"It's not like you were dating or anything were you?" Finn asked.
"More like his mother," Bubblegum waved. "I did create him after all. And he was my ungrateful child who sponged off of me and…"
CRASH!
"ICE KING!" Jake was heard yelling.
"Sorry. I didn't know that was breakable!" The Ice King was heard yelling back.
"IT'S A MUG! OF COURSE IT'S BREAKABLE!" Jake yelled back.
"Ice King's still here huh?" Bubblegum asked.
"Yeah. Says he's gonna commute every day until his castle is fixed. Sure you can't help me out and…?" Finn asked.
"You're the one responsible for wrecking his kingdom in the first place," Bubblegum reminded Finn.
"I know but…" Finn began.
"It's time you learned that there are consequences for your actions," Bubblegum interrupted. "And if the Ice King can't teach you that lesson, no one can."
"You're right," Finn groaned.
"Besides I've already had one co-dependent lunatic leave my kingdom," Bubblegum started to leave. "I'm not in a hurry to have another one move in!"
"Okay so I'll see you around?" Finn asked.
"Yeah whatever…" Bubblegum sighed as she walked away, ranting under her breath about Cinnamon Bun.
"Wow. And I thought I was taking my breakup hard," Finn blinked.
He went into the tree house. He found Jake and The Ice King wrestling over a sandwich. "Give me back my sandwich man!"
"But I'm hungry!" The Ice King whined. He had his crown back on. "Fighting Gunter's snow snakes took a lot out of me!"
"I'm gonna take a lot out of you if you don't…" Jake made a fist. Then he saw Finn. "Finn?" He untangled himself from the Ice King. "You okay bro?"
"Uh not exactly," Finn groaned.
"So what happened?" Ice King asked. "How did you blow it this time?"
"Short version, PB convinced FP to let her do some tests on her to help her with her emotional problems. But then Cinnamon Bun told FP that PB was responsible for getting her locked up in the lantern," Finn sighed as he slumped onto the couch. "FB got mad and she took Cinnamon Bun to the Fire Kingdom. They overthrew her father and locked him in the lamp."
"Ouch…" Jake winced.
"Yeah she's ruling the Fire Kingdom and has this total honesty at all times law now," Finn explained. "She says we're friends but uh…It's just not gonna happen man. Oh and Cinnamon Bun is now her right hand man. He's living there now."
"Wait, let me get this straight," Ice King held up his hand. "Cinnamon Bun helped stage a coup?"
"A very successful coup," Finn groaned. "And even though we're friends again Flame Princess made it very clear she never wants to date me again. Ever."
"Yikes. That's rough man," Jake winced.
"Boy did you blow it man," Ice King shook his head. "I mean you really blew it."
"I know," Finn grumbled.
"Now I've done my share of blowing things Finn but I have to say you topped me by a mile!" Ice King spoke up. "And considering how old I am and how many stupid things I've done that's a pretty big accomplishment."
"I know," Finn frowned.
"I mean you had it all and you threw it away!" The Ice King went on. "All because you couldn't be honest and you had this urge to manipulate her!"
"I know…"
"You're just lucky she didn't want to get revenge on you," Ice King said. "I'm just saying. Girl like that you're lucky you didn't get your boingloings burned off!"
"I know," Finn sighed.
"I mean look what she did to me when she thought I did something to her!" Ice King went on. "Which of course was all your fault!"
"I know!" Finn got up off the couch.
"You're lucky she didn't decide to burn down your home!" Ice King kept going. "And then where would I live?"
"Uhhhhhh…." Finn groaned and started to bang his head against the wall.
"The worst part is when they say they want to be friends. That is never good," Ice King sighed. "Never, never, never…"
"I know…" Finn pounded his head against the wall some more.
"When a girl you once dated says she just wants to be friends now…Ohhh…" Ice King shook his head. "I'm telling you one thing. It's not the 'Let's hang out all the time and be besties'' friends that's for sure. It's the 'I'll tolerate you and try not to kill you while I'm looking around for a boyfriend to replace you' kind of friends."
"Is there a point to all this besides making me feel bad?" Finn snapped.
"That and getting you back for having my home burned down!" Ice King snapped.
"You're just gonna keep grinding on that aren't you?" Jake asked.
"If you were me wouldn't you?" The Ice King asked.
"You have a point," Jake shrugged. "Of course Finn you know by now Tier Two is so way off limits for you and her."
"AGGGH!" Finn let out a yell of frustration. "Why can't I find a girl who's normal? A girl who likes me without all these complications?"
"You want a normal girl? In Ooo? Good luck with that," Ice King scoffed.
"I tried being with Bubblegum but that failed," Finn started to pace back and forth. "I tried being with Flame Princess but that failed!"
"Big time," Ice King called out.
"I don't know what to do anymore," Finn groaned.
"Normally Finn I would tell you to keep trying and never give up but in this case," The Ice King shrugged. "Give up. I mean come on! Flame Princess is so not the girl for you! I mean you're supposed to be a hero and she burns down kingdoms for a living. Not a great combination. So forget her and move on."
"Besides that Ice King!" Finn snapped. "I don't know how to move on!"
"Hey don't bite my head off," Ice King huffed. "I'm not the one who blew it."
"For once," Jake gave him a look. "But he does have a point. You gotta move on man."
"I can't just move on right now!" Finn snapped.
"You had no problems doing it with Bubblegum," Jake pointed out.
"Hold on! Finn you hit on my GF?" Ice King did a double take. "Oh wait I broke up with her! Did I? Or are we on a break?" He looked confused. "I can never remember."
"It doesn't matter man she's not interested in either of us!" Finn snapped. He slumped to the floor. "I just…I don't know man."
"You know what Finn, it don't matter. Women! Who needs em?" The Ice King made a raspberry. "Now I remember what happened! I broke up with Bubblegum! I tried so hard to make our relationship work but did Bubblegum appreciate me? No! She would party all the time breaking stereos treating me like an island she could just come and go to all the time! And leaving me to get into fights with stuck up wolf headed wad bags!"
"Dude, you're making a lot less sense than usual," Jake gave the Ice King a look.
"Well forget Bubblegum and forget Flame Princess! We can just have fun hanging out here! Being Tur-Bros!" He sat down next to Finn and put his arm around him. "We don't need nobody else but us guys!"
The Ice King beamed. "Yeah that's what we'll do! We're gonna hang out all the time and forget those girls who treated us like poopies! Who needs 'em? We don't! Because we're gonna be best bros forever and ever!"
"Oh no…" Finn put his hand on his head in anticipation of a headache.
"We can hang out and play video games!" The Ice King was happy. "And drink milk shakes and read each other's fan fiction and have lots of fun!"
"Ice King you know you're only staying here until your castle gets rebuilt right?" Jake asked. "Exactly how long will that be again?"
"Oh it doesn't matter," Ice King waved.
"Yeah it kind of does," Jake was getting worried.
"As long as my buddy Finn needs me I'm gonna stay here and help him get over his post breakup dumps! Even if it takes years!" The Ice King chirped. "Finn? Finn why are you crying?"
"I know why he's crying," Jake moaned. "And now that I think about it I'm gonna cry too!"