A/N: I own nothing. If I did, Seddie would have prevailed. Enjoy.

Carly came rushing up to me in the hallway as soon as class ended and as soon as our eyes met, I could tell something was wrong. Her dark eyes were shining with tears that threatened to fall, and the expression on her face could only be described as heartbreak.

"What's wrong?"

"Josh broke up with me."

My eyes widened and I struggled to keep the surprise off my face. Josh and Carly had been dating for six months, and I had really thought that maybe this would be the guy for her. I fought to find my voice and when I finally did, it was softer than I'd intended it to be.

"Oh, Carly."

I held out my arms and she rushed into them, resting her head on my shoulder. I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt and I ran a hand over her long hair. I knew I should be saying something, offering her some kind of support, but all I could think of was how amazing she smelled. Lavender and vanilla consumed my senses. Simply intoxicating. She finally seemed to be calming down and when she began to pull away, my face fell.

"Thanks for listening. Sorry for crying all over your shirt."

I smiled.

"It's okay, Carly."

She gave me a sad smile, and though her face was streaked with tears, she had never looked more beautiful to me. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and never let her go. To wipe away her tears and protect her from everything. Of course, I could never tell her this. As she put her books into her locker and walked away, I waved once, hoping that just maybe, I could get past the way I'd been feeling over the past six years.

It had started not long after we had turned eleven. Carly had come to school one morning, and something about her had changed. She had gotten taller, her dark hair seemed to be made of silk, her eyes were filled with a light that came from within, her hips were rounder, and don't even get me started on her breasts. They were simply perfect. Even her lips had changed. They were softer, fuller. I wanted nothing more to feel them on my own.

I had tried to fight the way I was feeling, but it had become increasingly obvious that it was no use. Over the years, I watched her date guy after guy, always giving everything she had and still getting her heart broken. Not that it mattered. I was just her friend. She would never think of me as anything more. I had accepted it, yes, but that didn't make it any easier.

Sometimes, I would steal away into my fantasy world where we could be together. I'd come home from a long day of work. She'd be in the kitchen trying to cook something, and I would lovingly wrap my arms around her from behind and she'd look at me with such love and adoration that my heart would almost burst. I wanted the same thing that everyone else wanted: a place of my own, where I could be with the girl I loved, maybe with a dog or a cat, where I could love and be loved with no fear. Was that really so much to ask?

A sudden noise behind me caused me to jump slightly and swear. I whirled around and found myself looking into a different pair of brown eyes.

"Dammit, don't do that," I snapped.

"Sorry. Where's Carly?"

"She left already. Josh broke up with her."

"Oh, no. Is she okay?"

I nodded.

"She wasn't at first, but I think she will be soon. She just needs some time."

"Don't forget, we have iCarly rehearsals later tonight."

"Yeah, whatever."

"See you later, Sam."

"Later, Freddork," I called over my shoulder.

Of everyone in my life, I never would have expected His Royal Nubbiness to be the one that I would have confided my deepest darkest secret to, but there you have it. In my defense, he'd caught me off guard, but I have to admit, it was better than having it all bottled up inside me. I knew all too well that I didn't deal with pent up emotions in a healthy way. Unless you considered being artistically creative with a knife healthy, which it was, in my opinion.

Carly would have never believed it of me, but the scars covering my arms, legs and stomach would be all the proof she'd need. Once I'd gotten extremely creative and carved words into my skin. Those scars had faded long ago, and I was profoundly glad. I had no idea how I would have explained it to Carly otherwise. Freddie had seen the scars one night when I'd been sitting out on the fire escape of Bushwell Plaza, and had demanded to know what was going on.

On any other night, I would have told him to go fuck himself, but I had been feeling unusually needy that particular time. I caved. Told him everything. My love for Carly, the way my lazy ass mother ignored me, my perfect sister at her perfect boarding school with her perfect grades, all of it. I could never tell Carly. She would hate me. She'd never understand.

I'd always known, on some level, that I was different. I had dated boys, sure. There had even been one or two that I had been very serious about. When I had been sixteen, there had been a guy that I had planned to marry. I even bought the dress. Obviously, I'd never used it, and I had already decided that Melanie could have the dress when the time came for her if she wanted it. If not, I'd sell it. I had always been able to appreciate the beauty of other women, though I had never expected it meant more. When I could deny my feelings for Carly no longer, I had to accept the fact that I wasn't what people would call "straight". I suppose the technical term would be "bisexual", but I don't see the need to label myself. I am who I am, and nothing can change it.

I wished that I could tell Carly, but I just know she'd hate me. She'd think I was disgusting, just like my mother did. The only person in my family that had accepted me was Melanie, and that meant more to me than I'd ever admit. Freddie had been okay with it, hadn't even really seemed surprised, and that was an unexpected comfort. A part of me actually loved him for that.

I stepped outside into the cold December air and looked up at the snow that had begun falling. It was just a light snow, not enough to cancel school tomorrow, and I closed my eyes. I tipped my head back and smiled to myself. I loved the rain and snow; I just hated the cold weather that accompanied the latter. I made my way to my dented and scratched car and slid into the driver's seat.

Once I turned the key, my CD player came on, the angst-filled and longing voice of Melissa Etheridge filling my ears and I sighed. We were alike, Melissa and I. Both longing for a love that we would probably never have, and all we could do was hold on to that slight hope. As I pulled out of the parking lot, the song switched and the pure crystal voice of Hayley Westenra soared through the speakers.

What you never know won't hurt you unless you try…

"You can say that again," I murmured softly.

The snow was beginning to stick to the ground and I briefly wondered what would happen if I were to lie down in the middle of the park and simply let the snow consume me. Suddenly, more than anything, I wanted to be left alone. In the snow. Covered.

A/N: Review?