AN:/ Hello. Before you begin reading, I'd just like to say that everything written in this story is completely and utterly made for one specific person to enjoy. She's rather fond of angst, and really like this story. It's a gift for her, so regardless of any negative thoughts; it will remain up for her. This also means that I am more likely to finish this story when the time comes. The goal is to update every week, but it is merely a goal.

The ships in this fic shall become progressively clear, however, they are not the main point of this story, so they shouldn't bother you oh too much. I stated early that I wrote this story with the intention of brining entertainment to one person (who has bugged me to post it here), but do not let that prevent you from enjoying it yourself.

I do not own Hetalia, or any of its characters. Please enjoy.

Feliciano supposed the trouble started with his essence. He was in no way introverted; however he wasn't exactly extroverted either. He supposed he fell on the spectrum somewhere in between. Not quite black, but not quite white. He wasn't even gray though. He felt he was a color; he felt like a pink or a red or a blue or a green or something. Dark and cool yet still somehow capable of being bubbly and light. Not a black. Not a white. Not a gray. Feliciano felt it was his problem though, seeing he was both but neither. He was extroverted enough to make friends, but introverted enough to lose them. And he was so much not of either that he still found himself utterly alone yet surrounded at the same time. He didn't feel like he fit in, like some messed up additional puzzle piece that didn't belong in the first place. And it hurt because he was amidst people who were one or the other.

Feliciano used to have a lot of friends. And he felt utterly happy and secure with them. He felt more open to be himself with them as time went on, showing his true self, and feeling free. But in a midst of all of it, they'd all stop talking to him for some reason. Ignoring him but not. They all stuck together like glue, but he must have been rubber because they kept tossing him out. And for his own masochistic reasons, he worked his way back in, walking on egg shells until they'd forgiven him and they were his friends again for whatever he did wrong. It hurt. He felt constantly depressed. But that's okay. It's okay completely, as long as he didn't show it. He wouldn't get any friends showing the pain he was in. No one likes a sad person. So he behaved, over and over again, and they accepted him again, let him relax and become comfortable again, and rejected him to complete the endless cycle.

As soon as he felt as if he was a good person, a person of worth, the kind of person he wanted to be, he'd be reminded it wouldn't last. And he'd be stuck alone, but not alone. Nothing was alright. What he said was a mistake. What he did was a mistake. And Feliciano deserved to feel ashamed for his mistakes. It was his fault. Always his fault. But he was trying to fix that. It just wasn't enough for the moment.

He hoped that would eventually change.

"Lovino!" Feliciano sang put to his brother as he walked into the elder Italian's mess room. The groggy brother groaned and glared at Feliciano from hazel green eyes. Feliciano never told Lovino how jealous he was of those eyes.

"What?" Lovino hissed out.

"Time for school!" Feliciano replied smiling. Lovino threw a plush tomato shaped pillow at him and mumbled for the smiling fool to get out of his room, so Feliciano did. He headed off to his room to change out of pajamas and into some clothes for school. Black jeans and a plain blue pin striped button up. That looked good, but it wasn't offensive. No one would be upset with that. Not too stylish, not at all bum like.

"Feliciano?" Asked Romeo as he came in without knocking. Feliciano didn't mind though.

"Yes?"

"Have you seen my phone? I'm expecting a very important text message." Just like Romeo. Flirting with women before the sun was up.

"I think I saw it on the island in the kitchen," Feliciano replied.

Romeo grinned, "Thanks Feli!" And with that he left. After finishing getting dressed, brushing his hair and teeth, and gathering up his belongings for school, Feliciano too headed down stairs towards the kitchen.

Grandpa sat at the head of the table, drinking some coffee and nibbling on a homemade biscotti as he read the morning paper. Romeo had a cup of coffee in front of him too, but he was too wrapped up in whoever he was texting to eat or drink. And then Lovino, who was munching on tomato slices and drinking a cup of coffee with so much foam, Feliciano was surprised it didn't over flow. Feliciano himself just grabbed a roll form the previous night and made himself a cup of coffee aswell.

"How did I make it down here before you?" Griped Lovino. Maybe because you didn't change clothes.

"I don't know," Feliciano shrugged.

"Figures," Lovino snorted, obviously still cranky from being woken up.

"Hey, calm down you two," Romulus intervened. "It's too early for this. I haven't even finished my coffee."

Feliciano moved to sit at the table and enjoy his breakfast as Romeo shut his phone to begin conversation. The room was filled with loud and cheerful voices (from all but cranky Lovino). As it should be. That's what they wanted. That's what they expected. Alas, the clock struck seven thirty and it was time for school. Lovino scrambled up the stairs to get dressed, down in less than two minutes very sluggishly yet stylishly.

Feliciano was rather jealous of his brothers. His older brother especially. It wasn't like that was all he thought about, but it was certainly something that crossed his mind often. He felt so awkward in comparison to his brother's. Lovino was carelessly cool, colorful in character, and hard working in comparison. Romeo was an eloquent speaker, witty and charming, topped off with a heart that anyone could love. But Feliciano was just that. Plain old Feliciano. He was smiles and fun, but there was no depth. No talents. No one ever stuck around long enough to check. And even though Lovino didn't have many friends, the ones he did have adored him. And Romeo had tons of friends. Both of them had people they could fall back on if push comes to shove, would come bearing gifts. His brothers had their friends under their thumbs. Meanwhile boring, useless Feliciano was pressed underneath someone else's thumb, kissing their toes.

It was selfish to think like that though. His brothers must have had their own problems. He couldn't see them though. It's so tough to see anything that could bother them. He shouldn't think like that.

Grandpa ruffled the cranky Lovino's hair, ignoring the groan he received.

"How about I drive you boys to school?" he offered.

"Yes please, Nonno~!" Feliciano and Romeo chimed together. Lovino mumbled a quick, "whatever" and turned to head out towards where Grandpa's car should be.

Grandpa owned a rather nice car, or at least Feliciano liked it. It was a red Ferrari, a rare one with four seats, with leather interior. Lovino being the eldest of the three slid into the passenger seat without complaint. Romeo slipped into the back seat after him.

"Something wrong, Feli?" Grandpa asked as he clasped Feliciano by the shoulder.

"Of course not, Nonno. I'm just a little sleepy from last night! I kept dreaming of food and it kept me hungry at night," he tried to assure. Grandpa didn't think much else of it and just smiled warmly and motioned for Feliciano to take his seat, which he did. Grandpa got into the car soon after, revved the engine, and zipped out of the garage through the neighborhood. Many people had complained about Grandpa's driving, but it always felt fine to him. He didn't understand why so many people had issues with their family driving actually. He and Lovino had problems when obtaining their own licenses for reasons unclear to them.

Grandpa had to slow down behind a blue car with an old woman in it, but he didn't complain. As they passed by houses slowly, Feliciano wondered many things. What kind of wood did they use in the houses? Did the people inside like the houses, or did they just settle to fit their budget? Did they have children? What was their family like? What were they like? Oh, a moving truck. What kind of neighbors would they be-

"ALDRICH!" And with that Grandpa veered across the road, nearly getting hit by two cars and parked in the street (illegally) near the moving truck. He turned off the car, grabbed the key from the admission and sprang out of the car like a dog jumping to meet his owner once again. All three teenage boys starred in surprise as they watched their grandfather tackle a man with incredibly long blond hair not a day over thirty-five. He seemed surprised and he hit the ground and the older Italian hugging him.

"What the fuck is wrong with Nonno?" asked Lovino.

"I don't know," Feliciano replied as he unbuckled his seat belt and opened his door. Romeo got the idea and did the same.

"Let's find out."

All three made their way to pry their grandfather off the blond man who started screaming at him and hitting him on the head harshly. Two others came out to help, prying the men off each other.

"ALDRICH!" Grandpa screamed and smiled warmly.

"Romulus?" The blond questioned.

"I haven't seen you in forever! You look so young still!"

"Romulus…. Oh Gott."

"You're so skinny though! Have you been eating?"

"Romulus."

"You should come over to my house! My grandsons can cook for you and put some meat on your bones! Speaking of which, last I saw you, your daughter-in-law was pregnant, yes? How are your little grandkids? I bet they're as burly as you were. Are they as hairy as you were?"

"Romulus."

"I've missed you so much my friend! We must go out drinking some time! My treat! It'll be amazing with some bruschetta!"

"How did you find me?"

"Come again?"

"Let me rephrase that, Romulus. Why are you here? Right now. In my drive way?" the two holding back the man with the incredibly blond hair released him, trusting him not to attack Grandpa. Unfortunately, they could not do the same with Grandpa.

"What do you mean? I've lived in this neighborhood for… how old are you Romeo?"

"Fourteen, Nonno."

"Fourteen years! The better question is why are you here? I thought you promised never to leave Germany?"

"Long story," The blond man replied and brushed some hair behind his ear. He had a section braid. It looked rather pretty to Feliciano. He was a rather pretty man if that made sense. Feliciano's eyes looked towards the two who held back the blond man. Mio Dio.

Feliciano made eye contact with eyes a shade of blue he had never seen. And god they were gorgeous. Feliciano's eyes wondered from those gorgeous orbs towards the pale thin lips that were such a pretty pink tint. He wondered briefly if they were soft. Did they taste sweet like they looked? And that beautiful blond hair slicked back like that. Was this man an angle? He had the same face as the long haired blond. But… it was still somehow different….. Wait…. This was a man though…. What a weird string of thoughts.

Feliciano's eyes quickly darted away towards the other man who held back the older blond. Maledetto.

Were all of these men attractive? The other one was a shorter man, albino in features, with a devilish smile and stylishly messy hair. Though he was shorter than the blond teen, he wasn't exactly short. He was still on the tall side. He was rather cute looking too, probably very smooth from the arrogance radiating off of him, but... somehow the blond man was calling to him more. The albino seemed to be looking Feliciano and his brother's over, nodding approvingly.

"Opa, who is this man?" asked the devilish looking one.

"Romulus Vargas. We met back when we were young; it was before I met your Uma. I don't know who these others are."

"My Grandsons of course!" Romulus said as if he were offended. "They look just like me!"

"Perhaps if you're blind."

"Shush! You're just saying that because you're grandsons don't have a resemblance to you."

"Nonno, they're like carbon copies of him," Lovino told him with a sarcastic smirk. Grandpa laughed.

"Aldrich, this is my eldest grandson, Lovino!" Grandpa chimed and pulled Lovino under his arm, who half smiled. "And this is my second oldest, Feliciano!" And he did the same with Feliciano, who added a smile and a light laugh. "And my youngest, Romeo!" Who he yanked by the shirt towards his chest in between his brothers.

"And don't tell me," Grandpa began releasing his grandson's and walking up to the tall blond with the slicked back hair. "Is this the Gilbert you told me was going to be born before I left Germany? Wow. You're so big. Make's sense Aldrich would have a strong, tall grandson."

"Why does everyone think you're older?" laughed a scratchy voice. All eyes went to the albino who was grinning.

"That's my baby Brother, Ludwig. I'm Gilbert."

"... You're so cute!" Grandpa bellowed and pulled him into a hug. "You have your Mother's smile and your father's gleam in your eyes! And you!" He released Gilbert and took hold of Ludwig. "You look just like your father too! You're so big! Look at you!"

"Romulus, please let go of my Grandson."

"Shush, Aldrich. I'm trying to rekindle the years I missed with these two. I was so excited to hear about Gilbert but I had to move before he was born."

"It's very nice to meet you Romulus."

"Don't encourage him, Gilbert."

"But Opa, he curious about us. I mean, why wouldn't he be? I'm pretty awesome."

"Bruder, please stop."

"I'm heading back to the car, Nonno," Lovino announced, a bored expression on his face already.

"Lovino? Come on, this is interesting!" Romeo told him. Lovino just rolled his eyes and headed back to their car.

"I'll go with him," Feliciano smiled and chased after his brother... One... Two... Three! "Hug therapy time!"

"FUCK OFF AND GET OFF!" He yelled as Feliciano wrapped his arms around the older boy. Feliciano really liked hugs. He gave a lot of people hugs quite often, but they hardly ever wanted to give him hugs back. He wondered if people just didn't like hugs or they just didn't like giving him hugs. Whatever it may be, he never had someone hug him. He was always hugging someone else. It was part of his personality. The extroverted side showed through in that sense.

Nonetheless, Feliciano held tightly onto Lovino even when his brother struggled out of his hold. Lovino gave up after a little bit and settled for complaining as Feliciano held onto him smiling. "I think the hug therapy is working, Fratello! You aren't as angry as you used to be."

"Shut it."

Feliciano settled for hugging his brother quietly, and then released him so they could walk to the car. They took their seats, Feliciano sitting behind Lovino so they could talk. Feliciano rested his cheek against the back of Lovino's seat as they watched their brother and grandfather speak with the German strangers.

"Nonno never mentioned them before," Feliciano started.

"I can see why. The old one looks like a dick. The blond one looks like he has something shoved up his ass. And look at the pale one. His head is bigger than that loud mouth that smells like bad pizza and soda."

"I like, Alfred."

"Whatever, my point is they don't really seem like something to talk about."

"I don't know about that," Feliciano mumbled into Lovino's seat. "They seem nice."

"You think everyone is nice."

"Is that a bad thing, Lovino?"

"It's annoying."

That stung. He didn't realize it would be annoying to try and be nice or think people were nice... He saw everyone as a potential friend. But maybe people didn't think the same way. And maybe he wasn't that good at making friends anyway.

"I'm sorry, Fratello."

"Don't apologize for everything."

"Oh, sorry."

"What did I just say?"

"I'm sorry!"

"Goddammit, Feliciano!"

Feliciano giggled anyway. One of the perks of living with Lovino for so long was knowing when he was getting annoyed and when he was only being mad not because he was, but because he felt he should be. He could be light in those situations. And he was quite thankful for that because he didn't typically have that opportunity when it came to people.

Romeo and Grandpa were back in the car soon after, Grandpa starting the car and zipping the off to school at law breaking speeds. Grandpa spent the entire car ride explaining the whole situation between that blond man and himself. Back when they were teenagers, they had performed in the same play (Grandpa playing a character known as Rome and Aldrich playing a character known as Germania). They became friends soon afterwards for a long time. Lovino seemed interested, but he kept his body turned away as if he wasn't. Romeo kept asking questions, but his eyes kept going to his phone that was blowing up from text messages. Feliciano had sat up straight against the back of his seat long before, plastered on an oblivious smile, and spoke with interest.

When Grandpa dropped them off at school, he kissed their cheeks goodbye and drove off. Romeo sped away just as fast, flashing his brothers a warm smile and promise to catch up later. Feliciano looked over at Lovino. Feliciano smiled at him brightly, and surprisingly, Lovino smiled backed and moved to press his shoulder against Feliciano's. Someone must be in a good mood.

"I'll see you in history class."

"Alright, Fratello."

And Lovino left. He probably left to go see Antonio and Emma. Feliciano ventured his way towards where he believed his friends were. At the moment, he was rather close with a young Greek and young Turk. Sure, they had a tendency to unintentionally ignore him, but at least they talked to him. Feliciano's friend Kiku also stayed around with them, but he'd leave often to talk to these Chinese students or hang out with Alfred and Arthur (who Feliciano was rather fond of, but didn't exactly receive the same feelings). If he was right, Hercules and Sadiq were hiding in the library. Probably the school's section on philosophy. He wondered if it would be right to see them, or hide a bit more until their home room started. As much as that extroverted side of him wanted to go off and talk with them, his introverted side needed some time alone. So his feet lead him farther away.

In the north east wing of the second side building, there was this closet Feliciano liked to hang out at. Everything worked and what not, but the whole building was used for special education. Kids with learning disabilities, kids with speech problems, and every now and then an ISS room. The whole building only had about twenty-six rooms, ten on the first, ten on the second, and six janitors' closets in between. There was one at the end of the hall on the second floor that was never in use. Feliciano always liked to play in that room. No one used it; there were available closets on the main campus that weren't in such a weird location. It was a nice set up in his opinion.

He had found six metal chairs in an empty classroom no one used and took them, arranging them in a circle, and sticking a red blanket in the middle of them. When he'd get bored, he'd draw on the walls. So that's what he did today. He drew on the walls and barely made it to home room.

At home, while he was listening to so soft music in his bed, Lovino stormed into his room and lied in bed beside Feliciano. It was about ten at night, Feliciano's hair was still damp from a shower he had taken, and it was sticking up in uneven messy ways... But Lovino looked like a mess.

"Lovino, what's wrong-"

"Just be quiet. Can I sleep in here?"

"Anytime, Lovino."

The hurt look in the green hazel eyes had already told Feliciano everything. He'd only seen this kind of heart break twice, yet it was familiar enough to be recognized. Feliciano quickly turned off his music.

"What did Toni do?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm not seeing him anymore."

"... You wanna' go to bed now?"

"Yes."

So Feliciano lugged out of his bed, thus giving Lovino the opportunity to roll over against the wall, and locked the door to his room. He stripped down to his boxer briefs, set his alarm, shut off the light, and got right back into bed. The room was darker, especially since he had pulled the curtains earlier, but he was pretty sure from the sniffling sound and the slight shaking that Lovino was crying, and he didn't want to be caught.

Feliciano wrapped his arms around his brother and let the older boy cry into his shoulder to the point he didn't even silent his sobs. Poor Lovino. Antonio didn't usually do anything bad, and if he did, Lovino had a habit of forgiving him no matter how much it bothered him. Whatever happened this time must have been disastrous for Lovino to break up with him for. Or maybe Antonio broke up with him. No. Impossible. The love Antonio had for Lovino was obvious to everyone. You could literally feel it radiating off of them. Holding hands, kissing in front of everyone, being practically attached at the hip in the others presence. Lovino always complained how he didn't like it, but he would smile about it later.

"I hate him," Lovino hissed out. Feliciano nodded despite Lovino couldn't see him. Somewhere along the lines Lovino started to state every little thing that he supposedly hated about Antonio. It only made him cry harder. A knock on the door silenced him though. Feliciano removed himself from Lovino, who was now holding him tighter than Feliciano normally held him, and answered it.

Romeo stood in front of him, phone in hand.

"Antonio called me..."

"So you know what happened?"

"Yeah. Antonio may or may not have been sneaking around with Francis..."

"That's terrible."

"Antonio hasn't really been clear on whether it's true or not.

"Did they break up?"

"I don't know...Is there room for one more?"

"We'll make room," he assured.

Lovino spent the next few hours complaining to Romeo about Antonio and sobbing in the dark. Romeo moved to lie against the wall, Lovino laid in the middle, and Feliciano took the edge of the bed. He bet that Lovino probably felt really warm between the two. He must have felt a little better tucked in a secure, warm spot between his brothers'. He hoped it helped the broken hearted Italian. It didn't seem to help much now, but with how early it was in whatever mishap occurred, it's to be expected.

"I hate him," Lovino hissed out again.

"You should," Romeo told him and held onto the brunette.

"You have a right to be angry with him," Feliciano added.

Around midnight, Feliciano found himself with his arms wrapped around a sleeping Lovino with tear stains on his cheeks as a sleeping Romeo lay against Lovino's chest. Feliciano was nearly falling off the bed since it was just a twin size bed, but didn't dare move despite his discomfort.

It was nice. This feeling of being able to help someone he cared for even in the smallest and most insignificant ways. At least then, for that moment, he had someone who actually needed him. Someone who saw his existence as something of value. No matter how short it would live. That was the burden of letting people walk all over you.

Feliciano didn't sleep that night. He didn't know why.

Here's the first chapter. Personally, from the other chapters I have written already, I think this is trash. Alas, my "Reader" has assured me its good. She claims to relate well to how I portray Feli. I know it seems so out of character, and it irks me so much how bitch Lovi is (I promise, he isn't always like this in this story), but it is supposed to angsty and I don't really write a lot of angst.

Leave your thoughts down in the reviews if you want. Or don't. Doesn't really matter. I do hope you have a nice day after you read this. Regardless of thoughts.