A missing scene from 2k3 season 4 episode "Scion of the Shredder".

The Not Knowing

The baggage compartment is cold and loud. The rumbling drone of the engines rattle the metal frame of the airplane in the same way my pounding heartbeat causes my body to thrum with tension.

"Leonardo! Your family is in grave danger!"

The echo of Ancient One's warning sears my memory like a burning brand. He hadn't been able to say why they were in danger. He didn't even know if his premonition was from the past, the present, or the future. All he knew was that the danger was real, and their lives hung in the balance.

One hundred and fifty miles stretch between Tokyo and the Ancient One's home. I covered the ground in three days. My journey to Japan had been aboard a cargo ship. Planes are faster, but it's easier to sneak aboard a ship than an airplane, and easier to remain hidden. But I don't have time for a sea voyage this time. I need to be home now. So I waited and I watched, and I slipped onto the first direct flight from Tokyo to New York City. Now all I can do is wait and pray that I will get home in time to save my family. I try to settle my thoughts to meditate or sleep, but I can't. All I can do is think of home.

Master Splinter – I apologized to him after I wounded him. I begged him to forgive me. And he had forgiven me, immediately. But he had still sent me away. I can see his wisdom now, but I couldn't then. It had hurt, and it had made our parting hard. He had met me at the door as I was leaving. He'd held me so tightly. I should have embraced him, should have told him I loved him...but I didn't. I rested my hand on his shoulder for a moment or two, then walked away and didn't look back.

I miss my brothers so much it makes my chest ache. I was patient during my training with the Ancient One. I never once asked to go home, knowing that he would tell me when it was time. But I never thought it would be like this.

I was so cold to Don and Mikey. For months. They never complained, never got angry. They kept reaching out to me no matter how many times I repulsed them, no matter how harshly I spoke. And Raphael... My heart twists painfully when I think of my obstinate brother. My sounding board, my rock, my best friend, and I treated him as if he were a stranger. Now, with the tangled veil of fury and defeat lifted from my eyes, I can see my actions clearly. Raph should have decked me. So many times, I deserved it. But he never lashed out. Now, remembering the past year, I can see the understanding in his eyes whenever he looked at me. Raph, you knew how I felt. How did I drift so far from you?

A sinister cold whisper, horribly familiar, slithers into my ear: If you had been there, this could not have happened. Your family is in danger now because of you. You failed them then, and you're failing them now. But I have learned to recognize the lies. I will not give them power over my spirit any longer. I did the best I could. And I swallow back the rising tide of guilt even though it nearly chokes me.

I am clenching my fists so tightly that my hands have begun to ache, and when I look down I see that I am trembling. I don't know what I'm going to find when I get home and I am helpless to speed my return. Fear and desperate hope clash in my heart like storm clouds, and it hurts to breathe. I don't know if I'll find my family safe, or if I'm going to back to bury my father and brothers – and my soul with them.

I concentrate on the roar of the plane's engines as if I can will the aircraft to go faster. I have to get there in time. I can't be too late.

I have to get there in time.

Please.